orleans
orleans's Journalup and down days
moving through
sometimes feeling so numb--emotionally numb, mentally numb
i'd say dead, but...
a few good days
some real hard days with heavy emotional crashes
the other night it was over a beloved dog i lost a month & a half after i lost my mom--
recently realized my mom went for 35 years without her mother.
i thought there's no damn way i'm doing that!
can't hardly even imagine that.
but their relationship was different than mine & hers
she was a far stronger person than me
anyway, as my mom would say, "i'm still here"
what a night--well wishes to all who come here
my daughter went to a friend's house for the evening
so...i had plenty of time to think
and reminisce
and meltdown for awhile
watched the movie Noel (which might or might not have been a mistake--but i love that movie)
i can't even muster up the usual annual sense of of accomplishment(?)/relief(?) with "well, i got through another year" (my second thought was: "big deal."
and to anyone whose heart felt broken
here's to you 
you're not alone
and to absent friends and loved ones:
until we meet again 
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Gender: FemaleMember since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 05:56 AM
Number of posts: 34,047
