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Seen any good epitaphs lately? (Original Post) red dog 1 Dec 2019 OP
... El Supremo Dec 2019 #1
Here lies the body of Jonathan Lake red dog 1 Dec 2019 #2
I can't remember the exact wording, but there's a good one in England that says he died from Karadeniz Dec 2019 #3
I think I'm scheduled for mine next month jberryhill Dec 2019 #4
I told my mother that I was going to put on her tombstone, "She may have run out of stea, Karadeniz Dec 2019 #5
Reminds me of a line my father used on my mother. Mother and her empedocles Jan 2020 #51
No visible epitaph, but cool! alittlelark Dec 2019 #6
Cool, indeed! red dog 1 Dec 2019 #8
Oooh, oooh...I forgot the epitaphs I wrote for my parents for a Halloween display! Karadeniz Dec 2019 #7
Here lies John Yeast red dog 1 Dec 2019 #9
Speaking of Shitler.... red dog 1 Dec 2019 #10
from Spoon River Anthology elleng Dec 2019 #11
"Give a Girl the Right Shoes and She Can Conquer the World" KY_EnviroGuy Dec 2019 #12
I Told You I Was Sick! red dog 1 Dec 2019 #13
No but there are several I'm looking forward to reading. NightWatcher Dec 2019 #14
Beware friends as you pass by backtoblue Dec 2019 #15
Here lies Ann Mann, Aristus Dec 2019 #16
Not a funny one, but.... lastlib Dec 2019 #17
Another one from Boot Hill red dog 1 Dec 2019 #18
Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp red dog 1 Dec 2019 #19
Johnny was a chemist's son Leith Dec 2019 #20
Ogden Nash!! n/t DFW Jan 2020 #49
ohmigosh! Is it? Leith Jan 2020 #52
I was always told that was Nash, though never knew for certain DFW Jan 2020 #53
From a Maryland cemetery: MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #21
Richard Harris on Johnny Carson...like, forty years ago Brother Buzz Dec 2019 #22
Fucking hilarious! ChubbyStar Dec 2019 #34
The tombstone of Owen Moore reads: red dog 1 Dec 2019 #23
The epitaph that killed the aliens. Wolf Frankula Dec 2019 #24
On a British tombstone: red dog 1 Dec 2019 #25
Here's one I'll try to remember... defacto7 Dec 2019 #26
If I were to be buried, nocoincidences Dec 2019 #27
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down nocoincidences Dec 2019 #28
Another British one (I think) red dog 1 Dec 2019 #29
This one sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #30
From a tombstone in Tennessee MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #31
Found In a British cemetary MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #32
That's in Boot Hill in Tombstone, Arizona! Rhiannon12866 Dec 2019 #33
It's visible in the movie discntnt_irny_srcsm Jan 2020 #61
I sometimes think mine ought to be... Ron Obvious Dec 2019 #35
That's much more than could be said of some people who will remain nameless. JudyM Dec 2019 #37
HERE LIES THE FATHER OF TWENTY NINE red dog 1 Dec 2019 #36
Here Lies A Lewd Fellow, Who, While He Drew Breath red dog 1 Dec 2019 #38
If you can read this Dukkha Dec 2019 #39
GO AWAY MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #40
Mike O'Day's tombstone reads: MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #41
Haven't seen this one yet. Thinking of making it my own. Dem2theMax Jan 2020 #42
I saw one that said red dog 1 Jan 2020 #44
I saw that up thread! Dem2theMax Jan 2020 #45
John Penny's epitaph in a British cemetary red dog 1 Jan 2020 #43
"Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt." Orrex Jan 2020 #46
From a British cemetery red dog 1 Jan 2020 #47
Someone who wished to remain anonymous (Vermont) red dog 1 Jan 2020 #48
Harry Truman used to like to quote one DFW Jan 2020 #50
I was once asked to give a speech under the category, "If these were my last words" DFW Jan 2020 #54
I remember "Beat the Reaper" MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #55
I gave that speech 15 years ago DFW Jan 2020 #56
Going back close to 50 years now DFW Jan 2020 #57
Sir John Strange (1696-1754) red dog 1 Jan 2020 #58
Here Lies Clyde MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #59
Here Lies Good Old Fred red dog 1 Jan 2020 #60
Bill Kugle's tombstone reads: red dog 1 Jan 2020 #62
Owen Moore's tombstone MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #63
From an actual headstone MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #64
Well musicman65 Jan 2020 #65
The Children Of Israel Wanted Bread MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #66
A Bishop's epitaph red dog 1 Jan 2020 #67
In Montreal cemetery geralmar Jan 2020 #68
Posterity will ne'er survey red dog 1 Jan 2020 #69

Karadeniz

(22,283 posts)
3. I can't remember the exact wording, but there's a good one in England that says he died from
Thu Dec 5, 2019, 09:31 PM
Dec 2019

Drinking warm beer...but it's cuter than that!

