December 21, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Third Season: Mad Country

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Third Season: Mad Country

Season 2: https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029078791
Season 1: https://www.democraticunderground.com/1016169212

Welcome back to the complete episodic recap of the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So we survived Donald Trump's first year of his presidency, and as you can imagine it was a huge disaster. So much that we had to devote our entire season finale to recapping the whole damn year in six short entries. Yes that's not always possible but sometimes it happens. Anyway since so much crazy shit happened in the year that was 2018, that from June when we started this season, through December, there's just too much news to be able to handle. So like we've done with seasons 1 and 2 so far, here's every edition of the half year from June - December of 2017. You had it all - you had treason. You had Vice President Peter Griffin. You had national anthem protests. You had disasters and mass shootings. And the hot workplace sex. Don't forget the hot workplace sex. Well, it was more creepy than hot. Anyway these 27 editions are here for your enjoyment and my comedy. And we'll be continuing to title our seasons to mirror that of one of my favorite shows on TV right now - Gotham. Season 3 of Gotham is titled Mad City, so we'll be calling this one "Mad Country". Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Edition #3-1: Mad Country: The Kids Are Alt Right Edition (6/7/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029171627

To start season 3, we introduce our beautiful brand new set. Donald Trump pulls out of the Paris Climate Change Accord, pissing off nearly the entire world. Trump also reacts very poorly to a recent terrorist attack in London, and his ties to the Mafia are exposed when 19 members of a notorious New York Crime Family are arrested. Ivanka Trump celebrates Memorial Day with champagne popsicles. Kentucky governor Matt Bevin and the Oregon GOP offer insane alternatives to dealing with public violence. We consult the Free Speech Police about last week’s edition of Real Time With Bill Maher, where he might have said something racist. And we play a game of “Who’s The Snowflake”. And finally this week we take the first leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the first destination being none other than Viva La France!
Live Musical Guest: Flogging Molly

Edition #3-2: Mad Country: Don’t Beauregard That Joint Edition (6/14/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029203076

We pay tribute to the late, great Adam West. Donald Trump shoots himself in the foot over the Comey testimony. Meanwhile offering his own, and someone called “Reality Winner” is claiming NSA secrets. Ivanka Trump makes a case for the world’s tiniest violin. We try the new Covfefe Cocktail at the DC Bar in Washington, DC. We ask “Sharia Law Protestors – How Are They Still A Thing?”. John McCain gives bizarre testimony on Capital Hill while offering an equally bizarre excuse. Evergreen College loses control of its’ students after an inquiry about the school’s racial policies goes horribly south. We debut two new features on the show – “This Fucking Guy” where we nominate crazy religious zealots, and Megyn Kelly probably shouldn’t have had Alex Jones on her show. And finally this week we take the second leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the second destination being none other than France’s neighbors, Italy!
Live Musical Guest: Case/Lang/Veirs

Edition #3-3: Wheel Of Corruption: The Curse Of The Black Pearl Edition (6/21/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029233487

Alex Jones goes nuclear during his interview with Megyn Kelly. Dangerous political rhetoric becomes a real problem when a lone guy with a gun takes his frustrations out on a practice for the Congressional Baseball game. Trump supporters go nuclear in their hatred of liberals. Julius Caesar plays get interrupted and Trump supporters launch a wave of death threats aimed at the wrong theater. Dave Daubenmire gets this week’s “This Fucking Guy” award. Trump cries that he’s the victim of a political witch hunt and lies about his poll numbers. Gene Simmons attempts to patent the rock n’ roll devil horns. We play another round of “Who’s The Snowflake?”. Franklin Graham shows an extreme level of Christian hypocrisy. All this plus we hit the third installment of our World Tour 2017 and discuss the corporate greed and political turmoil that is hitting the ancient nation of Greece pretty hard.
Live Musical Guest: Against Me!

Edition #3-4: Mad Country: Everybody’s Lawyering Up For The Weekend Edition (6/28/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029263459

Details of the GOP’s healthcare bill are released, and it’s not good. In fact it gives more to the rich and less to the poor. Mike Cernovich gets caught paying protestors. Many members of the conservative media are advocating for civil war. We enlist the help of the Dude and Walter to solve the mystery of the Yukon’s missing toe. We turn the tables on those trying to get Nancy Pelosi fired. Trump gloats about the GOP’s big win in Georgia’s 6th, but exactly how big of a win was it? We also ask “Project Veritas: How Is This Still A Thing?”. And finally this week we take the fourth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the fourth destination being none other than Ireland – an island country with a rich history, some of the most beautiful scenery you’ve ever seen, and run by some of the ugliest people you’ve ever seen!
Live Musical Guest: Depeche Mode

*Top 10 takes a week off for July 4th weekend*

Edition #3-5:Mad Country: Diary Of A Wimpy Trump Edition (7/12/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029317747

Trump goes to Poland as a part of his World Deplorable Tour 2017 and has supporters bussed in from all over Poland. Trump meets with Putin like a kid getting sent to the principal’s office, while Donald Trump Jr drops a bombshell about Trump’s Russian dealings. A Reddit user earns international notoriety after Trump tweets a meme he created. Jury selection for the Martin Shkreli trial begins. We open up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network to compare merchandise sold on Alex Jones’ Infowars and Gwenyth Paltrow’s GOOP. Alex Jones has a batshit crazy theory involving NASA, children, and Mars. Chris Christie spends his July 4th giving the middle finger to New Jersey. Hobby Lobby CEO Steve Green gets caught smuggling ancient religious artifacts to build a religious museum. We tell you about some stupid people. All this plus the next edition of our World Tour is going to Merry Old England! Keep calm and chive on, and don’t forget to mind the gap!
Live Musical Guest: Iron Maiden

Edition #3-6: Mad Country: Little Douche Coup Edition (7/19/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029344935

Donald Trump Jr. flat out literally admits to committing treason. Trump’s idea of a “Made In America” week backfires on him spectacularly. We explore a member of Trump’s attorney team – Rob Goldstone and his unusual love of odd hats. Jeff Sessions and Donald Trump both invite known hate groups and pastors to the White House for separate prayer sessions. Kid Rock and Caitlyn Jenner both consider running for Senate. Sean Hannity lives in an alternate universe. Ann Coulter goes apeshit after getting her seat moved on a Delta Airlines flight. We tell you some more tales of some absolutely ridiculously stupid people. And finally this week we take the sixth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the sixth destination being none other than the original home of Oktoberfest, Germany!
Live Musical Guest: KMFDM

Edition #3-7: Wheel Of Corruption: Dead Man’s Chest Edition (7/27/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029376481

Jared Kushner lies to the Senate Intelligence Committee about his ties to Russian diplomats – again and again. Trump hires a new White House communications director who may be the most Trump-esque hire he’s had to date. Trump speaks in front of the annual Boy Scout Jamboree in West Virginia and turns it into a Nazi rally. Sean Spicer quits the Trump administration and steals a mini refrigerator from the WH press briefing room. Chris Christie gets added to “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. We also explore how Dana Rohrabacher is still a Congressman. The alt right holds a protest in front of CNN’s Atlanta headquarters and nobody shows up. We explore the batshit insane commentary from conservative fire brand Wayne Allen Root in “This Fucking Guy”. OJ Simpson gets paroled and we talk about a bizarre job offer for him. And finally this week we take the seventh leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, we head up north to the land of cross country skiing, death metal, lutefisk, and Vikings as we visit Norway!
Live Musical Guest: Ulver

Edition #3-8: Mad Country: Nobody Beats The Mooch! Edition (8/2/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029407433

The GOP’s latest attempt to repeal Obamacare and replace it crashed and burned like Wiley Coyote trying to catch the Road Runner. We explore the morning drive time banter between Donald Trump and Anthony Scarmucci in “DT & The Mooch” before he got fired. Trump bans transgender people from serving in the military, only that was a lie. Sarah Huckabee Sanders exploits a 9 year old for partisan politics and we contemplate what a Trump themed birthday party might look like. We trash Trump’s taste in interior decorating after he tells club members that the White House is a “dump”. Trump also gives an extremely divisive speech in front of a police department who’s being investigated for shady activity. Climate change deniers are in full denial mode when some alarming new stats are released in light of Al Gore’s latest documentary. We ask – “The Seth Rich Conspiracy: How Is This Still A Thing?”. We also tell you about the seedy underbelly behind the megachurch Hillsong that Justin Beiber joined. And finally this week we take the eighth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, where we find that anything goes in Sweden – including your online privacy!
Live Musical Guest: Ghost

Edition #3-9: Mad Country: 2 Fiery 2 Furious Edition (8/9/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029436571

It’s quite possible that Trump could lead the whole world into nuclear armageddon by threatening North Korea. Trump also takes his first vacation, although we’re not exactly sure from what. Sinclair Broadcasting Group bring a dictator-esque version of state run television to the United States. Dan Patrick reveals that the state’s war on sanctuary cities was really just about putting democrats in their place. We detail a lot of the Alt Right’s fury including Stephen Miller possibly taking over for Angry Spice, Richard Spencer’s planned Nazi KKK rally in Virginia, 4Chan’s scam against Starbucks, the Alt Right’s Google boycott, and a t-shirt company’s ill fated attempt to bring back the swastika. Bob Murray sues John Oliver for defamation and the ACLU’s briefing on the case is one of the funniest things ever. We debut a new segment called “Holy Shit” detailing the Bible Studies taking place in the White House. We ask “Hating Colin Kaepernick – how is this still a thing?”. And we also tell you some astonishing tales of some incredibly stupid people in “People Are Dumb”. And finally this week we take the ninth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the ninth (NEIN!!!!) destination being none other than the land of chocolate, waffles, and beer - Belgium!
Live Musical Guest: Portugal The Man

Edition #3-10: Mad Country: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Hitler Edition (8/16/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029474122

What starts as an alt right rally at the University Of Virginia turns into an absolute clusterfuck when riots break out and a Dodge Challenger plows into a group of protestors. The Alt Right makes excuses for why it turned out the way the rally did. Meanwhile, in Washington, Trump gives a speech that was supposed to denounce the violence, except he failed at that. Trump also escalates his feud with Kim Jon Un and takes the fight to Venezuela. We recap the week’s insane rantings from the religious right in a new installment of “Holy Shit”. The Alt Right makes Google their new asshole in response to the way Google fired a developer for circulating a memo questioning the company’s hiring practices. “Dr.” Sebastian Gorka gets profiled in “This Fucking Guy”. We ask how Blackwater is still a thing . We tell you about some more tales of some ridiculously stupid people including Wal-Mart’s poor taste back to school display. And we end this week with the next stop on our World Tour where we head to the land of canals, bikes, legal marijuana, and possible food poisoning as we visit The Netherlands!
Live Musical Guest: Blink 182

Edition #3-11: Mad Country: Heel The Nation (The Weeping Nazi) Edition (8/24/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029505950

The Alt Right’s “free speech” rallies get drowned out in various cities around the country. Alt Right activists cry foul when they’re outed as Nazis. Trump fired Steve Bannon, and he is going to war with the Trump administration now that he’s back at Breitbart. We also recap Trump's insane Afghanistan speech where he walks back a major campaign promise about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. After protests in Charlottesville and Boston, Trump also attempts to “heel the nation” in a hilariously misspelled tweet. Thanks to Trump's comments, his mega mansion Mar-A-Lago is losing business left and right in response. In another segment of "Holy Shit", Jerry Falwell Jr is angering Liberty University graduates through his continued support of Trump’s reckless policies while Trump's biggest supporters - the religious right - are convinced he was installed by God. Alex Jones attempts “man on the street” interviews and they backfire on him spectacularly. We have another installment of “People Are Dumb” because there’s a lot of stupid people out there. And finally this week we take the eleventh leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the eleventh destination being none other than Czech Republic!
Live Musical Guest: 311

Edition #3-12: Wheel Of Corruption: On Stranger Tides Edition (8/30/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029533855

We talk heavily about Trump’s reaction to Hurricane Harvey which destroys Houston – and it goes about as well as you might expect. Sheriff Joe gets a presidential pardon amid rising racial tension growing in America. Fundamentalist prosperity gospel preacher Joel Osteen closes his Houston megachurch in the wake of the horrific flooding of Houston. Trump also escalates his ban on transgender troops serving in the military. A right wing protest group called Patriot Prayer plans a rally in San Francisco but gets shut down by just about everyone in the city. We tell you how you can better get to know your Alt Right. Alex Jones loses it big time, and we recommend products from the Infowars store for you to buy. We profile Roger Stone in this week’s “This Fucking Guy”. We tell you yet more tales of some really stupid people including an unbelievable broadcasting flub from ESPN. And finally this week, we end with the latest stop in our ongoing World Tour 2017 – we’re going on a safari as we head to South Africa!
Live Musical Guest: Mumford & Sons feat. Baaba Maal & Beatenburg

*Top 10 takes a week off for Labor Day*

Edition #3-13: Mad Country: Stop Making Insanely Good Sense Edition (9/13/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029590269

Not even a week after Hurricane Harvey utterly destroys Houston, Hurricane Irma looks to ravage Florida, and Trump is more concerned that the poor, down trodden uber rich aren’t getting their fair share. We explore Trump’s spirituality or complete lack thereof. Meanwhile in Miami, Rush Limbaugh mocks Irma as a liberal conspiracy, then skips town. Virgin Atlantic CEO’s Richard Branson’s private island gets destroyed in the hurricane. We explore a new segment called “This Week In Hate”. Martin Shkreli wants to “Bring Da Ruckus” in his security fraud trial by selling his copy of the Wu-Tang Clan’s album. The Alt Right turns their creep factor up way past 11 in their lust of pop star Taylor Swift. We have a special hurricane edition of “People Are Dumb”, because even the hurricane didn’t stop the stupids. And finally this week we take the thirteenth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, and we are headed to South America to visit one of the biggest countries in the world, the almighty Brazil!
Live Musical Guest: Sepultura

Edition #3-14: Mad Country: First Amendment And Boobs Edition (9/20/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029614868

The Alt Right's "Mother Of All Rallies" is a colossal disaster. Another Alt Right rally in Virginia aimed at protecting a confederate monument goes bust. Talk of nuclear war escalates between the US and North Korea, and Trump is only making this worse when he gives a terrifying speech to the UN. Trump's attorneys were caught openly blabbing information about the Trump - Russia investigations in front of the New York Times building. Alex Jones thinks Donald Trump's drinks are being drugged. Our segment "Holy Shit" is back because right wing religious zealots are ramping up their war against LGBT Americans in unbelievably horrifying ways. We tell you about more tales of stupid people including the Mad Pooper from Colorado Springs and a German guy who attempted to have sex with a bar bell weight. Gene Simmons wants to sell you a box set for $50,000. And we end by visiting the next stop of our world tour as we visit a country with the highest elevations and the lowest points on earth - Argentina!
Live Musical Guest: Imagine Dragons

Edition #3-15: Mad Country: Diary Of A Wimpy Trump: Dotard Days Edition (9/27/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029643382

Trump's Alabama rally for Luther Strange takes a turn when he denounces Colin Kaepernick from last year's kneeling protests and all hell breaks loose. This causes a divide in the NFL with teams standing against Trump and a small number of teams for Trump's insane rant. Trump calls Kim Jong Un "Little Rocket Man" while talks of nuclear war escalate, while Un refers to Trump as a "dotard". NASCAR on the other hand sides with Trump and announces it will fire anyone who protests the national anthem. In another edition of "Holy Shit", the religious right is cranking the crazy up way past 11 when it comes to the national anthem protests in the NFL. We profile Roy Moore's list of ultra extreme right wing friends in "This Fucking Guy". Alex Jones has some angry tirades on Jimmy Kimmel and the NFL anthem protests. We have more tales of incredibly stupid people to tell you about. All this plus the next stop on our World Tour - it's the land of the Statue Of Liberty, the home of musicals, and the land of the Yankees as we visit New York! (New York City????)
Live Musical Guest: Gogol Bordello

Edition #3-16: Mad Country: The Wrong Remains The Same Edition (10/6/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029673583

We talk about the aftermath of the worst terrorist attack in US History. Alex Jones attempts to justify the Vegas shooting as a liberal conspiracy. Bill O'Reilly attempts to justify mass murder as "being the price of freedom". Donald Trump calls the Vegas shooting a "miracle". Donald Trump's trip to Puerto Rico is as much of a disaster as the hurricane itself. In another edition of "Holy Shit", we denounce the religious rights' attempts to justify the Vegas shooting as being the work of a wrathful god taking his revenge out on sinners. The alt right is back in the news and Vox Day has a line of comic books he wants to sell you that nobody is going to read. We bring up the tragic death of Tom Petty to illustrate the harm fake news does to society. We debut a new segment called "Beating A Dead Horse" - Trump still won't let the NFL protesting madness slide. In "I Need A Drink", George Foreman wants to fight Russian bot Steven Segal. And we end with the next stop of our World Tour where I get to spend some time in my home state of California!
Live Musical Guest: Green Day

Edition #3-17: Wheel Of Corruption: At World's End Edition (10/11/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029699701

