Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

TheFerret

(626 posts)
Fri Feb 26, 2021, 11:09 PM Feb 2021

Cruz? DeJoy? Taylor-Greene? The News Delivered a Bouquet of Buttholes This Week (F/SC)

Has anybody hit their quarantiniversary yet? I’m starting to make plans for mine; I ordered a really soft, fancy pillow I’m planning to scream into for a few hours, and then maybe I’ll order some tiramisu to eat out of a styrofoam delivery container that was designed for a fast food hamburger. So that’ll be fun, but until then, the news:

(Yeah yeah blog link: http://showercapblog.com/cruz-dejoy-taylor-greene-the-news-delivered-a-bouquet-of-buttholes-this-week/)

I dunno if I actually have any Republican readers, but just a heads up, it’s not enough for you to hate Joe Biden anymore, it’s also really, really important that you hate his dogs, too. Look, I don’t make the rules. Personally, I think y’all would enjoy life a little more if you pried your mind off the 24-hour Orwellian rage carousel, but please, don’t let me interrupt your descent into madness.

Peter “What if Mouth Herpes Was an Economist Well Not the Economist Part So Much But Definitely The Herpes” Navarro went on Steve Bannon’s show to excommunicate Marc Short from the Church of Trump for advising his boss (former Vice President/attempted lynching target Michael Pants) against attempting to overturn the 2020 election via a plan so idiotic it could only have originated in the cavernous skull of Louie Gohmert. In case anyone’s wondering about the state of the “Republican Civil War.”

Steve “David Duke without the baggage” Scalise is equally down with the Big Lie, meaning the House Minority Whip, one of the most prominent and powerful Republicans in the country, has witnessed his party’s flirtations with fascism, evaluated the results, (you may remember such hits as “The Night We Ran a Biden Campaign Bus Off the Road” and “Everybody Lynch Mike Pence Tonight and Maybe Also Wang Chung if There’s Time”) and decided to head back to the buffet for another plateful of that shit.

One kinda wants to sit these dolts down and ask them where they think this is all headed, because we’ve crossed a pretty big line here, (it was red, and it said “make real goddamn sure you want to unleash these forces cuz last century they set the whole world on fire”) and the outcomes that’re on the table now are pretty freaky.

Folks, the recent defiler of the Oval Office rather actively pursued his own personal fantasy mashup of Putinesque organized criminal looting and Brownshirts-in-the-streets white supremacist violence, and you can’t feed the beast that weaned on that kind of craziness with tax cuts for rich people.

These men know how weak they are by now, (lookin’ at you, Minority Leader Chamberla-er, McCarthy) they KNOW they can’t tame this tiger, and I just think it’s in everyone’s interest that they stop tossing bloody chunks of raw meat at the fucker.

Meanwhile Ted Cruz is out there, trying to hijack his Turd Emperor’s “How dare those vicious libs insult your Dear Leader” bit, forgetting that he’s A) loathsome and B) entirely incapable of masking his loathsomeness, and thus, incapable of inspiring the devotion necessary to successfully manage the late shift at Starbucks, let alone head up a cult of personality. Stop trying to make Ted Cruz happen, Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz isn’t going to happen.

Hey, speaking of the shapeless wad of (mostly) male mediocrity known as the Senate Republican Caucus, Ron Johnson has apparently decided to serve as the official mouthpiece of Shitty White Boy Terrorism in Congress, parroting debunked lies that the January 6th Capitol riot was merely a gathering of wholesome, fuzzy Trump supporters who came together to discuss how much they all loved cupcakes, until antifa spoiled everything, those dirty rotten bastards.

I don’t want it to sound like I’m asking for better Nazis or anything, but it’s fucking embarrassing to me that it’s men like RoJo, the human equivalent of a rug you throw out because the cat pissed on it, leading this authoritarian incursion into the nation's shared reality. I guess I’ve just been conditioned, from movies probably, to expect cult leaders to be charismatic, even seductive, and it turned out all it took to drive a third of the country out of their ever-loving minds was a little yammering from the most visibly subpar white dudes this side of a Gamergate Xmas party. American exceptionalism my ass.

Meghan McCain threw a What If White Privilege and the Sound of Nails on a Chalkboard Had a Kid shitfit, demanding Dr. Facui’s firing, because Republicans still think that yelling at science when it tells you something you don’t like is useful, on account of the way the conservative mind stopped evolving one sunny Sunday afternoon during a leeching.

Well, the Supreme Court finally Old Yellered Donnie Scoops’ long struggle to keep his tax returns hidden from Johnny Law, and the secrets he’s clutched for so long in those tiny, inadequate fingers are already snug n’ warm in the lovin’ arms of the Manhattan District Attorney’s office, can’t wait to see what happens next. (By the way, if you feel like leaking that shit, Cy, nobody would ever suspect the shart joke/luchador mask blogger guy. Just sayin’.)

So, President Liposuction Clinic Dumpster spends half a decade assaulting America with an incessant deluge of hate-infused disinformation, breaking millions of minds and tearing the country apart, perhaps irreparably, and Senate Republicans reward him with a Get Out of One Beer Hall Putsch Free card, but suddenly Neera Tanden’s mean tweets render her unfit for public service. Got it.

