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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe Onion: It’s An Honor To Continue Being Valued Over Countless Human Lives. By an AR-15
Look, Im not the type who needs constant validation, and I have never sought preferential treatment from anyone. I just try to focus on doing what I do and not get too caught up in what people think or say about me. But I have to admit, its been hard to ignore all the support and appreciation Ive been receiving lately, particularly over the past several years. Thats why I want to take this opportunity to let all of you know what an absolute honor it is that you continue to value me over countless human lives.
I dont want to get too sentimental or anything, but it really means the world to me how often you as Americans, through your words and your actions, make it known that I am more important to you than the lives of your fellow citizens.
You see, Im just a humble lightweight, magazine-fed semi-automatic rifle; I never expected this kind of outpouring of affection. But time and time again, youve shown me how much I matter to you. To see so many peoplepeople who could be working to protect and care for human livesactively devoting their time and energy to making sure *Im* the one whos protected and cared for insteadits beyond touching.
I dont want to get too sentimental or anything, but it really means the world to me how often you as Americans, through your words and your actions, make it known that I am more important to you than the lives of your fellow citizens.
You see, Im just a humble lightweight, magazine-fed semi-automatic rifle; I never expected this kind of outpouring of affection. But time and time again, youve shown me how much I matter to you. To see so many peoplepeople who could be working to protect and care for human livesactively devoting their time and energy to making sure *Im* the one whos protected and cared for insteadits beyond touching.
http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/its-honor-continue-being-valued-over-countless-hum-53094
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The Onion: It’s An Honor To Continue Being Valued Over Countless Human Lives. By an AR-15 (Original Post)
ehrnst
Jun 2016
OP
This is absolutely perfect in representing the arguments here against gun legislation
passiveporcupine
Jun 2016
#7
Johonny
(20,681 posts)1. Oh, AR-15 how could I ever stay mad at you
Ilsa
(61,675 posts)6. Or, "I wish I knew how to quit you." -- Broke back Mountain; or
"I Can't Quit You Baby" - Led Zeppelin.
underpants
(182,271 posts)2. Marking for FB post tonight
Man am I going to love watching the responses.
Maru Kitteh
(28,303 posts)3. SPOT ON.
Paladin
(28,202 posts)4. God bless The Onion. (nt)
blue neen
(12,306 posts)5. Brilliant.
Absolutely priceless.
passiveporcupine
(8,175 posts)7. This is absolutely perfect in representing the arguments here against gun legislation
yes...it's beyond touching.
It's disgusting.
longship
(40,416 posts)8. Wonderful. Simply wonderful!
The Onion, as always, nails it.
R&K
ErikJ
(6,335 posts)9. Its like certain dogs.
They care more about the breed and their dog than they do the lives and limbs of fellow Americans it has taken. Even the threat of a million dollar lawsuit or being the victim themselves doesnt deter them.
ehrnst
(32,640 posts)10. How did this turn into a discussion on dogs? (nt)
Iggo
(47,487 posts)11. Guns are more important than people.
demmiblue
(36,744 posts)12. K&R
Solly Mack
(90,740 posts)13. K&R