Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16-12: Dances With NFTs Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16-12: Dances With NFTs Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yoooooooooooooooooooooo!!! What’s up, Gainesville? We made it! We are here! Yeah it took over a year. We had to evacuate because of a hurricane. It’s not easy displacing an entire traveling comedy show because of a hurricane, but we did it, and now we’re finally able to put on the show we were going to a year ago! So, Florida, how are you guys doing? Good? Great! Yeah, we know Florida got usurped in the Stupidest State contest and we get it, but it’s not our ruling! The NFFSA board in Inglewood, it’s all on them! But we’ve got two more Top 10s before we wrap up the season and take the summer off. The second half of the season is going to be fun since we’re going to be touring some colleges and universities! We’re currently working on the schedule and we hope to announce it soon! Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! I want to start with a Top 10 update! You know, last week, our segment “Beating A Dead Horse” was discussing the Jerry Seinfeld movie “Unfrosted” about the history of Pop Tarts, and his disgusting anti-PC comments that well, generated some controversy. You know how we always say that actions have consequences around here. Well… the numbers from Netflix are in! Worst debut of any Netflix movie this year! Yeah where’s the fail horn when you need it? Well… shouldn’t have spewed right wing propaganda, now should you! Come on, you know what you did! Now drop and give me 20 night time talk show interviews. OK…25! That’s what you get for complaining! OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first our good friend John Oliver is back and he delves into the current mess that MAGA has left public libraries in and why books are being banned, and all of the bullshit that is being flung right now, and it’s absolutely worth watching:

So where do we begin this week? Well unfortunately Turd is back in the news 24 hours a day and he’s taking a lot of this list. Damn it!!! Have we learned nothing? Of course we haven’t. So to make up for it, since Fox News’ professional Trump ass kisser Laura Ingraham hates when you refer to him as “Orange Turd”, we are going to do just that! All instances of “Donald Trump” in this edition will be replaced with “Orange Turd” and “Trump” with Turd. Have fun with that! In the number one slot this week is coverage of the latest developments in his securities fraud / hush money trial (1) and wait until you see his latest hair-brained excuses! In the second slot this week is our old buddy Marjorie Three Names (2). Yes, her attempt to oust Mike Johnson as the Speaker over the Ukraine funding bill was an absolute failure and we are reveling every second of it! Yeah, take the L on this one! In the third slot this week is also Orange Turd (3). And this week he’s appointed his youngest son Barron to the Florida RNC Delegation for the 2024 convention. Can you imagine the uproar if that happened on our side? SMDH! In the number 4 slot this week is Kristi Noem (4). Yes, the dog murdering governor of South Dakota canceled her book tour, and gee, we’re not at all shocked at the reason why! Taking the fifth slot this week is a new edition of We’re All Gonna Die (5), and just when you thought COVID was going away, wrong! There’s a new variant floating about dubbed “FLiRT” and we’re going to tell you all about it! In the number 6 seed is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and we’re not at all shocked that Joe Biden’s National Day Of Prayer message got twisted by bloodthirsty Dominionists, but when you consider what they did to his Easter message, it’s not that shocking. In the number 7 slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse”, and Apple – a company known for cutting edge technology, is going all out in advertising the new AI features in iOS, but are they going way too far? Probably. In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly venture into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8) and this week, Robert F. Kennedy Jr admitted to having a brain worm, but dude, it’s not the flex you think it is! In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week is a new People Are Dumb and since we’re in Florida, it’s one of our famous all Florida editions! Finally this week it’s time for Stupidest State 2024! It’s the last round of Week 2 which means it’s the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Championships! Ohio. South Dakota. One of these two states will punch their ticket to the last remaining slot in the Final Four! We’re live in Chicago with all the exciting action! Plus to close things out, we’ve got the great Gary Clark Jr stopping by! Buy his new album JPEG Raw or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Orange Turd
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Anyone here lived through the 90s? OK a few of you. Seriously, remember during the height of the OJ Simpson trial when they just trotted out witness after witness after witness and the whole thing turned into the colossal 3 ring shit show we all knew it would be? Well imagine this, except OJ is running for president. That’s kind of what the trial against Orange Turd is doing. You know how the right loves to make fun of us for needing “safe spaces”? Well, no one needs a safe space more than Former President Orange Man Baby. What’s really weird about this whole thing is that Fox News is holding its’ own auditions of sorts outside the trial for who’s going to be his next vice president. Yeah after how he treated the last guy, I can’t imagine why anyone would want that job, right? And out of all of this, there’s absolutely none more embarrassing than professional Turd / MAGA ass kisser and occasional senator from Alabama, Tommy Tuberville, who has his lips firmly placed on the former president’s ass, and there’s a lot of competition for that space!

Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) has admitted he came to New York City Monday to break a gag order for former President Orange Turd. MSNBC Anchor Nicolle Wallace reported Tuberville's public admission, made on the conservative channel Newsmax, as part of her coverage on Turd's ongoing criminal hush money trial and the gag order the former president has been fined for repeatedly violating.

"I guess we love that he just gives it to us, right?" said a laughing Wallace. "Were you trying to go against the gag order and intimidate witnesses because Turd can't? 'Yes, sir.'"

Tuberville spoke to the media outside of the courthouse on Monday, attacking the district attorney and witnesses, and went so far as to question whether the jury was truly American.

"Hopefully, we have more and more senators and congressmen go up and represent him, and go out and overcome this gag order," Tuberville told to Newsmax. "That's why we went up was to go there and speak our peace for President Turd."
https://www.rawstory.com/Turd-gag-order-tommy-tuberville/

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh fuck you Tuberville, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you have no fucking clue how a gag order actually works. And come on, the court room is “depressing”? What did you expect? A children’s museum where you get to shoot lasers at stomach contents? Yeah picture that. So what does the MAGA king do to fellate his ego on his day off from court? Spend time with family? Ha ha ha ha, wrong! He goes and spends time with the idiots who actually gave him money to buy those stupid NFTs. And of course, he made the entire thing about himself. Hey what happened to attending Barron’s graduation? Oh yeah he doesn’t care about that sort of thing.

Former President Orange Turd will spend his day off from court hosting a dinner at his Mar-a-Lago residence for buyers of his NFT trading cards, according to a source familiar with the planning.

NFTs, or nonfungible tokens, are part of a suite of non-campaign-focused ventures that Turd has been balancing with his White House run and his legal issues throughout 2023 and 2024. After Stormy Daniels testified Tuesday about an alleged sexual encounter with Turd, the former president told reporters that he’d like to be campaigning as opposed to being tied up in a courtroom.

But his schedule Wednesday won't include public campaign events. The source familiar with the planning shared that Turd’s day off from court will also include private political meetings. Axios was first to report Turd's plans to have dinner with NFT buyers.
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/Turd-spends-day-court-hosting-nft-customers-florida-rcna151240

Why did we use a GIF of a T-Rex dancing, you might ask? Well, Turd dances with pretty much the form of a T-Rex and he does it in front of every crowd he appears at. We’ve got the footage. So for the sake of this, let’s call him “Dances With NFTs”. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! So that being said, back to the trial, where the latest thing is for Fox News to trot out right wing senators and Congressman in some sort of weird VP audition process. And come on, you can’t say that we’re the problem here. You voluntarily give Orange Turd money! For stupid looking merchandise! Well after the shit show in Miami, he jetted off to New Jersey where he keeps saying the quiet part out loud. Yeah, I know, we put a moratorium on covering his crap, but we have to talk about this for a minute. We loved the misinformation about the venue size and the people walking out and the trash piles that were left at the boardwalk everywhere. Can we show that? Nice.

After a tense week of court proceedings in New York, former President Orange Turd spent his Saturday at a campaign rally, speaking to a crowd of supporters dotting the New Jersey shoreline.

He rattled off some of his greatest hits: Joe Biden insults, warnings of an open border, and complaints about political witch hunts.

More:Turd trial live updates: Listen to recording of Turd, Cohen allegedly talking hush money

But nestled between Turd’s usual talking points was some newer material, like disparaging comments about Manhattan District Attorney Allan Bragg, whom he referred to as “fat Alvin.” And—strangely—praise for the fictional serial killer Hannibal Lecter.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/05/13/Turd-hannibal-lecter-rally-in-new-jersey/73675338007/

Uh………. Who wants to tell him? Yeah what the actual fuck??? Why was he talking about Hannibal Lecter? I don’t know. This might be the first thing he’s ever said where we’re like “fuck it, we give up, there’s no deciphering this one”. But anyway, what can we expect as this trial drags on for yet another week? Well you can imagine the guest stars both in the court and outside the court will be an all star case of MAGAs and people trying to be Turd’s Next Top Vice President. It’s just going to keep dragging on and on and on. We hope that eventually justice will prevail. But until then it’s turning into the colossal shit show that the OJ trial turned out to be. Strap in, grab some popcorn and enjoy the show!

