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Sun May 17, 2020, 12:50 PM

Seeking advice on an interesting problem in this plague time.

My son and daughter in law are dealing with adopting a baby in the middle of this shitshow. Our granddaughter is due in August. Birth mom is by all accounts taking good care of herself, staying home, etc. Everyone is healthy. 🤞🏻

But she lives all the way across the country, in a bit of a hotbed. Not the worst but scary. And they are trying to figure out how to get there with their son who will be almost three then, how to travel, stay for at least a week, maybe more, and get back.

They wouldnít fly on a bet. The idea of having a three year old and a newborn with all the necessary stuff, trekking back (not to mention over) in their current car sounds like hell. Airbnb isnít necessarily a problem; itís likely they can find something but they really will have to trust the proprietor. Renting it for the week ahead of theirs might work but theyíre not made of money.

A little RV sounds cool but the cost is stunning. Theyíre thinking of trading the car for a big, three row job. Weíre thinking of caravanning. Weíre all trying to figure out this whole crazy thing that would be a plane flight and a nice Airbnb to get to know our baby, not to mention give the birth parents time to change their minds and have the whole thing be just a heartbreak. Itís happened before. And no one thinks any the less of anyone for it.

But man, if anyone has any ideas on making a couple of arduous trips in the middle of a pandemic with a baby and a toddler Iím open. Iíve already got the pee funnel so I donít have to sit on a public toilet. 😂

What a world, eh?

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Reply Seeking advice on an interesting problem in this plague time. (Original post)
nolabear May 2020 OP
GriffenRamsey May 2020 #1
nolabear May 2020 #2
GriffenRamsey May 2020 #6
GriffenRamsey May 2020 #7
nolabear May 2020 #8
leftieNanner May 2020 #3
customerserviceguy May 2020 #4
nolabear May 2020 #9
customerserviceguy May 2020 #12
customerserviceguy May 2020 #5
nolabear May 2020 #10
customerserviceguy May 2020 #11

Response to nolabear (Original post)

Sun May 17, 2020, 01:01 PM

1. Thank god she is domestic.

 

I heard about a couple who went to Eastern Europe to pick their baby up from a surrogate and customs refused the child entry. They are sheltering in a hotel there.

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Response to GriffenRamsey (Reply #1)

Sun May 17, 2020, 01:24 PM

2. Damn. I wish these stories had some traction. Lives are being altered.

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Response to GriffenRamsey (Reply #7)

Sun May 17, 2020, 03:16 PM

8. Those are so tough. I'm glad they've gotten a little attention.

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Response to nolabear (Original post)

Sun May 17, 2020, 01:36 PM

3. Here's my two cents

I wouldn't take the whole family across the country. Maybe one parent flies (window seat on a red eye) and stays at the other end. Lots of Zoom or Skype visits with the new baby and toddler brother. Fly home with the new baby. Not ideal, certainly, but better than driving with the whole family. If they can afford it, buy two seats on the plane so there is nobody next to them.

Good luck.

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Response to leftieNanner (Reply #3)

Sun May 17, 2020, 02:13 PM

4. I'd find a way

to leave the toddler at home, but it may be very important to the birth mother to feel that her baby is going to go to a home with two fully committed parents if she's going to go through with allowing the adoption.

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Response to customerserviceguy (Reply #4)

Sun May 17, 2020, 03:19 PM

9. Trust me. They won't leave their son. It would be very hard on him.

I donít know theyíd split up either, just her go. Itís a huge emotional deal for them.

Iím halfway advocating for the train myself. A big sleeper and whatever they can get over there.

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Response to nolabear (Reply #9)

Sun May 17, 2020, 03:44 PM

12. If the son

has family that he feels comfortable with, then maybe it's worth a shot. They might try leaving him with those family members for a night or two to see if he can adjust to it. Besides, he can have the chance to cooperate in having a sibling to grow up with, you might be surprised at how he might well take to helping his family grow in this way.

Kids do pitch in when it's for the common good of the household, if they're given a chance to do so.

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Response to nolabear (Original post)

Sun May 17, 2020, 02:21 PM

5. I can't say

that I'd trust AirBnB any more than a motel, and it might be possible to work with a motel owner who would appreciate having the same guests in one place for a week. You could negotiate to not have to need housekeeping for the entire time, maybe just change out the towels every few days or so. And I would imagine that most chains have instructed their franchisees on how to disinfect a room these days.

Also, aren't most AirBnB's in more urbanized areas? For the multi-day trip across the country, I'd feel safer in a town in the middle of nowhere, and the motel owners there would probably be more accommodating in making special arrangements as I've suggested above.

All the best to your son and daughter-in-law, I was adopted myself, and I know what kind of special people it takes to be adoptive parents.

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Response to customerserviceguy (Reply #5)

Sun May 17, 2020, 03:20 PM

10. There are Airbnb's all over. The could easily get one.

I think youíre right about a hotel being about as viable an option depending on whether they had to go through a lobby, deal with random staff, etc.

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Response to nolabear (Reply #10)

Sun May 17, 2020, 03:40 PM

11. I really don't know about AirBnB's

because I'd never use one, even before the pandemic.

But the old no-tell motels along the old US highway system are sometimes pretty far away from the Interstates, and probably wouldn't have anywhere near the traffic as they did when people were vacationing and wanted to get off of the beaten path. Those motels didn't have lobbies that you had to walk through, everyone had their own door that opened straight to the parking lot. I stayed in a great one in Shamrock, Texas two years ago, nice and clean, with fridge and microwave for just under $45 for the night.

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