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Sat May 22, 2021, 04:09 PM

War Zero

. "He started a fight with a cop, beat the cop senseless, snatched his gun, picked him up and dumped him in an alley, then walked away smiling, wearing the cop's hat."


Tell the truth: as soon as you read the above description of an angry teenager, did you immediately think, "It has to be Ted Cruz!"? Hard to believe, but that was world heavyweight champion Charles "Sonny" Liston, considered by historians to be tied for second with Mike Tyson, behind Ted when it comes to naked masculinity. Thus, one day after my in-depth review of the shallowness of Matt Gaetz and Rudy G, and unprotected exposure to media reports on Cruz, I must pay homage to Ted.

Thank the Lord, and the republic, for which He stands, that someone finally has the audacity to confront the greatest crisis in America today: soldiers who have engaged in ballet. For we know that Ted would never attempt a cheap and tawdry attack upon, say, a lesbian couple or a military member who hopes for a peaceful world. It ain't in Ted's DNA to make such an obvious appeal to the Trump cult. It's the very idea of ballet that so upsets him that the lard which distorts his facial features quiver in Listonian rage.

Every fiber in Ted's para-corpse is all about protecting this country. Recently, while many were ice skating along the froozen water pipes in Texas, Ted bravely served as body guard for his daughters in Calcun. We all remember when another presidential candidate made fun of Ted's wife in 2016, how Ted got in the guy's face and made him piss his pants on stage at the next debate. Clearly, Ted Cruz was the inspiration for Dexter's "Dark Passenger."

Now let's consider the very real dangers that ballet poses to our military and, indeed, the whole fucking nation. It started in Italy, and spread to France and Russia, which is more than enough to make you choke on your Freedom Fries. Mueller ignored this, for obvious reasons. Don't expect VP Harris to address this, either. Only Ted.

What type of influence does exposure to ballet classes pose as a teen pose to future soldiers? It's simply too frightening to think about. Luckily, no fan of Ted Cruz can be accused of thinking. Surely, only the William Wallace of this era would dare confront the threat head on. I am convinced that Ted was baptised in Franklin Graham's swimming pool. Is there any other irrational explanation for this brave, self-sacrificing leadership?

Over the years, I have mentioned the sport of boxing on this forum. In fact, I am not going to stop with Liston and Tyson here today. I want to mention Evander Holyfield. Yet I am ashamed to say that while he was winning world titles, he also attended ballet classes as an important part of his training. Ballet helped him beat the shit out of tough guys who were a lot bigger than Evander. What a cowardly chicken. He's no he-man's man, like Ted.

I think Evander took ballet to undermine our country, soil the flag, and trample the Constitution. Darn him. I can say with certainty that Holyfield is currently in training, to prepare to participate in the "old man's league" of boxing exhibitions. We need our heavyweight champpion, Ted Cruz, to go confront Evander, even more violently than he did that guy who made fun of his wife on national television.

Heck, we could even get a funny video of it for Ted's anti-ballot campaign.



Peace,
H2O Man

10 replies, 621 views

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Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 10 replies Author Time Post
Reply War Zero (Original post)
H2O Man May 22 OP
panader0 May 22 #1
H2O Man May 22 #6
dweller May 22 #2
H2O Man May 22 #7
abqtommy May 22 #3
H2O Man May 22 #8
Hekate May 22 #4
H2O Man May 22 #9
multigraincracker May 22 #5
H2O Man May 22 #10

Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat May 22, 2021, 04:27 PM

1. Ted's a senator from Texas and he can't even two-step.

He's one of the least physically fit senators.
I'd love to see him attempt some of Baryshnikov's moves.
Interesting anecdote about Sonny Liston.

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Response to panader0 (Reply #1)

Sat May 22, 2021, 11:10 PM

6. Sonny Liston was

a scary man. That's something that a lot of young members of the boxing community don't appreciate. Part of that might be because, while Liston was a very large heavyweight in his day, a number of top heavyweights today are even bigger. Also, before winning the title, Liston spent most of his time in the gym in Philly. As Manny Stewart noted, after he won the title, he moved to Vegas, and spent most of his time on the golf course. Then Ali beat him. After that, Sonny spent a lot of time in the casino. More, he developed at close friendship with Joe Louis, who had a developing cocaine habit.

Liston's legal records suggest that he beat the cop up, then broke one of his arms as he stuffed the poor guy into a garbage can in the alley. That, I suspect, is high among the reasons the police used to stop Liston while he was doing road work frequently. Even as a top contender, Liston would drink between fights, and I have never seen a reference to Sonny being pleasant when drunk!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat May 22, 2021, 04:40 PM

2. Who wore it better ?



✌🏻

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Response to dweller (Reply #2)

Sat May 22, 2021, 11:12 PM

7. I try not to make

cruel jokes about ugly people's looks. So, instead, I'll quote my father's paraphrasing LBJ: "When you see a man that repulsive, it's because God is warning others."

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat May 22, 2021, 04:49 PM

3. Now I need to get out my mind-wash since I've imagined Ted in a tutu!

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Response to abqtommy (Reply #3)

Sat May 22, 2021, 11:23 PM

8. Yikes!

If it sticks in my mind, I may try one of those bleach injections.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat May 22, 2021, 04:58 PM

4. I'm still reading & laughing. Thank you for this, H2O Man. Ted Cruz is a hagfish in clown disguise.



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Response to Hekate (Reply #4)

Sat May 22, 2021, 11:24 PM

9. True.

Indeed, he is rotting from the head down.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat May 22, 2021, 05:04 PM

5. No Gentleman Jack.

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Response to multigraincracker (Reply #5)

Sat May 22, 2021, 11:25 PM

10. Not even close.

I think the more we use Cruz as a ball & chain on the republican party, the more elections we will win in 2022.

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