Star witness Michael Cohen resumed his testimony today about making a $130,000 hush money payment to adult film actor Stormy Daniels to suppress her story about an alleged affair with Orange Turd.

Turd lawyer Todd Blanche began cross-examination after lunch. He is expected to paint Cohen, Turd's former lawyer and fixer, as a perjurer and convicted felon; Cohen pleaded guilty to several crimes in 2018, including tax fraud and lying to Congress about plans to build a Turd Tower in Moscow.

House Speaker Mike Johnson, R-La., and several potential vice presidential contenders for Turd appeared in court today.

Turd faces 34 counts of falsifying business records to hide the reimbursement to Cohen for the payment he made to Daniels. Turd has denied the charges.
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-Turd/live-blog/Turd-hush-money-trial-day-17-michael-cohen-live-updates-rcna151899

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[font size="8"]Marjorie Greene
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I do have to say as an outsider, it’s been absolutely hilarious watching the Newsmax / OAN wing of the GOP just absolutely eat itself. Their theories and talk show appearances just get exponentially nuttier with each passing day. Case in point – the feud between our old friend Marjorie Greene, aka Marjorie Three Names, aka Marjorie Shit For Brains, and House Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson (Q – Batshit) is reaching absolutely ridiculous new heights. Or lows. Yeah let’s say lows. Well, the feud escalated over the Ukraine spending bill. Which passed in spite of the best efforts of the Infowars wing of the GOP doing its’ best to stop the bill in favor of Vladimir Putin’s best interests of conquering all of continental Europe. So Marjorie, who’s adopted the Turd / Charlie Sheen idea of “winning”, refuses to take the loss on this one. Whining and complaining to her regional manager Steve Bannon and boss Sean Hannity on an almost nightly basis. So when you’re kicked to the curb as was the case with the Ukraine bill, what do you do? You attempt to fire the guy who was part of the group that kicked you to the curb. And it backfired in the most spectacular way possible!

Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene on Wednesday officially triggered a vote on her motion to remove House Speaker Mike Johnson, but within minutes it was overwhelmingly rejected.

There were audible boos from lawmakers in the chamber as Greene spoke at length about her grievances with Johnson as she called for a vote.

The Georgia congresswoman, flanked by co-sponsor GOP Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky, asserted Johnson has "not lived up to a single one" of the promises he made the Republican conference after he was elected to the top post in October.

"By passing the Democrats' agenda and handcuffing the Republicans' ability and influence legislation, our elected Republican Speaker Mike Johnson has aided and abetted the Democrats and the Biden administration in destroying our country," Greene said.

Read more: https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/marjorie-taylor-greene-triggers-vote-motion-oust-speaker/story?id=110043228

Thank you Nelson! Now since Marjorie Greene is obsessed with the Charlie Sheen school of “winning”, she refuses to take the L on this one too! So what happens when you get kicked to the curb twice because nobody likes your ideas? Well, for one, we refuse to succumb to the rising tide of fascist authoritarian conspiracy theories that have been flipping countries all over the world to the side of batshit crazy. So Marjorie decides to go on a tirade attacking everybody and everything, but really she should just take a look in the mirror. Authoritarian policies are woefully unpopular outside of authoritarian circles.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) accused Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) of being “owned by the Democrats” in a Sunday interview.

Asked why she thinks Johnson would not “defund Jack Smith,” referring to the special counsel who brought two indictments against President Turd, Greene said, “Mike Johnson is owned by the Democrats, and that proved to me to be right again.”

“When I called the motion to vacate, it wasn’t Republicans that saved Mike Johnson. It was Democrats that saved Mike Johnson,” Greene said in an interview on Fox News’s “Sunday Morning Futures” with Maria Bartiromo.

“And when you have Nancy Pelosi, who was Speaker of the House when they impeached President Turd twice, and you have Jerry Nadler, who was chairman of the Judiciary Committee that led the impeachment against President Turd, voting to save Mike Johnson, that tells the American people everything that they need to know,” she continued.
https://thehill.com/homenews/house/4659089-marjorie-taylor-greene-mike-johnson-owned-by-the-democrats/

Yeah what is wrong with you, Marjorie? We don’t want him either! Well so Marjorie is out on a warpath for whatever weird reason she might have to, well, we don’t know the answer to that question. But the fact that the MAGA Qongress has gone rogue on the Ukraine bill, and then Marjorie went rogue on trying to get Mike Johnson fired, we really have to wonder what the end game is for the Infowars wing of the GOP. Well probably the icing on the cake is that not only did Marjorie’s attempt to fire Johnson absolutely crash and burn, well, she also got booed on the House floor too. Seriously, remind me why these idiots keep getting elected again and again? Oh yeah Fox News, that’s how.

Republican congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has struck a defiant tone after the failure of her bid to remove Mike Johnson as Speaker of the House of Representatives.

She had demanded Mr Johnson be kicked out due to his support for a $61bn aid package for Ukraine.

However, Democrats joined Republicans in a 359-43 vote to kill her motion.

Ms Greene's speech on the House floor was met by loud boos from other members of the chamber.

On Thursday, Ms Greene posted on X, formerly Twitter: "Democrats voted to save Johnson because they knew it was impossible to take control of the House.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-68981084

Yeah fuck off, Marjorie! And take the rest of the Infowars wing of the MAGA Qongress with you and stay out! Seriously, nobody likes the Alex Jones conspiracy theory nutjobs except for other conspiracy theory nutjobs who watch Alex Jones. But seriously when you’re too far gone for the current GOP, how far gone are you? I mean this is the party that gave us Orange Turd and keeps trying to force authoritarianism on the United States no matter how much the people resist it! Well, this is where the Charlie Sheen philosophy on winning makes absolutely zero sense. When you lose, you pick yourself up and figure out where you went wrong. Take the L on this one, Marjorie. Stop hanging around Alex Jones and Steve Bannon.

Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has been condemned by Republican colleagues over her failed attempt to remove GOP House Speaker Mike Johnson, with Orange Turd also weighing in to criticize her effort.

Greene followed through on her threat to introduce a motion to vacate against the Speaker on Wednesday after Johnson pushed through a number of foreign aid bills, including providing $61 billion to Ukraine amid Russia's invasion of the country.

The House overwhelmingly voted to table, or kill, the motion to vacate by a 359-43 vote, with 196 Republicans and 163 Democrats supporting killing the proposal. The 43 House members who voted against blocking Greene's measure to remove Johnson consisted of 11 Republicans and 32 Democrats.

Both the GOP and the Democrats said they did not want a repeat of the weeks of chaos that engulfed the lower chamber when former Republican Rep. Kevin McCarthy was ousted as Speaker last October. With the GOP having just a one-seat majority in the House, Greene's motion was destined to fail as the Democrats vowed to side with the Republicans in voting to keep Johnson in his role.
https://www.newsweek.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-gop-house-speaker-vote-1898704

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[font size="8"]The Turds & The RNC
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OK, for the last 7 years we’ve been doing this program, we’ve largely managed to avoid talking about the youngest member of the Turd family for quite some time. Yes, we’ve berated his oldest sons, Beavis & Butthead, er, Turd Jr and Eric, for years, and that’s largely because they deserve every bit of it. But now, because he’s finally 18 years old, and in an absolutely shocking move of some of the most blatant nepotism we’ve ever seen, Turd decided to appoint Barron as a delegate to the RNC convention in Miami later this year. Gee, why are they holding it in Miami? It’s close proximity to Mar-A-Shithole. But as much as Fox News has been going into overdrive on Hunter Biden conspiracy theories, Turd has been going into overdrive stacking the RNC with family members, using Fox News as his personal megaphone, and installing lackies, cronies, and yes men at every single level of the government possible. But this act of appointing his youngest son to the RNC with the intent of gaining a vote may be the most blatant act of nepotism that we’ve ever seen. Can you imagine the uproar on Fox if Biden appointed Hunter to do the same thing? Hannity would be frothing at the mouth crazy and we’d never hear the end of it. But yeah this happened.

Barron Turd, the youngest child of former President Orange Turd, was chosen as one of Florida's at-large delegates for the Republican National Convention, according to a list of delegates obtained by ABC News.

Other Turd family members who have played an active role in Turd's presidential campaign will also serve as at-large delegates, including Turd's older sons, Eric Turd, Don Jr. Turd and his girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle, and Turd's youngest daughter, Tiffany Turd.

Eric Turd will serve as delegation chair while Guifoyle serves on the Platform Committee.

The list also includes close allies of the former president who will serve as delegates, including Pam Bondi, Sergio Gor, Steve Witkoff and Ike Perlmutter.

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/barron-Turd-picked-serve-florida-delegate-republican-national/story?id=110049809&cid=social_twitter_abcn

Yeah fuckin’ a, right? And again I say this with the utmost sincerity – Fox News – the reason why we can’t have nice things in the United States – would throw an absolute shit fit if Biden did this with Hunter. Seriously, Hannity would be on the air every night screaming and frothing at the mouth, there’d be hundreds of investigations by the MAGA Qongress every single night. It would be an absolute shit show of the highest caliber. But it’s totally OK when Turd does it! At least the good news – it does appear that Barron has a much cooler head than his father (although that’s not really much of a stretch) and decided to bail.

