August 23, 2019

I know what the new GOP emblem should be

It's got to be a wooden bridge - the underside of which is the Republican's natural habitat.

August 18, 2019

Fair is fair: What street in NYC would you name after Trump?

The story so far: Thousands of people have signed a petition asking for one block of New York City's Fifth Avenue to be renamed "President Barack H. Obama Avenue." The block happens to be the one Trump Tower is sitting on.

We have to be fair. If President Obama, who - last I checked - is not a New Yorker gets a New York street named after him, then it's only fair that the New York born and bred "president" Trump gets one too.

My recommendation is Hazen St. from 19th Avenue north to Hillside Avenue...which is the road that leads to and runs through the New York City jail.

August 17, 2019

If you have any of Lakefront Brewery's My Turn Junk beer, drink it right now

https://www.wisn.com/article/lakefront-brewery-beer-recall-exploding-bottles/21943616

Lakefront Brewery recalled their My Turn Junk beer, which is a "kettle sour with cherries and sakura" according to the label, because it's made with fresh cherries and the cherries' skins are coated with naturally-occurring wild yeast. This could cause overpressure in the bottle and initiate an explosion that will potentially injure innocent and non-innocent bystanders.

The brewery says the beer is safe to drink if it doesn't explode and take out the drinker in a shower of shrapnel first.

And so, because it is safe to drink but not safe to store...drink that shit up, chieftain.

Thus ends today's safety lecture.

August 16, 2019

A message to Donald Trump from the people of Greenland

Go ahead and try to buy the frigid little island we call home.

There are enough of us to turn at least four red states blue.

BTW you do have fish in your stores, right? That’s all we eat.

August 6, 2019

World's oldest athlete scores 150th win

https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/motor/nhra/2019/08/04/john-force-races-to-record-extending-150th-funny-car-win/39892097/

John Force, 70, won the Funny Car class at Sunday's NHRA Northwest Nationals. It is a record-extending 150th win. In all motorsports there's only one driver with more national-series wins...and Richard Petty's 200 wins is a mark that'll probably never be matched. On the flip side, Force's 15 season championships is more than double Petty's seven.