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TheFerret

(655 posts)
Fri Oct 11, 2024, 09:09 PM Oct 11

The Further Adventures of the Flatulent Rapist and His Loser Death Cult

So I see the Dunning-Krugerest fellow to e’er walk the Earth has decided to refer to his opponent, who dog-walked him so brutally in their one face-to-face encounter that he now curls up in the fetal position, sucking that runty little thumb of his, at the mere mention of the word debate…as a “dummy.”

(As ever, get this post with nifty nooz links here: https://showercapblog.com/the-further-adventures-of-the-flatulent-rapist-and-his-loser-death-cult/)

In a just world, when a blithering doofus who comprehends how neither tariffs nor umbrellas work, who spent years (YEARS) bragging about passing a cognitive test, impugns anyone else’s intelligence, the ghost of Alex Trebeck would appear, to, at the very least, fart directly into his mouth.

Speaking of imbecility and passing gas, the Dotard used a speech in Detroit as an opportunity to shit on Detroit, and possibly in his pants as well. Pretty consistent with the trajectory he’s been on since that trial he sleep-farted through; you remember the one, where he got convicted on all 34 felony charges?

Shucks, he’s deteriorated to the point where even the New York Times has taken notice. Better late than never, since the all but visibly decomposing old fop can no longer navigate a podcast interview without the hosts laughing directly in his face at his decline. Since his Art of the Deal ghost writer says, “It’s long been deeply unsettling to me how many behaviors associated with psychopathy Mr. Trump exemplifies.” Since former Joint Chiefs Chairman Mark Milley calls him “the most dangerous person to this country,” and “a fascist to the core.”

Since he’s apparently remained in regular phone contact with freakin’ Putin. “Hey, Vlad, I was just dropping a line to see how your genocidal war of conquest was going. Still bogged down, huh? Well, if you can hack up some new emails for me, maybe I can do something about that! I, um, guess your get well soon card from the last assassination attempt got lost in the mail like the first one, huh?”

Anyhoo, maybe we can reassign some of the reporters from the summer’s 24/7 Joe Biden Stammer Police beat to figure out precisely what the fuck “Biden circles” are? To ask him, once and for all, just who he imagines “the late, great Hannibal Lecter” is or was?

Though his handlers have prudently kept him away from military cemeteries of late, Off-Brand Orbán still manages to squeeze an impressive amount of desecration into his schedule, defiling a Purple Heart here, a Jewish prayer book there, grinning like a brain-damaged hyena while holding a photograph of a hostage kidnapped by Hamas…projectile indecency is simply second nature to him.

Now, personally, I wouldn’t go around ranting about “bad genes” were the fruit of my loins as staggeringly subpar as Junior n’ Eric, but of course there’s a reason 21st century America’s white supremacists spend their lives snugly cocooned within a disinformation-saturated alternate reality.

…which, and I’m addressing this to the alien anthropologists excavating the blasted remains of our dumbfuck civilization in the surely-not-too-distant future, is how we wound up with a culture that responds to natural disasters by threatening scientists’ lives.

Yeah, meteorologists are receiving death threats now, that’s normal and healthy, right? Might wanna ask the doc about that at our next checkup. Oh, the doctor fled the country after her office was deluged with bomb threats, you say? Reasonable.

The real shame of this, the what-the-fuckest hurricane season since the Dark Ages at least, is so much of the carnage could’ve been avoided. Kamala was totally prepared to turn the weather machine down, if not all the way off, but Ron DeSantis refused to take her call, because he was too busy threatening criminal charges against television stations that air abortion rights ads.

So now the FEMA battalions march through Real America, confiscating Trumpy Trouts from those sheeple too timid to heed Laura Loomer’s call for noncompliance. And we never would’ve learned any of this if Elon Musk hadn’t overpaid for one of the world’s largest social media platforms.

I see Elon’s decided to put in a bid for the most bribable man alive, suppressing stories on Xwitter at the campaign’s request, offering exorbitant, probably illegal wages to swing state canvassers, perhaps even going a-door-knockin’ himself. Of course, should the nation actually fall to this grotesque supervillain team-up, of the guy who bankrupted casinos and the guy who lost more money than anyone in human history, by summer 2025, you’ll find America up on cinder blocks outside a meth lab.

While Musk no doubt amasses a bonesaw dismemberment list in anticipation of having his very own pet president to puppet, he’s gonna have to get in line, and the queue for state-sponsored vengeance gets longer every day: Milley, Romney, Deloitte, (the whole company is to be punished because one employee leaked those messages where JD Vance accidentally told the truth about his future running mate) CBS, (for that 60 Minutes interview Littlefinger was too chickenshit to do) plus whoever blew up Mr. McMahon on Monday Night Raw all those years ago.

Turns out Trump Bibles are produced in China, presumably in a sweatshop down the street from the one that manufactures those bright red baseball caps we use to identify our idiots. I’m assuming “made in America” didn’t make it onto that carefully crafted, grifter-friendly checklist Oklahoma Superintendent of Public Instruction Ryan Walters concocted for his little unconstitutional shopping spree.