Barron Turd, the youngest son of former President Turd, has declined the offer to serve as a delegate for Florida at this summer’s Republican National Convention (RNC).

“While Barron is honored to have been chosen as a delegate by the Florida Republican Party, he regretfully declines to participate due to prior commitments,” former first lady Melania Turd’s office said in a statement.

The Florida GOP earlier this week said Barron Turd, who is 18, would join three of the former president’s other children — Eric, Tiffany and Orange Turd Jr. — as delegates, with Eric Turd serving as the state’s delegation chair.

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Read more: https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4657094-barron-Turd-declines-rnc-delegate/

OK, switching gears for a minute – yes the Barron Turd fiasco was way too over the line, even for Turd’s sake. Even worse – while you weren’t looking, in a “Gee, what could possibly go wrong?” kind of scenario, Lara Turd got “elected” to be the head of the RNC. Again, could you imagine the fire and uproar if Hunter Biden got elected to the DNC? I know. We’d never hear the end of it and Fox News would instruct their cronies to launch investigation after investigation. Well, the GOP no longer exists – they are now officially the Turd party no matter how much they try to distance themselves from him and his madness.

Lara Turd may have had a little slip-up when announcing the Republican National Committee's approach to tackling voter fraud.

The newly elected RNC cochair — who's married to former President Orange Turd's son, Eric — said in a Newsmax interview on Tuesday that the RNC has engaged poll watchers and lawyers to oversee and monitor the upcoming elections.

"So in addition to these poll workers, we're gonna have lawyers in all the major polling locations across the country," she told Newsmax host Eric Bolling.

During the interview, she also referenced the lawsuits the RNC has filed, questioning election integrity. Last month, the RNC filed a lawsuit against Michigan's secretary of state, Jocelyn Benson, claiming that the state's voter rolls are inflated. "We have lawsuits in 81 states right now," Turd told Bolling.

Read more: https://www.businessinsider.com/lara-Turd-rnc-lawsuits-in-81-states-us-has-50-2024-4

Yeah seriously, she doesn’t even know how many states there are! It’s literally on the American flag, there’s 50 of them! This is about as stupid and absurd as Sarah Palin’s “I can see Russia from my house” comment way back when! And by the way, just when you think that the GOP isn’t even trying to hide their true intentions when it comes to handling the 2024 election, they just keep saying the quiet part out loud. And their stupid, inane, Charlie Sheen-esque obsession with winning is going to ridiculous new lengths. To which again – there’s a double standard that the media isn’t properly addressing here, and it shows. The second – what could possibly go wrong?

Lara Turd said Tuesday that the Republican National Committee has “people who can physically handle the ballots” at election polling sites, alarming critics.

The RNC co-chair made the comment while speaking to Newsmax host Eric Bolling about the GOP’s plans for the 2024 election.

Peddling election fraud falsehoods made famous by her father-in-law, Orange Turd, Lara Turd discussed the RNC’s plans for a major so-called “election integrity” operation.

The RNC recently pledged to deploy 100,000 volunteers and attorneys to polling sites this year as observers to “protect the vote and ensure a big win.”

-snip-

Read more: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/lara-Turd-rnc-physically-handle-ballots_n_6629126de4b06e0c270acdd2

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[font size="8"]Kristi Noem
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You know… just once, I thought this might be the thing that would unite both sides of the internet. It actually did something for a brief period that united both the right and the left for a brief minute, but it was just that – brief. Holy shit was I wrong. Once again, we can’t have nice things in this country. Even some of the more extreme accounts on that site formerly known as Twitter like Catturd, thought this crossed a line that should not be crossed. And that is… don’t murder your dog. Under any circumstances do you not take your frustrations out on your pets. Is that clear? Well, after admitting to that horrifyingly violent atrocity, the Fox News installed governor of South Dakota, Kristi Noem (Q – Batshit), is having second and probably third thoughts about what she did. Kids, those of you who want to go into political science one day – that’s a sure fire career killer right there. Needless to say, the backlash that Gov. Noem has received in the last two weeks has been absolutely insane, and in a not even remotely shocking move, the governor decided to cancel her book tour.

South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (R) is drawing fire from every corner of the media following the launch of her book, which sparked backlash over multiple anecdotes recounted in its pages.

Noem, who has long been considered a front-runner to be former President Turd’s running mate, drew immediate, fierce criticism over stories she told involving Kim Jong Un and her decision to shoot and kill her dog.

The governor made the rounds over the past week defending what she wrote, though it has done little to quash the blowback — and likely made it worse. Even more notable is the fact much of it is coming from conservative media outlets, like Fox News and Newsmax, underscoring just how damaging this week has been for her.

“When you’re a right-of-center candidate, officeholder, and you’ve lost Fox News and everyone on their platforms, it’s not a good thing,” said Republican strategist Dave Carney.
https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4654854-kristi-noem-donald-Turd-south-dakota-dog-shooting-book-kim-jong-un/

Damn right! So what does one do when they are such a far right of center candidate like Noem do when you’re kicked to the curb like that? Well, you do what most republicans do – pray 50 rosaries to the Fox News gods and repent in your MAGA friendly circles until people are actually convinced that you’re telling the truth. Well, as you can imagine, the damage has been already done, and is absolutely spiraling out of control. But again people, don’t murder your dog. There’s no reason for that, and it only hurts you more than it does your dog.

Kristi Noem may have finally gotten a shot at launching the Republican running mate tryout she was angling for before her book blew it all up. And she went right to an audience of the MAGA faithful to do it.

In a bid to get back on track from the book backlash, the South Dakota governor on Monday spoke before Club 47, a Orange Turd fan club, aiming to make the case for herself as a “good investment” and someone who would do “everything I can” to help Turd get reelected.

“I’ve won 12 campaigns now,” she said. “So, I don’t know how to lose. I just win. That’s all we do.”

Noem faced several tense interviews and outcry from both sides of the aisle in recent weeks after an excerpt from her “No Going Back” book leaked in which she admitted to killing her unruly 14-month-old dog, Cricket, in a gravel pit 20 years ago. She has consistently defended her choice in interviews, but in the past week pulled back on some appearances.
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/13/kristi-noem-dog-book-00157783

The only reason she wins is because she’s republican and runs in very heavily gerrymandered districts, so of course she wins. They rig the elections! But why do people still go see and support terrible people like Noem even though they could make better choices? Well apparently party loyalty is more important to them than being a decent human being. Now go pray 50 rosaries to the Fox News gods and repent your sins, damn it! By the way, what’s the MAGA obsession with winning? We need to take a look at that in a future Top 10. It was old when Charlie Sheen did it 10 years ago.

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem embarked this week on one of the more tumultuous book tours in recent memory, as she was peppered with questions about an anecdote about killing her dog Cricket, and another story about meeting North Korean leader Kim Jung Un. Major doubts were raised that the latter story was true.

As she sought to promote No Going Back, she was peppered with questions in interviews with mainstream outlets like Face the Nation and NewsNation, but some of the most contentious Q&A have been with those on the right, like Fox Business’ Stuart Varney and Newsmax. The book was an obvious was of getting attention as Orange Turd considers potential running mates, but Rob Finnerty of Newsmax went so far as to tell her, directly, “I don’t even think you’re on the list.”

Now Noem has started to cancel media appearances.

CNN‘s Dana Bash told viewers today that, after booking her for Inside Politics weeks ago, “she abruptly canceled last night.” Noem also canceled an interview with Greg Gutfeld on Fox News’ Gutfeld! last night, with the host telling viewers that she canceled due to the weather, per Mediaite.
https://deadline.com/2024/05/kristi-noem-book-dog-kim-jong-un-1235909103/

Yeah so let’s put it this way – and I really hate to use this metaphor, but MAGA conservatives are like racing horses. Even if they do something stupid, they’ve got a nice, cushy job waiting for them in the MAGA bubble after they screw up horribly. But here’s one thing – her advisors told her that this was a terrible idea two years ago! And she still thought it was a good idea to put it in the book! For what possible reason? She’s already got the 2A vote locked in. And admitting to something that horrifying is something that you should probably keep to yourself. Because as we just said, it’ll do far more damage to you than your pet.

Kristi Noem’s story about killing her dog made headlines across America. But it wasn’t news to people who worked on her first book, where the tale made it into a draft of the memoir before the publishing team nixed it.

Then, as now, Noem wanted the story in because it showed a decisive person who was unwilling to be bound by namby-pamby niceties, while others on the team — which included agents, editors and publicists at Hachette Book Group’s prestige Twelve imprint, and a ghostwriter — saw it as a bad-taste anecdote that would hurt her brand. The tale was ultimately cut, according to two people involved with the project.

