General Discussion
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Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech, MIT, and University of California.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
California
HotTeaBag
(1,206 posts)Just what we need.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,145 posts)mercuryblues
(14,489 posts)is way off base.
Dolly Parton is IMO very liberal and caring. She supports transgender rights. Has created several different scholarship programs for kids. Is paying the employees their wages during Covid shutdown, and more.
https://theboot.com/dolly-parton-charity-work/
Dolly Parton, drag star Nina West launch charity collection benefitting LGBTQ+ youth
https://ew.com/celebrity/dolly-parton-nina-west-kindness-queen-collection/
SouthernIrish
(512 posts)I wholeheartedly agree. Some people in blue states seem to dismiss the people like us in red states. Kind of a piss poor attitude if you ask me. Life is harder when you are a Democrat in a red state. That is something that a blue state Democrat couldn't comprehend.
kcr
(15,300 posts)It was tough. There are a few things I miss, but that aspect of it sucked.
Lucinda
(31,170 posts)The post was off base.
sop
(9,943 posts)I'm packing now.
MuseRider
(34,057 posts)Not certain how many times we have dealt with this stupid thing but over and over.
Anyone who thinks this is funny or a good idea can go do something to themselves (trying not to get hidden).
Too chickenshit to actually stay and try to help those of us who have been working for years for the small incremental improvements we have? Fine, we need to stand brave and not have those who run away when they going gets tough.
OAITW r.2.0
(23,810 posts)Every Blue State has rural Red voters. Every Red State has urban Blue voters.
fleur-de-lisa
(14,615 posts)But folks love to hang onto their tired beliefs, especially if it makes them feel superior.
Salviati
(6,002 posts)I'm the furthest thing from a country music fan, but Dolly Parton is a national treasure.
cwydro
(51,308 posts)Seems everyday there is another "Karen" thread that takes place in CA.
dalton99a
(81,065 posts)brooklynite
(93,835 posts)efhmc
(14,709 posts)Some other Dems probably voted for them.
MagickMuffin
(15,886 posts)Good Grief the crap people think about Texans is astounding.
mcar
(42,206 posts)irisblue
(32,828 posts)@Asscat, & @BlueHeron and Alla those goats...
And...
Merlot
(9,696 posts)She's probably done more for poor people in her state than her state has.
BannonsLiver
(16,161 posts)This is an objectively awful OP.
sorcrow
(410 posts)Yes, this is a few years old, but for heaven's sake, it is satire not the frickin' Articles of Secession.
Best regards,
Crow
aikoaiko
(34,127 posts)Boomerproud
(7,888 posts)I live in Ohio and it's been nothing but regression.
dalton99a
(81,065 posts)irisblue
(32,828 posts)GulfCoast66
(11,949 posts)Was from Texas.
irisblue
(32,828 posts)I can go home right?
MagickMuffin
(15,886 posts)And . . . What will be your remedy to rid yourselves of your racism and militias that exists in California, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast?
And that's is definitely fooked up logic. Whoever dreamt this up is not an American.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,145 posts)calimary
(80,693 posts)OMGWTF
(3,891 posts)and I want a divorce. They take, take, take, cause all kinds of problems, they're willfully ignorant and hateful and they don't appreciate the Blue States one iota. I have fking had it! I want a divorce.
GoneOffShore
(17,308 posts)You win a great big spoon for stirring shit.
Just take the post down.
ChazII
(6,198 posts)Bryce Canyon, Monument Valley, the Painted Desert and Petrified Forest to name a few.
TygrBright
(20,733 posts)But my bet is AZ will be wantin' in pretty quick, too.
hopefully,
Bright
flying_wahini
(6,513 posts)Our Pot. Its pretty great these days.
sarge43
(28,939 posts)that a fair share of US military installations are in red states. So they will be closed down and all personnel with all the stuff will be relocated to the Blue USA. Red states will have to depend upon their fat ass 'militia' types for defense. Good luck with that.
Doreen
(11,686 posts)join together they would have everything between them to support themselves. They could be their own country.
LittleGirl
(8,261 posts)when you mentioned Dolly Parton who is a national treasure and should win the metal of honor and a Nobel Peace Prize.
Tommy_Carcetti
(43,079 posts)And also lame.