In the aftermath of the Vegas shooting, the GOP pro gun talking points come full circle. Gun Nut Apologists go out in full force to protect mass killing machines from being banned. We discuss a controversial gun attachment device called a "bump stock". Mike Pence uses government money to stage a publicity stunt to give the middle finger to the 49ers. Donald Trump attacks members of his own party and goes rogue in his quest to bring World War III to the masses. White male social justice warriors take it out on Bethesda during the forthcoming release of "Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus", while Milo Yiannopolous and Richard Spencer get kicked out of a bar doing a Nazi salute during karaoke. Harvey Weinstein becomes a member of the coveted Pussy Grabber's Club along with Screen Junkies' Andy Signore. We have another installment of "Holy Shit" - where, in the name of JAY-SUS, the Christian right are about to unleash the horror known as "religious freedom" upon the entire country. In "People Are Dumb", we switch it up with our own interpretation of the Doors' classic "People Are Strange" and tell you about fails from the Los Angeles Chargers and our old pal Florida Man. And we end with the next stop of our world tour as we visit the land of the rising sun, Japan - a fascinating place run by some really horrible people!
Live Musical Guest: X Japan

Edition #3-18: Mad Country: You Knew The Job Was Dangerous When You Took It Edition (10/18/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029725443

In a very special 2 part installment of "Holy Shit", we recap all the insanity going down at the annual Values Voters Summit - which is different this year because Trump addressed a known hate group. Trump rescinds an Obama era deal with Iran that could possibly start World War III. Trump calls the widow of an American soldier killed in Niger and makes some completely insensitive and reckless remarks. We take a look at some batshit crazy stories involving the GOP that may have slipped through the cracks. We ask - "Newt Gingrich's career - How Is This Still A Thing?". We discuss the dangers of a Mike Pence presidency in the event that Trump is impeached. Lindsay Lohan defends Harvey Weinstein. In "I Need A Drink", we explore the craze at your local McDonalds courtesy of the hit show Rick & Morty and their love of the discontinued Szechwan Sauce. And the next stop of our World Tour 2017 does it Gangnam Style as we visit the De-Militarized Zone and the nation of South Korea!
Live Musical Guest: BTS

Edition #3-19: Mad Country: The New Adventures Of Robin Trump & Liddle Bob Edition (10/25/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029750604

The Alt Right gets taken down a peg after supporters of Richard Spencer are convinced they're fighting a race war and literally fire the first shots. Richard Spencer has a rally at the University of Florida and gets heckled, while planning to sue universities who won't hire him to speak, and that won't end well. Nobody wants to attend Mike Pence's upcoming GOP fundraiser in Denver, Colorado. We also open up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network to tell you about a bizarre new Trump related product. Barstool Sports gets a show cancelled after one episode because of their disgusting behavior. In "Holy Shit", we profile some extreme conspiracy theories coming from the End Times worshippers about the Vegas shooting, Hollywood, and LGBT rights. Alex Jones loses it when discussing drag queens reading books to school children, while the products sold on Infowars.com may contain sperm killing led. Jenna Jameson has a beef with Playboy over hiring a transgender model. We have another installment of "People Are Dumb" talking about some bizarre crimes committed by our friend Florida Man, and Donald Trump Jr. Finally we end this week with another segment of our World Tour - this time heading to China - a country that could possibly kill us all, but not for the reasons you might think!
Live Musical Guest: Macklemore

Edition #3-20: Mad Country: The David Cop-A-Feel & Friends Hour Edition (11/1/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029781344

The White Male Groper's Club adds some very high profile new members including several high profile actors and a former president accused of sexual assault. Whitefish Energy is under hot water after attempting to get an unprecedented contract to rebuild Puerto Rico despite that the company has just two employees. Paul Manafort turns himself into the FBI amid accusations of conspiring to collude with Russia. The Alt Right's latest attempt to stage a white supremacist rally in Tennessee crashes and burns like their last few rallies have, while Milo Yiannopolous' appearance at Cal State Fullerton goes about as well as you would expect. Donald Trump attempts to turn people away from the Manafort probe with some insane tweet storms. In our weekly review of all things Holy, "Holy Shit", we take a look at right wing religion's attempt to justify sexual assault, among other insanity. We delve into the world of sports where the AL champion Houston Astros and Houston Texas are finding themselves in a bit of hot water over some racist remarks, while refs at a New Jersey high school game walk out over anthem protests. In "I Need A Drink", we celebrate the end of Kid Rock's senate campaign with some cheap champagne and even cheaper light beer. Thank god. Plus our latest installment of our World Tour takes us to the land of Donald Trump's BFF Rodrigo Duterte, The Philippines!
Live Musical Guest: SOJA

Edition #3-21: Wheel Of Corruption: Dead Men Tell No Tales Edition (11/8/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029819026

We recap what might be one of the best Democratic turnouts in an election and the biggest loser is arguably President Donald Trump. But back to the regular news. Which is usually depressing as hell. Another week, another mass shooting. This time it is taking place in a church in a small town in Texas. We ask: "The NRA A+ ratings system: How Is This Still A Thing?". We recap Trump's insane trip to Japan where he meets Pico Taro and doesn't bow to the Japanese prime minister. Gun Nut Apologists try their hardest not to make the shooting an issue about guns, and even Trump joins in on the nonsense. The White Male Groper's Club adds more high profile new members, while Harvey Weinstein stalked his victims through targeting. In a special installment of "Holy Shit", our weekly sermon on all things holy, we recap the religious right's horribly predictable reaction to the Texas Church Shooting. Back to creepy perverts, Rick Perry makes some stunningly stupid comments on sexual assault. John Schnatter of Papa John's pizza says that NFL's sagging ratings are hurting his business, making his chain the official pizza of the alt right. In "I Need A Drink", we discuss Amazon's extremely controversial new product - the Amazon Key. Plus the latest round of our World Tour takes us to the land of the Taj Mahal and Bollywood - India!
Live Musical Guest: Prophets Of Rage

Edition #3-22: Mad Country: You Can't Always Grope Who You Want Edition (11/15/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029846994

Roy Moore joins the White Male Groper's club. We talk about all the insanity surrounding his latest accusations and what they mean for the Family Values crowd. Jeff Sessions lies have their own body and character to them like that aging box of Omaha Steaks in your refrigerator. We recap Donald Trump's latest trip to Asia where he rekindled his creepy and insane bromance with the Philippines' mass murdering dictator Rodrigo Duterte. We also talk about the latest developments in Trump's border wall controversy. In another special edition of "Holy Shit", we recap the Christian right's grappling with the outing of Roy Moore as yet another member of the Good Ol' Perverts Club. After Keurig announces a pull out of advertising from the Sean Hannity show, Hannity fans retaliate by destroying their $300 coffee makers. The Alt Right has begun the Sandy Hooking of the Roy Moore saga when Jack Posobiec doxes one of Roy Moore's accusers. Not to mention Tomi Lahren is batshit crazy. We have another installment of "People Are Dumb" which includes a Florida man attempting to house a squirrel and the German police mistaking a WWII era bomb for a giant pickle. Finally the latest installment of our World Tour 2017 takes us to the land down under, Australia, where we discuss their insane special election!
Live Musical Guest: King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard

Edition #3-23: Mad Country: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition (11/22/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029876258

Al Franken is the subject of an attempt by alt right at a partisan power grab over sexual harassment allegations. The White Male Groper's Club adds yet more new members including Transparent's Jeffrey Tambor, Rocky's Sylvester Stallone, and PBS' Charlie Rose, among others. We talk about the infighting caused by the GOP over their horrible tax plan. Trump unexpectedly turns the public opinion around on crazy sports father LaVar Ball after he trashes the UCLA basketball players who were arrested in China. We have a new installment of "How Is This Still A Thing" where we ask: The Presidential Turkey Pardon: How Is This Still A Thing? In our weekly sermon of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we tour Washington DC's insane new $500 million Bible museum. Gene Simmons gets banned from Fox News for life after a string of abusive behavior, which we are not all surprised at. We also talk about how a Navy pilot managed to draw a giant penis in the sky over the state of Washington. We have another installment of "People Are Dumb" which includes the Borat impersonating tourists arrested in Kazakhstan, a California man who *REALLY* wants to prove the earth is flat, a Tennessee man who shot his wife while discussing gun control, and a university does a deep dive into why the Steve Martin classic sketch "King Tut" is racially offensive, or is it? All this plus the next installment of our World Tour where we tour the land of Mecca and the holy country of Islam, Saudi Arabia!
Live Musical Guest: Queens Of The Stone Age

Edition #3-24: Mad Country: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition (11/29/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029900889

Back from a rather uneventful Thanksgiving, Trump wastes no time embarrassing the country by making an offensive gesture to Elizabeth Warren in front of a group of Native Americans. Trump continues his fight with crazy UCLA sports dad LaVar Ball. Project Veritas gets owned trying to catfish the Washington Post. Trump marks his territory like a dog when it comes to calling out Fake News. We explore a Trump recommended news site called "MAGA Pill". In our weekly segment of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we talk about how the Christian right plans to screw us over by revoking the Johnson Amendment in Trump's new tax plan. Roy Moore's sexual harassment allegations aren't going away - they're about to get much worse. In a new installment of "This Fucking Guy", we profile Infowars correspondent and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich. Guns were the hot ticket item on this year's Black Friday. For the second year in a row. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" where we discuss the California man who's planning to take his flat earth conspiracy theories into the earth's atmosphere - literally. And the next installment in our World Tour takes us to the desert land of tall buildings, fast cars, private jets and luxury yachts - the United Arab Emirates!
Live Musical Guest: Liam Gallagher

Edition #3-25: Mad Country: America's Next Top Fake News Network Edition (12/6/17) - 2 Year Anniversary!!!
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029936407

Robert Mueller drops the big one and arrests Michael Flynn in his ongoing investigation against Donald Trump. Trump retweets a British extremist group known for extreme anti-Islamic rhetoric. A new tell all book reveals Trump's habits on the campaign trail including a completely insane regular order at McDonalds. Trump sets out to find out who's America's Next Top Fake News Network (spoiler alert: It's Fox!). In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, we discuss the potentially far-reaching implications in the SCOTUS trial of Mullins V Phillips, better known as the gay wedding cake case. Elsewhere, the Alt Right has essentially created their own internet complete with their own currency, religion, social media, and crowd funding. Alex Jones may have ingested a little bit too much lead poisoning through the Infowars Store. Roy Moore cries foul over his opponents. We have a new installment of "People Are Dumb" which include a man who takes the show "Forged In Fire" a little too seriously, a guy having drunk, naked sex in a moving car, and Florida Man does his best impression of a skit from the classic comedy Reno 911. All this plus the next stop of our World Tour where we head to the land of hockey, poutine, curling, Molson's Lager, and Tim Horton's - the Great White North, Canada!
Live Musical Guest: Death From Above 1979

Edition #3-26: Mad Country: The Senator's Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition (12/13/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029979126

The GOP manages to successfully take down Al Franken with no trial, convictions, jury, or even an executioner. We recap the results of the Alabama special election. Donald Trump declares Jerusalem the capital of Israel to less than amusing fan fare, but what was up with his teeth? More abuse victims come forward with claims of sexual harassment against Donald Trump. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we get to gloat that Christian right celebrity Kim Davis has a challenger - and it's a guy she denied a marriage license to! Twice! The Alt Right attempts to catfish Sam Seder into making sexually degrading comments, but it backfires on them spectacularly. A kid from Tennessee becomes a political pawn in the anti-bullying movement, attracting the attention of celebrities and Go Fund Me patrons everywhere, but we soon learn of his mom's hardcore racism. In "I Need A Drink", we're going to kick back with a glass of Egg Nog and tell you all the gift giving opportunities you can give your right wing friends and relatives. And the penultimate stop of our 2017 World Tour takes us to the land of beautiful beaches, plantains, fine cigars, classic cars, murderous dictators, and trade embargos - the Caribbean nation of Cuba!
Live Musical Guest: Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

Edition #3-27: Mad Country: 2017 Year In Review Edition (12/20/17)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210007660

SEASON FINALE: In a top 10 first, we devote the entire edition to recap the insane year that was 2017. January and February gave birth to the Trump administration. March and April saw the birth of the white supremacist movement while the GOP desperately tried and failed multiple times to repeal Obamacare. May and June saw Trump taking his first World Tour, while the GOP prematurely celebrated passing Obamacare and people were caught at Mar-A-Lago taking pictures with the nuclear football guy. July and August saw Trump going to Poland, Martin Shkreli going to prison, and the dawn of the menace known as Anthony Scaramucci. September and October saw Texas drowning, California on fire, a horrible mass shooting in Vegas, and Trump marginally pretending to care about the victims. In November and December, we saw the birth and rise of the "Me Too" movement where sexual assault abuser w ere getting their much needed just desserts, while December saw the insane election of Roy Moore and the fall of Al Franken. We do something fun and break down the Daily Stormer's playbook, which was recently leaked. In a special "Holy Shit", we recap the religious rights' greatest hits in 2017. In "People Are Dumb", we tell you some of our favorite stories of stupid people in 2017. And the grand finale of our 2017 World Tour saves the best for last as we head south of the border to Trump's favorite country, Mexico!
Live Musical Guest: Rise Against

December 20, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-27: 2017 Year In Review Edition (Season finale!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-27: 2017 Year In Review Edition (Season finale!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! I’m going to warn you ahead of time – this is going ot be a long edition. Might be our longest yet. This is it people – it’s our season finale! And man it seems like it’s been a long and arduous journey through this insane year hasn’t it? Well let’s power through this and get to Rise Against and we’ll see you in the next year, yeah? So this is our year end year in review edition, and it’s the first time we’ve ever done or will attempt to do one of these. Now I know new news is being made this week – I mean you’ve got the Palins doing Palin things, the tax scam vote (aka the Trillion Dollar Heist), and you have Trump spending the remaining days of this year on the golf course. But there is one thing I wanted to show in the final intro of the year. So… Ann Coulter needs to see a psychotherapist or something. Last week, she sent out this unbelievable tweet about what it means to be single in 2017. Can we show that?



Wow. Holy shit. Whew. Where do I even begin with this one? Can someone get Ann a puppy or something? I mean did anyone see that movie Inside Out where we saw all the emotions going through a young kid’s life? Thank you sir! Yeah there’s one guy in the audience going “WOOO!!!!”. It would be like that movie except 3 of the emotions died and Ann was just stuck with Anger and Sadness. Maybe Ann would just kick the puppy and starve it to death! I don’t know, I am just guessing! OK that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first you know it’s the holidays and most of the good talk shows are on vacation. So we’re going to get you in the holiday spirit by showing you this awesome clip of the Foo Fighters on Saturday Night Live this week where they played a medley of Christmas music:



So this is our season finale. This is it – it has come to an end. Well, all good things must at some point am I right? Well before we go for this year – we’re going to recap the year that was. In the first slot is January and February (1) which saw the beginning of Trump and his attempts to repeal Obamacare which crashed and burned hard. In the second slot is March and April which saw the rise of White Supremacism, Trump’s cabinet picks, and the worst Super Bowl party ever. In the third slot is the months May and June (3). Yes summertime – when Trump stopped embarrassing America directly and started embarrassing America internationally! In the fourth slot is July and August (4) we saw the horrifying carnage and destruction of the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville and Trump escalating his feud with North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, and the rise and fall of Anthony Scaramucci.. In the fifth slot is September and October (5). Fall was the return of football and the return of one of Fox News’ favorite punching bags: the national anthem protests! Plus we had the horrifying Vegas tragedy and conspiracy theorists coming out of the woodwork. And finally in the number 6 slot, rounding out the year – November and December. In November we saw the rise of the #MeToo movement which saw white male gropers getting knocked on their ass, while December we saw the insane special election between Doug Jones and Roy Moore for Alabama Senate. Now that we got that out of the way – in the number 7 slot we’re going to do something fun. Huffington Post got a hold of the Daily Stormer’s (7) playbook and we are going to break down the juiciest bits of it. At number 8 is our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, and we are going to recap the religious right at their most insane during the year end. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is our favorite “People Are Dumb” and we’re going to recap some of our favorite stories of stupid people in the year that was 2017. And finally – this is it people! We are fucking done! The final stop of our World Tour 2017! And we are going to be sipping on some margaritas and relaxing on the warm beaches of Cancun as we visit Mexico! And we also have some music from one of my favorites – the one the only Rise Against! They have a great new album out called “Wolves” and they are simply unbelievable live. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]January & February: Trump Begins
[br] [/font] [br]

January 2017. It’s the end of one era of prosperity and the beginning of… well… whatever the exact opposite of prosperity is. Donald Trump is officially inaugurated as the 45th president of the United States of America. At a time when there is such a deep division in the country that it would take a miracle or the exact opposite of that. So how did Trump ring in the new year that would see him become the next president?



That’s right – that is president Donald J. Trump hanging out with Joseph “Joey No Socks” Cinque of the Gambino crime family! Bravo, well done, Mr. President! Take a bow! But January also marked the beginnings of a mad man. Think of it like super heroes – this is Donald Trump’s origin story.





Then – it was revealed by the CIA (motto: Now with 50% more snooping!) that one of the most powerful people in the world – shirtless dressage champion Vladimir Putin – may have helped aide in Donald Trump’s election.





