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Atticus

(15,124 posts)
Sun Jun 28, 2020, 09:23 PM Jun 2020

Dateline, Cracker's Neck, Missibama: Local citizens gathered in front of "Jed's Beer 'n Ammo To Go"

and spoke in hushed tones about the sudden death of one of their own, State Representative Zelmo Thudpucker. Rep. Thudpucker died of asphyxiation at Jed's drive-in window after absentmindedly reading a sign on a passing car from "up north". The sign bore the words "BLACK LIVES MATTER" and it was common knowledge that Trump disciples like Rep. Thudpucker were just never ever to say those words out loud. And, for good reason, it seems.

"The EMT's found Zelmo unresponsive when they arrived and declared him deceased on the scene, right in front of Jed's drive-up" explained his heartbroken fiance, Liza Jane Clodfelter. "They said his tongue must have just swoll up and blocked his air pipe!" she added before leaving at the wheel of a dually pickup emblazoned with "Re-elect Zelmo! He's MAGAnificent!".

Those in the know are already predicting that Zelmo's little brother, Cletus "Hold muh beer" Thudpucker, will likely be named to serve the remainder of his term.

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Dateline, Cracker's Neck, Missibama: Local citizens gathered in front of "Jed's Beer 'n Ammo To Go" (Original Post) Atticus Jun 2020 OP
BWAAHAHAHA! That's great. martouf Jun 2020 #1
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