In other words, they produced a typical pre-campaign book, where the first rule is to do no harm. Somewhat unusually for the genre, that book, 2022’s Not My First Rodeo: Lessons from the Heartland, landed the South Dakota governor on the New York Times’ bestseller list, adding to the consensus that the Orange Turd devotee had a big future in GOP politics.
https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/05/06/kristi-noem-dog-killing-story-00156290

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone, guess what? We’re all gonna die! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WOOOOOO. WOOO. WOO. So what’s going to kill us all this week, you might ask? Well it’s another day and another variant of the virus that’s been plaguing us all the last 4 years – COVID! Though this one isn’t a software update of the last version of Omicron. Nope, this one is called “FLiRT”. And I’m no virologist, but I do know that the “FL” stands for some genetic mutation in COVID. That’s about all I know! Anyway, how dangerous and deadly is the latest software update to COVID? Well the answer is… not much more than any other variant we’ve seen in the past. But will it fill up emergency rooms like it did during the worst parts of the pandemic that we saw previously? Probably not. So the answer to the question of whether or not we’re all going to die… is to put down the bong and very slowly back away from whatever 24 hour cable news source you happen to be watching at the time.

More than a third of COVID-19 cases in the U.S. are now estimated to be from a new, fast-growing member of a group of so-called "FLiRT" variants, nicknamed for their small but distinctive changes relative to the JN.1 strain. JN.1 was the variant behind this past winter wave of infections.

The largest among them, called KP.2 by scientists, has quickly multiplied in recent weeks to become the now-dominant new COVID-19 strain.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's every-other-week variant estimates, KP.2 and another strain with the same FLiRT mutations, called KP.1.1, together make up a projected 35.3% of infections this week. This is up from 7.1% a month ago.

"That means that while KP.2 is proportionally the most predominant variant, it is not causing an increase in infections as transmission of SARS-CoV-2 is low," a CDC spokesperson told CBS News in a statement.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/flirt-covid-variants-us-cases/

No we’re not going to die just yet. Now with every single mutation comes the inevitable question – will my vaccine work against it? The answer is…. probably! Before you go off and listen to the “I did my own research” crowd, actual virologists will tell you that the CDC recommends that you get your booster shots updated every six months. Yes, it’s a software update. And like most software updates, yes, the restart is annoying as all hell. But the crashes that will result if you don’t get it will be even worse than if you do get it. Yeah… just make that make sense for a bit. You can’t do it, can you? But with most updates, there’s insufficient data to determine if your particular system will require an update.

With the virus expected to spread as the summer months approach, it may be sparking concerns about whether the last vaccine dose you received is still protecting you. Ultimately, it depends on when you got your last dose.

In fall, an updated COVID vaccine was released. The CDC has recommended everyone 6 months old and older get the updated vaccines from Pfizer-BioNTech, Moderna, or Novavax. In February, a federal immunization committee voted in favor of recommending an additional dose for those ages 65 and up. Those between the ages of 6 months and 4 years old require multiple doses, the CDC says.

Previously, health officials have said the COVID vaccines would provide protection from the virus for “several months.” In a February update on the newest vaccine booster made available in September, the CDC said that while it had (from September to January) been effective, they expected that protection would “decline over time” as had been seen with previous doses.

However, because the FLiRT variants are relatively new, there isn’t enough data to show whether the vaccine or immunity from a recent case of COVID will provide effective protection against them.
https://thehill.com/homenews/nexstar_media_wire/4653747-will-your-last-covid-vaccine-work-against-new-flirt-variants/

So to the anti-vaccine conspiracy theorists who might be lurking out there… this is actual research. You looking up some Google article while you’re sitting on the can – not research! Get how that works? I would certainly hope so! Well, for the “I did my own research!!!” crowd, this is how viruses work – yes there’s going to be new mutations that come along and yes they’ll have varying effects from the previous mutation. Does that mean that you can go discredit the entire vaccine and pharmaceutical industry because of that? No. You know why? Because they have billions of dollars at their disposal, and you don’t.

A new group of COVID variants are circulating in the U.S., according to tracking by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The family of variant, called “FLiRT,” after their mutations, are now the dominant strains in the U.S. One of the variants, KP.2, accounts for about 25% of all current infections in the U.S. Another FLiRT variant, KP.1.1, accounts for about 7.5%, behind only three JN strains, one of which, JN.1, was the predominant strain in the U.S. before being overtaken by KP.2.

The FLiRT variants – KP.2 and KP.1.1 – appear to be highly transmissible, TODAY reported, with current vaccines and immunity from prior infection believed to only provide partial protection, experts said.

Such changes are to be expected, according to the CDC.

“Viruses constantly change through mutation and sometimes these mutations result in a new variant of the virus. Some changes and mutations allow the virus to spread more easily or make it resistant to treatments or vaccines. As the virus spreads, it may change and become harder to stop,” the agency said on its website..
https://www.al.com/news/2024/05/2-new-covid-variants-called-flirt-are-spreading-what-are-the-symptoms.html

No, we’re not going to die just yet. Calm down. So the graduates of the University Of “I Did My Own Research” can gloat all they want. Yes, there is a new variant. No, the sky is not falling. And there’s a 50/50 chance that your existing vaccine will work against it. These things happen. It’s called a “NOVEL” virus because it’s new and we don’t know how it behaves or acts. Whereas the flu has been around for a century. We know how to deal with that. Even more ancient than the flu are things like Malaria, which has been around since the 1400s and we know how to deal with that. But even if you’ve already had COVID or have had all the boosters to date, the answer and you’re not going to like it – is get another one, as long as this virus exists, we’re going to have to deal with it!

A new family of COVID variants nicknamed “FLiRT” is spreading across the country, as vaccination rates in Chicago — as well as nationwide — remain concerningly low for some public health experts.

While symptoms and severity seem to be about the same as previous COVID strains, the new FLiRT variants appear to be more transmissible, said infectious disease expert Dr. Robert Murphy.

“A new, more contagious variant is out there,” said Murphy, executive director of Northwestern University’s Institute for Global Health and a professor of infectious diseases at the Feinberg School of Medicine. “COVID-19 is still with us, and compared to flu and RSV, COVID-19 can cause significant problems off-season.”

Murphy urged the public to get up to date on COVID shots, particularly individuals who are at higher risk for severe complications from the virus. While much of the population has some immunity from vaccination or previous COVID infections, Murphy noted that “with COVID-19, immunity wanes over time.”
https://www.chicagotribune.com/2024/05/09/new-covid-flirt-variants-are-spreading-nationwide-chicago-health-experts-urge-vaccination/

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know, we often say on this fine program of ours that we can’t have nice things in this country. Well, last week was the National Day Of Prayer. Which, we have to wonder, in a country that values the separation of church and state like the United States does, or at least we’re supposed to, why does this even exist? That’s a topic that’s neither here, nor is it there. So last week, we got a lot of feedback about our sermon on white nationalism in the United States, and it’s a growing concern. Especially when the people who practice it don’t support GAWD or JAYSUS! No, they support the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name DARE NOT be spoken in my church! So of course the supporters of the Unholy Dark One have to shit on everyone else’s parade. While Joe Biden gave his message of peace and unity on the NDP, Dominionists hijacked his message to spread their message of hate and white Christian nationalism to the psychopaths who listen to them.

The second Thursday in May is designated as the National Day of Prayer by federal law, which requires the U.S. president to issue a proclamation recognizing the day. While the occasion is officially nonsectarian—President Joe Biden’s 2024 declaration recognizes “Americans of every religion and background”—the National Day of Prayer Task Force, which promotes the day and organizes events, has long been dominated by Christian-right leaders.

The “national prayer” being promoted by the Task Force this year deploys the language of Seven Mountains dominionists, who teach that every “mountain” or sphere of influence in society must be taken over by Christians who share their right-wing religious and political worldview: “Lead us forward to dispel the darkness and bring light throughout the Church, Family, Education, Business, Military, Government, and Arts, Entertainment, and Media.” The task force website is even more explicit, encouraging people to pray for America “by praying into seven centers of influence in our nation.”

Leaders of the New Apostolic Reformation teach that taking dominion and bringing nations into alignment with their biblical worldview can help speed the return of Jesus Christ and usher in a period when the church will “rule and reign” with him.

As Right Wing Watch has noted, “The rhetoric of the seven mountains has been adopted across the religious right even by leaders who may not share NAR’s theology, but find the concept a convenient lingua franca for encouraging conservative evangelicals to get more involved in politics.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/national-day-of-prayer-task-force-promotes-dominionist-language-christian-nationalist-speakers/

Now you might remember this wasn’t the first time the Domionists tried to spread a message of hate during the NDP. This of course happened back in 2020, when this country was still under the spell of the unholy Dark One and his goons! But if there’s anything we don’t need in this country, it’s more right wing evangelicals who are fucking up the upper levels of government! They’ve been causing damage for far too long. And you know what? White nationalism and dominionism is something that we really don’t talk enough about. If you want to know where this disgusting message is coming from, let’s look at the people behind it!

