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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsJason Collins Inspires A Young Sportswriter To Come Out Of The Closet
Jason Collins Inspires A Young Sportswriter To Come Out Of The ClosetBy Outsports on Apr 30 2013, 8:44a
"Im tired of putting on the charade of being straight," the writer says, inspired by Jason Collins' coming out.
By Tony Jovenitti
Im gay.
There, I said it.
Well, I didnt say it. I wrote it.
I was always better at writing than speaking, anyway. So its only fitting that Im doing this in writing. Ive been a writer my whole life, throughout high school and into college. Ive also known I was gay for a good portion of my life. But I did my best to hide it, quell my emotions and lie to myself and everyone around me.
Not anymore.
I got into sports writing during my junior year of college after writing for the music section and the news section of my college newspaper. I covered NCAA football and basketball before landing an awesome internship with the Pittsburgh Penguins.
So naturally, Ive been paying close attention to the You Can Play project and the amazing work that Patrick Burke has done. And then, yesterday, the inevitable finally happened. An active player in one of the four major North American professional sports came out of the closet.
I was overjoyed to see Jason Collins invite us to know the real Jason Collins. I posted it on my Facebook to let my friends hear the news, but thanks to my internal censor, I couldnt really reveal just how excited I was. I couldnt let people know exactly how much this meant to me, they might find out my secret!
But then I thought about it for a while. The thing I admired most about Collins story is that he came out in his own words, by writing his own story.
Now, I love sports, but I dont really care for the NBA. Ive never even heard of Collins. I honestly thought that, with all the work Burke has been doing, the NHL would have the first openly gay athlete. But here we are, an NBA player blazing the trail. (Did Collins ever play for the Trailblazers? No? Bummer.)
The fact that he wrote his coming out story so elegantly and in such a matter-of-fact way inspired me. Im nowhere near as big of a deal as Collins. Heck, Im barely a sportswriter anymore; I just do it on the side. But I want to tell my story and tell the truth to anyone who cares to listen if only for my own sake.
Im tired of putting on the charade of being straight. I grew up in a very small town that isnt too accepting of diversity. There was one gay kid and one black kid in my school and both were bullied mercilessly. I didnt partake in the bullying Im the kind of person who stays away from conflict, even when I probably should confront something but I just stood by and let the jocks tease the only gay person in town who had the guts to be himself. For that, Im ashamed. I wish I could go back and do it all over. But I cant. All I can do is offer my apologies.
I also apologize to my family and friends to whom Ive been lying. If theres one thing that my parents taught me growing up, its that lying is wrong. And I let them down. But I know that they will accept and love me no matter what. Theyve even told me this when weve had discussions about homosexuality. I dont know why Im so scared to come out to the world.
I know all my friends will be supportive, and I know they will all still think of me the same way they did before they read this. My friends are some of the most accepting and rational people that I know. I really dont know what Ive been waiting for.
Perhaps Im afraid to hurt people around me like I said, I shy away from conflict and I go out of my way to please people. Ive dated women, including one serious relationship in college. I lied to her. I honestly did love her; shes the nicest girl youll ever meet. But she didnt deserve being lied to. I almost dont want to write this because I dont want to hurt her.
But this needs to happen.
Yes, being a closeted writer in the macho world of sports was difficult. It was tough to keep my guard up the whole time. But Im professional. I was there to do a job and do it well. (And yes, Don Cherry, I did see a penis in the locker room. But guess what? I didnt care.) I think my coworkers can attest that I did the job well. Shockingly, my sexuality has nothing to do with how good of a sportswriter I am. Just like Collins sexuality has nothing to do with his basketball skills.
A few people would crack homophobic "jokes" and blurt out gay slurs at the office and in the locker room. I know they didnt mean it, but that doesnt make it right. Im sure theyre reading this now saying, "Oh no, I didnt know he was gay, I wouldnt have said that!" It shouldnt matter if someones gay or not; we shouldnt be using those words. Im not mad at these people and still consider them my friends, but I just hope they learn from this and stop using hateful words. Again, I know they didnt mean it, but much like Tyler Seguins unfortunate tweet a few days ago we need to learn from things like this to clean up our vocabulary.
I moved away from my friends and family for a good job. I made new friends, but I kept up the charade. Now, its time to tear down the walls Ive spent my entire life building. Ill never find happiness if I keep this up. So its time to do the right thing.
Im sorry to everyone Ive lied to.
But, Im Tony. I love sports. I love hockey. I love the Penguins.
And Im gay.
I cant make up for the lies Ive told in the past, but hopefully, everyone will forgive me and we can all move toward the future together and find happiness.
Thank you, Jason Collins.
http://www.outsports.com/2013/4/30/4284028/jason-collins-gay-nba-inspires-young-sportswriter-to-come-out-of-closet
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Jason Collins Inspires A Young Sportswriter To Come Out Of The Closet (Original Post)
kpete
May 2013
OP
11 Bravo
(23,922 posts)1. This dude has an obvious character flaw.
He's a fucking Penguins fan!
Aside from that, he's a talented writer and a courageous human being. I salute him!