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RhodeIslandOne

(5,042 posts)
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 02:50 PM Jun 2018

'She will not be missed': Obituary says that this woman 'abandoned' her children

[link:http://www.kansas.com/news/nation-world/national/article212570874.html|

The obituary published in the Redwood Falls Gazette — a newspaper from Minnesota — states that Dehmlow was born on March 19, 1938, and married her husband Dennis Dehmlow in 1957, according to Click2Houston.

Then comes the next line.

"In 1962 she became pregnant by her husband's brother Lyle Dehmlow," it reads, "and moved to California."



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'She will not be missed': Obituary says that this woman 'abandoned' her children (Original Post) RhodeIslandOne Jun 2018 OP
thats sad. samnsara Jun 2018 #1
Where was the father? justgamma Jun 2018 #2
Limiting one's imagination to merely two sides is restrictive. LanternWaste Jun 2018 #16
The most destructive resentments are the thoroughly justified ones. n/t TygrBright Jun 2018 #3
Damn...the salt is real there... Moostache Jun 2018 #4
The children she abandoned are now at least 55 years old Sanity Claws Jun 2018 #5
It's a bitter sob story... cynatnite Jun 2018 #6
My best friend's mom ran off when he was 7 and his sister was 9 Blue_Tires Jun 2018 #20
So much for love and forgivness. Wellstone ruled Jun 2018 #7
This message was self-deleted by its author Jake Stern Jun 2018 #15
And, as acculturate illustrated by your post, so much for tolerance. LanternWaste Jun 2018 #17
Family issues oft times transcend generations Wellstone ruled Jun 2018 #18
Eschew obfuscation, LW. Tipperary Jun 2018 #19
A WaPo article discussed the growing trend of revenge LeftInTX Jun 2018 #8
There have been a few others like this published recently. Totally Tunsie Jun 2018 #9
To me it says, "I'm still pissed at you even though you're dead"... cynatnite Jun 2018 #10
I totally get it. easttexaslefty Jun 2018 #11
Thank you. Totally Tunsie Jun 2018 #13
My father used to say, "Let the dead bury their dead." It's probably the wiser course, sometimes. Hekate Jun 2018 #12
This message was self-deleted by its author Jake Stern Jun 2018 #14
Obituary pulled. Totally Tunsie Jun 2018 #21
 

LanternWaste

(37,748 posts)
16. Limiting one's imagination to merely two sides is restrictive.
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 04:47 PM
Jun 2018

Limiting one's imagination to merely two sides is restrictive. There are almost as many sides as there are bumper stickers advertising the sides.

Moostache

(9,895 posts)
4. Damn...the salt is real there...
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:02 PM
Jun 2018

That is a whole lot of unresolved mental anguish at play. I hope the kids find peace now, but with that kind of grudge its likely to stay with them even beyond her death.

Makes me cherish my luck to have had both of my parents still with us and a relationship that has never been fractured or estranged.

Sanity Claws

(21,822 posts)
5. The children she abandoned are now at least 55 years old
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:04 PM
Jun 2018

I don't blame them for the resentment but wonder whether there is more to the story. The feelings are awfully strong, even after so many years.

cynatnite

(31,011 posts)
6. It's a bitter sob story...
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:09 PM
Jun 2018

My father abandoned me and my mother when I was seven years old. I got one birthday card from him that basically said, "don't tell my mother you found me".

I have a shit-ton of reasons to be bitter at him, but it wasn't in me when he died...because he was dead. Where does it get me to be bitter towards a dead man who was basically a deadbeat dad?

This is nothing but self-serving bullshit to give one last hurrah to a woman they hadn't seen since 1962 from the way this reads.

And you know who cares? Nobody else but her bitter children.

Blue_Tires

(55,445 posts)
20. My best friend's mom ran off when he was 7 and his sister was 9
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 07:26 PM
Jun 2018

Mostly because she couldn't bear to stay married to a mid-level municipal bureaucrat who had no great ambition or desire to make a lot more than he was earning (Dad came from a really humble background so money never became important to him -- And this was not the proper mindset to have in the 1980s)... So she moved to another state, married a rich dude, moved into a mansion, started her own business, and started a new family, treating her original kids for dead (she literally ceased all contact with her original kids for like 4 years)

It took the better part of 6-7 years, but the Cold War began to thaw the the mother eventually got on cordial speaking grounds with her first family... 35 years later, my best friend has totally forgiven his mother; but his sister is going to hate her guts until the day she dies and I can totally see her writing an obit like this...

Long story short, you can't predict how people will take something like this, and even two kids in the same household can have completely polar opposite reactions and coping mechanisms...

 

Wellstone ruled

(34,661 posts)
7. So much for love and forgivness.
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:10 PM
Jun 2018

And would have to say at the time,Wabasso was about 90% Catholic and members of St Ann's.

Response to Wellstone ruled (Reply #7)

 

LanternWaste

(37,748 posts)
17. And, as acculturate illustrated by your post, so much for tolerance.
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 04:52 PM
Jun 2018

And, as acculturate illustrated by your post, so much for tolerance (insert distinction lacking relevant difference to better assuage the self).

Let's pretend we posses all due relevant knowledge to more efficiently pass judgement on strangers, as it effectively advertises our own love and forgiveness. The important thing though, is to hold ourselves to a lower standard than we hold others.

Nice job!

 

Wellstone ruled

(34,661 posts)
18. Family issues oft times transcend generations
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 05:08 PM
Jun 2018

and have dealt with similiar things within our family. Have to say,you just have to turn a deaf ear to it and tell those who speak this garbage to just move on. Hatred will just put you in a early grave.

LeftInTX

(24,560 posts)
8. A WaPo article discussed the growing trend of revenge
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:16 PM
Jun 2018

obituaries.

One woman who wrote one, followed it up with an actual article about her mom.

The article was helpful because it discussed abuse. But an obit isn't in-depth enough and almost seems like a parody.

Totally Tunsie

(10,885 posts)
9. There have been a few others like this published recently.
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:28 PM
Jun 2018

Frankly, I find it refreshing. Not all who walked among us deserve to be praised and adulated, and I say let those offended and abused have their rightful say if they so choose.

My toxic tyrant 97-year-old mother died one year ago tomorrow, and it was the happiest day I can remember. The ways she calculated to ruin my life can't be counted, and include physical, emotional and financial abuse. I finally found my voice to her when I reached the age of fifty and was able to finally grab hold and stand up for myself. An only child, I was the object of all her abuses and she used the attacks on me to punish my father for all the wrongs she unjustly felt he inflicted upon her. He was, however, a true gentleman, an exceptional father, and a saint to remain with her in order to shield me.

I bypassed writing a negative obituary and presented just the facts of her life without embellishment. It was cathartic without being guilt inducing or embarrassing to the family. I applaud the courage of Kathleen Dehmlow's family.

cynatnite

(31,011 posts)
10. To me it says, "I'm still pissed at you even though you're dead"...
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:36 PM
Jun 2018

Which to me is just pointless.

You found your voice and you made peace with yourself despite her. To me, that's what important. We have to find peace with ourselves because it sure as hell won't be found when someone dies.

The revenge obits that I'm just learning about smacks of a bitterness towards someone who is too dead to care.

Hekate

(90,202 posts)
12. My father used to say, "Let the dead bury their dead." It's probably the wiser course, sometimes.
Wed Jun 6, 2018, 03:52 PM
Jun 2018

I am sorry for their losses.

Response to RhodeIslandOne (Original post)

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