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Mira

(22,378 posts)
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 07:36 PM Sep 2014

Queen Rips “Scottish Bastards” in Angry Televised Address - Borowitz was there




LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an eleventh-hour development that could have an unpredictable effect on the vote to determine Scottish independence, Queen Elizabeth II took to the British airwaves on Thursday to excoriate the Scots in a one-hour, profanity-laden tirade.

The Queen’s speech began with the phrase “Listen, you Scottish bastards,” and became steadily saltier as the monarch blasted her subjects for having the impudence to consider leaving the fold.

“I’ll make you heel like a litter of [Anglo-Saxon vulgarity] corgis,” she said, as her rage reached a crescendo.

After the speech, British Prime Minister David Cameron made a desperate attempt at damage control, hoping to distance himself from the Queen’s paint-peeling rant.

“The views of Her Majesty the Queen are her own,” he said in a hastily prepared statement. “Neither I nor my government consider the people of Scotland ‘bloody wankers.’

www.borowitzreport.com


26 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Queen Rips “Scottish Bastards” in Angry Televised Address - Borowitz was there (Original Post) Mira Sep 2014 OP
I just got a post hidden for calling a Third-Wayer a "wanker." msanthrope Sep 2014 #1
Looks like you called a DUer a 'wanker' leftstreet Sep 2014 #4
I called Third Way Manny a wanker. It's like calling Agent Mike a douche. nt msanthrope Sep 2014 #7
you want I should kick some wanker ass, msanthrope? Skittles Sep 2014 #9
I want that you should kick some wanker ass, Skittles.... msanthrope Sep 2014 #13
It was a good hide, and not for the "wanker" part directed at his alter ego. DisgustipatedinCA Sep 2014 #11
I quoted Spinal Tap twice and Caddyshack...thrice. I think anyone msanthrope Sep 2014 #14
This message was self-deleted by its author Skittles Sep 2014 #26
Well, uh! Don't worry, you can still post. I'd stay away from that poster for a while, if I was you. freshwest Sep 2014 #5
Stay away? I sent him a PM chiding him for not getting the Caddyshack msanthrope Sep 2014 #16
Now, now, only 2 more hidden posts and your head will be cut off. I suggest no more PMs! freshwest Sep 2014 #18
Well...PMs don't add to your hide ratio. And I send nothing msanthrope Sep 2014 #24
Caddyshack was one of my favorite flicks. Is he in the movie? freshwest Sep 2014 #25
TWM is a valuable contributor. joshcryer Sep 2014 #20
Jeebus..I had no idea that TWM was on par with Gravelbot. nt msanthrope Sep 2014 #23
Borowitz is great. badtoworse Sep 2014 #2
I hope that she didn't make that (fake) speech from Balmoral! greatauntoftriplets Sep 2014 #3
What's funny cwydro Sep 2014 #6
I think there's a reason he waited for the polls to close.....nt msanthrope Sep 2014 #8
Wow! That was very stupid. It sounds like the English royalty of old. And I am sure that the Scots jwirr Sep 2014 #10
Oh dear. cwydro Sep 2014 #15
Forgot the smilies. I was joking. She would still be their queen regardless. jwirr Sep 2014 #22
jwirr, Borowitz only writes satire. It never happened! freshwest Sep 2014 #19
Repeat after me... Boomer Sep 2014 #12
and her mum was a hitwoman for the Mob! MisterP Sep 2014 #17
"We are not amused!" MustBeTheBooz Sep 2014 #21

Skittles

(152,965 posts)
9. you want I should kick some wanker ass, msanthrope?
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 08:21 PM
Sep 2014

I got alerted for threatening to kick asshole ass - oh yes I did

 

msanthrope

(37,549 posts)
13. I want that you should kick some wanker ass, Skittles....
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 09:41 PM
Sep 2014

Especially when I've been told that that Third Wayers are such wankers.....

I mean...what's a gal to do????

 

msanthrope

(37,549 posts)
14. I quoted Spinal Tap twice and Caddyshack...thrice. I think anyone
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 09:44 PM
Sep 2014

who didn't see that is a philistine..(and if you don't get that movie reference, well, gawd luv ya'.)

Response to DisgustipatedinCA (Reply #11)

freshwest

(53,661 posts)
5. Well, uh! Don't worry, you can still post. I'd stay away from that poster for a while, if I was you.
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 08:08 PM
Sep 2014

I'd love to hear QE2 lose her cool, but it's not part of the job now. That went out with QE1 or maybe a little later.

People that crossed UK royalty risked their lives, now they only risk being suspended from posting online or have their twitter feeds cut off, not their heads. Being queen isn't what it used to be.

What a horrible job QE2 has, having to act like a fixture all the time for the ungrateful masses. I am so glad my folks left for the uncouth colonies. At least most of the time.

 

msanthrope

(37,549 posts)
16. Stay away? I sent him a PM chiding him for not getting the Caddyshack
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 09:45 PM
Sep 2014

references. I thought Third Way Manny was supposed to be a wanker!

freshwest

(53,661 posts)
18. Now, now, only 2 more hidden posts and your head will be cut off. I suggest no more PMs!
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 09:58 PM
Sep 2014
For purely selfish reasons. Because I'd miss your posts. Just sayin'
 

msanthrope

(37,549 posts)
24. Well...PMs don't add to your hide ratio. And I send nothing
Fri Sep 19, 2014, 12:24 AM
Sep 2014

in a PM I wouldn't want admin to see.

Seriously.....I'd be fucking embarrassed if I'd gotten a hide off of Caddyshack.

jwirr

(39,215 posts)
10. Wow! That was very stupid. It sounds like the English royalty of old. And I am sure that the Scots
Thu Sep 18, 2014, 08:21 PM
Sep 2014

recognize it.

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