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Art_from_Ark

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Gender: Male
Home country: USA
Current location: Japan
Member since: 2001
Number of posts: 27,247

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Matilda Bleat was sunbathing in her backyard.

Suddenly, a stream of random thoughts started flowing through her head. First, as a trickle, then as a raging torrent. "Why do I prefer Coke over Pepsi?" "Do bears REALLY crap in the woods?" "Who put the bomp in the bomp bomp bomp?"

Eventually, her thoughts turned to that age-old question: "Who am I?" And she thought, and she thought, and she thought about it. And when she couldn't answer that one, she thought, "How in the world did I ever get a name like Matilda Bleat?" But once again, she failed to find a satisfactory answer. So she decided to go inside and listen to an old 45 record player that had been given to her by the third cousin of her step-mother's second son from her fourth marriage, who had traced her ancestry all the way back to Atilla the Hun.

After rummaging through her eclectic collection of small vinyl discs with big round holes, she found one that she had never noticed before but now, somehow, immediately caught her attention. It was "Waltzing Matilda", as sung by the Merry Mailman. "Maybe this record holds the answer!" she exclaimed to herself.

Eagerly, she put the old record on the thick spindle. The spindle slid snugly through the hole. "Mmmm", she thought. "For some reason, I'm starting to feel a little frisky." Just then, the crackling voice of the Merry Mailman began singing,

"Once a jolly swagman
Camped beside a billibond
Under the shade of a coolibah tree..."

Matilda was puzzled. The words sounded like English, but yet, they were so foreign. Was this some sort of code?

After a bit of research, Matilda learned that the song was, indeed, in a code, called "Australian English". One by one, she looked up the meanings of the code words in the song. Eventually, she found that the word "jumbuck" meant "sheep". And what do sheep do? They "bleat"! Eureka! She had solved the mystery of her name!

Then, still feeling a bit frisky, her thoughts suddenly turned to that hunk of a lifeguard she had met just a couple of days ago. A wave of indescribably intense feelings started sweeping through her body. "Enough of this music!" she shouted to no one in particular. "I'm heading for the nude beach!"
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