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Fri Jan 24, 2020, 11:34 AM

Susan Collins Takes Hours to Decide on Lunch Before Ordering Exactly What Mitch McConnell Is Having

Susan Collins Takes Hours to Decide on Lunch Before Ordering Exactly What Mitch McConnell Is Having
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/susan-collins-takes-hours-to-decide-on-lunch-before-ordering-exactly-what-mitch-mcconnell-is-having?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=onsite-share&utm_brand=the-new-yorker&utm_social-type=earned

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—On the first day of the impeachment trial in the United States Senate, Senator Susan Collins, a Republican of Maine, spent hours trying to decide what she would have for lunch before ultimately ordering exactly what Senator Mitch McConnell was having.

Clutching the Senate takeout menu in her hands, Collins told reporters mid-morning that the decision of what to have for lunch was a matter of serious consideration and that she wanted to review all of the available options before selecting one.

“I’m deeply troubled and concerned about getting this order right,” Collins said. “There are many valid choices on this menu and I don’t want to give any of them short shrift.”

Around 11 A.M., rumors swirled that Collins was leaning toward ordering a quinoa salad, a choice that would have set her apart from the rest of her Republican colleagues in the upper chamber.

By noon, however, Collins emerged from her office to tell reporters that she had ordered the exact same thing that the Senate Majority Leader had chosen, a roast beef sandwich on a roll.

“At the end of the day, there was just not enough evidence that ordering anything else would have been better,” she said.
According to sources, Collins spent the lunch hour eating her sandwich alone at her desk and trying to determine why everyone hates her.

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Arrow 12 replies Author Time Post
Reply Susan Collins Takes Hours to Decide on Lunch Before Ordering Exactly What Mitch McConnell Is Having (Original post)
dajoki Jan 2020 OP
dem4decades Jan 2020 #1
LakeArenal Jan 2020 #2
Laura PourMeADrink Jan 2020 #4
LakeArenal Jan 2020 #5
Laura PourMeADrink Jan 2020 #6
LakeArenal Jan 2020 #8
Laura PourMeADrink Jan 2020 #9
dalton99a Jan 2020 #3
UTUSN Jan 2020 #7
eppur_se_muova Jan 2020 #10
H2O Man Jan 2020 #11
flying rabbit Jan 2020 #12

Response to dajoki (Original post)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 11:35 AM

1. Funny. I hope the rumors of her political demise in Maine are true.

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Response to dajoki (Original post)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 11:36 AM

2. I'd laugh except it's probably true. Biotch.

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Response to LakeArenal (Reply #2)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 12:52 PM

4. This is so funny and true! Actually think if she sides

With GOP, we have much better chance of picking up her seat.

Did you see how Stephen King (hates trump) (who lives across the street from her) parked a big truck will video billboard facing her house?

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Response to Laura PourMeADrink (Reply #4)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 12:54 PM

5. No. But cool. I knew you'd laugh. Haha

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Response to LakeArenal (Reply #5)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 01:11 PM

6. Here it is. Susan has to face it everyday she's home!

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Response to Laura PourMeADrink (Reply #6)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 02:15 PM

8. Did you post it as a thread? You should.

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Response to LakeArenal (Reply #8)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 02:51 PM

9. I think so or someone else did, yes

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Response to dajoki (Original post)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 11:40 AM

3. Maine, wake up and kick her to the curb.

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Response to dajoki (Original post)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 01:38 PM

7. Should have known it was BOROWITZ. He & PIERCE & COLBERT are the max.

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Response to dajoki (Original post)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 03:02 PM

10. Perfect. Hope it gets passed around DC. nt

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Response to dajoki (Original post)

Fri Jan 24, 2020, 03:03 PM

11. Recommended.

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Response to dajoki (Original post)

Sat Jan 25, 2020, 02:08 AM

12. Next level satire.

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