There is no myth that Christian nationalists love repeating more than the claim that the Bible was the source most frequently cited by the Founding Fathers. And Tim Barton of WallBuilders has a particular love for spreading this false claim, which makes sense given that it originated with his father, Christian nationalist pseudo-historian David Barton.

On yesterday’s episode of “WallBuilders Live,” the younger Barton was at it again.

“When people talk about America being a secular nation, it’s really because they don’t understand the history, they haven’t done the research,” Barton said. “And there’s some people that claim to have done the research, and [say], ‘We don’t see it.’ Well, you have to be completely intentionally ignoring it when it’s so evident.”

“We can point to books like ‘The Origins of American Constitutionalism,’ where a group of professors went through and they documented who the Founding Fathers quoted and cited the most in their writings,” Barton continued. “And what they identified was that 34 percent of all of the quotations they found in the Founders’ writings were quotations from the Bible. They only included things that were in quotation marks. … [While] they’re only measuring what’s in quotation marks, they acknowledged that they recognized so many Bible references that were very obvious Bible references that weren’t in quotation marks, that [had] they included what the very obvious things were, they would have been far higher than 34 percent of the quotes and references to the Founders’ writings coming from the Bible.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/tim-barton-spreads-false-christian-nationalist-history/

Ah yes, the “I did my own research” crowd strikes again! No, this isn’t research, this is someone’s hair-brained opinion posing as a fact. And yes, we are scared of Christian Nationalism. Why is that? Because we don’t want to live in a fascist country, do you get that, you holier than thou fuckwits? Well now that I got that off my chest, we do have to acknowledge that supporters of the Unholy Dark One are taking this country backwards at an absolutely frightening rate. But with people like David Barton who are getting paid to spread falsehoods about the founding of this country, is it any wonder why we can’t have nice things?

When Rep. Mike Johnson was elected Speaker of the House last year, much was made of the fact that he was an acolyte of Christian nationalist pseudo-historian David Barton. But Johnson is not the only Republican in the House who adores Barton and the false Christian nationalist history he peddles.

Last week, when Barton was in Washington, D.C., leading a private tour of the Capitol for a group of right-wing pastors and meeting with members of Congress, he sat down for an interview with Reps. Eric Burlison, Michael Cloud, and Josh Brecheen on the “Fresh Freedom” podcast, during which the three gushed over Barton and the influence his work has had on their political careers. Cloud introduced Barton as “an amazing friend” and “a leader on history.”

“We’ve had the honor of having our staff going on a tour of the Capitol with you and it’s just amazing,” Cloud added. “I’ve watched your materials growing up and everything, so it’s been awesome to watch.”

Brecheen likewise told Barton that he had been “so inspired by your ministry” that he got involved in politics, but Burlison was the most effusive in his praise, claiming that when he was younger, Barton’s “America’s Godly Heritage” video was shown in his church and “it was really kind of my red-pill moment” that inspired him to take an interest in politics.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/gop-members-of-congress-gush-over-christian-nationalist-pseudo-historian-david-barton/

No, Mr. Barton is not a leader on history! He’s a false prophet who gets paid to lie, cheat, distort and twist history into a truly demented world view. Look, the United States is not a Christian nation. We have fought wars and established treaties over this! Everything that’s being spewed by the holier than thou crowd right now, is absolute bullshit! But again, this is how misinformation spreads and how people can eventually accept it as fact, and I will not let it succumb to fascism! Look, MAGA extremists – we don’t want to be ruled by a dictator, OK? So go take your message of hatred that you hijacked the National Day Of Prayer with and go shove it where it don’t shine!

Joel Webbon is a Christian nationalist pastor at Covenant Bible Church in Texas and the founder of Right Response Ministries. Through his ministry, Webbon organizes events like “Blueprints for Christendom 2.0: Seven Doctrines for Ruling the World,” which took place earlier this year and featured militant Christian nationalists like Doug Wilson and Oklahoma state Sen. Dusty Deevers as speakers.

Webbon also hosts a podcast called “Theology Applied,” which he uses to promote his far-right theology, as he did during a recent episode in which he declared that the American people have become such “degenerates” that the Constitution is no longer adequate and therefore they must be governed by a Christian dictator who “just rules with an iron fist.”

Last month, Webbon delivered a sermon called “Why Many Christians Don’t Want A Christian Nation,” during which he laid out this theocratic worldview in greater detail, asserting that people are too stupid and cowardly to govern themselves and thus must ruled by a Christian leader who “comes in with a sword” and forces everyone to, at the very least, “pretend to be Christian.”

“The average person is a coward. They are,” Webbon declared. “And the average person is not intelligent. They’re not. And the average person is not a free thinker.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/men-must-be-governed-the-christian-nationalist-worldview-laid-bare-by-pastor-joel-webbon/

Sigh… they keep talking about “free thinking”, but I’m pretty sure they don’t know what it means to be a true free thinker. We don’t want a dictator, OK? And we certainly don’t want it to be the Unholy Dark One! I can’t even! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse
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2024 is the year of Artificial Intelligence. Yes, AI is everywhere. Every company you’ve ever heard of is finding ways to integrate AI into its’ existing products. Hell we’ll probably find ways to integrate AI into this very program! You don’t know! You don’t know! We’ve even discussed AI on this program to death several times. But it’s getting harder and harder these days to tell if an image or a program was in fact written by AI. Hell, I could tell you that this footage of a child’s birthday party from Mar-A-Lago with mermaids and for some reason a guy in a tuxedo singing Phantom Of The Opera was generated by an AI bot. WRONG! That was a real fucking clip!

Link to tweet

Yes, that actually happened! What about Under The Sea? It is Disney, MAGAs hate them. Hell, even something like Margaritaville would be more appropriate for the backdrop. Oh wait, they don’t like Jimmy Buffet either. So why are we talking about AI this week, you might ask? Well, while AI is the next gold rush in the tech industry, one of the biggest companies in the tech industry is jumping into the game just a little bit too late. I’m talking about the company that gave us the iPhone, Siri, and cutting edge advertising in 1984 – Apple. Yes, Apple launched a massive new update for iOS, along with a product refresh of its’ top of the line iPad models. And the commercial that resulted was… well, you could say a bit of a mixed bag.

An ad for Apple's new iPad lineup that shows a massive hydraulic press crushing the artifacts of human and digital culture — from beautiful musical instruments to arcade video games — has triggered an online outcry in the 24 hours since its release.

The big picture: Creative professionals and artists — one of Apple's key constituencies — already fear AI's impact on their jobs and our culture. The ad, many felt, made the company look both callous and brutal.

Driving the news: The ad, named "Crush!," shows cans of paint, cameras, phonographs, sculptures and many other cultural products and tools getting squashed.

When the room-size press lifts at the end, the mess is gone — and in its place sits a gleaming iPad.
"The most powerful iPad ever is also the thinnest," the voiceover announces.
https://www.axios.com/2024/05/08/apple-ipad-2024-ad-ai-outrage

Yeah I’ve seen this movie! At this point, this is where the T-1000 travels back in time to save John Connor so he can live to warn humanity about what’s coming! So it’s only natural to be concerned if you do anything even remotely creative that AI is going to take your jobs. While Elon and Jensen are two mega-billionaires arguing over whose AI bot is more woke than the other guy, Apple basically gave the finger to anyone who uses their computers for the arts. And this coming from the company that gave us the original Mac ad that changed advertising. Man, talk about a huge drop off in quality!

Earlier this week, Apple took the wraps off of a thoroughly leaked iPad Pro refresh with a 1 minute and 8 second ad spot wherein a gigantic hydraulic press comprehensively smushes a Turdet, an arcade cabinet, a record player, paint cans, a piano, a TV, sculptures, a bunch of emoji, and plenty of other tools that one might loosely categorize as "artistic implements."
At the end of the ad, the press lifts away to reveal a somewhat thinner, somewhat faster version of Apple's iPad Pro. The message of the ad, titled "Crush!" and still available via Apple's YouTube channel and CEO Tim Cook's Twitter account, is obvious: look at all of the things we've squeezed into this tablet!

"Just imagine all the things it'll be used to create," wrote Cook.

But it's the apparently unintended subtext of the ad that has caused problems. Yesterday afternoon, the company issued a rare public apology for the ad following a social media uproar. Critics were upset both about the destruction of the objects themselves (whether those objects were physical or computer-generated or some mix of the two isn’t clear), and about the symbolism of a Big Tech company destroying art and the things used to create and consume art.
https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2024/05/apple-apologizes-for-ad-that-crushes-the-sum-total-of-human-artistic-endeavor/

Yeah sure, it may take a few generations for Skynet to become fully self aware, but we haven’t seen any time traveling cyborgs yet! The company that gave us PCS that are mainly used for the creative arts is basically telling a large part of its’ user base to fuck off! Imagine all the things it can be used to create, my ass! Come on, Tim, this is 2024, the post Turd era. You know that this technology won’t be used for any sort of good. Shit, Elon bought a social media platform so he could make butt plug jokes at your expense, Apple! Yeah that happened! Well, as you can imagine, Apple is taking the PR damage control machine into hyper drive.