Wait wait wait wait wait… did Trump just make a Nazi Germany comparison? People have been comparing him to Hitler. Maybe this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black? But then things got weird – and in a year where a lot of weird shit happens, would this be the first instance? And the inauguration hadn’t even happened yet!





Oh come on, you know it’s bad when the most interesting man in the world does it! But this might be one of my favorite things to come from the Trump administration so far. Remember Betsy DeVos? Well, she had the most batshit insane argument when it comes to guns in schools because – wait for it – bears!





That’s real! That happened! Because… bears! Well then the inauguration happened, and as you can imagine it was a complete shit show. I mean Trump couldn’t even book the actual Bruce Springsteen, or even a Bruce Springsteen cover band!





So Trump couldn’t get the B Street Band, or the Z Street Band. You know who he got instead? A band called 3 Doors Down! You might remember them from that one hit they had when your kid was in middle school – “Superman”. Now let’s fast forward to February and one of my favorite memes to come from the Trump administration – the Bowling Green Massacre!





I love that! And one other thing from Februrary that I want to touch on – Milo Yiannopolous! Remember when Bill Maher had the professional troll on and he went belly up? Let’s show that video!



Excuse me a minute…


[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]March – April: Treason Season
[br] [/font] [br]

Ah, spring! Summer is not quite here, and everyone has that post-winter spring in their step. Except for Trump – he didn’t know how dangerous the job was when he took it! Well, while it was time for Trump to get the fuck out of America, here back home we were subjected to the conservatives’ annual rah rah conference known as the Conservative Political Action Conference!



Hey! Why can’t we distribute Russian flags at your events? They’re no more offensive than the Purple Heart band aids that you distributed when John Kerry was running for office!



But then in March things got weird for Paul Ryan when he remembered that time he got a raging hard on in college about how great it would be to take away benefits from poor people!





I’ve been to some wild keggers back in my day, and you know what? I never thought to screw over my country! All I could think of was “Why isn’t my beer filled”? Speaking of which, waitress, why isn’t my beer filled? Ah, thank you! Oh and then one of my favorite stories to come out of the month of March is Ann Coulter. Remember her? Remember when she said Russia went crazy and murdered the entire 1980 Miracle On Ice team?





Yeah so that happened. And by the way, I really don’t want to post shit from her site, but sometimes we have no choice! But then remember when Paul Ryan took the Long White House March? You know it was kind of like that movie Billy Lynn’s Long Half Time Walk, except the outcome was even more fucked up!





So now we hit April. Yes those 3 months flew by really quickly didn’t they? Well here’s where treason is the reason for the season – Michael Flynn. You know he committed some possible light treason and now he’s behind bars for it! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!





Well not so much light treason as it is full on fucking insane treason! And the sad thing is they most likely won’t get punished. But there were two stories out of April that I want to touch on. The first was when Trump bombed a country and then forgot which country he just bombed!





And then there was this story that broke about Trump’s love of fast food – particularly the McDonalds Big Mac and how he loves fast food places for their “cleanliness” but then – health inspectors found that Mar-A-Lago didn’t exactly meet health requirements:






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]May – June: Are We Sick Of Winning Yet?
[br] [/font] [br]

Summer time and the livin’s easy… eh maybe it isn’t in Donald Trump’s America. Because if this is what he considers to be MAGA, I don’t want to know what he considers to be losing! Because if you remember May is when the GOP actually did something. And that something is not exactly what one would call winning, but they had a cheap beer and even cheaper champagne celebration when they got Trump’s health care bill passed.





You know America, we went through this “winning” phase before. It was 10 years ago, remember? Well maybe not since most of Charlie Sheen’s fans went to Coachella and did ecstasy. And just like the Charlie Sheen phase, that “winning” accomplished… absolutely nothing!





Yeah… remember that guy? He was our president at one point! And then remember when Trump fired Comey that set off the shit storm that got Mueller involved? Yeah that happened.





And then fast forward to June. Trump once again managed to piss off the entire world when he did something very egregious. Like the last time he pissed off the whole world and did something egregious. And the time before that. And that.





Yeah so that happened. Oh and then one other thing from June was remember when New York City’s Shakesphere In The Park had that controversial remake of Julius Caesar? Well… it was quite possibly one of the craziest things ever. And then it was revealed the crashers were part of a paid protest. D’oh!!!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]July – August: White Light, White Heat, White Supremacy
[br] [/font] [br]

Summer time… and the livin’s easy. Honestly… I got nothing. I mean come on we’re almost done for the holidays. We got one of my favorite bands, Rise Against coming. I mean their equipment is right there! I can see Tim and the guys hanging out back stage! All right, I am getting carried away. We got to power through this thing, damn it! We’re getting into the summer months now. So Trump went to Poland as part of his World Deplorable Tour. And the people of Poland, well, didn’t quite get American history.



Can we show that picture of the crowd?



Yup – they celebrate the confederacy! And then there was Mike Pence who had that famous “Do Not Touch” photo:



Seriously – it’s like Peter Griffin is in charge!



Then we had that horrible terror attack in London that resulted in 10 people dead and Trump of course pretending to marginally care about the victims:





Then we get into August. We think the chaos might have died down a bit. There was a lot that happened. Sinclair Broadcasting purchased 500 local TV stations in an insane media consiladtion deal, while a Google employee went full Pepe The Frog and Trump threatened nuclear Armageddon with North Korea (see: Top 10 #3-9 ). But then there was a little event being held in Charlottesville, Virginia that was being called the “Unite The Right” rally. Well, little did we know this event would shake the country to its’ core. It was billed quite innocently:

https://twitter.com/RichardBSpencer/status/875908026032697344

Worst headlining festival ever, by the way! Yeah I know we’re recycling a lot of the same jokes we used before – it’s the end of the year. Fuck it! Fuck it all, I say!!! Thank you! But here’s how it ended:





Oh and they didn’t actually hold real torches. They used fucking TIKI torches that you can get in the $3.99 bin at your local Home Depot! That would be like if medieval torturers had played Iron Maiden in the torture chambers instead of using an actual Iron Maiden. Not the same thing! Not that I’m belittling Iron Maiden, those guys kick ass. And we had them on the show. Oh and there was also this:





Even Germany was pissed off at us for that. And if there’s one group of people you don’t want to piss off, it’s the Germans!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]September – October: Mass Anthem Protests & Mass Shootings
[br] [/font] [br]

So we’re in the home stretch of finishing out this year folks! And with that comes the return of our favorite national past time – football. Yes the Dodgers and Astros had that insane World Series (and the most uneventful game 7 ever), but football is back everybody! And with that – Fox News gets to hammer one of their favorite punching bags – the national anthem protests started by Colin Kaepernick. But this year they have the help of our favorite president!





And of course the end of summer brings the extremely harsh weather with it, known as the hurricane.



Yup – we got into some major hurricane damage – the hurricanes already rocked the Caribbean and destroyed St. Maarten, and Puerto Rico and then they were headed for Houston. The damage they did to Houston was indescribable. But then there was prosperity pastor Joel Osteen who got the worst of it when this happened:





Hobbits are evil? Can we get a new meme? Seriously? Fuck it, it’s the end of the year. All I want to do is drink some beers and watch some Rise Against! Is that too much to ask? Moving on! So now we come to October and one of the most horrific terror attacks that has ever happened on American soil has occurred. And the biggest offender in the attacks was easily nutritional supplement salesman Alex Jones.





Which led to everyone and everything accusing everything but the guns. And the attachment in question – a bump stock. As someone who is not into guns, I had no idea what this did, so I had to do some research.





And the sad thing is we didn’t learn a god damn thing about guns from that horrible shooting. Because not even after that happened, this happened when Alt Right founder and guy who thinks the game Wolfenstein features too much Nazi killing, Richard Spencer, spoke at the University Of Florida, this happened:





No sorry Cartman there’s no race war. But the even more disturbing thing is how gun nuts responded on Black Friday – which is why I say we didn’t learn a god damn thing. Fuck Black Friday, we should start calling it “Red Friday”.






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]November – December: Sexual Harassment In The Workplace
[br] [/font] [br]

Ah we’re finally almost done for the year in review. Just like we’re almost done for the year everybody! I mean come on we got Rise Against playing tonight! All I want is to have a couple of beers and see Rise Against, is that too much to ask? But we got to power through. Just power through. OK so we had our annual quota for mass shootings met with Vegas. But then while that was going on, we had the birth of the #MeToo movement going. And it was insane. It started with actress Rose McGowan being temporarily suspended from Twitter.



?itemid=8291921

Holy shit! 91 accusers? That is fucking insane! And we’re just now learning the extent of the damage that this guy caused. You know when Trump said “drain the swamp”, he pulled the plug on the wrong drain! But that’s a good thing because a lot of those people needed to go. You had Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Danny Masterson, Morgan Spurlock, Tavis Smiley, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Russell Simmons, Jeffrey Tambor, the list goes on and on. But let’s go to Kevin Spacey for a moment because the allegations kept coming. It’s insane.





Apparently so Mr. President, and this got people wondering – why are we holding our fictional presidents to a higher standard than actual presidents?





You said it, sir! And how about Mario Batali? The hits keep coming!





This surprises me – not because Mr. Batali is a creep, but that people actually watch “The Chew”. But seriously, dude, you can’t PS that shit! That would be like Trump apologizing for Russian collusion and going “I’m sorry to the American people, I let you down. I will resign immediately. PS – buy season one of the Apprentice on Blu Ray! Out today!”. Yeah doesn’t have the same ring to it! Which brings me to Roy Moore. Yeah you knew it was coming. Yeah he was the perverted creepy weirdo who ran for senate and got trounced. The guy banned from a mall!





And then he also got banned from high school football games because he was oogling the cheerleaders, and the cops knew what a creep he is!





Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Ew. Ew. Ew. Excuse me a minute. OK I feel better. But the good news is that he lost!





Yeah that is a well deserved applause! But I think in January we need to take a long, hard look at our infrastructure, because with incidents like these, who needs terrorism?



And:



?itemid=4160067

Holy shit, indeed! Damn! That’s our 2017 year in review everybody!


[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]The Daily Stormer
[br] [/font] [br]

So I promised we were going to do something fun for the 7th entry. We got just 3 more to go before we’re done for the year. So the Daily Stormer – you know, your racist uncle has them bookmarked in his Firefox bookmarks as “Real News”. Last week, the Huffington Post got a hold of their 17 page “playbook” of rules for their members to follow. And it’s quite literally insane.





Whew. Yeah if that’s how they start out, how do they finish? So in the interest of time, we’ve got a few minutes – we wont cover all 17 pages but we will give you a brief run down of the juiciest bits. So of course white supremacists speak in code – and their code is even more fucked up than you would imagine:





Oh come on you know it’s fucked up when even Hitler disapproves! But it gets weirder. So much weirder! Would you be surprised at all to learn that they’re also grammar Nazis? I mean the word Nazi is right in the name!




Of course Nazis are sticklers about presentation! That’s why they’re Nazis! And why would the site that accuses others of fake news be worried that they’re going to be accused of fake news? I would say the pot would be calling the kettle black, but in this case the pot would probably be calling the kettle white!



And they’re even encouraging their reporters to go after social media accounts! Yes they allow racial slurs in their articles because that’s what racists do!





Where’s Trumpy at? We need Trumpy out here for the finale! Yay, Trumpy is back everybody! How about a round of applause?



So now you have the Daily Stormer as grammar Nazis and referencing Mein Kampf. I can guarantee we don’t make our researchers do that! By the way researchers, go do that! And would you be surprised at all to learn that they have a prime directive?



But of course they do it strictly for the LULZ!!!



Because you know – happy and funny white supremacists are the best white supremacists! You know all those scenes we saw of Hitler laughing and drinking right? And they’re out for positivity! Because racism is overly negative in tone, so what about the positive, friendly neighborhood racist?





See? Even Trump agrees with me. But I’ll conclude this shindig by just leaving this here.



Hey! That’s what we do here!


[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font] [br]

Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate, friends! Yes, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us, but even then we are reminded that the holiest among us are full of:



Welcome! Everybody please be seated. How is my fine congregation on this beautiful Wednesday in the holy year of our lord 2017? Because all God, creator of all that is good and holy wants us to do is to sing his name in praise and praise his son, the good lord Baby Jesus, creator of all that is good and holy… hey wait a minute, how can a baby do that? He’s just a baby! Which is why we are out to find out why the most devoted are the most fucked up. Normally we have a theme for our sermons, but considering this is the end of the year, we’re just going to go through some headlines you might have missed. Did you know Trump has cures for cancer and alzheimers? We didn’t!





Yes, Mr. President – it sounds good but it doesn’t work. I mean does someone want to get Brother Mark a copy of the constitution? I think he needs to do some reading! But apparently Trump isn’t just the cure for everything, brother Alex also has a cure!





By the way how great is our Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up for them everybody! Because there’s nothing more the Good Lord wants than to gather and sing his holy name, amen! Hey everyone, can I get an amen???? But Christianity attracts even the super paranoid – especially with Brother Alex, but even Brother Lance gives an insane opinion on Nazis!





You know it’s bad when even Hitler denounces you! Because LYING IS A SIN!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED BY JESUS CHRIST, CREATOR OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY! CAN I GET AN AMEN!!! Let us sing now!!! But as you know Brother Moore suffered a crippling defeat in Alabama at the hands of a do-gooder! But what did his loss get blamed on? Porno! Porno! Porno!





I’m going to leave Brother Kevin with that image there. You can’t unsee that! I’m sure Brother Kevin has spent countless hours jerking the gerkin and spanking the monkey to some of the most hardcore pornography imaginable! But we must ask – why are our brothers and sisters lying to us? Because as we all know lying is a sin! And sins must be cleansed!





But finally this is our last sermon for this year. But as the Congregation Of The Top 10 will convene next year, so will Holy Shit! Because they are not going away any time soon! So I’ll just leave this here.





Yay, I hope that is the take away you get for this year! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! Or pieces depending on whether or not your church supports open or concealed carry. That’s it this year for:




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font] [br]

You know what time it is? It’s time for this!



Of course you know by now people are people and people are dumb. But unlike most times where we recap stupid people during the week, this time we’re going to recap our favorite stories of stupid people from the entire year! So many ways we could go with this! Well one of my favorite stories of stupid people had to be the flat earther who attempted to launch a rocket into low orbit to prove the earth is flat.





I can pretty much imagine that’s how that whole thing is going to pan out. And that’s what you get for using a rocket made by Acme corporation! Then I love this story – and it’s from my neck of the woods – and I was in the area on that very night!





At least D-FENS didn’t show up! And here’s another one of my favorite stories of the year and of course it involves Florida. And it involves hurricanes. And it involves stupid people with guns. You have the dumb news trifecta!





Seriously – Yosemite Sam aint got nothing on American gun nuts! Yee haw!!!! Oh and here’s another one – if you work in an ER, you’re pretty much on your feet 16 hours a day. But really – don’t have a penis measuring contest!





And then one of my favorite dumb stories this year involves my local football team – the Los Angeles Chargers and a clearly insanely disgruntled fan from San Diego, but the real fail came from Chargers owner Dean Spanos who clearly doesn’t understand how crowd sizes work – much like our president!





And then there was this story out of Florida where a Florida man who rescued a squirrel and kept it as a pet was possibly getting kicked out of his apartment. Can you say SQUIRREL?





What? There’s a squirrel? SQUIRREL!!!!! And finally to round out the year in stupid people, we got to revisit the Borat impersonating tourists who were arrested in Kazakhstan . Yeah really don’t do that, I hear that they hate that movie there. Very nice!!!





That’s it this year for:




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #27: Mexico
[br] [/font] [br]



Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that the UAE is the original home of corporate greed, Canada is Canada, and Cuba is the center of an attempted murder mystery plot. Here’s the tour schedule:



[font size="6"]Mexico[/font]
?c=2


This is it people! This is the grand finale! We are hanging out in the beautiful city of Cancun, and we are done with the first leg of our first ever Top 10 Conservative Idiots world tour! Let’s kick back and have a margarita, and let’s do this thing! So welcome to Mexico! it’s that country that’s south of the border, don’t you know? Mexico has a very long and very crazy history that we can’t really get into. Mexico is the home of the ancient civilizations the Incas and the Mayas. Which you can see in famous temples and ruins like Chichen Itza, and Teotihuacán. It’s northern neighbors are the states of California, Arizona, Texas, and New Mexico. Mexico is home to such major cities as Tijuana, Mexico D.F. (Districto Federal), Guadalajara, and of course everyone’s favorite spring break destinations like Cancun, Cabo San Lucas, and Puerto Vallarta. And by the way if you go to Mexico and think all Mexican food is burritos, tacos, and chimichangas, think again! Real Mexican food is things like Mole sauce and pretty much anything with poblano chiles. Mexico is also the home to the mariachi and caliente music. I love me a good mariachi band, and we’ve got one right here! Oh if you think I’m doing an entry on Mexico without a live mariachi band present, you don’t know this show! Say hola to the crowd, guys! That’s Mariachi Corazon De Camino, from Gardena, California! So what else is Mexico the home of? Well, it will be the new home of Ford for starters!





