The Onion: DHS Sec. Assuages Concerns About Protester Abductions By Promising
DHS Secretary Assuages Concerns About Protester Abductions By Promising This Will All Feel Routine In A Month
WASHINGTONExplaining that any shock over the incidents was completely unfounded, Secretary of Homeland Security Chad Wolf attempted Monday to assuage concerns over the videos of protesters in Portland being abducted by promising this will all feel fairly routine in a month. We get that unmarked federal vehicles taking people off the street seems disturbing to people right now, but within a few months, this will just seem like an everyday occurrence that isnt worth a second thought, said Wolf, who told reporters that any outrage or concern from civilians or the press should dissipate as the abductions rapidly blend into the mundane fabric of American life. By the end of the year, youll feel strange thinking of a time when these abductions were not happening. Change is uncomfortable for sure, but soon youll be walking down the street, see a jogger get pulled into a military vehicle, and youll just keep on listening to your music or podcast without batting an eye. Trust me, save your emotional energy for all the other stuff well be rolling out over the coming weeks. Wolf further dismissed any criticism over the haphazard nature of the military operation by noting this rollout has been excitedly discussed by the administration for years.
https://www.theonion.com/dhs-secretary-assuages-concerns-about-protester-abducti-1844445570