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Rhiannon12866

(202,970 posts)
Wed Sep 9, 2020, 09:32 PM Sep 2020

Trump Threatens to Move to Suburbs If Biden Wins

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to stoke suburban voters’ deepest fears, Donald Trump has threatened to move to the suburbs if Joe Biden wins the November election.

Issuing the terrifying ultimatum in a series of seventy-four tweets, Trump warned that, if he relocates, “Your beautiful suburbs will be destroyed forever.”

Forcing suburban voters to imagine the horrific reality of having him live next door, Trump tweeted, “If you wonder what kind of neighbor I would be, just ask Canada and Mexico.”

“I will treat my front lawn like a driving range,” he threatened. “Don’t park your car on the street unless you want your windshield cracked.”

“Since I don’t believe in global warming, I won’t be recycling,” he added. “I’ll just toss my empty Diet Cokes over the fence and into your yard.”

Saving his most chilling threat for last, Trump warned, “When I move to the suburbs, I will be taking Don, Jr., and Kimberly Guilfoyle with me. So you can kiss your precious peace and quiet goodbye, suburban suckers and losers.”


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-threatens-to-move-to-suburbs-if-biden-wins



Photograph by Tony Tallec / Alamy


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Trump Threatens to Move to Suburbs If Biden Wins (Original Post) Rhiannon12866 Sep 2020 OP
Haha sheshe2 Sep 2020 #1
I'd just be terrified of meeting him on the road! Rhiannon12866 Sep 2020 #4
No shite!!!! sheshe2 Sep 2020 #7
Duplicate post. n/t Rhiannon12866 Sep 2020 #5
I do that a lot! sheshe2 Sep 2020 #8
That's been happening a lot to me Rhiannon12866 Sep 2020 #11
My laptop died. sheshe2 Sep 2020 #14
Oh, that could be my problem. Rhiannon12866 Sep 2020 #15
I call it a stutter. sheshe2 Sep 2020 #17
OMG!!! Fear!! Fire!! Foes!!! Wounded Bear Sep 2020 #2
To Russia idziak4ever1234 Sep 2020 #3
I *knew* it!1 UTUSN Sep 2020 #6
Hopefully, "Mr. Borowitz", that won't be a choice Totally Tunsie Sep 2020 #9
I Wasn't Aware Leavenworth Was in the Suburbs. The_Counsel Sep 2020 #10
Now that we know Trump blew off the coronavirus, Leavenworth is the wrong place for him jmowreader Sep 2020 #13
Interesting...Wasn't Jeffrey Daumier Killed at Terre Haute? The_Counsel Sep 2020 #18
Jeffrey Dahmer was killed at a state prison in Wisconsin jmowreader Sep 2020 #19
Worst neighbor ever treestar Sep 2020 #12
Maybe he could buy Rand Paul's house. I hear that he has a great neighbor. Marie Marie Sep 2020 #16
Assuming he isn't going to spend the rest of his life in prison... jmowreader Sep 2020 #20

sheshe2

(83,319 posts)
14. My laptop died.
Wed Sep 9, 2020, 10:24 PM
Sep 2020

I bought a book because it was so much cheaper. Not thrilled with it but it is okay. My double posts started then. I learned to submit my posts using the touch pad instead of my mouse. Problem solved when I remember to do so.

Rhiannon12866

(202,970 posts)
15. Oh, that could be my problem.
Wed Sep 9, 2020, 10:34 PM
Sep 2020

My mouse kept failing to work even when I put in a new battery, so I went out and got a new one. I like this one, it's smaller and hasn't failed me yet, but I can't control the double posts - and since they have the exact same time stamp, it's not that I'm submitting the same post twice.

jmowreader

(50,447 posts)
13. Now that we know Trump blew off the coronavirus, Leavenworth is the wrong place for him
Wed Sep 9, 2020, 10:23 PM
Sep 2020

The bastard killed 180,000 people through his inactions on COVID. US Penitentiary Terre Haute, which has the federal government's only death row, is the only place to send a mass murderer.

The_Counsel

(1,660 posts)
18. Interesting...Wasn't Jeffrey Daumier Killed at Terre Haute?
Wed Sep 9, 2020, 10:58 PM
Sep 2020

I’m sure there’s at least one inmate who has lost a loved one to COVID-19.

And at least one C/O willing to look the other way while revenge is exacted.

That’s all it takes, really...

jmowreader

(50,447 posts)
19. Jeffrey Dahmer was killed at a state prison in Wisconsin
Thu Sep 10, 2020, 01:15 PM
Sep 2020

Timothy McVeigh was executed in Terre Haute.

And I know what some people will say: Trump didn’t directly kill those people, so he isn’t eligible for execution. That’s not necessary. Kelly Gissendaner set up her boyfriend to kill her husband. She wasn’t even there when the murder happened, and she was executed for it anyway. The Gissendaner case interests me, in that Kelly Renee was poor, was not an attractive person and (from looking at her photos) she was probably extremely hard to get along with. How, exactly, did this woman find two different sexual partners?

jmowreader

(50,447 posts)
20. Assuming he isn't going to spend the rest of his life in prison...
Thu Sep 10, 2020, 01:24 PM
Sep 2020

I would much prefer he be forced to buy a house with a “Karen” on one side and Iron Maiden’s Nicko McBrain on the other. I suspect Trump’s knowing his neighbor is better at golf (Bruce Dickinson’s hand-written autobiography claims “Nicko is very good at golf”), better at business (he owns a rib joint in a strip mall in Florida), better with money, likeable, and an actual Christian would just piss him off to no end.

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