Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
"Orange Alert! Orange Alert! Be Un-Un-American With Duck Tape and Saran Wrap"
February 14, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

This is a great moment in our nation's great history, long days of terrible decisions, and we have George W. Bush making them. We can all get down on our hands and knees and thank the man upstairs for that (and I don't mean Chief Justice Renchquist, so stop saying that).

I was on the bus coming back from Sam Francisco (where I do not want to discuss what happened and never will. Not that anything happened, so stop saying that! Nothing at all happened, and I¹m not going to mention anything about it ever. Just let it alone.) when I heard there was an Orange Alert! Immediately I jumped out of my seat and ran up and down the aisle shouting "Orange Alert! Orange Alert!" which was no reason to throw me off the bus, but that is the LIEberal politics of personal destruction every time. I guess the driver wants Saddam to win.

And what an Orange Alert! it is too! Unlike the other Orange Alert!, this time in edition to panicking while we go about our humdrum day to day meaningless activities, we are supposed to wrap ourselves in Saran Wrap and duck tape in case of bionic or chemical attacks. This will not only foil (get it?) any terrorists Saddam might send, but will be a real shot in the head to the economy, which as Allen Greenspam said mistakenly, does not need one thanks to the Bush economic miracle.

By the way, some swell Christian compassion here from Mrs. Rosenfeld, who will neither loan me her foil and duck tape, which she is not using, nor loan me the money to buy my own, which I did not shoplift. She also will not make her son put in a machine gun nest and booby traps on trip wires, like any sensible person would during an Orange Alert!. The Daisyview Trailer Park might as well be Bagdad.

It is advice like this which makes everybody who is not a moderate or DemoncRAT glad that we have Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge on the job. It is well worth the $38 billion he has spent and not accounted for to have a color chart and advice about duck tape.

However I hope you will be un-un-American, unlike these un-American peaceniks and appeasers, and support Our Great President as he confronts our dangerous enemies France, Germany and Belgium. It only goes to show how irrelevant the NATO and the U of N have become that they will not knuckle under to George W.¹s slightest wim as they should and let him have his war.

Even Australia is attacking our pResident and saying things like "a conga line of suckholes." They have even asked for the US ambassador to be recalled. It is the mark of what a jenius Our Great President is that he has uncovered how unAmerican some Australians really are. All those years they only pretended to be our friend, but George W. fixed that!

Imagine! The U of N and LIEberals here did not believe Colon Powell when he went before them with all of his evidence. Yes, his up-to-the minute intelligence was stolen off the internet from old magazine articles but what did you expect?

Talk about proof! Colon did lots of talking about proof. And it is not his fault nobody believed he had any.

Our Great President picked Colon to discuss the issue to show he is just as good as the white people in the Administration, and not because it had words George W. could not pronounce, because he could of if he wanted, I am sure. Our Great President is not as dumb as he looks, and there are people who are dead and buried because they misunderestimated him, although you cannot prove that.

Were you not as convinced as people like me were when General Powell showed the cartoon of Saddam¹s mobile labs? I mean, yes the inspectors say they were not mobile labs, and yes, Colon did not have an actual picture of one, and yes, everyone in a mobile lab would be killed if the anthrax spilled when they hit a bump, but that is just quibbling. Colon had an actual drawing and that is good enough for the likes of me and you. Especially you.

Colon also held up a little empty glass vile that could have held anthrax or other weapons but certainly never had crack or cocaine that you cannot prove anyone uses and which was not one of many empty viles just lying around the White House for Colon to pick up. That is just Mrs. Rosenfeld saying that.

And of course this week, Osama Bin Laden put out a tape that almost backs up exactly what George W. and Colon said, if you summarize it right like Rush Limbaugh does. It goes to show that there are no hard feelings on Osama¹s part even though he has been margarinealized.

But instead of focusing on what Colon said the tape said, the lackydog running yellow press liberal media began focusing on what it really said when it "was" translated, and how Colon got an advance copy if we do not know where Osama is, and why Our Great President was ignoring Osama, and why this time they wanted the tape broadcast when before they said tapes had secret messages and did not want them broadcast, and other "questions."

In Bagdad they would not of been asking these questions, I can tell you that.

Meanwhile it is time once again to notice the hipocracy of Democraps, who are making a fuss about the Great Bill O. Riley just because he called Mexicans wetbacks on the air, and yet they are blocking the Hispanish judge who helps Ann Colter when she writes about killing liberals just because no one can see his record and he would not answer questions about what he has been up to. Cut some cheese-wiz to go with that wine!

What's-his-name is not some sort of raving nut, and anyway, so what if he is? Judges have been rejected in the past when people found out they defended cross-burning, so it only makes sense to keep this guy¹s record hidden. Other wise, there will be politics, and what does that have to do with picking a judge?

He is a fine nominee who is not too dark and fits right in the mainstream of Hispanish-American thought like Ken Starr and Ted Olson.

Do not the DemocRats realize that it is time to forget petty squabbling and knuckle under to whatever our Great President wants? But no, they have to be unAmerican. No wonder everyone hates them but the tree huggers, the gays, the blacks, the femiNazis, the Jews, the Hispanish, the Orientals, the gun-grabbers, the union sympathizers, the human rights mongers, the public school pimps, the lucky duckies, the welfare cheats, the homeless bums, the trial lawyers, the LIEberals, the moderates, and the product safety people.

They are even complaining that Our Great President made taxpayers pay for his American flag lapel pins. Get real! How else is George W. going to show what a patriot he is unless he makes taxpayers buy him a flag pin? Did you want him to sacrifice his own money for anything like that?

Well, it is time for me to stop so I can wrap myself in Saran Wrap and duck tape like Our Great President commands! And I hope to see loyal un-un-Americans everywhere joining me! Soon Saddam Hussein and his terrorists will be laughing out of the other side of their neck. At least that is what I hope, if I can figure out how to breathe through it.

 
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who is glad to give up air so he can support Our Great President who is not a corrupt failure so stop saying that and sort of feeling light headed and even a little diz

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