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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 04:56 AM
Number of posts: 27,711

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maybe a lot of this relationship was lost a long time ago?

"Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away"

it seems you were/are angry with him (and resentful?) and that overrides and overshadows other feelings and emotions.

and because of his age i'm guessing there was some responsibility, stress, and pressure put on you to help him/watch over him/take care of him. ?

not everyone gets along, personalities clash, family dynamics get skewed. and we are all far from perfect. and i think that's when the idea of forgiveness comes into play--to forgive someone else for their indifference, inconsideration, imperfections, and unintentional cruelties. (and just because you forgive them doesn't make you instantly like them or care about them)

i suppose no one can grieve over someone when they do not consider their absence a loss.

i had a pretty good relationship with my dad but we would still get into some really stupid, loud fights. i remember him saying, in the middle of one of our fights, that i would miss him when he was gone. and i shouted back at him that of course i would miss him but i wouldn't miss these fucking fights!

and that turned out to be true. i never missed our fights/arguments. but i missed him and all the positive things he brought to my life. (unlike my mom where i continue to miss every aspect we shared--both good and bad, including the fights.)

i'm sorry you didn't have a better relationship with your father.
i'm sorry you missed out on having a positive relationship with him but plenty of people do not have positive relationships with their parents or other family members; you are certainly not alone when it comes to that.

in a way, you and i are in similar boats headed in the opposite direction.
while you said "It's just weird not to grieve when society on the whole expects you to do that" i could say about myself: "it's just weird not to get over it and move on when society on the whole expects you to do that."

and i think either way, whichever direction we're headed, it's okay.

i'm so sorry

"To Those I Love And Those Who Love Me

When I Am Gone, Release Me, Let Me Go
I Have Fulfilled My Duty Here You Know
You Must Not Tie Yourself To Me With Tears
Be Thankful For Our Many Years
I Gave To You My Love. You Can Only Guess
How Much You Gave To Me In Happiness
I Thank You For The Love You Each Have Shown
But Now Itís Time I Traveled On Alone
So Grieve Awhile For Me, If Grieve You Must,
Then Let Your Grief Be Comforted By Trust
Itís Only For A Time That We Must Part
So Bless The Memories Within Your heart
Though You Canít See Or Touch Me, Iíll Be Near
And If You Listen With Your Heart, Youíll Hear
All My Love Around You From Morn Til Night,
Iíll Forever Have You In My Sight
And Then When You Must Come This Way Alone
Iíll Greet You With A Smile And Say
Welcome Home!"

--author unknown
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