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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsSeen any good epitaphs lately?
The classic epitaph from Boot Hill is:
Here Lies Lester Moor
Six shots from a 44
No Les, No more
El Supremo
(20,365 posts)red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
Karadeniz
(22,283 posts)Drinking warm beer...but it's cuter than that!
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)The doc said I should get one every year now.
Karadeniz
(22,283 posts)But she never ran out of gas. ". Flatulence is a family specialty.
empedocles
(15,751 posts)good friend Etta talked a lot -sometimes in talking to each other, both were heard talking at the same time.
My father said of my mother, 'Mom talks a lot, but Etta talks faster'.
alittlelark
(18,886 posts)red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Karadeniz
(22,283 posts)Here lies John who golfed his life away.
One diem he himself was carped
Now if he could, he'd say,
"Oh, how I wish I'd gone to church
Instead of golf on Sunday!
For there I would have learned the truth
Of Gloria on Mundi!"
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Pardon me for not rising
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Here lies Donald Trump
Big fat ego to match his rump
No mortal words will suffice
Because he was the AntiChrist
elleng
(130,156 posts)Doc Hill
I WENT up and down the streets
Here and there by day and night,
Through all hours of the night caring for the poor who were sick.
Do you know why?
My wife hated me, my son went to the dogs. 5
And I turned to the people and poured out my love to them.
Sweet it was to see the crowds about the lawns on the day of my funeral,
And hear them murmur their love and sorrow.
But oh, dear God, my soul trembled, scarcely able
To hold to the railing of the new life 10
When I saw Em Stanton behind the oak tree
At the grave,
Hiding herself, and her grief!
https://www.bartleby.com/84/31.html
https://www.bartleby.com/84/index1.html
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,483 posts)Now on the headstone of a beloved close friend who passed this summer and was buried in Charlotte..
KY........... ............
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)NightWatcher
(39,343 posts)backtoblue
(11,323 posts)So you are now,
So once was I.
So I am now,
Soon you shall be.
So be prepared to follow me.
Aristus
(66,096 posts)Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
lastlib
(22,981 posts)"To those who come here rejoicing,
To those who come here in sorrow--
Sympathy and greeting.
So have we done in our time."
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)HERE LIES BUTCH
WE PLANTED HIM RAW
HE WAS QUICK ON THE TRIGGER
BUT SLOW ON THE DRAW
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Who lived by wool
And died by hemp
Leith
(7,802 posts)But Johnny is no more
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4*
*H2SO4 is sulphuric acid.
DFW
(54,057 posts)Leith
(7,802 posts)A couple decades ago, I was really into Ogden Nash. Over the years and about a dozen moves across country, I don't have the books any more ( *sob!* ). It's nice to know that I remember at least one of the poems.
DFW
(54,057 posts)It certainly sounds like him.
God, in his wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)HERE LIES AN ATHEIST
ALL DRESSED UP
AND NO PLACE TO GO
Brother Buzz
(36,217 posts)Johnny was talking about all his hell-raising, and asked him how his epitaph would read
Richard Harris responded with something he read on a dry cleaners receipt:
We regret to return your property damaged, we did the best we could.
ChubbyStar
(3,191 posts)Gawd Richard Harris, I did love that man!
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay
Wolf Frankula
(3,595 posts)"Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare, To dig the dust enclosed here. Blessed be the man that spares these stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones."
Wolf
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)To Follow You
I'll Not Consent
Until I Know
Which Way You Went
defacto7
(13,485 posts)Here we lie my wife and I
Together both did we die.
But on that day when trumpets trill,
If she gets up I'll just lie still.
nocoincidences
(2,195 posts)which I won't be, I have recently thought that my tombstone would read:
She only had that last 10 pounds to go.
The eternal diet that some of us are on.
nocoincidences
(2,195 posts) it was.