I can just picture Trump right now going “BUY AMERICAN!!!!”. And with cars comes that sweet sweet crude! Exxon may be moving some operations to Mexico. I mean is this how we MAGA, Mr. Trump?





No sorry, we got no time. We’re almost to the end of the world tour! I just want some tacos and a margarita to celebrate, OK? You know we had those massive fires in California, and there were even a few in Mexico that have spawned up! But this is too fucked up!





Yeah fire! Fire! Heh heh heh! Although you know what will really blow Trump’s mind? Mexico is more progressive than the United States! Yes – our friends south of the border are winning more than Trump is! Ha!!!





Really, sir, is this how we are winning? Really? And you know how Mexico is winning? It’s starting to track tourists who get black out drunk! Hey if you go to Mexico – DO NOT DRINK THE BAD ALCOHOL!!!





First up give it up for our mariachi band! How great is that? So don’t drink the bad alcohol. But Mexico is also doing better than we are at our own War On Drugs game if this is accurate!





[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

Give it up for the Top 10 Mariachi Band everybody! Mexico is a great place to visit and there’s tons of cities with tons of things to do. Living here you might want to reconsider, at least for the time being.

Tourism: A+
Culture: A+
Political Spectrum: C-
Liberal Appeal: B

Overall: B+

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

There is no next week! This is it! We are finished! We’re coming home for some long rest! I want to thank all of our hosts – you guys were absolutely amazing! Except for maybe Saudi Arabia. But the rest of you – all amazing! I love you all! And then when the new season starts we’ll have another few rounds before Stupidest State 2018! We did it everybody!!!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Rise Against[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this post season party started! Closing out the season is an awesome band from the heartland of Chicago! They have a new album out called “Wolves”. Playing their song “Welcome To The Breakdown”, give it up for Rise Against!





Wait – they want to stick around for one more? Sure!




Yeah how about that?

Thank you very much for following the Top 10 throughout the shitty year that was 2017! I want to thank all the amazing musical acts we’ve had this year. I want to thank all our contributors. I want to thank my staff, crew, fans and well everybody who supports the Top 10! I also want to thank all of our amazing hosts for the Top 10 World Tour! This is the end of the Top 10 season 3! Top 10 Conservative Idiots returns January 10th with the start of season 4 and our very special countdown to our 100th edition!

See you next year!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Mexico Hosting: Univision, Mexico City (fuck you Trump!)
Mariachi Band: Mariachi Corazon De Camino, Gardena, CA
Top 10 Gospel Choir: Apex Church Gospel Choir, San Dimas, CA
Rise Against Appear Courtesy Of: Virgin Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter: @DUInitechTop10


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

December 13, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-26: The Senators Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-26: The Senator’s Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Come to your local Top 10 dealer today for our Top 10 Winter Solstice Sales Event! Lease a new Top 10 today for $3,999 down with $299 for 36 months with 1.9% APR financing on approved credit. See your salesman for details. We are back everybody! It’s no secret that I love music, as you know by the musical guests we’ve had on this program. So you know our musical guest this week is Noel Gallagher. He’s you know – the other half of Oasis. We already had his brother Liam Gallagher on the show and I love his album. And Noel has been kind of a prankster, and don’t get me wrong – I love nonsense. And I love pranks. In fact I’ve got a good one planned for April Fool’s Day this year. So anyway, Noel was out promoting his new album called “Who Built The Moon” which is great. All of the High Flying Birds albums have been great so far. So anyway, Noel did a TV promo for the album that aired in the UK. Well, a critic for the Irish Times – Ian Mulaney - isn’t having any of it. So he posted a one star review of the album where he just trashed it. And I mean man he trashed it good. Some of the choice quotes from the review: “a dried up oasis of dross”, and “There are musical gestures here that would be a cause of embarrassment if you heard them played by a gang of black-clad teenagers at a Saturday afternoon battle of the bands in a rural parish hall.”. Ouch. So what did Noel do? Well let’s show the ad! I love it so much! Yes, he put the one star review in the ad, and it started a whole back and forth between him and Mulvaney! I love a good beef like that! OK that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first, we have to play Weekend Update’s response to Trump declaring Jerusalem as the capital of Isreal:



Number one this week is the Al Franken hit job. Yes – Al Franken resigned. But at what cost? What good is it doing? We will tell you the whole shitty story. So I got to explain the second entry. If Roy Moore had won, we were going to do a People Who Somehow Got Elected. But now that Roy Moore lost, we’re going to add him to “This Fucking Guy”! At number 3 is also Donald Trump (3) because he recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Isreal last week, and the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan, and you know who wins? The Armageddon wing of the Christian right. And that can’t be good. And thanks to Donald Trump’s (4) recklessness, while you weren’t looking, the US lost a crucial ally in Europe as we were denounced by Germany. At number 5 is our weekly sermon of all things holy as we dive into what the Christian right has been up to with “Holy Shit”. This week we’re going to tell you about the Christian rights’ champion Kim Davis and her unexpected challenger. Believe me, this is a good one! At number 6 is the Alt Right (6). So they attempted to get Sam Seder booted from MSNBC, but MSNBC did their due diligence and found out they were wrong! Gee, what a shocker! At number 7, Alex Jones must have been smoking some good Covfefe in the last few days because wait until you hear his latest crackpot theories! In the number 8 slot we got to do this story and I hate this story and everyone in it, but we got to talk about bullied kid Keaton Jones and his mom (8). This story shows exactly what the internet does to a person in less than a day. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’re actually going to combine this with an appearance from the Top 10 Home Shopping Network to tell you some gifts that you can get your Trump loving relatives! Finally this week it’s the penultimate stop of the first leg of our World Tour! We are almost done everybody! All of our hosts have been amazing and I want to thank all of them. And so for our next to last stop we’re going to tour the scenic island nation of Cuba! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds. They have a new album out called “Who Built The Moon” that is great. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]The Al Franken Take Down
[br] [/font] [br]



Tonight’s episode: The Senator’s Revenge (Terror In Gadsden). So by now you know that Al Franken was cast out in another edition of America’s Next Top President. And normally this is the Top 10 Conservative Idiots, but this week – it’s off the hook. Both parties were extremely disappointing in how they handled this whole debacle. But Al isn’t alone in this whole debacle. He’s got friends.





Yes Al you did kick ass! And maybe that’s why the Alt Right is so afraid of you. But you know what? We can’t stoop to their level can we? I mean can we?





But seriously, how does Al Franken go but a certain 45th president of the United States still remains in office? The hypocrisy is absolutely mind boggling!





What? It’s not wrong! It’s what happened! I mean this whole thing with Al Franken is beyond insane – and this is the week in which the Christian right threw out morals and supported a pedophile for the US Senate!





But some good news though is that Franken didn’t exit quietly – he took some parting shots at Trump before making his way out the door:






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Roy Moore
[br] [/font] [br]

It’s now time for another installment of:



This week’s This Fucking Guy is Roy Moore. Now come on Christian right, let us have this one! You fucked up! You can’t win them all! And I mean come on, I watched the news last night. You kept saying that if it had been any other candidate, the GOP would have won. And you may be right about that – it is Alabama. They could run Ted Kaczynski and Ted Bundy, but as long as they had an R next to their name and played the Jesus card, they’d win Alabama! And you know what? We said the same thing! So how did Moore celebrate election day?





You know can I just say fuck Roy Moore and the horse he rode in on? Thank you! And he’s got nothing on Sam Elliot, by the way! Sam Elliot is a national treasure. Roy Moore is the exact opposite of that. Well Roy Moore still has a few supporters on the Christian right like our favorite fake football coach Dave Daubenmire:





Really Dave? You defend molestation but play the "democrats want to kill your babies" card? Really? That's the take away you got from last night's election? But it’s not over, apparently. He vowed revenge! Oh yes – just like a good James Bond villain, or Bowser from the Super Mario Bros games, he will keep coming back for more!





Hey maybe the GOP is like the democrats’ wingman – they are so obsessed with us aren’t they? And hey I’m not complaining! But this is my favorite part of the election – when not even yesterday Roy Moore’s wife made an impassioned plea that – guess what? They’re not racist! And this reason is too good not to ignore it!





Yeah… that is exactly saying I’m not racist but… and then going and saying something completely racist! So we got to play this clip for a minute and bask in its’ insane glory and I think it would sound better with the Sad Hulk Music behind it:




So they say they’re not racist because one of their lawyers is a Jew. Remember back during the 2012 election when Mitt Romney said that some of his best friends are NASCAR owners? Yeah it’s kind of like that. But really – they are racists! Hey Christian right – we’ll stop calling you racists when you stop saying and doing racist shit! How about that?





Yeah so there is that. But guess what? His brother vowed revenge! Mmm… yes… Mmmm… yes my pretties! It is on!





There you have it – they’re literally saying “You’ll live to regret this!”. That’s Roy Moore – this week’s:




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

Enough about Roy Moore for now. So last week Donald Trump took a step closer to killing us all in a fiery nuclear blaze last week. How did he do it? By declaring Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Yes, by doing so he managed to piss off three of the world’s foremost major religions – all of which claim Israel as its’ capital. So here’s what happened.





No stop it. We’re not going to die just yet. But the proverbial shit is hitting the fan. And why is Trump doing this? To please his hardcore base of end times fanatics. But you know who is pleased with this? Israel!





I already told you! We’re not going to die yet! Stop it! *slaps Fry* So why was this so important and why did Trump wait until just now to realize this? And why should this fucking terrify you? *cue horror music* Thank you sound effects guy!





Yeah that’s what we should have done – left the whole damn thing alone. But nope – we have Trump and the far right Christian cult in charge! And we haven’t even got to Holy Shit yet this week! It seems we are in the end times. I mean Kevin Feige even said the Avengers is going to have a series finale and in comic book movies that almost never happens! So what’s the series finale for earth going to look like?





OK maybe we are all gonna die! So Trump gave the religious right a huge gift. And they’re the last people who need gifts. I mean what’s next? Are we going to give the billionaires more money? We already did that? Shit! Oh and by the way – Trump’s actions last week revealed yet another piece of the puzzle in the Russian collusion investigation:






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

Seriously, we live in a weird fucking time right now. Any other day this would be a major front page headline and get 24/7 coverage: “President Accuses Senator Of Begging For Money”. But nope, we live in a world where Donald Trump is our president and he does something batshit crazy in about once an hour.





Well… she’s got you there, asshole. I mean seriously we’re going to hell at an alarming rate and our descent to the bottom is fast approaching. But then there’s Alex Jones who said this about Trump’s accusers:





Seriously Alex, you’re not helping. What do you think is Trump’s type? Women who look exactly like Ivanka? Thank you! But the good thing is that the women of Donald T (see: Top 10 #45 ) are starting to come forward and speak about their encounters with Mr. Trump:





You know just try to picture Trump oogling over a woman like he stares at the sixth Big Mac that he eats in the course of a day. It can’t be done can it??? But of course Trump is going to lie about it! I mean these people lie like it’s a bodily function!



?1477431063

He’s got the mannerisms and vocabulary of a valley girl doesn’t he? Like you know whatever! Wrong! Sad! Unbelievable! Totally! Frank Zappa could have had a field day with this guy back in the 80s. But getting back to the subject at hand – more women have come forward! Sad!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font] [br]

Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate friends! Yay, and in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us! But even then we realize that the holiest among us are full of…



Welcome, welcome! Have a seat in the pew! How is my fine congregation doing on this fair Wednesday evening? You know how great is our Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up! But you know we gather here each and every week to honor the lord our god, creator of all that is good and holy, and we praise the name of baby Jesus while figuring out why his followers are so batshit fucking crazy. Can I get an amen? So as you know there is an election this week that will see whether or not Roy Moore becomes our next senator, and well there’s a lot of controversy.





Seriously if there isn’t a band starting tomorrow called “God’s Deplorables”, I will have lost all faith in the internet! But speaking of elections, there is one coming up in Kentucky that has largely gone unnoticed until now! I’m of course talking about a small position of county clerk.





Yes – Sister Kim has a challenger, and it is a man who she denied a marriage license to, twice! But Kim Davis still divides America, and a divided America cannot stand for it is a SIN!!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED!!!! In the name of all things good and holy! Can I get an amen???



?x35024

Hey it isn’t a mere facepalm – if the good lord Jesus does it it’s a face psalm! Can we pass the collection plate please? Don’t be afraid to give, it is better to give than receive! But you know the Christian right loves to put their own people on a pedestal. Like Kim Davis for instance. And with friends like these, who needs enemies?





Bruh seriously even the good lord thinks this is deranged! I mean right now the Christian right is running two of its’ most insane people – Roy Moore and Kim Davis. And speaking of Brother Moore, why don’t we let a fake coach tell you what we should believe in?





Why Brother David… you do know lying is one of the original DEADLY SINS, right? It is one of the most egregious of sins and the sin must be cleansed!!! In the name of all that is good and holy. Can I get an amen??? And if this is the Lord’s agenda I would hate to see what Satan’s agenda is! Especially if they’re the ones who are a little too jolly during the Christmas season!





There you go folks, that is the agenda the Christofascists are trying to protect – baby Jesus in the town square! That is the take away from today’s sermon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:





[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]The Alt Right
[br] [/font] [br]

Hey everybody, want to play a game of “The Biggest Loser”? Well there’s only one loser this week and it’s the Alt Right. Catfishing. When big fat guys live out their fantasies online as hot women. I’m not saying all big fat guys do this, but conservatives do have weird fantasies and fetishes. So here’s what happened – Sam Seder of MSNBC was duped by some high ranking Alt Right people (*COUGH* Cernovich*) into making some horrible rape jokes on Twitter and got called out for it.





Dude, really? It’s 2017 – the year of sexual harassment. The year of #MeToo. The year that Time Magazine put “The Silence Breakers” on the cover. Oh and yeah it’s pretty obvious that Trump troll and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich was the one behind this nonsense!





Oh come on you know it’s pretty bad when Sly does it! But you know how the Alt Right are the biggest losers in this whole equation? That’s right – MSNBC hired back Mr. Seder after finding out that they were wrong about this one!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font] [br]

Ah man just once I was hoping I wasn’t going to have to talk about Infowars. Fine. make me. But I don’t want to! So the batshit crazy supplement salesman who calls himself a journalist has been completely unhinged the last week or so. And that’s coming from a guy who last week said that lesbians are brain eating dominatrixes. So if that’s rock bottom, I can only imagine that it’s going to go up from there, am I right about that? Well…





Really Alex? Is that why people get so turned on at car shows? Cause you know when people see those chrome polished exhaust pipes, you know some shit is about to go down! And by the way Alex, even Futurama knows the dangers of dating robots!



You heard the man! Don’t date robots! Don’t do it! Alex really must be smoking some good Covfefe lately, or ingesting too many products from the Infowars Store! But this isn’t the craziest thing he’s said this week and that’s saying a lot! There’s also this.





Ah remember the God Warrior? Those were good times! Maybe she can find a spirit animal in Alex Jones. Because the two of them really are obsessed with demons aren’t they? But have no fear! You know what the key to defeating the evil globalist agenda is? That’s right – Jesus!!!





Oh come on, we just did Holy Shit! But yeah really… holy shit! But you know when you get a bunch of frothing at the mouth insane conspiracy theorists in a room, you know, they’re going to conspiracy theory!





I like that one! And by the way another thing Trump did while you weren’t looking is that he decided that we need private intelligence services. You kind of like Kingsman, except even more fucked up. And do you really want this guy deciding who is a threat to Trump? I know I don’t! I mean making fun of him is half our show, damn it!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]The Rise & Fall Of Keaton Jones
[br] [/font] [br]

Look, I get it. It sucks to be bullied. I was a victim. I’m sure there’s other victims out there. But really, the anti bullying movement died this week. I don’t even want to talk about this story really. Fuck this story and everyone in it. So not even a span of 12 hours we were introduced to Keaton Jones from Knoxville, Tennessee. *DISCLAIMER*: And before we get into this, I assure everybody that we are not making fun of the kid. We are making fun of his extremely horrible mother for doing this. Please note – we are not making fun of any people involved here, we are only making fun of the news. we are also not excusing the bullying – it is not OK in any way, shape or form. So here’s what happened.





Yeah so we’re going to use Nelson clips during this entry. I mean it sucks for people who are real victims of bullying but it sounds like the real bully is the one who poor Keaton calls “mom”.





But really, Chris Evans, are you still onboard with this kid? Have you read the news? I think even Captain America might be disappointed here!





Yeah so I think even the Cap would have a problem with the evidence being presented here. Oh and you know the real reason behind this whole thing? Oh his mom says those photos are “supposed to be ironic”. Because ha ha ha ha ha… hatred is so funny!





By the way, in case you’re wondering, Go Fund Me ceased the account that was set up has subsequently been frozen. So yeah this is not going to end well and we will keep an eye on it.