From its pop-art iPod commercials to its celebrity-led Mac vs. PC campaign, Apple hasn't had many marketing missteps to its name.

But a controversial ad for the company's latest iPad model has critics railing against the tech giant for what they say is a slight against artists and the creative community — a demographic once drawn to Apple products.

The ad, titled "Crush!", shows an array of creative objects — among them musical instruments, art sculptures, typewriters, a record table and a vintage arcade machine — being slowly pulverized by a hydraulic press.

(You know, the thing that David Letterman frequently used to crush bowling balls for fun. Similar videos now dominate TikTok feeds everywhere.)
https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/apple-ad-backlash-hydraulic-press-1.7198704

Yeah so maybe destroying creative instruments with a bulldozer… probably not the best idea. We have often said that too much technology will probably result in computers populating dumpsters. And this is coming from a traveling podcast, by the way. So here’s the thing – is the new Apple ad a metaphor for the end of the world like so many have predicted? Well, probably. But one thing that AI can’t rule out is human creativity. No matter how creative the machines are, they can’t match human intelligence. That is, unless you hang out at Mar-A-Lago, where they play Phantom Of The Opera as a backdrop for mermaids. I mean come on, play Weezer’s Island In The Sun, something that at least has an island theme!

Apple apologized on Thursday for a new iPad Pro ad that shows a giant hydraulic press crushing a Turdet, piano, guitar metronome, cans of paint and other creative tools. The imagery generated swift and largely negative reactions, with critics hurling slams like “tone deaf,” “ghoulish,” “heartbreaking” and “comically stupid.”

“Our goal is to always celebrate the myriad of ways users express themselves and bring their ideas to life through iPad,” Tor Myhren, Apple’s vice president of marketing communications, said in a statement obtained by AdAge on Thursday. “We missed the mark with this video, and we’re sorry.”

Apple titled the spot “Crush,” reflecting the slang use of the word, meaning to do something extremely well. Apple intended to symbolize a simulacrum of artistic tools getting compressed into one device. But many creatives didn’t appreciate the imagery.

“Why did Apple do an ad that crushes the arts? Tech and AI means to destroy the arts and society in general,” actor and filmmaker Justine Bateman wrote on X, formerly Twitter. The ad comes as the widespread adoption of artificial intelligence prompts passionate responses among artists—from excitement about its creative potential to fear it will steal jobs, and possibly alter the nature of art itself.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/lesliekatz/2024/05/09/tone-deaf-new-apple-ipad-pro-ad-sparks-major-arts-backlash/?sh=423cd8c02694

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! So the conspiracy theorists’ candidate of choice, our good friend Robert F. Kennedy Jr, is back in the news and this might be one of the crazies stories we’ve ever seen here, which is saying a lot, because what we do here is cover the crazy! Something that we absolutely, never in a million years would have predicted or expected happened. RFK Jr went on TV and admitted that he had… and this isn’t even the grossest part yet… a worm that ate part of his brain and died. Yeah I can’t even get through that sentence without shrieking in horror. But remember the Brain Slugs from Futurama? This is like a real life version of that!

A little-known parasitic infection in the brain received a jolt of attention Wednesday when presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said he once suffered from it.

The condition, known as neurocysticercosis, is a brain infection linked to larvae from pork tapeworms. It's rare: It hospitalizes roughly 1,000 to 2,000 people every year in the U.S.

Neurocysticercosis causes seizures, headaches, blindness, blurred vision, dizziness, psychosis or memory loss. In some cases, it may even be fatal.

The infection typically follows a sequence of events: People eat raw or undercooked pork that carries a tapeworm. They then shed tapeworm eggs in their stool and contaminate food or surfaces by not washing their hands. As a result, they or those around them who eat that food or touch those surfaces can accidentally swallow tapeworm eggs.
https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/pork-tapeworms-brain-parasite-infection-rfk-jr-rcna151310

That even sounds horrifying enough! So the answer to should you eat that raw pork should it be offered? The answer is a big fat HELL NO!!!. Also too, if there’s tapeworm eggs in your kitchen, the logical solution would be to burn that shit to the ground and build a new kitchen! But yeah remember the days when things used to disqualify politicians from running for office? You’d think a parasitic worm eating part of your brain would be it. At least the good news is that your odds of actually getting one of these horrifying creatures into your brain is very low. Like slim to nil.

Brain worms have taken social media by storm after The New York Times reported on Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s 2012 deposition, where the current presidential candidate said a parasitic worm made its way to his brain “and ate a portion of it and then died.”

Kennedy claimed that the parasite had caused brain damage and memory loss, from which he has since recovered.

Based on the symptoms described by Kennedy, doctors interviewed by The New York Times said the parasite was likely a pork tapeworm, Taenia solium. If someone ingests the eggs—which can spread via the feces of a person with a tapeworm—the eggs can travel to other organs, such as the brain, and form cysts, a condition called neurocysticercosis.1

It can take months to years after infection for the symptoms to occur, usually when the cysts start dying. Seizures and headaches are the most common symptoms of neurocysticercosis. Confusion, difficulty with balance, and lack of attention to people and surroundings may also happen. This could result in death.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/rfk-jr-brain-worm-8646789

Yeah so if you plan on using that public toilet, you’d better make sure there’s windex and disinfectant available, because you never know where something like this might show up! But that being said, this spurred up an internet debate that we have to say we did not see coming on our 2024 MAGA Bingo Card! This is one of those things that practically broke the internet when it first happened. It’s one where both sides of the internet just shut down and went “LET’S FIGURE IT OUT!!!”. But needless to say, one thing it definitely is, is too much information!

Independent U.S. presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s health is in the spotlight again – this time relating to a neurological issue.

In a 2012 deposition recently reviewed by the New York Times, the politician revealed that in 2010 a worm got into his brain “ate a portion of it and then died.”

Kennedy had been suffering from cognitive difficulties. Doctors initially suspected that he had a brain tumor, but it turned out to be a parasite infection – specifically, a pork tapeworm larva lodged in his brain.

This particular parasite (Taenia solium) is mainly found in low-income countries where people live close to livestock, including parts of southern Africa, Latin America and Asia. Cases in the U.S. are reported to be in the hundreds per year. It is also an incredibly rare infection to encounter in Europe.
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/did-a-tapeworm-really-eat-part-of-robert-f-kennedy-jr-s-brain

Yeah so OK maybe RFK Jr *DID* have a brain worm. So what? What would that actually entail, you might ask? Well, I answer you, good sir or madam, is that you don’t want to know. The short answer is that if you do get one, it’s going to suck. And it’s going to suck more than you would ever care to know. It’s also going to suck literally. Yes, we’ve been waiting all week to tell that joke! However, yes, we’ve been making light of a serious situation, but that’s what we do here. The truth is that if you actually get one of these rare parasites, is that it’s not going to transform you like it did to Fry in that Futurama episode. No, it's far worse than that!

Earlier this week news broke that independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., claimed to have once had a dead worm in his brain. Kennedy had been experiencing memory loss and mental fog, and he originally suspected these symptoms might be caused by a brain tumor. Brain scans in 2010 showed a cyst that his doctors said contained remains of a parasite. The findings and other health issues were revealed in a New York Times article based on a review of a deposition for his 2012 divorce, as well as an interview the outlet conducted with him.

The revelation drew attention in the worlds of politics and parasitology. “I woke up to all kinds of messages from friends in parasitology,” says Shira Shafir, an epidemiologist and an associate adjunct professor at the University of California, Los Angeles, in response to the news.

The species of the purported parasite in Kennedy’s brain was never identified, and he did not know where he got infected. A spokesperson told media outlets on Wednesday that Kennedy had traveled extensively to Africa, South America, and Asia and likely contracted the parasite on one of the trips. Several parasites can affect the central nervous system and potentially create cysts in brain tissue. While relatively uncommon in the U.S., such infections can be devastating in many parts of the world. For example, the World Health Organization estimates there are between 2.56 million and 8.3 million people around the globe living with neurocysticercosis, a brain infection caused by the pork tapeworm Taenia solium. “It's a really big deal in Latin America, sub-Saharan Africa, India and other parts of Asia. It’s a leading cause of acquired seizures,” says Clinton White, a parasitologist and infectious diseases professor at the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston. “Neurocysticercosis is a major disease, and it's kind of funny [these are] the circumstances in which people are paying attention to it.”
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-do-people-get-parasitic-brain-worms-like-the-one-rfk-jr-had/

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb: All Florida Edition
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb! And one state in particular brings the crazy week after week, and that is the state of Florida. The Sunshine State. Which is why, whenever we do a show in Florida, we always have to one that pays tribute to Florida men and women entirely! Yes, all of our stories this week come from the Sunshine State. I always want to start by prefacing what exactly makes a People Are Dumb story. Someone who goes on a high speed chase – not a People Are Dumb Story. Someone who goes on a high speed chase in a chicken truck to stop at a KFC for a bucket of fried chicken? That’s a People Are Dumb story! And as always, the names and addresses from the stories we feature have been omitted. Let’s start with this story out of the town of Milton, Florida. You know what we say around here, if you give an idiot a gun, don’t be surprised when they do something stupid with it. Well, when you pull a gun on your Uber driver, don’t be surprised when your reputation is ruined. He’ll probably have a cushy job as a Fox News correspondent next week.