Harry Edsel Smith (19031942) in Albany New York
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)HERE LIES THE BODY OF EMILY WHITE
SHE SIGNALED LEFT AND TURNED RIGHT
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)HERE LIES THE BODY OF OUR ANNA
DONE TO DEATH BY A BANANA
IT WASN'T THE FRUIT THAT LAID HER LOW
BUT THE SKIN OF THE THING THAT MADE HER GO
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)I CAME HERE
WITHOUT BEING
CONSULTED AND I
LEAVE WITHOUT
MY CONSENT
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)ON THE 22nd OF JUNE
-JONATHAN FIDDLE-
WENT OUT OF TUNE
Rhiannon12866
(203,041 posts)I've been there!
discntnt_irny_srcsm
(18,470 posts)Ron Obvious
(6,261 posts)Here lies Ron
He meant well
*sigh*
JudyM
(29,122 posts)red dog 1
(27,648 posts)HE WOULD HAVE HAD MORE
BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE TIME
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)In The Midst Of His Life Was In Quest Of His Death
Which He Quickly Obtained For It Cost Him His Life,
For Being In Bed With Another Man's Wife
Dukkha
(7,341 posts)MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)I'M ASLEEP
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)This is the grave of Mike O'Day
Who died maintaining his right of way
His right was clear, his will was strong
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong
Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)Don't just stand there. Pull some weeds!
or
Could you move a little to the right?
You're blocking my view.
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)"You're Standing on my Boobs!"
Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)Had a good laugh. Not sure I would have the nerve to put that on my own headstone.
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Reader If cash Thou Art
In Want Of Any
Dig 4 Feet Deep
And Thou Wilt Find a Penny
Orrex
(63,086 posts)red dog 1
(27,648 posts)On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)I Was Somebody
Who, Is No Business
Of Yours
DFW
(54,057 posts)Also, if I recall correctly, from Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies John Williams.
He done his damndest.
My kind of gravestone!
DFW
(54,057 posts)This was New Year's Day 2005, and I don't have the text around, but it went something like this:
The Firesign Theater once had a routine called "Beat The Reaper," and Chiffon Margarine once had an ad with Mother Nature saying, "it's not nice to fool Mother Nature."
Well, I just beat the reaper, and I fooled Mother Nature. You see, Mother Nature had me scheduled to check out permanently on April 29, 2004. Basically, I am supposed to be dead. That I'm not, I owe to a very observant cardiologist and a very able German heart surgeon.
Had I died, if you are of Middle Eastern origin, you might have said it was OK, as I would have been in the Garden of Allah. If you are of European origin, you might have said it was OK, as I'd be cavorting with Jesus and the angels. If you are of American origin, you might have said it was OK, as I'd be in the Happy Hunting Ground with the Great Spirit.
Well, none of them are for sure, and for sure, none of them are as appealing to me as staying here on earth with my wife and family.
Harry Truman used to quote an epitaph he once saw on a gravestone in Tombstone, Arizona. It said, "Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damndest."
Now, I'm not ready to go yet, but when I do, I'd like for my gravestone to say that I "done my damndest." I intend to try, at least, and so should you. Happy New Year.
----------------------------------------------
After I left the podium, someone behind me said, "good speech!" I turned around. It was Justice Stephen Brever of the Supreme Court! Talk about "make my day!"
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)(I love Firesign Theater)
DFW
(54,057 posts)Even then, most people already had no clue who the Firesign theater was.
DFW
(54,057 posts)Scary!
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)HERE LIES AN HONEST LAWYER
THAT IS STRANGE
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)His Life Was Full
Until He Tried
To Milk A Bull
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)A Great Big Rock
Fell On His Head
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)He Never Voted For Republicans
And Had Little To Do With Them
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)Owen Moore
Gone Away
Owin' More
Than He could Pay
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)Prepare
Yourself
To Follow Me
musicman65
(524 posts)I finally quit smoking,it will be put on
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)And The Lord Sent Them Manna
Old Clerk Wallace Wanted A Wife
And The Devil Sent Him Anna
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)Here Lies Dr. Kane
The good Bishop of Chester
Who ate an entire goose
But could not digest her
geralmar
(2,138 posts)]
]
red dog 1
(27,648 posts)A nobler grave than this
Here lye the bones of Castiereagh
Stop, traveler, and piss