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Fri May 5, 2017, 11:25 PM

Dear RNC

I am considering joining the Republican party, and need some advice.

I am as dumb as a brick, never keep myself informed of political goings-on, and am gullible in the extreme. I have no problem with blatant hypocrisy on the part of elected representatives, and don’t mind being lied to by the people I vote for. So as you can see, I will fit in nicely with your “base”.

My decision to join your esteemed party was prompted by the incredible accomplishments of pResident Trump during his first hundred days in office. (I guess it’s actually a lot less days if you don’t count the ones he was golfing – but I’m not a nit-picker like those libruls.)

I was deeply impressed by his efforts to keep Mooslim terrorists out of the country – which he could have pulled off, if it wasn’t for an outdated Constitution, the rule of law (whatever THAT is), and some so-called judge on an island in the middle of the Pacific.

I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to have someone as stupid as me sitting in the Oval Office. So what if he can’t spell or put a coherent sentence together? What’s the big deal with not knowing anything about NATO, or American history, or how our government actually works? I don’t know any of that shit either – so why should he?

So what if pResident Trump cheated people out of their money, pocketed funds collected by his “charitable foundation”, and continues to outsource American jobs to low-wage countries? It’s not like I wouldn’t do the same if given the chance.

I’m sure that if Obama hadn’t tapped his wires, pResident Trump would already have his face on Mount Rushmore. Instead he is constantly called a liar – just because he lies. Is that any reason to call someone a liar?

And this whole “Russian ties” thing – it’s an obvious attempt by Democrats to discredit a man who wants what is best for the citizenry, like ensuring they don’t have healthcare insurance – or clean water to drink, or clear air to breathe – while funding more important things like a border wall (or at least a multi-billion dollar border picket fence) that will keep those pesky Mexican drug lords from harvesting the crops that are now withering in the fields.

My main area of concern in joining your party is my own political ambitions. I would like to run for office as a Republican, and just want to get the ground rules straight.

Exactly how many personal scandals am I allowed before being disqualified to run? Is a sex scandal more OR less detrimental than being caught with my hand in the till?

How many family members can I divert money to by claiming they are working as assistants or advisors? Five? Ten? More?

If I actually care about my fellow citizens, how much does that count against me?

I am NOT an old white male Christian – do I still have a shot at being elected to office?

I think that women should still have the right to vote – can this glaring fault be overcome?

I still believe we should abide by the Constitution – do you have prepared talking points that can “explain away” this unfortunate belief?

I really, REALLY want to be a Republican. I just need some guidance as to exactly how devoid of compassion, ethics, morality, and patriotism is required in order to qualify to be a member, along with advice on just how unprincipled one needs to be to run for office on your party's ticket.

And, hey, thanks in advance for your help!



26 replies, 7222 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 26 replies Author Time Post
Reply Dear RNC (Original post)
NanceGreggs May 2017 OP
MLAA May 2017 #1
Amaryllis May 2017 #3
sheshe2 May 2017 #6
MLAA May 2017 #15
sheshe2 May 2017 #19
CaliforniaPeggy May 2017 #2
sheshe2 May 2017 #4
lpbk2713 May 2017 #5
mythology May 2017 #7
NanceGreggs May 2017 #10
Name removed May 2017 #8
MrScorpio May 2017 #9
NanceGreggs May 2017 #12
sheshe2 May 2017 #20
dalton99a May 2017 #11
lastlib May 2017 #13
NanceGreggs May 2017 #16
lastlib May 2017 #24
Mountain Mule May 2017 #14
NanceGreggs May 2017 #21
thbobby May 2017 #17
Leith May 2017 #18
DFW May 2017 #22
ATL Ebony May 2017 #23
mcar May 2017 #25
Gothmog May 2017 #26

Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Fri May 5, 2017, 11:48 PM

1. I love your writing..

I am a new DU participant. I just replied to a thread that was written shortly before this one. I opined that I would love to have your help (wit and pith) in writing a letter to the editor of the Tucson newspaper about McSally's recent healthcare stunt! if you have time, please read the thread about McSally and my post.

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Response to MLAA (Reply #1)

Fri May 5, 2017, 11:53 PM

3. You need to give her the link to what you wrote about McSally.

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Response to MLAA (Reply #1)

Fri May 5, 2017, 11:57 PM

6. Welcome to DU.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #6)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:31 AM

15. Thanks!

Thanks! I will learn next time to add a link when I make a reference 😬

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Response to MLAA (Reply #15)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:54 AM

19. It is okay.

And you are most welcome. Ask questions if you need to.

