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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 04:56 AM
Number of posts: 27,692

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oh god, i understand that so much

i lost my mom five years ago and, despite the efforts from my happy adult daughter, it has been a struggle for me with all the holidays and birthdays as well. such a struggle. i feel as if the joy has been taken from my life. it was always my mom and my kid who were my incentives for making things fun & surprising & wonderful. and my daughter has moved on (and moved out) and i am left with the memories of how wonderful my life was and the reality of how drastically it changed.

my heart isn't in "it" anymore. i'm actually kinda surprised i even started this xmas movie thread. i probably won't be watching any of these movies i mentioned in the near future. my mom was my movie buddy--and her empty chair is a bittersweet reminder of what i had and what i lost.

when i lost my dad (on a new year's eve!) my daughter was a baby. my mom helped me through the loss and because of my little girl, and after some time, holidays and birthdays were filled with magic--i made sure of that. but like i said, my incentives are gone now.

i miss that joy in my life. i still cry about it--only because i loved it so much. i haven't toughened up enough yet not to care.

it sounds like your dad really made life wonderful too.

just wanted to tell you--i glanced at the top page of your link and found this:

"I must pull myself together
And rise up from the ashes,
Rekindling the flame
Of love for all that happens."

this resonates with me SO MUCH for several reasons:

* when i was a young teen my mom cut something from the newspaper and gave it to me, the title of it was: scorpio, lost without love. (btw--i'm a scorpio)

* i remember reading astrology books when i was young that talked about the scorpio's ability to crash & burn & then rise, like a phoenix, from the ashes.

* since my mom passed i have thought of that phoenix fairly often; feeling as if i had crashed and burned after her death--and i keep waiting to have the strength or the ability to summon the strength to "rise up from the ashes"

* while my mom was still here, and i was an adult, i loved my life! i mean, i would feel so filled with joy that i would actually say that to myself aloud when i was driving in the car alone: "i *love* my life!" and i've been waiting for at least a bit of that feeling to return. off and on, lately, i feel a tiny spark of that joyousness.

anyway--just wanted to let you know. that quote on the front page really speaks to me. thank you *so much!*

crazy bugs going around

i had the flu-flu a couple weeks back

and now that someone sneezed IN MY FACE i'm feeling headache-y, can't breathe good, & my legs/thighs are starting to ache.


on edit; my god! just that quick. i'm fucking shivering and my teeth are chattering!!! i'm drinking generic "effervescent cold relief" from cvs. jeeze!!!

i'm gonna try & stay here on the computer for awhile longer but all i can think of is getting on the couch and piling the blankets on me with a dvd of a happy movie or big bang theory.

another edit: i guess this was the reason i was going to stay on the computer (i just didn't know it) -- i clicked on a link someone on du had given me and found a something that i was supposed to find tonight. (very cosmic. here's what i posted back to them:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1220&pid=17183 )

hope we both feel better soon!

speaking of "signs from the universe"

(and, btw--i agree about believing i will find the answers and they have a tendency to come) i've been reading this book "top ten things dead people want to tell you" by mike dooley. it's very interesting and uplifting.

i never heard of this author before, but he has these other books i'm reading through:
Notes from the Universe: New Perspectives from an Old Friend
More Notes From the Universe: Life, Dreams and Happiness

you can look for them on amazon & read a bit of what is in them

lol -- i had to google the word "kundalini" -- i don't recall ever hearing of that.

if you have a link or two to share from astrologers i'll definitely check them out.


shortly after my mom passed, the digital clock in my car went on the "fritz"

basically it wasn't showing the time anymore.

during the two weeks when she was in the hospital the clock started fading in and out--the numbers would get faint, disappear, and then show up again. and when my mom died the clock seemed to die out too.

but when i'd ask my mom for a sign very frequently the car clock would go on. but not just at *any* time. it would turn on at one of two specific times: either my daughter's birthday or my mom's birthday! after numerous times of this happening it would just turn on at my mom's birthday--when it was actually that time. it would light up with her birth date (month & day) and then turn off when the time changed to the next minute.

i swear if this happened once it happened close to fifty times!

the "signs" have really dwindled the past year--even the past two years. but for the first two and three years they were extremely frequent.

lately, i tell her to give me a sign and there are none. i wonder where she has gone. and why. i don't feel her presence like i did. i wonder if she decided to reincarnate for awhile. and in my mind i keep thinking she better be there to greet me when i go b/c she's the one who matters the most--the closest to my heart--and the one i could not stand to not be there putting her arms around me the moment i cross over. she's the one i'll gladly be leaving this world for in order to be with her again.


"The new album is called "VOLUME 1". One of the new songs is INTOLERANT, a song about food allergy and lactose intolerance. The video was directed by Norwegian director Harald Zwart (The Karate Kid, 2010). In the video you will se Bård in a sea of milk, the very substance he is allergic to."

more info

released nov. 18th


virtually HOURS OF FUN


some of this fun misc. games are:
zombie terror
carving pumpkins
farting nun organ
twilight bella dress up
chili time
barry potter
and lots more!

"put democratic underground in your pipe and smoke it"

that's right, folks!

i just "created" that slogan by typing in two words and hitting the "create my slogan" button on the funny slogan creator game you can find right here:


you'll spend hours making up fun and witty slogans of your own!!!

i hit the create button again and got this one:

democratic underground: Music to the ears

again and

i see democratic underground in your future

again and

democratic underground -- reinventing the wheel

omg! this could go on for HOURS!!!

time for snowglobe

featuring hours of interactive enjoyment as you shake the globe with your mouse. be sure to turn the speakers on for the festive music and screaming as the kids fly around!


virtual sand art


have hours of fun as you create a sand art masterpiece
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