Police in Milton, Florida arrested a man after he pulled a gun on an Uber driver earlier this week who was dropping his daughter off. forced the driver out of the car and onto the ground and has since been charged with false imprisonment and aggravated assault with a weapon, WEAR News reports. After pulling him out of the car, reportedly forced the driver to lie down in the roadway, show his driver’s license so he could photograph it, and allow him to photograph his license plate, his Uber account and the address where he picked up daughter.

As it turned out, the 13-year-old snuck out of the house Saturday night and took an Uber to Pensacola, about 30 minutes away. When he discovered she’d snuck out, he reportedly called both the Santa Rosa County and Escambia County sheriff’s offices, but didn’t get much help from either department. So when she got back home, he made the only logical decision and pulled a gun on the completely innocent Uber driver.

It’s not entirely clear what kind of gun used. WEAR News said it was a .22 rifle, but Fox 35 Orlando reports it was actually an AR-15. Either one could be deadly at close range, and having any gun pointed in your face is going to make for a bad day.

If you assumed would have seen the error of his ways after his arrest and being fired from his job, though, you couldn’t possibly be more wrong. He is doubling down, insisting that he did everything right. ................(more)

https://jalopnik.com/florida-man-whines-about-his-ruined-reputation-after-pu-1851469570

Next up – while this is an all Florida edition of People Are Dumb, I do want to take a minute and talk about this story out of Ohio. Did you ever see that movie Falling Down? If you haven’t seen it it’s about a an every man who is on his way to his kids’ birthday party, gets stuck in traffic, and then as he leaves his car, he notices all the ills of society, which makes him increasingly angry and he begins to take his frustrations out on the world. Well, this story echoes one particular scene in that movie – when Michael Douglas’ character goes to a fast food restaurant and attempts to order breakfast, only to have his intentions backfire on him.

Police in northeast Ohio are asking the public for help locating a Burger King customer caught on camera pointing a gun at a drive-thru employee after the worker tried to give the man a discount.

The incident took place in a Cleveland suburb about 9 a.m. on Easter, The Willowick Police Department reported. ... No injuries were reported in the crime reported to the department by the Burger King employee.

Police in Willowick, Ohio are asking the public for help locating a Burger King customer caught on camera pointing a gun at a drive-thru employee after the worker tried to give the man a discount on breakfast.

In images released by police in Willowick, a city located along Lake Erie, the suspect is seen standing outside a black vehicle beside another white car at the drive-thru window, pointing a firearm at the employee inside.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2024/04/03/ohio-burger-king-gunman-discounted-breakfast/73188759007/

Now do you see that? Look at this sorry, miserable squashed thing. Next up – going back to the Sunshine State, America’s penis, and we also want to thank the good folks at r/FloridaMan as being the primary source for these. And yes, we did get a lot of requests for the idiots who dumped two tons of trash off their boat in Boca Raton, but that’s just a straight up crime. Now here’s an idiot with a gun story and this comes from Jacksonville. Yeah if you’re running down the street holding a loaded AR-15, the liquor store is probably the place you shouldn’t be stopping.

A man who is accused of trying to speed away from Putnam County deputies before he crashed into a utility pole was arrested early Monday morning on drug and gun charges.

According to the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office, the 27-year-old Palatka man was first seen in an SUV on Gillis Street driving slowly with his lights off. When deputies tried to pull him over, he sped off, deputies said.

The man reached speeds of 100 mph, deputies said, before he crashed into the concrete pole in front of ABC Liquor near Highway 17 and State Road 100.

The man then ran away from the SUV, and according to deputies, he briefly had an AR-15-style rifle in his hands as he ran toward the back of the liquor store.

A deputy said he drove across the parking lot while the man ran away and continued to yell at the man to get on the ground, according to an arrest report.
https://www.news4jax.com/news/local/2024/05/06/deputy-fires-taser-out-of-window-hits-man-accused-of-running-with-ar-15-style-rifle-following-car-chase-crash/

I don’t have to be careful, I have a gun! Easy there, Homer! Next up – here’s one that takes place at Miami International Airport. How… who… why… in this day and age, where everyone seems to know everything about airport security, why in hell would someone do this? Yeah you can make all the snakes on a plane jokes that you want! Also too, this gives new meaning to the phrase “is there a snake in your pants or are you happy to see me?”. Why yes, there is a snake in my pants! No, don’t interpret that literally, sir! Well one thing you should never, ever do is carry a live snake on a plane.

Officials at Miami International Airport say a man was trying to board a flight with snakes in his pants.

Transportation Security Administration agents caught the unidentified man with a small bag in his pants with the small reptiles in it.

The bag was hidden in the passenger's clothing, officials said. The post included a photo of two small snakes that were found in what appeared to be a sunglasses bag, the AP reported.

The snakes were turned over to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. At the end of the week, TSA officers at JFK found a long machete from a man going through security. "He did not leave the checkpoint with it. Lesson learned: Don't bring a machete to an airport checkpoint," the TSA spokesperson said in a social media post.
https://www.cbsnews.com/miami/news/man-stopped-at-miami-international-airport-with-snakes-in-his-pants/

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Finally this week – this story comes out of the Florida city of Margate. One thing you should never, ever, under any circumstances do, ever, is play a game of chicken with the police, especially the local police. Because most of them don’t take shit from anybody. And they’re especially not going to take shit from someone who’s intentionally messing with them. They also don’t take intentional property damage lightly. So combine both of those things and you’ve definitely got a recipe for disaster. Or maybe he wanted to be arrested? Either way that’s a day in the life of our good friend Florida Man!

A man was arrested after allegedly etching his own name in a Broward Sheriff’s Office police car.

According to records, on April 29 the Margate Police Department received reports of property damage that had occurred on Southwest 1st Street. Upon arriving at the scene, officers discovered a marked BSO vehicle with significant damage to the driver-side hood.

The report shows that the damage included a medium-sized hole etched with “The name is Enderlin Leonce,” apparently inflicted with a metal tool.

Witnesses described the suspect, unsurprisingly, later identified as Enderlin Leonce, 33, of Margate, as a Black male approximately 6 feet tall. He was last seen wearing a cream-colored shirt and dark grey shorts and carrying a plastic shopping bag.
https://margatetalk.com/man-etches-name-in-broward-sheriff-vehicle-45809

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"] Stupidest State 2024
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16 states will enter and only one state will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!



The Layover League championship has been set! And last week, Arizona continues to dominate the competition to climb their way to the top of the Flyover League! Last week, Arizona trounced Louisiana to advance to their first Final Four in state history! Just one Conference remains – the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference! Ohio. South Dakota. One of these two will punch their ticket to play Arizona in the Final Four, the other goes home! Let’s end the introductions and go to the floor, shall we?

[font size="4"]Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Championships: Ohio Vs South Dakota [/font]

[font size="4"]Ohio [/font]

The Buckeye State has long been a fan favorite in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference and for good reason! They got flipped to being a hard red state in 2012 and never looked back. Many of their politicians are Fox News plants, which really proves how much Fox News has it in for the United States, judging by what they are doing to the Buckeye State. Well, one of the hottest hot button issues in the United States is of course guns, and everyone is naturally afraid of the rise in mass shootings and the increasingly divisive rhetoric coming from the gun lobby and internet sources like Infowars. Well, Ohio has been overrun with MAGA types who love them some guns, and this might be one of the absolute grossest misuse of funds we’ve seen yet!

Ohio appears to be the first state to purchase shoot houses – mobile homes designed for indoor firearms training – to better prepare public school staff “to respond to an active shooter”.

The Ohio controlling board, which helps oversee changes to the state budget, approved public safety officials’ request for $78,028 last month to purchase two shoot houses to help train public school employees that are allowed to carry firearms at work.

“Currently, we have movable canvas walls that can be configured to simulate responding to an active shooter in a school, like walking down a hallway, but there are limits,” said Jay Carey, a spokesperson for the Ohio department of public safety. “The more realistic we can make the training, the better prepared armed school staff will be to respond to an active shooter.”

Carey said the state is “looking to purchase” shoot houses because they “offer several advantages like doors and windows so armed school staff can practice opening doors and looking through windows just like they would find in a school”.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/apr/09/ohio-shoot-houses-firearm-training-teachers

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Oh come on! This is one of the stupidest things we’ve seen yet. Yeah arm the teachers, what could go wrong? It’s bad enough bullets are flying in one direction, imagine what happens when they fly in two directions! SMDH! And in case you’re wondering, unfiltered corporate greed runs rampant in the Buckeye State. So much that the state treasurer had to resign because he stole nearly a million dollars from the state treasury! Yeah imagine that! I mean come on, with friends like these, who needs enemies? Come on, it’s only money, right? Wrong! Even money burns in the Buckeye State!