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Alt Right Gift Guide
[br] [/font] [br]

It’s now time for:



And man do I need a drink. We’re almost done for this season can you believe it everybody! So what can I get to drink around here? I know! It’s the holiday season, how about a nice glass of Egg Nog – and don’t skimp on the brandy! Yeah that’s good shit right there! Well we’re going to do something unprecedented and combine two things – “I Need A Drink” and the Top 10 Home Shopping Network. I mean what better way to express your feelings for your friends and family than with some gifts for every Trump fan on your list!



Hello shoppers and welcome to the Top 10 Home Shopping Network! We are in the holiday spirit here at TTHSN! For starters you know we have to say Merry Christmas around here because that’s what our grand exalted leader Premier Trump would want!





Yes because apparently only snowflake liberals who need safe spaces are the ones who want us to say “Happy Holidays” and are removing all instances of the Baby Jesus from the town square! So what do you get the Trump worshipping fans on your Christmas list? How about this beautiful MAGA ornament?







Yes Mr. Trump – your ornament apparently tried to build a wall around my ornaments! But now we’re going to dig a bit deeper into the MAGA gift giving occasion. Because… MAGA! How about this Trump themed bottle of wine for the wine enthusiast on your list?





Or maybe you’re not experiencing the Christmas spirit enough! After all, it is Jesus’ birthday! Why not celebrate your love of the Baby Jesus with this Christmas themed MAGA hat which you can get for – wait for it – double the price!





That is right, Mr. President! You can celebrate your MAGA pride with MAGA themed hats for all different holidays year around! Because… MAGA! How about some gifts for the conspiracy lover in your life?





Yes – all of these items are on a first come first served basis. Made in China with pride! Please call our hotline and we will take any and all credit cards and gift cards. You heard me! Call 1-800-FUT-RUMP! I love that number! And just remember you can get gifts for anyone on your list – even those ultra paranoid end times lovers!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #26: Cuba
[br] [/font] [br]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge, and Canada is well… Canada. Here’s the tour schedule:



[font size="6"]Cuba[/font]



Welcome to Havana everybody! Excuse me while I enjoy this nice Cuban sandwich with ham, pork, cheese and mustard. Now that is good eating! Cuba is one of the most beautiful and intriguing countries in the world. Of course everyone associates it with murderous dictator Fidel Castro. Cuba consists of the main island of the country and some much smaller islands. It’s where the corner of three different oceans – the Atlantic Ocean, the Gulf Of Mexico, and the Carribean Sea. Cuba is also the home of Salsa Music, and its’ sister – reggaetón!



Yes that style of music originated in Cuba! So we are going to be honoring it by sprinkling our favorite reggaetón horn throughout this piece! However, while Obama made it easier to travel to Cuba, it’s not exactly an ideal place to move to at the moment. Because of the trade embargo – which we will get to in a minute. Another thing about Cuba is cars. You may have seen movies like the Fate Of The Furious where people in Cuba are driving cars not seen since the 1950s and 60s. And this is true – most of the cars that are available in Havana are cars like the Bel Air and original Corvettes and Mustangs. But what else is Cuba the home of? Well there’s a lot of travel restrictions in Cuba for one thing, thanks Trump!





Excuse me a minute… But supposedly there’s been an attack on American diplomats living in the tropical paradise. But was it the work of a ruthless dictator?





No it wasn’t the work of a ruthless dictator. No attacks. Nothing. Instead you know what it was? Apparently our diplomats are just being worked to death!





And by the way there was speculation that… *cue the horror music* the members of the state department were poisoned!





Uh no, that’s not what a “sonic attack” is. Oh and then by the way of course you know Mr. Art Of The Deal himself had that huge trip to Asia a couple of weeks ago, but when China wins you know who loses? That’s right!





At least Cuba doesn’t have *THAT* guy as their president. And guess what? While there were some major strides made during the Obama administration that brought Cuba into the spotlight and made it somewhat safe to travel there again, Trump is going to roll it all back because… reasons!





[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

It may be safer to travel to Cuba now that Obama laxed some of the restrictions but Trump is rolling back all of that and is about to make it more difficult. Travel while you can, but don’t move there. It gets high marks on liberal appeal though.

Tourism: C-
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: D+
Liberal Appeal: B

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

It’s the grand finale of the first leg of our 2017 World Tour as save our presidents’ favorite country for last – we are heading south of the border to Mexico!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we already had one half of Oasis – Liam Gallagher on the Top 10 two weeks ago, now we got the other half of Oasis! Playing his song “Holy Mountain” from his album “Who Built The Moon” – give it up for Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds!





Yeah how about that?

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Cuba Hosting: Havana Productions, Havana
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds Appear Courtesy Of: Universal Music Group
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

December 6, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-25: Americas Next Top Fake News Network Edition (2-Year Anniversary!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-25: America’s Next Top Fake News Network Edition (2-Year Anniversary!!!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Happy second anniversary of the Top 10 everybody! I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since I started doing this thing! Whew!!!! Now the Top 10 originally started because I had a lot of free time, a lot of downtime and there was way too much news happening, and I wanted to bring it back from the dead. And you know what? I will keep doing these until the powers that be say no, or we lose in the ratings, or something else. But we do these because I love my audience and I have fun doing these, and I love making jokes at the expense of our conservative overlords. And we’ve had a lot of good material over the last two years. But when we first started doing these who would have guessed that we would have been stuck with the president and administration we have now? Or what a clusterfuck it was from the beginning and it will continue to be so? Well, you know CBS president Les Moonves said that Trump wasn’t good for America but he was good for ratings. And let me add, sir, that the one thing Trump is great for is comedy. But moving on ahead, we are renewing the Top 10 for seasons 4 and 5 next year. As usual, season 4 will last from January 10th through June 27th, where we will bring back the second round of our World Tour, and then we will bring back our Stupidest State contest which I am really looking forward to. As for what happens after that? Well there’s tons of possibilities, and no end to conservative madness. Plus we might do another lecture series about getting to know your Alt Right. And I still am looking at the possibilities of starting a Top 10 podcast and reviving the Top 10 twitter feed – both things of which we will do for season 4 and 5 in the year 2018. Well that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to this week. But first – we have to play Jimmy Kimmel’s brilliant monologue which he trolls Roy Moore good:



So where do we begin this week? Taking the first slot this week is Donald Trump (1) because why wouldn’t he? Because his buddy Michael Flynn is in some seriously deep shit and we will tell you all about it. In the second slot is also Donald Trump (2). Because while he scored a victory this week when SCOTUS upheld his horrible travel ban (ugh), the racists scored a victory when he tweeted out some extremely controversial videos from a group called Britain First. In the third slot is also Donald Trump (3) and we are going to tell you about Trump’s insane diet which was recently exposed in a new tell all book by a couple of his former aides. And we take on the Trump challenge! The lengths I will go to entertain you folks! In the fourth slot is Fox News (4) and we’re going to play a game called “America’s Next Top Fake News Network”. Guess which one it really is? At number 5 is the Alt Right – they’ve basically created their own Alt Internet and Alt Reality at this point and we’re going to tell you about it. Taking the sixth slot is our weekly sermon on all things holy, with Holy Shit (6). This time around we’re going to tell you about the far reaching implications in the case of Mullins V Phillips. Yes – it’s the gay wedding cake case and it is insane. In the number 7 slot is Alex Jones (7) – and he might have been Taking the 8th slot is GOP Moral Crusaders (8) who are defending Roy Moore while telling poor people to go fuck themselves, while telling anyone who wants a cake for their wedding, screw you! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot it’s a new installment of “People Are Dumb” (9) because, well you should know by now that people are dumb. Finally this week its’ more of the Top 10 World Tour (10). And man it’s good to be back in North America for the final rounds of the first leg of our World Tour isn’t it? And this week, we’re going to one of the world’s largest countries, and guess what? It’s right above us! I’m of course talking about the land of hockey, poutine as we visit the Great White North known as Canada! Plus we have some live music for you from Toronto’s own Death From Above 1979! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

Hey everyone I’m now in the holiday spirit and I hope you are too! Come on sing it with me! It’s beginning to look a lot like collusion… everywhere you go! And I forget how the rest of the song goes. I mean really it’s been completely insane. But I mean you know I was right when I predicted Trump would be going full Howard Hughes by the end of his first year but man I had no idea that he’d be spiraling out of control at this rate!





But here’s the sad reality – you can call out Trump for this bullshit, but as long as the GOP are running the shots, they simply, flat out don’t care. But Trump is so desperate to keep holding on to his power that he’s now attacking our government agencies!





Holy fucking shit! This thing gets weirder and stranger. Like I said But really he is extremely confident Mueller will be done by the end of the year – really - a year long investigation wrapping up in a nice, neat package? Sounds very sitcom-esque!





By the way – Trump is so insane that he is now throwing his own people under the bus! I mean you know he tweeted this about Michael Flynn over the weekend - which practically broke Twitter:





YES YOU DID ASSHOLE!!!! YOU LITERALLY JUST FED THE HATERS!!!! I mean oh my god how fucking stupid can you get? Well, this is the Trump administration we are talking about here!





This is seriously one of those times where you need Walter Sobchak screaming at Trump going “SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNIE!!”. Thank you! But of course he turns this away from him to focus on Hillary Clinton, because reasons.






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

We can all pretty much agree that when the hardcore racists win, everyone else loses, am I right about that? I think my audience would agree with me there! Well, you know this week, Trump may have violated several international peace treaties with a few clicks of the retweet button. We’re not going to show the tweets or the videos because we don’t want to encourage that sort of thing, but here’s what went down.





Really, Sarah? That’s the best you got? He was trying to “elevate the conversation”? If you think about it that’s what we’re trying to do with the Top 10 is “elevate the conversation”, only we have a much smaller audience, damn it!!! But of course the racists are cheering this one!





But seriously – with one click of a button, Trump may have jeopardized over 100 years of diplomatic relations between the United States and the United Kingdom. I mean really, this fucking administration. Can we get the adults back in charge? Is that possible?





Of course it is! But Trump is a loose cannon and he really is playing with fire here. I mean how much worse can it get?





Even Fox News – they’re the network that literally breaks the 4th wall talking to Trump directly – has had enough of his nonsense!





Dude, Trump this is your base here! It hasn’t even been a year and you’re already going full Howard Hughes! I mean how much longer until you start storing your urine and fingernail trimmings? Yeah just picture that image for a minute! But even Theresa May has had enough, and it might jeopardize Trump’s upcoming trip to the UK, and that has never happened before. Let that sink in!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

You know I originally had an entry where I was going to talk about how pathetic the Trump’s first White House Christmas tree lighting ceremony went, and it went about as well as you could expect. But I didn’t like the entry. Instead – I want to talk about something else – the Trump diet. Everyone knows how much our glorious leader loves him some fast food. He even went out of his way to get the White House to create his favorite sandwich – The Big Mac.





So screaming. Check. Insatiable love of junk food? Check. The only thing missing seems to be that he needs the toy from the happy meals. He really is a man child. Seriously – I predicted that he would go full Howard Hughes by the end of his first term. And he might already be there.





Yeah Trump’s food pyramid is kind of like the one from Idiocracy. Only replace the Brawndo with Diet Coke. Diet Coke a shitload!!!! Here’s something else that signals that Trump has the diet of a two year old.





Vienna sausages? Seriously? Dude, I live in California. You know the only thing you’re supposed to do with a can of Vienna sausages? You put them in your disaster preparedness kit and then you never see them ever again! Those things are not meant for human consumption. But here’s the thing – Trump loves fast food for the cleanliness despite that his own restaurant failed to meet health standards (see: Idiots #2-20. But how clean are they?





Actually, you’re right on this one, sir. For once. So for those of you keeping score at home, we have Trump – 1, Top 10 – 1,434,313,141,123! Ha!!!! And we haven’t even hit edition #100 yet! But Trump’s diet is not meant for mere mortals!





Thank you Thor! You know - *WE* are going to attempt this feat for superiority. I have in front of me – two Big Macs, two Filet O Fishes, and a large chocolate shake. Oh yeah that’s good shit! *30 minutes later* Excuse me… … I mean couldn’t Trump just go the way of Richmond Valentine from the movie Kingsman?






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Fox News
[br] [/font] [br]

Fake News. It was once the favorite staple of college newspapers everywhere. Now it’s gone mainstream thanks to our Fake News President. But anyone remember last week when Trump tweeted out this? I mean you can’t make this shit up. I mean any other time in history – “President Accuses Major News Outlets Of Plagiarism” would be a front page headline. But now there’s so much batshit crazy stuff that it’s been moved to page 37! So let’s throw that tweet up there.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/935147410472480769

Well, this week, Rasmussen did a study as to who the real fake news outlet out there is that’s been spreading misinformation. And well the results might surprise you!





There’s always that. But you know this wasn’t the only time Fox has been called out for their bullshit and lies. They’ve been repeatedly called out since the Bush and Obama admins. Particularly there was this one survey from 2012:





But you know the orange haired one can’t help himself when it comes to calling out fake news from you know, real, accredited journalists. Hey I know this program might fall under fake news, but hey, we do our research, damn it! I mean what is this, America’s Next Top Fake News Network?





And Trump should know a thing or two about insulting statements. After all, he hurls them about as much as he gets them! And this is Rasmussen finding this out! This is Trump’s base! But what about those outside of Trump’s base?






Well yeah obviously! And I love that Trump keeps referring to himself as “Your Favorite President (me)”. I mean first of all – he needed an unnecessary clarifier! I wouldn’t say “Your favorite comedy news show host (me)”. OK I’ll take that one! But you want an example of why Fox News is called the Fake News Network? Look no further than the show that plays Trump like a fiddle!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]The Alt Right
[br] [/font] [br]

If there’s one thing worse than a troll, it’s a troll who smells a business opportunity. So in the last couple of weeks, numerous alt right personalities have been kicked off various social media websites for posting extreme far right memes and hateful images. Yes, this was the right move for a mainstream social media site like Twitter to make:





So what do the snowflakes do when they can’t post on the major sites? Start their own! And the alt right has essentially created their own internet. They have their own religion. They have their own made up country. They have their own mannerisms and products they endorse. Now they have their own social media site – I give you GAB!





Yeah so think of this like playing a game of whack-a-troll – the internet is a vast beast. You can ban a troll like Baked Alaska from Twitter, but he’ll pop up in another place. Which will probably be much scarier and more frightening. Like for instance – the Alt Right has been kicked off various social media platforms and even sites like Air BNB and Go Fund Me have started kicking the Nazis off. Well… where does a broke Nazi to raise money to stockpile weapons and rally costumes?





Ah nothing beats a nice tall glass of Hateraid, am I right? But the Alt Right has been busy creating its’ own Alt internet and if you’re not frightened by this, you absolutely should be. And why would we not be surprised that Fox News host and discount Patrick Bateman doppleganger Tucker Carlson would be supportive of Gab?





Those would go great with a nice glass of Haterade wouldn’t they? But in case you’re wondering, the Alt Right has done away with Pepe The Frog. Why? The icon for hatred has become mainstream now!





Wow, Haterade comes in lots of different flavors now! I didn’t know that! But what should really terrify you about the Alt Right is that they’re developing even their own version of Bitcoin. Which means there could be some very well funded Nazis in our future not named Steve King:






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font] [br]

Yes friends! Gather around, friends! Pass the collection plate, friends! Yes, in this darkest of times we turn to the holiest among us, and even then we realize that the holiest among us are full of….



Welcome my sons and daughters to this week’s sermon! Gather around, gather around! How is my fine congregation this fine Wednesday? Because all that our holy lord and savior Jesus Christ wants to do is to sing his holy name in praise! Can I get an amen??? Well this week, our holiest brothers and sisters are attempting to fight a plague! And that plague is one of the greatest sins of all time – that must be cleansed from this earth! But they are chasing it the same way Wiley Coyote chases the Road Runner! So we have a guy who pretends to be a firefighter and a guy who pretends to be a coach talking about things they do not understand!





Yes my fair brothers and sisters of all races and genders – yes we don’t discriminate here because that’s what the good lord would want! But segueing into our main topic of this sermon, you know who does discriminate? Religious bakers!





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! See, there, Phillips? The good lord doesn’t spew bile and hatred! In fact I have read this good holy book that I hold in my right hand here, and I don’t remember any rule saying “fuck off if you don’t believe in what I believe in”! In fact I think the rule is “do unto others”! Thank you! But apparently no, Jesus would have wanted this!



https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--VSYhaVcU--/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/1891sn9sexlbjjpg.jpg

Really? You think that’s what the good holy lord would have wanted? He would have wanted this type of discrimination? Can I get an amen???? But apparently there was another decision involving a barbecue joint from back during the civil rights movement:





So even the good holy lord Jesus Christ, creator of all that is holy. But we are hoping that SCOTUS does the right thing here and stops the bullshit discrimination laws known as “religious freedom”. Yes, religious freedom means we are allowed to swear in this congregation! Fuckin’ A!!!





Yes that is quite the conundrum, even our Holy Bible, the good book, can spread some conflicting messages every once in a while! And how can there beith comparisons to thine slavery? I mean really! This is absolutely insane!





And then there was this douchebag:





You know Jon, the only scary thing here is your hate and bigotry on display! Even our good holy lord Jesus thinks these people are lunatics! Thank you! But if the good high court rules in favor of Mullins and Craig, it could potentially overturn all religious freedom laws! And that would be a good thing!





