The Plots of Classic Movies...from a Republican Perspective

Goodfellas: A youth learns the value of free enterprise at the foot of successful businessmen, but his dreams are then crushed by overweening Big Government.

Animal House: A harrowing drama about an idealistic college student, Doug Niedermeyer, tormented by a gang of drunken anarchists.

Amistad: Murderous pirates are rewarded for their thuggery by bleeding-heart lawyers.

Footloose: Peaceful rural community is torn apart by a godless sexual predator.

Django Unchained: An innocent farming family in Mississippi is targeted for death by a duo of cold-blooded murderers with a left-wing agenda.

The Hobbit (trilogy): A Satanic conjurer and a gang of greedy Jews plot class warfare against a dragon's self-made fortune.

The Lord of the Rings (trilogy): Resentful minorities plot a mass-casualty terrorist attack against the forces of Order.

Dr. Strangelove: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb: Inspirational story of a patriotic general overcoming cowardice and treason among his superiors to make the world a better place.

The Birth of a Nation: A compelling docudrama about the heroic struggles of Southerners to regain dignity after the Civil War.

2001: A Space Odyssey: Hippie acid trip full of human evolution, Moon landings, and other shit that never happened.

All the President's Men: An unflinching look at the Librul Media conspiracy to bring down America's greatest President.

The Shawshank Redemption: A vindictive sissy intellectual subverts justice and entraps prison staff in a web of criminal conspiracies.

Schindler's List: A successful businessman goes astray and starts prioritizing people over profits. Not a movie for the faint of heart - many innocent profits are graphically sacrificed in the process.

Pulp Fiction: Timely cautionary tale about the social dangers of race-mixing, homosexuality, and immigration.

Add your own take on Republican interpretations of classic films in comments.