A prolific campaign treasurer for more than 100 Ohio political candidates, including many Republicans, has been federally charged with stealing almost $1 million in campaign funds.

William Curlis, 76, was charged with wire fraud Thursday for allegedly stealing more than $995,000 from various candidates’ funds and a political action committee for which he was treasurer. Court documents show a proposed plea agreement, suggesting Curlis plans to plead guilty.

According to court documents, from 2008 until June 2023, Curlis wrote himself multiple checks from candidates’ campaign funds and one PAC’s fund while serving as treasurer. To conceal the theft, he allegedly transferred funds between accounts without candidates’ knowledge and falsified corresponding campaign finance reports.

“As the campaign treasurer and only signatory on numerous bank accounts, Curlis took advantage of his trusted position and wrote checks to himself from the accounts of multiple candidates and one PAC,” U.S. Attorney Kenneth Parker said in a news release. “I urge candidates, PACs, and businesses alike to protect themselves from future fraud by examining their accounting processes for vulnerabilities and other blind spots.”
https://www.nbc4i.com/news/your-local-election-hq/political-campaign-treasurer-charged-with-stealing-nearly-1-million-from-ohio-candidates/

And speaking of things burning, the Ohio River is getting close to flood stages again, which means that there will be a major disaster on Gov. DeWine’s hands if this doesn’t get solved quickly. But then again, Fox News downplays climate change, which means that yeah it’s going to be a problem. And if it does indeed flood, your odds of getting necessary survival supplies are screwed, because guess what? Thanks to the Fox News / Turd installed Postmaster General Louis DeShithead, you might not get what you need after the disaster because the Post Office in Ohio just laid off a whole bunch of workers. Stop voting republican, it’s bad for you!

A major shipping contractor for the U.S. Postal Service is closing its Columbus operations center, ending 82 jobs, according to a notice filed with the state.Evo Transportation and Energy Services Inc. is "permanently ceasing all operations" at its 3115 E. 17th Ave. facility as of June 15, according to the WARN notice to the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services.

The closure is "caused by a large client unexpectedly notifying Evo that it is terminating its contract with Evo, resulting in a significant loss of work and revenue at the impacted facility," the notice said. The notice did not name USPS, but mail transportation under 200 Postal Service contracts represents 90% of Evo's revenue, according to its latest annual report. The company believes it is one of the largest ground transportation contractors to the agency.

"Over the past few years the USPS has consolidated the number of carriers it utilizes and Evo expects further consolidation of this transportation supplier base," according to Evo's latest annual report, but the company believed at the time it could win more contracts in the process.
https://www.bizjournals.com/columbus/news/2024/04/18/usps-contractor-evo-transportation-closing.html

[font size="4"]South Dakota [/font]

The Mount Rushmore State has long been a favorite in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. Lately they’ve been on a bit of a hot streak lately, thanks to the Fox News installed governor of the state Kristi Noem. Yeah before you boo, just remember that the governor has been having some thoughts lately, and basically admitted to doing something that you should never do – murder your dog! But we’ve already covered that topic ad nauseum. Instead we’re going to talk about how the reason why Kristi Noem keeps getting elected is that there’s some big money in the Mount Rushmore State, and it mainly has to do with farming, because South Dakota farms mooch off California’s farming subsidies. Well, it results in things like this. Priorities, people!

Governor Kristi Noem rides, with American flag in hand, into the Cinch Playoffs Governor’s Cup in Sioux Falls in September 2023. (Courtesy of Governor's Office)
Governor Kristi Noem rides, with American flag in hand, into the Cinch Playoffs Governor’s Cup rodeo in Sioux Falls in September 2023. (Courtesy of Governor’s Office)

In September, Gov. Kristi Noem carried the American flag on horseback into a Sioux Falls arena full of fans. … It was the Cinch Playoffs Governor’s Cup, advertised as “the richest rodeo in South Dakota history,” with $1 million in prize money. Noem handed out awards, posed for photos with the winners, and shared the images with thousands of followers on her social media accounts.

Several months earlier, Noem had decided to use tax dollars from South Dakota employers to help pay for the event. … In June, the Governor’s Office of Economic Development awarded a three-year contract worth up to $2.5 million to rodeo announcer Rorey Lemmel’s Dean Entertainment Group, to promote and conduct the annual event. The contract said Sioux Falls would contribute additional matching funds.

The state money is from a special fund under the exclusive control of the governor. It’s called the Future Fund. Legislators created it in 1987 at the behest of then-Gov. George Mickelson, “for purposes related to research and economic development for the state,” according to the brief, two-sentence text of the law.
https://southdakotasearchlight.com/2023/12/28/governors-cup-rodeo-among-recipients-of-millions-from-public-fund-controll

Well by the way in case you’re wondering if the governor of South Dakota has your best interests in mind, the answer is no. In fact, in addition to murdering her dog, the governor of South Dakota is also inherently racist, and has been actually banned from public places because she is so overtly and blatantly racist. And if she sets foot on these lands that she’s banished from, well, it could lead to some very bad things including arrest and detention. Well, of course that won’t deter the MAGAs from treading on their constitutional rights! Yeah that doesn’t exactly matter when you’re guests of another nation. SMDH.

MAGA Gov. Kristi Noem was banished from the Rosebud Indian Reservation in her own state of South Dakota on Thursday, the fourth Lakota tribe to bar her from its lands in recent months.

If she sets foot on any of the tribal land she’s been banned from, she could face removal, detention, and arrest, Lakota Law Project Director Chase Iron Eyes told The Daily Beast.

The Rosebud Sioux Tribal Council issued the most recent ban over inflammatory statements Noem has made—including the claim that tribal leaders were operating with Mexican drug cartels—and her “uninvited presence” at a quarterly meeting between the tribes and the U.S. Forest Service in March. In a statement, the Rosebud Council cited years of hostility from Noem’s administration.

“This banning is not based solely on recent allegations made against the Oceti Sakowin, Tribal Leaders, and Native American Students, but also from an ongoing strained relationship with Governor Noem since she took office in 2019,” the council said.

In recent years, Noem has clashed with the tribes over her support of the Keystone XL pipeline, which cuts through land considered sacred by the Sioux; her removal of “significant sections” of Native American history from state educational standards; and her alleged withholding of millions of dollars in federal Emergency Rental Assistance funding from the tribes.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/kristi-noem-banned-by-yet-another-south-dakota-tribe

So the governor of South Dakota is physically banned from visiting a very sizeable portion of her own state. Yeah make that make sense. I don’t know about you, but I like governors who don’t get banned from 20% of their own state. But here’s the thing and we can’t say this enough – if you don’t want to be pegged as a racist, maybe, I don’t know, stop saying racist shit! Which is exactly what Kristi Noem does and time and time again that gets her into a lot of trouble. So again, people, stop watching Fox News and Infowars. Stop voting for republicans. It’s bad for you!

Six of the nine Native American tribes in South Dakota have now voted to ban Gov. Kristi Noem from their lands.

The Yankton Sioux Tribe Business and Claims Committee voted unanimously on Friday to ban the governor, citing her comments about drug cartels, Native American children and what one tribal council member characterized as performative rather than substantive efforts to engage tribal leaders.

The committee is the primary elected body for the Yankton Sioux Tribe, whose lands are situated in southeastern South Dakota.

“It’s about standing in solidarity together, all the Oceti Sakowin,” said Council Member Ryan Cournoyer, referencing the name for speakers of the Lakota, Dakota and Nakota languages.

https://www.newsfromthestates.com/article/sixth-tribal-nation-bans-noem-comments-cartels-native-children

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a potential upset brewing here! South Dakota ahead by 5 with less than a minute to go… with the ball.. for THREE… YES! A foul has been called! First shot in for SD… that is in, the second shot… also in! And that’s game folks! South Dakota has stunned Ohio, they are celebrating on the court, a Cinderella story come to life! Final score: 98 -89! Cut that net guys, you earned it!



[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

Here we go, folks! It’s the Final Four! And it’s one of the most exciting Final Fours we’ve seen in a very long time! Arizona vs South Dakota! Texas Vs Alabama! Anything can happen! We’re live in New Orleans, Loooooooooooosiana, at the home of the New Orleans Pelicans, the Smoothie King Center, for all the exciting action!


[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Gary Clark Jr [/font]

Folks, my next guest has a great new album out called JPEG Raw. You can see him on tour through September 29th. Playing his song Maktub, give it up for Gary Clark Jr!

Thank you Gainesville! So glad to see such an enthusiastic crowd after a year of delay! We’ll be back again soon! We’re back home in Oxnard next week with the Stupidest State Final Four! See you next week!

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