Yes even his holiness is at a loss for words on this one. We will keep an eye out on this case. One more time, give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir! How great are they? Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:





[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font] [br]

Ah man do I really have to talk about Infowars this week? Sigh. Fuck. Ok make me. All right fine, I’ll talk about his shitty program. Well, this week, Alex must have been ingesting too much lead from the Infowars Store. You know, we previously covered this in Idiots #3-19, that the products sold in the Infowars Store contained very dangerous amounts of toxic lead. And in case you’re wondering just how much of it Alex ingested this week, well….





Eh, I’d call Alex Jones a duck’s ass, but that would be an insult to duck’s asses. You know we got to play the clip of this because it is exquisite.



I think Alex must have taken a little too much of the Infowars Brain Force. But this isn’t the only thing that Mr. Jones has said this week. You know what his solution to stop the growing plague of globalist pedophiles is? Jesus!





And we haven’t even got to this week’s Holy Shit yet! We’re using some Jesus memes early! But as for our good friend Alex, this is fucking scary – he claims he talks to Trump directly on a regular basis. We don’t want this guy feeding the president information! Batshit meets batshit!





And in case you need any further proof that Alex Jones has completely lost it – he thinks there are literally demons walking among us! Remember that crazy Jesus woman from that Wife Swap show on Fox? It’s kind of like that! Good times!




Whew. Alex, keep doing what you’re doing.




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]GOP Moral Crusaders
[br] [/font] [br]

Next week is the special senate election of guy who likes to pretend he’s in the song “Rhindstone Cowboy” minus the rhindstones… Roy Moore. And of course the morals and values crowd is out in full force protecting their most valuable asset – a guy who will vote against gay marriage but spends most of his time creeping on women half his age. This is his base by the way. And you might be asking “where does our president stand on this?”. And I answer you good sir / madam with this :





But it’s not wrong - that really happened. So Trump fully endorses Mr. Moore now, and we all know how well his endorsement of Luther Strange went. Spoiler alert: he lost! But the RNC even has thrown their weight behind the moral crusader:





And by the way – do you ever notice that Trump’s at his worst *BEFORE* dawn? I know when I am running on very little to no sleep I am not very pleasant to deal with! And by the way – in case you’re wondering the kind of morals and values that the GOP is looking to protect, I give you Iowa Senator and guy who plays Lurch in the Addams Family in the local community theater, Charles Grassley:





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So telling poor people to go fuck off and die is apparently one of the GOP morals and values they’re trying desperately to protect. You know Mr. Grassley, sir, let me spell it out for you perfectly clearly: spending money on the things you mentioned – actually helps the economy! Giving it back to your rich buddies – does not help the economy! Get it? But getting back to wannabe cowboy Moore – he has joined the ranks of conservative crybabies! I mean really is this the guy we want?



&t=10s

Oh and if you want an even more boo-worthy story, wait until you see what a Roy Moore spokesperson said! Yes, they went there. So never mind that Roy Moore is a creepy pervert, Doug Jones wants to kill your babies! Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font] [br]

Oh here’s what time it is. It’s time for this:



So of course by now you know that people are people, and people are dumb. So who is dumb this week, you might ask? Well I want to start with this story out of Albany, New York. OK people, there’s a reason why they put “do not attempt” warnings on movies, TV shows and commercials. It’s because people really do attempt what they see. And if you’re watching a show on the History Channel called “Forged In Fire”, maybe don’t setup an amateur blacksmith operation in your own house. Because this could happen:





Next up in People Are Dumb – really people, I don’t care what your race, gender, or economic status is, wash your damn socks! We go to India for this crazy story.





Next up on People Are Dumb – man we’re going around the world this week. But really – how do you lose an entire house? Especially if it’s on the back of a truck?





Next up in People Are Dumb – this story has everything! We go to Washington for this story – a guy was drunk, naked and having sex in a moving vehicle – which crashed into a tree. And oh yeah he forgot his kid was in the backseat! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Next up – why of course our good friend Florida Man is back in the news. This is a perfect example of what happens when life imitates art. Remember the show Reno 911? Well this could have easily happened on that show:





Next up – bad cops! And I mean really if you’re a police officer you might want to stay off social media, but if you do, do not like anything that could get you into trouble.





Next up in People Are Dumb - pot! Really people, if you're under arrest for marijuana possession, I get telling the police to go fuck themselves, but don't do this!





Finally this week for People Are Dumb – once again our good friend Florida Man managed to baffle doctors when he arrived in an emergency room with this tattoo on his chest:





That’s it this week for:





[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #24: Canada
[br] [/font] [br]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge, and the UAE’s excessive greed is unmatched anywhere. Here’s the tour schedule:



[font size="6"]Canada[/font]

We are back in North America everybody! Man this World Tour has been great so far hasn’t it? All of our host countries have been amazing so far. With the exception of Saudi Arabia, I don’t think we’ll be going back there. But before we begin this one, I feel as is tradition, we should start with the Canadian national anthem:



OK you may be seated! So Canada is one of the world’s largest countries and it has a lot to offer. There’s 13 Canadian provinces – British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, Newfoundland , New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Yukon Territory, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. Canada is also the home of one of my favorite sports – hockey! Nothing feels good like a good hip check, doesn’t it? And Canada takes their hockey seriously. They have the Vancouver Canucks, the Edmonton Oilers, the Winnipeg Jets, the Montreal Canadians, the Ottawa Senators, and the Calgary Flames. Toronto, Canada is the home of Toronto’s only professional baseball team – the Toronto Blue Jays, while Vancouver has Canada’s only NBA team – the Grizzlies. Canada is also the home of Banff National Park where you can see and stay in actual old school log cabins. And Toronto is the home of the CN tower – which has an actual revolving restaurant in it. And remember if you play Civilization V, the CN Tower is also one of the key wonders that will help you win a cultural victory. Canada is also the home of the Canadian Football League – and it is drastically different from the United States’ NFL. And the differences are way too many to list, so we’ll just link you to this handy Wikipedia page. But what else is Canada the home of? Well if you want to know what a nuclear war between the US and North Korea might look like, look no further!





Yeah so Canada is thinking about something that we don’t even want to begin contemplating here – because it’s all so batshit crazy. Canada also may have an ISIS problem, or do they? Good to see that Putin has boots on the ground in Canada!





Yeah so there’s that and then there’s lots of snow. But oh my god Justin Trudeau is so much better than Donald Trump it’s like night and day! In fact here’s how he treated Canada’s LGBT community:





Ah, I love Archer. But there is one thing about Canada that we have to talk about is that everyone says Canada has the best health care system in the world. But how true is that? Let’s explore that angle a bit.





But Canada isn’t immune from right wing extremism. As 2017 was the year of the extremist, it’s even affected our friends in the Great White North:





So Canada’s got far right extremists too! They are just like us! They also have some serious war mongering going on!





[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

So is Canada the liberal utopia? Well it’s definitely one of the best. It’s a great place to visit, and it’s a great place to live if you can afford to move there.

Tourism: A
Culture: B+
Political Spectrum: B-
Liberal Appeal: A

Overall: A

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

Holy crap, I can’t believe the first leg of our World Tour is almost done! Next week is the penultimate stop – we are heading to the Caribbean to visit the beautiful island nation of Cuba!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Death From Above 1979[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is one of Canada’s most popular heavy metal bands. And I've seen these guys live too, they are amazing! They have a new album out called “Outrage! Is Now”. Now playing their song called “Freeze Me”, give it up for Death From Above 1979!
https://media.pitchfork.com/photos/59aec9e4c6078536656eda41/1:1/w_320/outrageisnow.jpg




See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: San Jose Improv, San Jose, CA
Special Thanks To: Improv Group
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Canada Hosting: Jack Hole Entertainment, Vancouver
Death From Above 1979 Appear Courtesy Of: Last Gang Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter: @DUInitechTop10


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

November 29, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-24: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-24: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Be sure to stop by your local Top 10 Dealer for our Winter Leverage Sales Event! Lease a new Top 10 for $3999 down and $399 a month payments for 36 months. We are back everybody! So… Avengers, right? I mean how fucking insane does this movie look?? In case you haven’t heard Marvel practically broke the internet last night when it dropped the trailer for Avengers: Infinity War. This movie has everything and as a huge fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I can’t wait to see how this plays out. You have Tony fighting Thanos. You have Hulk, the Winter Soldier, Captain America, and Black Widow teaming up with Black Panther. You have Spiderman kicking some ass. And then to top it off? Why not Thor with the Guardians of the Galaxy!!! This whole thing is absolutely insane. 10 years of movies coming together, and I’ve been a fan since the first Iron Man was out back in 2008. I like that Kevin Smith said “You know I cry at everything but I’m bawling at this!”. I mean I love the Avengers movies, and recently we had Thor: Ragnarok which was absolutely amazing. We also had Spiderman: Homecoming which was great, and Guardians Of The Galaxy 2, which was also great. But those are just building blocks to the first part of the grand finale of this whole universe. Seriously I could go on all day talking about the Avengers movies, and the whole Marvel universe in general. But we got a lot of idiocy to get to. You know what? Fuck it, I’m stalling enough. I mean normally this is where we’d play a clip from a talk show, but since all the good talk shows are on vacation, let’s just show the trailer for Infinity War and bask in its’ glory:



Ladies and gentlemen, after a long absence, Dotard Trump comes back to the number one spot! Bravo, take a bow! So in the first slot is Dotard Trump (1). So this week the White House Christmas decorations are unveiled. But he wasted no time embarrassing the country in front of a group of Native Americans. In the second slot is Dotard Trump (2). Because he continues to pick a fight with passionate UCLA sports father LaVar Ball, and the dude can’t keep his mouth shut. In the second slot is Mr. Ball, and it’s insane (2). In the third slot is our old friend Project Veritas (3) who got owned at their own game, trying to catfish the Washington Post! Ha ha! At number 4, we’re going to explore a new news outlet that is a favorite of the Dotard called “MAGA Pill”. If only Trump fans knew what the Matrix actually means! At number 5 is our weekly due diligence on all things holy, which of course is “Holy Shit”. This time my inner pastor is going to take a look at a little known provision in the Trump tax plan, and well, frankly, this could send the country into a tail spin. At number 6 is Roy Moore (6). His allegations aren’t going away, and he’s picked up some surprising (NOT) endorsements! At number 7, we’ve got a new installment of “This Fucking Guy”. And we’re going to take a look at crazy far right conspiracy theorist lunatic and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich (7). In the number 8 slot is Gun Nut Apologists (8). Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned in the Top 10 – is that this country loves it some guns, doesn’t it? Especially on Black Friday which we should start calling Red Friday. In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’re going to talk about Flat Earthers. Yes, I do love the flat earthers because they’re a special kind of crazy. We talked about this in the monologue last week but we need to go into it in some more detail this week. Finally this week its’ more of the Top 10 World Tour (10). This time we’re going to the land of wealth and excess in the desert – full of tall buildings, excess wealth, and egregious human rights violations as we visit the Unite d Arab Emirates. Plus we’ve got some live music for you from one half of Oasis – Liam Gallagher! His new album “As You Were” is excellent, definitely check that one out! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

So Trump was strangely quiet over the Thanksgiving weekend. I guess he spent too much time eating shitty food and golfing. But now that he’s back in the White House, he’s ready to get back to work embarrassing the country! And how did he embarrass the country this week? Well, in just 24 hours, he managed to put up the extremely tacky White House Christmas decorations. Can we show that picture?



Which by the way, I love this that I saw on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/935249557709041664

So are they decorating for Christmas, Halloween, or both? But that wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that happened this week. Leave it to Trump to embarrass the US in front of a group of actual Native Americans:





You know this is like that old comic from Highlights Magazine – Goofus and Gallant. Gallant would not have done what Trump had done yesterday and respected their culture. Goofus, on the other hand…





And you know we don’t know what to expect either, but the consistent thing here is that Trump is constantly embarrassing himself. And you know what’s equally embarrassing? The defense coming from the republican party. Yes this is an insult. No, it’s not the same as Disney releasing a historically accurate movie!





Add a few more “nos” to that. Because Mike Huckabee, you know him as Twitter’s least funny comedian, wasn’t the only one who made this bullshit comparison. I give you Qusay Trump:





I think this edition is going to be very Arrested Development happy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Well there is something wrong with the way republicans continue to defend this racist bullshit:



?itemid=7576946


[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

Let me ask you this my fair Top 10 fans! What happens when you get two completely unhinged, egomaniacal, self praising lunatics in the same room? Well when you get Donald J. Trump and wannabe billionaire LaVar Ball in the same room, expect their egos to create the biggest implosion known to man! See, LaVar Ball is a guy who is famous for fathering 3 insanely talented basketball playing sons, but more importantly, he is known for trash talking. But then again, so is our president! What happened exactly?





Yeah so if LaVar Ball is the “ungrateful fool”, would that make Trump the “Ungrateful Fool On The Hill?” Thank you! Come on Beatles fans, sing it with me! “The ungrateful fool on the hill… sees the sun going down, OK?”. But you ever wonder why Trump is so obsessed with LaVar Ball? Well here’s some insight.





But we’re not wrong here, Donald! So Trump says he should have left LaVar Ball’s son and his friends in a Chinese prison! Because you know, that’s the compassionate conservative side of Trump talking. But let’s think about this here, and I would love to see these two in a steel cage death match, WWE style:





But have no fear! Mr. Ball is going to make things all better! You know how? Shoes! That’s right – Mr. Ball thinks that a pair of shoes is going to make it all better! Because everybody loves a new pair of some nice shoes, don’t they? And I hate to sound sexist, but I think the ladies in the crowd would agree with me there, am I right?





You know Mr. Ball, something tells me that Mr. Trump isn’t exactly what one would call the basketball playing type. I mean just look at him! The dude can barely climb up a hill looking for a golf ball!



But you know – you get two turkeys in a room, what do you expect? I mean how can you actively eat a turkey dinner on Thanksgiving when you have two giant turkeys in the room?






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Project Veritas
[br] [/font] [br]

Conservatives, let this be a lesson. Here’s what happens when you get owned attempting to troll – just retreat to your troll cave with your tail tucked between your legs. So let me explain – conservative activist and before picture in a Viagra commercial, James O’Keefe, attempted to troll the Washington Post, much like he attempted to troll CNN a few months ago (see: Idiots #3-4. And well, this time the Washington Post caught him red handed.





Yeah so Project Veritas was attempting to catfish the Washington Post and failed miserably! What was that line from Homer Simpson? “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably! The lesson here is never try!”. So how bad was the failed sting operation?





I really don’t think that one needs a “congratulations” but… yeah you failed. So the failure of Project Veritas proves just how batshit crazy conservatives are and they are willing to stop at nothing to get Roy Moore elected, because, reasons. But this isn’t the first time Project Veritas embarrassed themselves, this is just the first time they got caught!





Now to be fair, if you want to see a hit piece that actually does deserve to get a lot of shit, look no further than the New York Times and their extremely horrible “Nazi Next Door” piece. Look, we don’t need to normalize Nazis! And we certainly don’t need to discredit Roy Moore’s accusers! Both things are equally horrible, like that pile of your neighbor’s dog shit on the street that they’ve been refusing to clean up the last two months!





By the way, the usual Alt Right suspects rushed to defend professional asshole James O’Keefe, and you know you can always tell a lot about a person by the company they keep:






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]MAGA Pill
[br] [/font] [br]

When you have an ultra fanatical, ego maniacal, self praising, batshit crazy lunatic like Trump in the White House, you’re going to get some resistance to what you do. But then for the self praising Trump, who has repeatedly called himself “Your Favorite President”, he tends to favor news sources that well, kiss his ass 100%, no less. Can we throw that tweet up there?

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/934563828834164739

And then there was this:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/935147410472480769

Think of it this way – this is like when a dog marks its’ territory in your house. When it happens, it’s totally natural instinct. When it happens, it’s a pain in the ass to clean up. And when it happens, you will most likely wind up stepping in shit. But Trump is just spreading his awareness of fake news, but that’s Russia’s job, damn it!!! So let’s talk about Trump’s new preferred source of news: MAGA Pill.





So it’s no secret that Trump prefers to watch Fox News 24 hours a day. Now if only Trump fans understood what the Matrix actually meant!





By the way in case you’re keeping score at home, Trump has attacked CNN so many times it’s absolutely insane, and now touts a lunatic fringe conspiracy theory website. But we all know that Fox & Friends has an audience of one now, and let’s face it – they’re just fucking with Trump at this point.





Oh come on Trump, this is like the movie Kingsman where they just start fucking with their prospective candidates. Fox hated that there was a president who didn’t listen to them for 8 years. Now we have one who *ONLY* listens to them! Who needs fake news when you have a fake news network playing you like a fiddle?





Yeah so Fox & Friends plays Trump like a fiddle. They know that if they feed him a bullshit story, he’ll tweet it to his hundreds of thousands of Russian bot account followers. And there might be a few actual twitter posters that follow him as well. We do! Oh come on, how else am I going to keep up with his bullshit? But in case you’re wondering the kind of quality journalism that MAGA Pill reports on, here’s some stories they’ve recently covered!



