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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 04:56 AM
Number of posts: 27,711

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i'm so sorry for your loss

your mom sounds wonderful

after my mom died i decided to continue celebrating her birthday by having a dinner with some of her favorite foods (or something i knew she'd like) and even a cake. maybe it sounds crazy, but i even set a place at the table for her. and put a single candle on the cake.

i don't know -- her birthday was one of the family traditions in a way, and suddenly stopping it seemed so heart-wrenchingly difficult for me. i mean, we always celebrated it together, i was always happy she was born, (i still am), so why should i pretend the day is just like any other?

that first mother's day without her i even bought a card, wrote in it and tucked it away.

it's a lovely tribute you posted. and memorial donations to a county museum is a wonderful idea. i bet she appreciated that.

"She will be greatly missed on this earthly plane, but she has joined her beloved ancestors on another." what a beautiful thing to say that speaks of life's continuum.

my heart goes out to you.

fun with stardust

"Thus the amount of stardust atoms in our body is 40%."
"Since stardust atoms are the heavier elements, the percentage of star mass in our body is much more impressive. Most of the hydrogen in our body floats around in the form of water. The human body is about 60% water and hydrogen only accounts for 11% of that water mass. Even though water consists of two hydrogen atoms for every oxygen, hydrogen has much less mass. We can conclude that 93% of the mass in our body is stardust. Just think, long ago someone may have wished upon a star that you are made of."

thank you, and everyone else, for being here

and listening. and caring.

i am sorry we have all lost, and hurt, and continue to hurt, and struggle to heal. yet i am thankful to have you and everyone else here.

so often i allow my emotions to pour out here. it feels safe. i am in the company of other unfortunates who are in the know.

i recently found this on a headstone:
"Goodbyes Are Not Forever
Goodbyes Are Not The End
They Simply Mean Iíll Miss You
Until We Meet Again"

i'm glad you kept her recipes and have such nice memories of her cooking

the last number of years i was with my mom i did all of the cooking. so it's not so much her cooking i miss as it is her company, her laugh, her conversations with me, her silly phraseology (like the word "spaghett"; just the general physicality of her being here.
i miss *her*
the essence of *her*
and sometimes that longing sneaks up on me when i least expect it
sometimes i feel it is there, repressed, and lingering in the background

but it always seems to find a way to surface (sooner if not later)

lately it hits me when i'm in the grocery store and pass near the card & floral section. there are all these st. patrick's day cards, balloons, shamrocks -- and (not that st. paddy's day was so all important to us because it wasn't) -- but it reminds me of so much of the fun we would have anticipating, decorating, party planning, surprising, getting to celebrate any holiday--just for the fun of it. (from when i was little, and all through my life and with my daughter--my mom was such an integral part of the joy in my life.) (don't get me wrong--we had our ups and downs and arguments and fights. but we were always genuine with each other. but overall, we were both happy as hell to have each other in our lives.)

and seeing this celebratory stuff in the store just gets to me, you know? i start tearing up. i have to move quickly past it, around it, through it. because i miss that joy--that any little reason to celebrate and have fun, that happiness. it's gone.

it's just been really hard finding that sense of joy again. so far i've been very unsuccessful. and i miss it so badly.

how wonderful it feels to think "i have a wonderful life"

i just want to tell you that if i hadn't been at the receiving end of some pretty unique experiences i'd be completely skeptical of anything other than the "when you're dead you're dead" mindset.

and without launching into my laundry list of examples and experiences i will say with certainty that there is life after this life

(i also believe that the life we are currently in is not the first incarnation we have had, and that we travel in soul groups, plan incarnations, decide on the relationships and roles we will have with each other, and what lessons we can help teach & learn from one another, as well as the joy and happiness we can share)

and, i believe, it is love that keeps us connected to those who have moved on before us; our love for them and their love for us. i believe they either stay with us or move around us or visit every now and then because of their love for us.

"we are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience." --pierre teilhard de chardin

you said "i know this love can't go on forever" -- i think you're mistaken.
your situation / circumstances will alter with time as you grow older (changes in a job, housing, health, physicality, etc.) but love is the one thing that *can* go on forever.
and it does.

of course, i don't expect you will drop all skepticism and suddenly believe what i'm telling you. (but you'll find out--eventually)

check out "through the wormhole; season two"
disc one: is there life after death?
you could probably order it through your library
it looks interesting.

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