PS. I like what your Rep did....I understand why you question the....why now bit when she did indeed vote for a bill that will kill thousands of Americans. Band-Aid on a hemorrhaging artery.

Good luck with your letter.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Fri May 5, 2017, 11:53 PM

2. I wish you oodles of luck, my dear Nance, in your quest!

I'm afraid that you're entirely too ethical, not to mention female, for them!



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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Fri May 5, 2017, 11:53 PM

4. Thank you.

You are a humane person...don't think you fit all that well with the walking dead.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Fri May 5, 2017, 11:55 PM

5. They will be in touch.




I can almost guarantee it.


Good post.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:01 AM

7. There aren't enough typos to pass for an actual Republican trainee

 

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Response to mythology (Reply #7)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:06 AM

10. It's always those little details ...

... that catch you up.

IOW, its all ways those liddle deetales that ketch you up.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)


Response to Name removed (Reply #8)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:05 AM

9. So, what's it like being a rocket scientist?

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Response to Name removed (Reply #8)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:19 AM

12. Oooh! Looks like I caught a live one!

I've got your HQ on the other line - they said "lies, hypocrisy, cronyism and corrupt foundations" are all part of Trump's schtick, and you shouldn't be giving away his trade secrets.


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Response to NanceGreggs (Reply #12)

Sat May 6, 2017, 01:00 AM

20. Bwahahaha!

Funny.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:14 AM

11. Kick.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:19 AM

13. This will disqualify you, Nance:


I still believe we should abide by the Constitution –


To be a rePublikun, you have to PRETEND that we should abide by a 200-plus-year-old document, yet deftly TRASH it at every opportunity. To wit, start (or support) an illegal war or two; deny equal rights and opportunities to two-thirds of the citizenry; pronounce the president (and rePublikuns) to be above the law, and a few other things. Remember "executive privilege", "inherent powers of the presidency", and (my favorite) "a G-- D----- peice of paper"? Do those REALLY sound like a bunch of guys who care rat-sh!t about a 200-plus-year-old document?

Sorry to break it to you--other than this, you sound like you might've made a terrific rePublikun! (once you mastered the mis-spelling......)

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Response to lastlib (Reply #13)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:33 AM

16. Yeah, thanks.

I've already been told that correct spelling and punctuation gave me away.

If only I hadn't paid attention in school, I too could have been the kind of illiterate dumbass Republicans flock to.

I hope this serves as a warning to GOP wannabees: Don't ever let them see you sweat - I mean sweet.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Reply #16)

Sat May 6, 2017, 08:38 AM

24. P.S. I guess I shouldn't have been so insulting.......

saying you would've made a good repuglikan. That's a terrible thing to say to anyone (except a right-winger). My profound apologies, milady.

Good rant. I love your writing!

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:24 AM

14. LOL - not bad!

The scary thing is that if you sent the RNC that letter, they'd probably take it seriously!

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Response to Mountain Mule (Reply #14)

Sat May 6, 2017, 01:01 AM

21. I only posted this an hour ago ...

... and I've already been offered close to a million bucks in RNC campaign funds - as long as I agree to not ask any questions about where the money came from, or the "roubles to dollars" exchange rate note at the bottom of the bag of cash.

I'm told that if I can just drop the "compassion for my fellow Americans" thingy, I'm a shoe-in for a Senate seat in 2018!

Who knew that being a Republican candidate could be so easy?

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:41 AM

17. Beautiful Nance!

I always read your posts and love them. You express the rage I feel coherently. Granted, the GOP is an easy target. Stupid and hateful people (are they people?) stick out like a sore thumb. The GOP is a gang of thieves and murderers. What has happened to our country? Fox News? Influence of rich? Lust for power at the expense of our constitution? The party of family values and religious purity will burn in hell. Small consolation for us that have to live through their hatred and corruption.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 12:42 AM

18. You Hit Yet Another One Out of the Ball Park!

But here's my nitpick: real rethugs can't say "libruls" without putting "filthy lyin'" in front of it.

I wish I could write half as well as you.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 01:46 AM

22. If you're dumb as a brick, gullible and uninformed, I think they'll overlook anything else

I think you've met all their basic requirements.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 07:17 AM

23. Thoroughly enjoyed this article.

Of course, as already mentioned, you've got to do something about your spelling and grammar before you'd pass as one of the deplorable morans.

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sat May 6, 2017, 08:38 AM

25. K&R

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Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)

Sun May 7, 2017, 09:38 AM

26. Great post Nance

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