By the way, why do the conservative conspiracy theorists hate Lady Gaga? We might have to do a deep dive on this subject. I’ll end this with some Lady Gaga, because why not?




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font] [br]

Yes friends! Gather around, friends! Pass the collection plate, friends! Yay, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. But even then we are reminded that the holiest among us are full of, well…



How is my beautiful congregation this fine Wednesday? How are you all doing tonight? Because the Good Lord would want us to gather and sing the light in his holy presence! Can I get an amen? Thank you! Well, you know last week we spent our sermon touring the good holy lord Jesus Christs’ new temple in Washington, DC. Well, now we have something to tell you that Jesus himself will not approve of!





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You know, I am just a man of the cloth and I know my Bible. And I can’t recall a single verse in it where Jesus would approve of this sort of thing. Because greed is a SIN!!!!! And SINS MUST BE CLEANSED!!!!! In the name of all that is good and holy for our lord Jesus Christ! Can I get an amen??? Let us sing his holy name in praise now!!! Thank you to the Official Top 10 Gospel Choir! But even our Jewish friends hate this because the referendum seems to only attract one particular type of worshipper!





Even the lord our god, creator of all that is good and holy, cannot take much more of this madness! I mean… do you even know what this is going to do? No, because the GOP does not read or thinketh with thine brains.





Yes because the Lord Our God is angry, and when he is angry, he is really angry!!! But this isn’t just GOP arrogance on full display, and arrogance is a sin punishable by Satan in the most unholy of ways. And they must be cleansed of this sin!!!! And yes it does specify churches, which means things could get very, very ugly!!!





Can we pass the collection plate please????????????? Because if I declare the Top 10 a church, I can then raise enough money to buy some candidates! Or maybe not. We do have a budget of zero. Yes the GOP wants to do away with all non profit groups, and that could potentially be disastrous!





Oh shit!!!! I just realized that if I declare the Top 10 a religious organization, that I too shall be held to the same standard as churches are! Does that mean that I don’t have to pay taxes? Sweet! Can I get an amen???? We cannot let them get away with this!! Even our president does not know what he speaketh!





Yay, I hope it did not get too intense for you there! Because what Trump and his merry band are proposing is dangerous, and I hope you leave this sermon with this information in tact! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Roy Moore
[br] [/font] [br]

If there’s one thing we love here at the Top 10 Home Office, it’s a good train wreck. Which so far is the entire calendar year 2017. But in that calendar year 2017 – there’s the Alabama Senate elections, which is between Roy Moore and Doug Jones. This election is a train wreck within a train wreck. And come on, Alabama! You’ve heard the arguments! Now go and get out the vote against Moore! But would you be surprised in the least to learn that Judge Moore has picked up some surprising endorsements? Well…





That’s right – Roy Moore just scored an endorsement from a guy who was convicted of attempted murder of a federal judge! Yeah, you know what they say about always telling a guy by the company they keep! But now there’s a challenger in the mix!





I fucking love this. Roy Moore is so polarizing that he’s receiving challengers within his own party – just days before the election! If that doesn’t hand the election over to Doug Jones, what will? Maybe Ringo Starr?





Really? That’s the best you got? An extremely creepy Ringo Starr song from the 60s? Calling this election a train wreck at this point, is an insult to train wrecks. But this is 2017 here! If this weren’t a train wreck, I would be very disappointed! I mean what’s Trump’s opinion on this shit?





Yeah Sarah, that’s because we all know how well Trump’s campaign for Luther Strange went. But that’s all well and good, you might ask, but what about the women? How do the women of Alabama react to this madness? Well… sadly some of them still support him.






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Mike Cernovich
[br] [/font] [br]

It’s time once again for:



This week’s “This Fucking Guy” is Mike Cernovich. You may not know the name. He’s a frequent contributor to Infowars. He’s the guy who brought you Pizzagate. He’s also that guy at any political rally who scares children. But he probably more scares women. This week, Mikey was on Infowars where he made an astonishingly stupid claim about Roy Moore, but guess what? He clearly said what people who are part of the ultra far right cult are thinking!





There’s so many things wrong with this statement. I mean first off The Pedophiles And The Pedophilia sounds like the name of a day time soap opera doesn’t it? Excuse me a minute… But this isn’t the first time Cernovich has made such a batshit crazy claim. They really are obsessed aren’t they?





Let’s think about this here, Alex and Mike. There’s no one here on this world who’s pro pedophile. Really, even actual pedophiles like Jerry Sandusky are most likely regretting their actions in prison! Is there anyone on this earth pro pedophile? I mean except for maybe that one guy running for the Senate from Alabama. Thank you! But you know I think Mr. Cernovich might be the one who protests way too much.





Holy shit! I mean… dost thou protest too much there, Mikey? These guys are like the crazy ex of a pedophile trying to prove they did it. They’ve got the GPS trackers, they’ve got mine detectors, they’ve got tin foil hats… you know, the Douchebag Survival Kit. I mean you have an ACTUAL PEDOPHILE who might become the next SENATOR FROM ALABAMA!!! And what is your opinion on this?





Yeah seriously! What the fuck!!! So you’re giving Roy Moore a pass but still talking about Robert Menendez? I mean is this a pedophile sting operation, or dare I say it… a democratic… witch… hunt? I mean you do know he’s under investigation for bribery and not pedophilia, right? I mean it is the state of New Jersey we’re talking about here!





These people are absolutely obsessed with pedophilia. I mean really it’s like playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is a pedophile from the Deep State!! I mean look at what Cernovich’s buddies Paul Joseph Watson and Jack Posobiec did at a recent appearance at Columbia University. Talk about obsessed! :





Excuse me a minute… These people are trying to convince you they’re not pedophiles aren’t they? I mean that’s how deep their obsession goes! But guess what? The Alt Right and the “New Right” are fighting each other! And when that happens, get a giant bucket of popcorn ready!





By the way if you want to know how Mike Cernovich feels about things like rape, here’s some light reading for you for some of his greatest hits:



Holy shit! So yeah… rape apparently when it doesn’t come to actual rapists. That’s Mike Cernovich, this week’s:




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Gun Nut Apologists
[br] [/font] [br]

OK people… next week is the second anniversary of when I started the Top 10. Yeah I know, two years goes by quickly hasn’t it? And you know what? We haven’t learned a god damned thing. Because if you remember in Idiots #3, I reported how the FBI was reporting that on Black Friday of 2015, they had their highest record of background checks for new gun sales ever. Cut to two years later. Well…





Come on, gun nuts, you know it’s bad when Judge Judy does it! So come on Lexus, you want to sell more luxury cars during the December To Remember sales event? Just include the promise of a semi automatic rifle with it! I mean you’re already paying $55,000 or more for your new Lexus, you can modify your new GX460 to go full Mad Max! I love that graphic!





But there’s more to this insanity of putting out the gun problem with more guns. Ah who am I kidding? I know what country I live in! ‘MERICA!!!! So what better way to tell grandma you didn’t like her giblet gravy than by busting a cap in her ass?





I know what you’re thinking… did I eat six drumsticks or only five? You know fuck Black Friday, it should really be called Red Friday!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Flat Earthers
[br] [/font] [br]

It’s now time for:



And man do I need a drink this week. Tell me, bartender… what goes good with talking about science? I know! Why don’t I get a glass of Walter White’s favorite whisky – a Dimple Pinch? Oh yeah on the rocks, neat. So why are we talking about science? Because it’s time to talk about one of my favorite subjects – flat earthers. I love the flat earthers. You know we talked about this in the monologue last week, but I feel that we need to expand on this a bit more. And this flat earther is a particular kind of crazy!





Yeah there’s so much wrong with this story where do I begin? You have a guy who doesn’t believe in science building a rocket after breaking his back doing stunt jumps. He’s not a flat earther – he’s your racist uncle! Can we show a picture of the rocket?



Look at how janky the welding looks on that rocket! I mean was it built by Acme corporation? But here’s why Flat Earthers are a special breed of crazy:





Yeah I can imagine that’s how it is going to go! But yeah… in case you’re wondering, Mr. “Mad Mike” doesn’t need to launch a rocket to prove the earth is flat.





By the way, I love that Neil DeGrasse Tyson trolled the flat earthers good in this regard:

https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/934906611088359426

That is hilarious. Oh and by the way, Mr. Hughes’ insane little experiment is being postponed because of – wait for it - the government! Yes it’s that danged gubmint that’s always the problem!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #24: The United Arab Emirates
[br] [/font] [br]



Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that India has a cyber crime problem, Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, and Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge. Here’s the tour schedule:



[font size="6"]United Arab Emirates[/font]



Welcome to Dubai everybody! We’re doing a live show from the world’s largest building – the Burj Khalifa! Not to be confused with Whiz Khalifa, good sir! But that’s not the only thing that the Emirates has. It is where all the money in the United States is going as its’ chief export is the black gold. Texas tea – oil, that is! Dubai is the home of the world’s most expensive hotel – the Burj Al Arab. It’s also the home of two huge man made islands – one resembling a giant palm tree and the other resembling a map of the world. Dubai also has a place where you can ski indoors 24 hours a day and one of the world’s first completely underwater hotels. Just try to find it on Google Maps, I dare you! The UAE is also home to two of the world’s most profitable airlines with the most expensive first class seats in the industry. I’m told aviation is a huge deal in the UAE because they’re the only ones who can afford to fly these laps of luxury in the sky. I’m talking about Etihad Airlines out of the nation’s capital Abu Dhabi, and Emirates which operates out of Dubai. The UAE is also the home of the W Motors corporation that manufactures the world’s most expensive car known as the Lykan Hypersport – one of which was destroyed in the movie Furious 7. But what else is the UAE the home of? Well it’s the home of some uber wealthy financial mud slinging for starters!





So with excess wealth comes excess greed. I mean come on, we should know that living in America – which is a country that’s spiraling out of control toward a wealthy oligarchy. And with excess greed comes excess spending on, well… bullshit!





Come on, you guys do know that the Martian was fantasy, right? And at some point you’re going to run out of ranch dressing for all that lettuce! And really, why do restaurants automatically assume you want ranch dressing with everything? Do they get paid by the ranch dressing industry under the table? Well, moving on. So why are the UAE so obsessed with space? Well, here’s the answer.





Maybe that’s what they’re building toward – a real life Mars University. But some good news – the WWE is getting it’s own franchise in the UAE! They’re only one step away from getting their own Fox News!





I hope the UAE doesn’t head in the direction that the US is in – we’re only a few steps away from President Camacho. Although if you do visit this glorious desert metropolis, you might want to not venture away from the tourist areas too much.





But there is one key benefit of living in the UAE – you will have perfect teeth! I mean have you ever seen any Arab Sheikhs with any flaws in their teeth? Neither have I!





[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

This is kind of a tricky one. On one hand the UAE has Dubai and Abu Dhabi – which are some pretty awesome cities to visit with tons of things to do. And like Vegas, there’s something new every time you visit. However, beyond those cities something very disgusting lies underneath.

Tourism: A+
Culture: B+
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: C-

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’ve got just 3 stops left before we are done with the first leg of the World Tour. Next up – we have a stop in the land of hockey, poutine, and curling as we visit the Great White North – Canada! Plus we’ll have some live music for you from Canada’s own Death From Above 1979!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Liam Gallagher[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a great new album out called “As You Were” and he is ½ of the group formerly known as Oasis. Playing his song called “Wall Of Glass”, give it up for Liam Gallagher!





See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: American Comedy Club, San Diego, CA
Special Thanks To: American Comedy Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
UAE Hosting: Emirates Productions, Dubai
Liam Gallagher Appears Courtesy Of: Warner Music Group
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

November 29, 2017

The Movement To Remake Religious Liberty Is Taking The Courts

Remember: This is what Roy Moore's election is about. The Talibangelicals are fueled by hatred, and especially their unabashed hatred of the LGBT community, and when they win, we all lose. Roy Moore will vote to confirm every single one of their nominees, no matter how batshit fucking crazy they are, Doug Jones will not.

November 23, 2017

Mike Cernovich Claims Michael Flynn Was Targeted By Deep State For Investigating Pedophilia

STFU rapist! Pedophilia is one of the worst crimes imaginable, but you don't get to discredit anyone for it as long as you support Roy Moore. And you also don't get to discredit anyone for horrible sex crimes that you repeatedly brag about. So STFU and GTFO!

November 22, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-23: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-23: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So tonight we’re doing something a bit different – we’re honoring our host country Saudi Arabia by adhering to the strict customs and traditions of the Islamic religion. So unfortunately there will be no ladies in the audience tonight. I really hope that I don’t get sued for this one! But we’re in Saudi Arabia. We are back everybody! So normally I’d save this one for “People Are Dumb” but this one is so good that it’s hard to let it sink in with all the other categories of stupid people. So we got to talk about one of my favorite groups of stupid people – flat earthers. Yes, we have discussed flat earthers a lot on this program. But this guy might take the cake as far as one of the stupidest I’ve ever seen. And this is in my home state of California at that! This Saturday – in the Mojave Desert, a man named Mike Hughes is going to launch himself in a homemade rocket that will take him 1800 feet in the air to prove the earth is flat. Yes, this guy is building his own fucking rocket to launch himself into space! God bless America, am I right? Let’s show the picture of the rocket:



So is the rocket going to be made by Acme Corporation? Is the rocket just what you need for catching that pesky road runner? Does it come with free Acme Brand dynamite? By the way, I love that this was at a “flat earth conference” where this was announced and that included discussing such topics as “NASA being controlled by round-earth Freemasons” and “Elon Musk is building rocket ships from blimps”. This is all real by the way. And I love that he is going to “shut the door on this ball earth” once and for all damn it! By the way, I think I have a preview of how this might be going:



We’ll keep an eye on this story for next week, but man do I love making fun of flat earthers because they are a special kind of crazy. OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to cover this week! But first – we got to play Chance The Rapper’s song about Obama coming back from Saturday Night Live last week – it was a thing of beauty!



Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!! So before we ship off for the holidays, we’ve got some much needed idiocy to cover! Number one this week is Steve Bannon (1). So apparently Al Franken is now a member of the White Male Groper’s Club but the more you peel back the layers of this story, the more it looks like a carefully orchestrated reich wing power grab, and guess what? It was! At number 2 this week is also the White Male Groper’s Club (2) because they have been busy adding tons of new members including Transparent’s Jeffrey Tambor, Sly Stallone, and a few other creepy perverts. At number 3, speaking of creepy perverts, is President Donald J. Trump (3). Because the billionaires are demanding their return on investment when they bought Congress and the presidency in the 2016 elections, and Trump is determined to give it to them. At number 4 is also President Trump (4) who managed to do something no human being has been able to do – make LaVar Ball, father of the Los Angeles Lakers’ star Lonzo Ball, likeable! In the 5th slot we’ve got a new installment of “How Is This Still A Thing”, and we’re going to ask: The Presidential Turkey Pardon: How Is This Still A Thing? At number 6 is a now regular feature on the Top 10 – our weekly due diligence on all things holy as we present all the fucked up shit that the Christian right has been up to in “Holy Shit”. But this week we're going to break from the formula of poking holes in the religious rights' arguments, and instead tour the insane new $500 million, Hobby Lobby sponsored Bible Museum in Washington DC. At number 7 is Gene Simmons (7). Yes, that Gene Simmons of KISS fame. Did you know he’s a creepy pervert and got banned from Fox News for life? Neither are we! It’s insane. At number 8, we’re going to lighten things up and talk about penises. Specifically, the penis that was drawn in the sky over the state of Washington – by a military pilot! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) installment we’ve got another installment of People Are Dumb because, well, people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got another stop of the Top 10 World Tour. This time we’re heading to the land of Mecca – Saudi Arabia! Uh oh, I hear they don’t have much of a sense of humor in that country! I hope we make it out alive! I will try to make it tasteful. Plus since we’re going to the desert, we have some live desert rock for you (see what I did there?) from Queens Of The Stone Age! If you don’t have their amazing new album “Villains”, well, get out of my audience! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]The Al Franken Hit Job
[br] [/font] [br]

So I spent the weekend trying to figure out how to carefully broach this one. Because the White Male Groper’s Club has been all over the news. It seems every single day there’s someone new accusing a celebrity of sexual harassment, abuse, or something more horrifying. And you really can’t joke about it, so for a comedy show how do we talk about this shit? And even worse when it’s one of our own who’s being accused? You know what happened last week, and so we have to talk about it.





Yeah… well who does like you, Al? Well this is a very fucked up situation. Because on one hand this comes as the democrats have been attacking Roy Moore hard on his stance that he’s a creepy sexual predator with a history of abuse and allegations. I mean come on, even Al’s own former show – Saturday Night Live – was making fun of this!





Yeah really, do you believe this shit? But despite the abuse allegations, Al is not resigning. You know the photo that’s been circulating. You’ve seen it. We don’t need to show it. But here’s the difference between Al Franken and Roy Moore:





The difference is Al Franken knows to keep his mouth shut. Roy Moore on the other hand – who we’ll talk about later – is going frothing at the mouth batshit crazy accusing everyone of going on a witch hunt against him! But really, the news is just coming about Al Franken, do we really need to do this now?