It was particularly amusing, watching Foghorn Crotchrash, excuse me, “Senator John Neely Kennedy,” theatrically brandishing the flail of shame one minute, then turning straight around to giddily dispense his own nasty one-liners to the first reporter to walk by. You know, I’m starting to think there might be an inconsistency or two in the right-wing ethics system.

Marjorie Taylor Greene has been reduced to morosely gnawing on pickled bath salts of late, because while her own party’s refusal to discipline her for her unapologetic calls to assassinate political opponents was national news for a few days, now that she’s been stripped of her committee assignments, she’s not that much more interesting than your average public transit poo-flinger. And so, like the toddler every Trumpist is at heart, she threw an attention-seeking tantrum, in the form of a series of anti-transgender hate crimes.

You watch this woman spew her hatred, and you see the pride she takes in that hatred, and you go, “oh yeah, that’s straight Hitler shit right there,” because it fucking well IS. Ah, but then you watch the entire House GOP fall in line behind her, backing up her silly procedural time-waster, and implicitly, (though they’ll deny it) every word of her vile diatribe. Say what you will about Marjorie, she understands how quickly and docilely these men fall in line behind a bigot with a bullhorn.

Greene then punctuated her rage fit by posting a placard proudly proclaiming her bigotry and ignorance directly across the hall from the office of Congresswoman Marie Newman, who has a transgender child, because the Republican base doesn’t want laws from their lawmakers, just gaudy displays of public shittiness.

Rand Paul wanted in on that action, using Dr. Rachel Levine’s confirmation hearing to casually launch into his own snide anti-trans harangue, indistinguishable from anything you’d find on Stormfront. Dr. Levine, as you know, is the nation’s first transgender nominee for a Senate-confirmed post, and that Rand felt so untouchable atop his high horse of hate as to spit that bile right in her face, in front of the whole world...let’s just say if you still need lessons in the banality of evil, “Dr.” Paul isn’t going anywhere.

Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, one of the residual Ortsgruppenleiter still stubbornly clinging to the sides of the bowl, squeaked out some whimperingly defiant boast about how we need to “get used to (him),” as though we’re supposed to simply shrug and mournfully abandon the United States Postal Service to his sabotage. Anyway, the shrill yipping sound seems to have reminded the Biden people to finally get around to nominating those new board governors, so they can, in turn, fire DeJoy’s sorry Peter Pettigrew ass. Lookin’ forward to that one, won’t lie.

So now DeJoy gets to keep on wrecking shit while the axe falls with the speed of bureaucratic delirium. Kafka was a fucking amateur.

A newly declassified report reveals the Treasonweasel Administration knew all along that MBS ordered the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi, but, hey, when you’ve got debts like the Trumps and the Kushners, silly things like “human rights” don’t factor into your “diplomatic” interactions with Saudi crime lords, do they?

In other news, Mitch McConnell is a cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I don’t think I mentioned it here, but you may remember last fall, South Dakota’s Attorney General, a mega-skeevy bag of dicks and sludge called Jason Ravnsborg, killed a pedestrian in a hit and run, fled the scene, and claimed he thought he hit a deer...until the body turned up. Turns out that law enforcement not only found the victim’s glasses inside Ravnsborg’s car, (“the deer was reading Infinite Jest, your honor”) but that he was actually browsing wingnut propaganda sites on his phone, while driving at night, very probably at the precise moment his vehicle fatally collided with another human being. Ravnsborg has yet to resign in shame, probably because he realizes the fresh blood on his resumé only recommends him for higher office within the Grand Ol’ Death Cult.

(Hey Republicans, take five from hating Joe Biden’s dogs, we need you to hate Mr. Potato Head for a minute. And like, at least twice as hard as you were hatin’ on them dogs. Yes, I know that story fell apart immediately; I fucking told you to HATE MR. POTATO HEAD GODDAMMIT also we may need you to send death threats to the Muppets, please stand by.)

Well, the annual convocation of shitpile flies called CPAC is underway, and honestly, everyone seems relieved they can finally stop pretending they read the Weekly Standard (or, y’know, anything) and skip straight to the worship of the literal golden idol someone helpfully brought along in case this shit was somehow still too subtle for anyone.

Yeah, it’s the weekend when the nation’s frothiest maniacs get together to screech at one another, and this year is...well, it’s exactly what you’d expect it be, now that these gleeful goose-steppers have had their first real taste of party-sanctioned terrorism. We can argue about how fair it is to point out all the ways the American right has moved towards open fascism and the bloodlust that accompanies it, or we can save time and get straight to work keeping them away from power.

Like, if you really want a trashy listicle documenting the 29 Naziest CPAC Applause Lines, I bet Chris Cillizza has you covered, but in the interest of mental health and self-respect, let’s all agree to crack a beer and enjoy our weekend instead.

The deranged dirtbag deification feels particularly obscene in light of the week’s grisly milestone, but yes, Cult45 remains slavishly devoted to a poorly dressed game show host who, from a combination of almost incomprehensible incompetence and raw, blazing spite, got half a million of their countrymen killed. I mention this on behalf of any ambitious species looking to take over the top spot on the food chain; I really don’t think us Homo sapiens can hack it.