Karadeniz

(22,283 posts)
5. I told my mother that I was going to put on her tombstone, "She may have run out of stea,
Thu Dec 5, 2019, 09:34 PM
Dec 2019

But she never ran out of gas. ". Flatulence is a family specialty.

empedocles

(15,751 posts)
51. Reminds me of a line my father used on my mother. Mother and her
Tue Jan 7, 2020, 05:57 AM
Jan 2020

good friend Etta talked a lot -sometimes in talking to each other, both were heard talking at the same time.

My father said of my mother, 'Mom talks a lot, but Etta talks faster'.

Karadeniz

(22,283 posts)
7. Oooh, oooh...I forgot the epitaphs I wrote for my parents for a Halloween display!
Thu Dec 5, 2019, 09:59 PM
Dec 2019

Here lies John who golfed his life away.
One diem he himself was carped
Now if he could, he'd say,
"Oh, how I wish I'd gone to church
Instead of golf on Sunday!
For there I would have learned the truth
Of Gloria on Mundi!"

red dog 1

(27,648 posts)
10. Speaking of Shitler....
Fri Dec 6, 2019, 01:10 AM
Dec 2019

Here lies Donald Trump
Big fat ego to match his rump
No mortal words will suffice
Because he was the AntiChrist

elleng

(130,156 posts)
11. from Spoon River Anthology
Fri Dec 6, 2019, 01:27 AM
Dec 2019

Doc Hill


I WENT up and down the streets
Here and there by day and night,
Through all hours of the night caring for the poor who were sick.
Do you know why?
My wife hated me, my son went to the dogs. 5
And I turned to the people and poured out my love to them.
Sweet it was to see the crowds about the lawns on the day of my funeral,
And hear them murmur their love and sorrow.
But oh, dear God, my soul trembled, scarcely able
To hold to the railing of the new life 10
When I saw Em Stanton behind the oak tree
At the grave,
Hiding herself, and her grief!

https://www.bartleby.com/84/31.html
https://www.bartleby.com/84/index1.html

KY_EnviroGuy

(14,483 posts)
12. "Give a Girl the Right Shoes and She Can Conquer the World"
Fri Dec 6, 2019, 03:20 AM
Dec 2019

Now on the headstone of a beloved close friend who passed this summer and was buried in Charlotte..

KY........... ............

backtoblue

(11,323 posts)
15. Beware friends as you pass by
Fri Dec 6, 2019, 10:41 PM
Dec 2019

So you are now,
So once was I.

So I am now,
Soon you shall be.

So be prepared to follow me.



lastlib

(22,981 posts)
17. Not a funny one, but....
Sat Dec 7, 2019, 12:41 AM
Dec 2019

"To those who come here rejoicing,
To those who come here in sorrow--
Sympathy and greeting.
So have we done in our time."

red dog 1

(27,648 posts)
18. Another one from Boot Hill
Sat Dec 7, 2019, 08:35 PM
Dec 2019

HERE LIES BUTCH
WE PLANTED HIM RAW
HE WAS QUICK ON THE TRIGGER
BUT SLOW ON THE DRAW

Leith

(7,802 posts)
20. Johnny was a chemist's son
Mon Dec 9, 2019, 12:39 AM
Dec 2019

But Johnny is no more

What Johnny thought was H2O

Was H2SO4*




*H2SO4 is sulphuric acid.

Leith

(7,802 posts)
52. ohmigosh! Is it?
Tue Jan 7, 2020, 12:59 PM
Jan 2020

A couple decades ago, I was really into Ogden Nash. Over the years and about a dozen moves across country, I don't have the books any more ( *sob!* ). It's nice to know that I remember at least one of the poems.

DFW

(54,057 posts)
53. I was always told that was Nash, though never knew for certain
Tue Jan 7, 2020, 01:06 PM
Jan 2020

It certainly sounds like him.

God, in his wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.

Brother Buzz

(36,217 posts)
22. Richard Harris on Johnny Carson...like, forty years ago
Thu Dec 12, 2019, 05:57 PM
Dec 2019

Johnny was talking about all his hell-raising, and asked him how his epitaph would read

Richard Harris responded with something he read on a dry cleaners receipt:

We regret to return your property damaged, we did the best we could.

Wolf Frankula

(3,595 posts)
24. The epitaph that killed the aliens.
Sat Dec 14, 2019, 05:56 PM
Dec 2019

"Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare, To dig the dust enclosed here. Blessed be the man that spares these stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones."

Wolf

defacto7

(13,485 posts)
26. Here's one I'll try to remember...
Sun Dec 15, 2019, 08:46 PM
Dec 2019

Here we lie my wife and I
Together both did we die.
But on that day when trumpets trill,
If she gets up I'll just lie still.

nocoincidences

(2,195 posts)
27. If I were to be buried,
Sun Dec 15, 2019, 08:48 PM
Dec 2019

which I won't be, I have recently thought that my tombstone would read:

She only had that last 10 pounds to go.