So, on the Sunday shoz and elsewhere, a number of prominent Republicans, including Senator Tom Cotton, and the Speaker of the Whole Dang House of Representatives, were unable to answer a question any third grader could: who won the 2020 election?

So I’m thinking it’s time to lower the bar. Forget about policy, we need to know which of our elected representatives believe the Earth is flat. Is the moon made of green cheese? In the case of a “legitimate” rape, does the female body indeed possess ways of shutting “that whole thing” down? (Boy, Akin wouldn’t even merit an above-the-fold headline in 2024, would he?) Do you believe the government controls the weather via space lasers, be they Jewish-owned or communal?

Apparently we need to ask these questions of the GOP’s nominee for Vice President of the United States. C’mon JD, what other objective truths do you deny? You probably think Shane lives at the end, don’t you? DON’T YOU?

Viewers who normally tune in to Jesse Watters’ show for the sneering misogyny and wingnut propaganda got a special treat this week, in the form of dating advice, from the least impressive white supremacist this side of Nick Fuentes.

I guess my worry is that when I’m in the gulag, getting waterboarded, with my testicles hooked up to a car battery, I still won’t be able to force myself to refer to Stephen Miller as a “sexual matador,” no matter how much I may want the pain to stop. Anyway, once you appear on national television with spray-on hair, you forever lose all rights to refer to anyone else as “beta,” that’s on the tablets Moses hauled down from the mountaintop.

Okay, that’s more than enough of that. I do believe I shall now drink until the neural pathway within my poor, beleaguered brain, between “Stephen Miller” and “sexual matador” is bludgeoned to atoms. I shall no doubt require fiscal assistance in this noble quest for sweet obliteration, so feel free to drop a few bucks in the ol’ tip jar, (now accepting, you guessed it, PayPal, Cash App, AND Venmo) because I actually think about matadors quite a bit, thanks to that one Bugs Bunny short.

Or you can share this post on social media, sign up on the email list at showercapblog.com, and follow @john_luzar over at the Bad Place, for free! Stay safe out there, m’lovelies…








11 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
The Further Adventures of the Flatulent Rapist and His Loser Death Cult (Original Post) TheFerret Oct 11 OP
lol TSF Tries to Project "dummy" on to Cha Oct 11 #1
Bookmarked. Too tired to read atm. SheltieLover Oct 11 #2
You have a way with words. OAITW r.2.0 Oct 11 #3
The Ferret can always make me laugh Whyisthisstillclose Oct 11 #4
Simpler. He's the reverse Beethoven. usonian Oct 11 #5
I had to log back in to read it SheltieLover Oct 11 #6
Judge Tanya Chutkan and Jack Smith will keep the convicted felon Justice matters. Oct 12 #10
K&R 2naSalit Oct 11 #7
thank you for the commentary OldSWODog Oct 11 #8
Lovely! You accidentally sent last weeks to my email tonight. Better check on that. diane in sf Oct 12 #9
As the campaign season has rolled on... Hugin Oct 12 #11

SheltieLover

(59,486 posts)
2. Bookmarked. Too tired to read atm.
Fri Oct 11, 2024, 09:13 PM
Oct 11

TY for posting!

I got as far as "that runty little thumb," and knew I'd need to be more awake to fully enjoy your writing.

SheltieLover

(59,486 posts)
6. I had to log back in to read it
Fri Oct 11, 2024, 09:35 PM
Oct 11


Just think, Ferret, pretty soon the election will be in our collective rear-view mirror & tfg will hopefully cease to exist, at least in the news cycle.

TY for sharing!

Justice matters.

(7,483 posts)
10. Judge Tanya Chutkan and Jack Smith will keep the convicted felon
Sat Oct 12, 2024, 12:09 AM
Oct 12

in existence unless he 1- becomes a fugitive to nobody knows where (thus rendering him nonexistent), or 2-in her court of true justice to exist for a jury of his peers, or 3- Judge Merchan will sentence him to (?).

OldSWODog

(70 posts)
8. thank you for the commentary
Fri Oct 11, 2024, 11:04 PM
Oct 11

over the last few months, I've been checking in with ShowerCap Blog directly (the links are a gas!)...I did get my initial exposure to the guy wearing a luchador mask and bathrobe here in TheFerret's posts...as if life could not become any more absurd...thanks, TF...cheers, OSD

Hugin

(34,491 posts)
11. As the campaign season has rolled on...
Sat Oct 12, 2024, 10:55 AM
Oct 12

A few darling Z’ers (that’s what they call themselves, get used to it) have come by my humble hovel to poke me with a long stick from a safe distance (as they’ve learned to do for typical members of my demographic) and inform me about how to go about voting to ensure the future they have in mind.

After these encounters, I have found that not only are they darling and come in a virtual rainbow of shapes, colors, and sizes. They are extremely mature, engaged, and competent. I have no fear of a future full of them. I trust their future to happen, eventually.

What I do fear is the ugliness that exists around all of us, right now. It’s such a contrast to what is on the horizon. I can’t fathom why so many insist on getting to a happy future the hard way.

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