Ok, that’s about all I have in me tonight, friends. I gotta swing by the crossroads to drive a stake through the heart of this hell-sent motherfucking month. Probably missed some stuff, this week has been a bit rough on ol’ Cap. The coming thaw’ll do me good. Stay safe out there, Resisters. 

14 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Cruz? DeJoy? Taylor-Greene? The News Delivered a Bouquet of Buttholes This Week (F/SC) (Original Post) TheFerret Feb 2021 OP
K&R! SheltieLover Feb 2021 #1
Thanks, Cap UpInArms Feb 2021 #2
Okay, I'm going there... Someone talk me down. Hugin Feb 2021 #3
Sit next to me for a moment Auggy74 Feb 2021 #7
Yeah, Auggy. Hugin Feb 2021 #10
My first thought when the dogs were taken MyMission Feb 2021 #8
It certainly set off my Hmmdar... Hugin Feb 2021 #12
K&R 2naSalit Feb 2021 #4
Repugs not doing themselves any favors. rickyhall Feb 2021 #5
Sweet baby jeebus. MontanaMama Feb 2021 #6
K&R, Ferret. murielm99 Feb 2021 #9
K&R and thanks. nt tblue37 Feb 2021 #11
A kick for TF. denbot Feb 2021 #13
Always a great read malaise Feb 2021 #14

Hugin

(32,780 posts)
3. Okay, I'm going there... Someone talk me down.
Fri Feb 26, 2021, 11:32 PM
Feb 2021

How is it possibly a coincidence that on the same week the annual Shitpocolypse CPAC rolls out with it's golden statue of an ass, wall-to-wall fascism, and dog hatred... And, Lady Gaga's dogs get abducted and their minder shot four times.

How.is.it.a.conincidence?

For those of you who're thinking, "Nah, they can't be that petty." Well, I've got news for you. He is exactly that fucking petty. What's worse is that they've become so immune to any prosecution or even inquiry that they don't even try to hide it anymore.

If they aren't stopped, it will get worse. Much worse.

Auggy74

(60 posts)
7. Sit next to me for a moment
Sat Feb 27, 2021, 12:54 AM
Feb 2021

They can be that petty - but at the same time, I want more proof that this was that petty. Breathe, my friend. And if it come to be the truth, I like my crow with a side of fries if possible.

Hugin

(32,780 posts)
10. Yeah, Auggy.
Sat Feb 27, 2021, 05:06 AM
Feb 2021

It makes me sick to think in Qeewish terms, but, as we've seen mob actions are notoriously oblique.

I've already got my crow bib on. Even though I suspect we're waiting for proof that will never be forthcoming.

By the way, welcome to DU!

MyMission

(1,845 posts)
8. My first thought when the dogs were taken
Sat Feb 27, 2021, 01:25 AM
Feb 2021

Was that she performed at Biden's inauguration, and I wondered if some crazy hater took the dogs as retribution. I thought it was quite likely given the violent hateful behavior of 45's most ardent supporters and the fact the dog walker was shot during the abduction.

Lots of celebrities have dogs. And any celebrity can be targeted by stalkers, crazed, delusional or disillusioned fans. But it seemed odd to me her dogs were kidnapped and dog walker was shot multiple times in the process.

Sorry I can't talk you down. I agree with and echo your reasoning. Domestic terrorism is a serious threat. And individual hate crime increased during 45's campaign and time in office.
I say hate crimes, but now I'm not limiting it to religious, racial, ethnic, sexual preference or gender identity. Cult 45 members hate, and some will commit crimes against those they hate because they support Biden or don't support their leader, or their leader advocates and encourages it. We know this. Inciting violence and acting violent is the new GOPQ platform.

On a happy note, I am relieved her animals were returned and her dog walker is recovering.

Hugin

(32,780 posts)
12. It certainly set off my Hmmdar...
Sat Feb 27, 2021, 05:36 AM
Feb 2021

You know it gutted Princess Sparkle to see someone with actual talent receiving well deserved accolades at an Inauguration arguably better attended than that of the Orange Tinted National Disgrace. A patriotic triumph in the aftermath of the events of an armed insurrection promoted by the same to boot.

As, I told Auggie above, I don't expect any confirming proof to emerge. Extraordinary claims, require extraordinary evidence. The Death Cult Charlatan has larger frying pans awaiting his fillet.

Alas, I'm left with my usual refrain of those who believe in outlandish conspiracies are destined to participate in outlandish conspiracies of their own making.

It is comforting to learn there are others who harbor a feeling that something just ain't right here.

I am somewhat relieved to hear the dogs have been returned apparently unharmed and their guardian is expected to recover. This will leave permanent scars on all who were wronged, however. There is the heart of my even mentioning the event.

Awful, simply awful, that we've descended to a place where things like this happen to people who really deserve better. It's why we can't have nice things.

Latest Discussions»General Discussion»Cruz? DeJoy? Taylor-Green...