The eternal diet that some of us are on.

nocoincidences

(2,195 posts)
28. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down
Sun Dec 15, 2019, 09:10 PM
Dec 2019

– it was.

Harry Edsel Smith (1903–1942) in Albany New York

MatthewHatesTrump2

(915 posts)
30. This one sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie
Tue Dec 17, 2019, 04:56 PM
Dec 2019

HERE LIES THE BODY OF OUR ANNA
DONE TO DEATH BY A BANANA
IT WASN'T THE FRUIT THAT LAID HER LOW
BUT THE SKIN OF THE THING THAT MADE HER GO

red dog 1

(27,648 posts)
38. Here Lies A Lewd Fellow, Who, While He Drew Breath
Fri Dec 27, 2019, 10:00 PM
Dec 2019

In The Midst Of His Life Was In Quest Of His Death
Which He Quickly Obtained For It Cost Him His Life,
For Being In Bed With Another Man's Wife

MatthewHatesTrump2

(915 posts)
41. Mike O'Day's tombstone reads:
Thu Jan 2, 2020, 06:00 PM
Jan 2020

This is the grave of Mike O'Day
Who died maintaining his right of way
His right was clear, his will was strong
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong

Dem2theMax

(9,595 posts)
42. Haven't seen this one yet. Thinking of making it my own.
Fri Jan 3, 2020, 01:55 AM
Jan 2020

Don't just stand there. Pull some weeds!

or

Could you move a little to the right?
You're blocking my view.

Dem2theMax

(9,595 posts)
45. I saw that up thread!
Sat Jan 4, 2020, 10:27 PM
Jan 2020

Had a good laugh. Not sure I would have the nerve to put that on my own headstone.

red dog 1

(27,648 posts)
43. John Penny's epitaph in a British cemetary
Sat Jan 4, 2020, 08:49 PM
Jan 2020

Reader If cash Thou Art
In Want Of Any
Dig 4 Feet Deep
And Thou Wilt Find a Penny

DFW

(54,057 posts)
50. Harry Truman used to like to quote one
Tue Jan 7, 2020, 04:38 AM
Jan 2020

Also, if I recall correctly, from Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies John Williams.
He done his damndest.


My kind of gravestone!

DFW

(54,057 posts)
54. I was once asked to give a speech under the category, "If these were my last words"
Tue Jan 7, 2020, 01:24 PM
Jan 2020

This was New Year's Day 2005, and I don't have the text around, but it went something like this:

The Firesign Theater once had a routine called "Beat The Reaper," and Chiffon Margarine once had an ad with Mother Nature saying, "it's not nice to fool Mother Nature."

Well, I just beat the reaper, and I fooled Mother Nature. You see, Mother Nature had me scheduled to check out permanently on April 29, 2004. Basically, I am supposed to be dead. That I'm not, I owe to a very observant cardiologist and a very able German heart surgeon.

Had I died, if you are of Middle Eastern origin, you might have said it was OK, as I would have been in the Garden of Allah. If you are of European origin, you might have said it was OK, as I'd be cavorting with Jesus and the angels. If you are of American origin, you might have said it was OK, as I'd be in the Happy Hunting Ground with the Great Spirit.

Well, none of them are for sure, and for sure, none of them are as appealing to me as staying here on earth with my wife and family.

Harry Truman used to quote an epitaph he once saw on a gravestone in Tombstone, Arizona. It said, "Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damndest."

Now, I'm not ready to go yet, but when I do, I'd like for my gravestone to say that I "done my damndest." I intend to try, at least, and so should you. Happy New Year.
----------------------------------------------

After I left the podium, someone behind me said, "good speech!" I turned around. It was Justice Stephen Brever of the Supreme Court! Talk about "make my day!"

DFW

(54,057 posts)
56. I gave that speech 15 years ago
Tue Jan 7, 2020, 05:33 PM
Jan 2020

Even then, most people already had no clue who the Firesign theater was.

MatthewHatesTrump2

(915 posts)
66. The Children Of Israel Wanted Bread
Fri Jan 17, 2020, 04:03 PM
Jan 2020

And The Lord Sent Them Manna
Old Clerk Wallace Wanted A Wife
And The Devil Sent Him Anna

red dog 1

(27,648 posts)
67. A Bishop's epitaph
Sat Jan 18, 2020, 07:09 PM
Jan 2020

Here Lies Dr. Kane
The good Bishop of Chester
Who ate an entire goose
But could not digest her

red dog 1

(27,648 posts)
69. Posterity will ne'er survey
Wed Jan 22, 2020, 06:00 PM
Jan 2020

A nobler grave than this
Here lye the bones of Castiereagh
Stop, traveler, and piss

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