OK I needed that laugh. Maybe we could send a few of these guys to their own planet and let them grope each other? Maybe that’s why Elon Musk and other crazy billionaires are so interested in space exploration all of a sudden! But come on, don’t ask whether or not Al Franken should resign, as the republicans put it every time there’s a mass shooting – it’s too soon to talk about it!





And yeah that one actually is wrong! But now that you think about it… is it really OK to joke about this sort of thing? I mean when you look over the joke history of Saturday Night Live… well, it seems a lot of the jokes now aren’t so funny!





But then there’s our 45th president. You know – him. Who this week said this about Al Franken just after the news broke:





Come on, Trump! Really – this is what it’s come to. Trump has attacked Al Franken, but remains silent on Roy Moore. Can we throw that tweet up there?

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/931357870024687616

Al Frankenstein? Is this Frankenstein’s Monster? Or maybe it’s Young Al Frankenstein! Or maybe it’s The Son Of Young Al Frankenstein. Or maybe it’s the Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein. Or maybe it’s Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein! Thank you! I’ve been waiting a week to tell that joke! Because you know, the first rule of comedy is timing! Oh and by the way he spelled Frankenstein wrong!



I’ll just leave this here.




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]White Male Groper’s Club
[br] [/font] [br]

So now that we got the news about Al Franken out of the way, let’s talk about some other serial harassers. I mean come on, this is a news comedy show, and we can’t get away from this in the news at all! I mean it’s insane. Not just every week, it seems every day there’s someone new who’s being accused of sexual harassment. The latest? Jeffrey Tambor – you know him best as George Bluth from Arrested Development, or maybe recently Maura Pfefferman of Transparent:





Oh come on, Jeff! You know the classic rule in the showbiz world is to go out while you’re on top, right!
This might not be the best time to exit, that’s all I’m saying. But you know who else has been accused of entering the groper’s club? Sly himself – that’s right – Rocky has been accused of sexual harassment!





Well yeah you know I can’t people are accusing me, Rocky, of sexual harassment. And you know what I can’t believe it either. YOU WANT TO FIGHT THE FIGHT???? I’lLL FIGHT THE FIGHT!!!! You all are GREEDY AND LAZY!!! By the way, you know what? Don’t say things you won’t regret when it comes to scandals and assault. I’m looking at you, Morrissey!





You know what else doesn’t work in these situations? Logic! I mean soon there won’t be any good music, movies, books, anything if it continues! Or even media as there was a writer from the New York Times who got suspended!





We’ll get to Holy Shit in a few minutes, but the list of sexual predators keeps growing and growing, you know – like that pile of dog shit on the street outside your house:





I also have to do a mention of Charlie Rose as well – and this one is a shock. But it is what it is, and next week we will do a deep dive on this as well as what that douchebag Mike Cernovich did.






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

There’s two things in life that are certain – death and taxes. And you can bet that since the 2016 election, the GOP’s billionaire investors have been begging and pleading for a return on their investment. And well, the GOP’s tax plan is much like that box of Omaha Steaks that’s been sitting in your freezer the last two years – the more you peel back the layers, the more you’re going to find something disgusting underneath.





That’s right – the GOP controlled Congress is so dead set on giving the billionaires their precious refund that they’re courting the vote of a serial child molester like Roy Moore! Let that sink in for a minute! I mean it would be like the town from Family Guy where they have a tie breaking vote on anything, and the only guy who can cast the vote is Herbert The Pervert. But like I said the more you peel back the layers the more it stinks.





Now you know that the Trump tax plan is full of shit. But really – is it acceptable for any president to attack a member of their OWN party for not being loyal enough?



Can we throw that tweet up there?

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/932388590344196096

Can someone please teach Trump how to properly use quotations if he’s trying to be funny? You know Twitter might want to rethink the whole 280 characters thing. But you know this is why the rest of the world is laughing at us – think about it. We have two leaders of their own party fighting over the proper usage of the word “toast”.





Attention Jeff Flake! Attention Jeff Flake! The GOP has already become the party of Roy Moore and Donald Trump! This tax plan is so controversial that even the guy that New Jersey elected last week is already causing fights!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

Our esteemed president… excuse me a minute… Donald J. Trump, this week managed to do one thing that no one in history has ever done. He managed to make a guy who’s generally perceived as unlikeable, and he managed to make them likeable. Yeah he’s the opposite of King Midas – everything he touches has the opposite effect. And I do mean by that it turns to shit. So by now you know the story of the UCLA basketball players who got arrested in China. And if there’s one guy who you don’t want to fuck with, it’s discount Michael Jordan, LaVar Ball.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dude, you’re the president, you don’t threaten to leave private citizens in a foreign jail in a country known for egregious human rights violations! Oh and apparently he was just being sarcastic, y’all!





Zapp Brannagin must take his cues from Trump! Because Trump is that guy, all he wants is your undying loyalty and you must not question dear leader! By the way, LaVar Ball was interviewed on CNN and he did not hesitate to go completely unhinged.





By the way who else wants to see a Trump and LaVar Ball steel cage death match in Trump’s favorite sport – the WWE? As the late great George Carlin said – fuck cable, put this shit on Pay Per View! I would gladly pay the $49.99 to see that!





And by the way Trump fans, I know you're in a cult and you've been brainwashed into thinking that people shouldn't question Dear Leader Trump, because he is the know all, end all infinite knowledge of the universe guy, but if you're going to be angry at LaVar Ball, at least know who it is you're angry at *BEFORE* directing your misguided anger! But I do have to give props to LaVar Burton for having a sense of humor about the whole thing!





Oh and by the way Trump fans, we're laughing *AT* you, not with you!


[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

Time once again to ask:



This week: The Presidential Turkey Pardon. How Is This Still A Thing? Can we please admit that in 2017, that the presidential turkey pardon is one of the stupidest traditions in American history? Especially when a giant turkey currently occupies the Oval Office? I mean what business does Trump have pardoning a turkey when he is one? And anyone remember how lavish his Thanksgiving spread was? And they call Hillary the elitist. But like one of our favorite traditions – the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest (‘Merica!!!) on July 4th, the presidential turkey pardon gets more ridiculous every year, and it really makes one wonder why the terrorists hate us. This year adds a turkey fashion show:





I like that one! Excuse me a minute… By the way, if you want suggestions for a centerpiece maybe don’t ask Ivanka Trump, because at a Thanksgiving dinner, you want people to come to the table, not run away from it screaming in horror!



Can we show that?

https://twitter.com/IvankaTrumpHQ/status/931303381464965122

Yeah that doesn’t say “beautiful and unexpected”, that says “I’m going to eat your children in their sleep and give them nightmares!”. Back to the subject at hand – the presidential turkey pardon. Pundits are already speculating that this might be the weirdest Thanksgiving ever. Thanks Putin for ruining my favorite holiday for me!





How about this – maybe don’t name turkeys after the food they will ultimately will become, let’s not torture the poor birds! But here’s the main difference between the democratic and republican Thanksgivings, and can you be shocked at how the other one lives? And they have the nerve to call the democrats elitist!





Yes – how do you explain this to foreigners? You can’t even really explain it to children. See kids? That turkey has been fed a steady diet of hardcore steroids and growth formulas! That’s why it’s big enough to be the national turkey! But we can’t eat it! And a new study shows that Trump and turkey don’t mix:





And guess where Trump is having his first ever Thanksgiving dinner? We’ll give you a hint – it ain’t at the White House, that is for damn sure!





So there you have it – a perfect storm of meat sweats, terrible Thanksgiving decorations, and an actual turkey in the White House. That’s enough to make you ask – the Presidential Turkey Pardon:




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font] [br]

Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate friends! Yay, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. But now we must be reminded weekly that the holiest among us are full of well…



This week, we’re going to do something a bit different from our weekly nonsense of trashing the religious right. Instead, we’re going to head to Washington DC, my sons and daughters because there they are opening up a new tourist attraction!





So they do realize that giving away free tickets means that the museum is only going to lose money, am I not right about that? Never mind for it has the backing of thine billionaires! But apparently there beith a wicked bible that was printed specifically for this museum of all things holy!





And speaking of not, the Bible museum apparently has everything – because that is what THE LORD OUR GOD would want, and he is the creator of all that is holy in this world! Can I get an amen! But placing such a lavish palace of all things holy in DC is *NOT* about inserting religion into thine politics!





Yes!!!! Because if I remember correctly GREED IS A SIN!!!! And the greediest of the greedy must be cleansed of this sin!!!!! Because that’s what the LORD OUR GOD would want, creator of all that is holy in this world! Can I get an AMEN!!!! But their might be some fakeness on their part! I mean not everything in this museum can be genuine, can it?





So the “actual” Dead Sea Scrolls might actually be fake? I am shocked, shocked I tell you!!! But now this question must be asked of the Bible Museum: Where beith thine Jesus?





Oh Jesus! I mean you have a ½ billion dollar museum dedicated to him, but does not have much mention of him! And do I dare sayeth what we are thinking about the people who fund this museum?





Yay, there you have it – a Bible museum funded by Hobby Lobby but without much mention of Jesus. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:





[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Gene Simmons
[br] [/font] [br]

We need some music for this one.




Is heavy metal music allowed here in Saudi Arabia? OK that’s good. So why am I playing I Wanna Rock And Roll All Night for this entry? Well we got to talk about Kiss frontman and your creepy uncle’s creepy uncle, Gene Simmons. You know he’s got that insane $25,000 box set coming out in the next couple of months. But would you be surprised at all to learn that Gene Simmons is a member of the White Male Groper’s Club? Well neither are we. But add him to the other Groper’s Club – Fox News, and it’s a toxic mix waiting to happen. I mean what do you have to do to get banned for life from Fox News? Other than admit you voted for Hillary? Hey o!!!





By the way if you’re banned for life from Fox News for some extremely creepy behavior, maybe don’t go on a European talk show for some equally creepy behavior!





But would you be shocked at all that Gene joined the coveted White Male Gropers’ Club this week as two women accused him of sexual harassment? This list just keeps growing!





But it’s all good! Apparently Gene issued an apology to Fox News because why wouldn’t you? And this is after he promoted his column about how money buys you happiness. Does it?






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Penis In The Sky
[br] [/font] [br]

Let’s lighten things up and talk about penises, shall we? Because we haven’t talked about sex enough this week! It’s OK to joke about penises here in Saudi Arabia, isn’t it? OK sweet! Because I am going to let the dick jokes fly in this one. And as the late great George Carlin once said, what would a comedy show be without some dick jokes? Well, specifically we go to Washington for this one, and well, it’s a huge one!





So it’s not the first time a NAVY pilot drew a dick in the sky? But it looks like this one was very poorly planned. I mean the balls don’t even match up! Can we show that?



Come on sing it with me! So I owe it all to the penis in the sky… penis in the sky!!! That’s where I’m gonna ejaculate when I die… when I die!!! I could do this all day! But did the Navy really have to ground the whole damn crew just for one stunt? I guess that’s what we call a… dick move?





Excuse me a minute… dick move!!!!!!!! So this was a practical joke that went bad, and apparently that type of thing doesn’t fly in the Navy. And hey that’s a double pun, damn it!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font] [br]

You know what time it is? It’s time for this!



Yes – by now you should know that people are people, and people are dumb. And who’s stupid this week? Why it’s idiots with guns! And when a gun accidentally goes off, can you be surprised at all that there’s no good guys with guns to stop the shootings from happening? Well, we go to the Volunteer State, Tennessee for this insane story.





Next in People Are Dumb – the movie Borat. Yeah it’s been 10 years since that movie was in the theaters, and frat boy idiots and comedians like me *STILL* quote that movie. But if you ever actually go to Kazakhstan, maybe don’t do this! I hear they hate that movie in Kazakhstan.





Oh and by the way, Sascha Cohen himself offered to pay the guys' legal fees in Kazakhstan, which only fueled the local's hatred for the movie!





I love that e-mail address by the way! Next up – we go to Sweden for this one. And what do you think of when you think of Sweden? I know – Swedish meatballs! Man, I love a good plate of Swedish meatballs!





Bork! Bork! Bork! Ah, I love the Swedish chef! Next up in People Are Dumb, we go to Utah, where this man is trying to get the name of a local high school’s mascot changed because of a truly bizarre reason!





Next up in People Are Dumb – I can kind of see why conservatives make fun of liberals for needing safe spaces, and this one really doesn’t help. Is Steve Martin’s classic SNL bit about King Tut really *THAT* offensive? Well…





Yeah fucking seriously. I love Steve Martin, I’ve seen him perform this song live. And you know what? I wasn’t offended! Yeah don’t get offended people! Finally for People Are Dumb this week, psychopaths. Yes, psychopaths are a thing. Can you guess which musician is most popular with your average psychopath? Bet you didn’t think it was gonna be him did you!






[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #23: Saudi Arabia
[br] [/font] [br]



Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that the Philippines is in the middle of a nasty civil war, India has a huge cyber crime problem, and Australia is a couple of steps away from making national gay marriage a reality. Here’s the tour schedule:



[font size="6"]Saudi Arabia[/font]



Welcome to the Middle East everybody! We’re hanging out in the Saudi Arabia capital of Riyadh, a place where Trump touched the magic orb. Yeah I don’t even know what this is but it’s pretty fucking weird. Oh , can I say the word “fuck” here? My producer is telling me it’s OK to do so. But look at all the fine Saudi gentlemen in the audience! Not a woman in sight! Can I joke about that? OK. Sorry, having a bit of a back and forth feud with my producer on what’s acceptable here. You know what’s not acceptable here unfortunately? Drinking. Yeah so we have to do this entry dry. But don’t worry, I’ve got some backup booze. So moving on. Saudi Arabia is the home of Mecca, the capital and holy city for the religion of Islam. It’s engrained in the Islamic tradition that all followers of the religion must make a pilgrimage to the holy city at least once in their lifetime. It’s also the home of the Great Mosque Of Mecca, and the great Mosque of, and I hope I am pronouncing this right – Al-Masjid an-Nabawi, a mosque that is believed to have been built by the prophet Muhammad. The capital Riyadh includes all sorts of museums and forts to visit. While other cities include Mecca, Jeddah, and of course the world’s largest airport that is being built in Riyadh. Aviation is a huge thing in the Arab worlds, because you guys are apparently the only ones who can afford those insane suites that are on most Middle Eastern airlines. But what else is the Arab holy country the home of? Well, if America doesn’t bomb the shit out of Iran, Saudi Arabia might beat us to it!





No it’s not the end of the world yet. I mean we barely made it out alive from South Korea. Hey, I know who our president is, don’t get me wrong. But Saudi Arabia is in the midst of a purge – it’s locking its’ billionaire princes in prisons, and among them is billionaire investor and real life Goldmember, Prince Alwaweed Bin Talal:





Well, you wouldn’t be far off! Because let’s go over the facts. First up is the fact that Saudi Arabia wants to become a major commodities player and it will stop at nothing to achieve that.





The second is world domination – their next door neighbors are Isreal, who are in a seemingly never ending war, and Iran – who are also in a seemingly never ending war.





So yeah you have war on one side and greed on the other. Gotta love that country! Am I not right, guys? Yeah that’s it! So the catalyst for World War III may not be a Donald Trump presidency after all! Instead it’s a really fucked up chess game between Saudi Arabia, Isreal and Lebannon.





But then Saudi Arabia is playing chess with the whole Middle East! Yes – they are gearing up for a major war with Yemen – never mind the wars they are already in. holy shit, that sounds just like the USA doesn’t it? Holy shit, and I thought America was the warmongering capital of the world! But hey, they’re a peaceful country! Phrasing!





Even Saudi Arabia’s origin story sounds like Satan is in charge. I mean talk about your fire and brimstone, this recent discovery was made!





[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

So I would say how I feel about Saudi Arabia, but in the interest of leaving this country with all my limbs in tact I will say:

Tourism: A
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: A
Liberal Appeal: A

Overall: A+



Now that we’re back in the states, I can tell you how I really feel:

Tourism: C
Culture: B-
Political Spectrum: F
Liberal Appeal: F

Overall: F-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’ve got one more stop in the Middle East – we’re hanging out in Saudi Arabia’s next door neighbor, the UAE! With a live show from the world’s largest building, the Burj Al Dubai!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Queens Of The Stone Age[/font]

Ladies and… oh wait, I forget there aren’t any ladies in the audience tonight. Gentlemen, my next guest has one of 2017’s best albums. They are from a California desert town called “Palm Springs”. It’s called “Villains”. Playing their song “The Way You Used To Do”, give it up for Queens Of The Stone Age!





Wait – they want to stick around for one more? Sure!




Happy Thanksgiving everybody! See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater, Hollywood, CA
Special Thanks To: UCB Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Saudi Arabia Hosting: Al’Anjari Productions, Riyadh
Queens Of The Stone Age Appear Courtesy Of: Matador Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10: @DUInitechTop10


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

November 20, 2017

New York Times Compiled A Complete List Of Sexual Harassment Allegations Since Weinstein

Damn this is insane.

November 17, 2017

Rick Wiles: There Is A New Nazism Rising In America That Is Dedicated To Killing Christians

Holy crap, these people are fucking nuts!!!!