March 16, 2024

I've been on a zoom for 2 hours

at the county of Durham's convention. it is being held live but there was this remote option and I took it, because I'm still and perhaps from now on a bit of a recluse since the pandemic.

And I'm sitting here not really feeling it. I'm tired of these pep rallies where the whole message seems to be we didn't do enough. We must do more. It's our fault people don't vote. It's our fault republicans win. I'm not accepting the guilt. Suddenly I think I kind of get why people check out on politics. I'm sick of the dread of what's coming down the pike because of republicans. I hate canvassing, and don't think I'm good at it. I've phone banked with 0% success. I get so many texts every day that I block and delete automatically, so I'm not going to start texting for the democratic party in NC. I'm not about subjecting others to something I really detest for myself.

I'll write post cards. I will probably take opportunities to register voters. I've already started conversations with my neighbors. It's not enough. In a state like NC it feels like it will never be enough. I'm not accepting the guilt, but I am really tired of the dread and the fear and the near despair that being politically engaged at this moment in history comes with.

Here in NC the republicans have done plenty, all in bad faith, to ensure their supermajority in the general assembly. They're running a Qanon nutcase who has advocated for the assassination of Presidents Obama and Biden.
[link:https://www.wral.com/story/gop-nominee-to-run-north-carolina-public-schools-called-for-violence-against-democrats-including-executing-obama-and-biden/21329633/]

They're running a magat for governor whose goal is to end abortion in this state. https://cardinalpine.com/2024/02/15/audio-mark-robinsons-endgame-is-a-total-abortion-ban-starting-with-a-6-week-ban/

the dilemma for me is I can't turn it off. the stakes are too high. Millions of oblivious Americans do not even have a clue. A lot of them vote, but it's just an afterthought. Here in NC all they need to know is the letter after the name. these people could win. I've been engaged politically to one degree or another all my life; mostly just being a person who pays attention. There's no unringing that bell or putting that horse back into the barn.

So I applied to be an election worker. I will look for opportunities to register people to vote. And I'll be scared, pissed, and courting despair from here until November if not beyond.
/rant off

December 2, 2023

I found the talk I referenced in a post yesterday!

here's the thread: https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=18490089

His name came to me. Jeffery Robinson. This may not be the exact talk I listened to, but I did play some of it and within the first minute there was the phrase "the South lost the war and won the peace" - either way worth the listen.

?si=uoeLEixkJg1lZA41

ETA: His name is Jeffery Robinson. That's right. Just watched "Who We Are" on Netflix. how i missed it until now is anyone's guess

https://www.netflix.com/search?q=who%20we%20are%2B&jbv=81488493

September 9, 2023

i don't know if this is a comment about the police, or about me.

ETA: my front doorbell is broken, possibly from a severe thunderstorm recently. The police were very nice, professional, and had made efforts to let me know they were there before they went to the back door, which is where we met up. I apologize if my account was incomplete!

Context: i live in a townhouse. Living room, kitchen, hall, 1/2 bath downstairs, 3 bedrooms and 2 baths upstairs. I spend most of my time in my bedroom with my little chihuahua, which is what i was doing earlier today. Had just gotten off the phone with my oldest son and was planning to take some video of the flooding downstairs to send to him (Durham NC, we had thunderstorms throughout most of the day today).

So the dogs are barking like crazy, which is not terribly unusual. My older dog, Charlie is reactive and she'll stand at the patio door and bark at people half a block away. The other dog, my personal companion, Chai is barking because Charlie's barking and so what.

As I am going from my room to the office, the barking continues and I swear I hear the voice. of a human. I am the only human here, my middle son is at work...so I go on down the stairs calling out, "Who's there?" and as I enter the living room, I observe 2 uniformed police officers entering my home. WHAT

Charlie's still there screeching her head off and the second thing the officer says to me, can you take care of your dog. So I pick her up and fortunately she's literally all bark and no bite, but here's the thing and I almost cried later on when I was telling my youngest son about this episode.

They could have killed her. They could have panicked and pulled out a gun and shot my dog to death. Happens all the time right? I mean this is my thought.

Anyhow, long story short, an alarm had sounded, they had the wrong address, they were very nice, and they did not shoot my dog. but FUCK. why is that the biggest takeaway here? Is it me, or is it the police?

August 26, 2023

I'm chopping up the decades now.

It's my 68th birthday, so now I'm in my late 60's. Yesterday, I was in my mid 60's.

time keeps marching on.

ETA: so I had my annual lung cancer screening and was away from the computer, and THANK YOU all!!

results already came back. in spite of my dread lifestyle choice to smoke cigarettes, it appears I'll be around for the next scan at least, at least on the lung part.

August 16, 2023

Glory and I

I just came back from a vacation on the Best Coast (CA and ID), and while there I reconnected with a dear friend whom I have not seen since moving to NC in 2007. Neither of us stopped talking from hello to good-bye and it was a fabulous time.
it was wonderful so I wrote this poem. Been a good long time since I wrote a poem at all let alone one I like. It may not be finished yet, but hope you enjoy

Glory and I


So
We figured it all out,
Two aging rivers converging and then
Fifteen years flattened to a day or so,
The words flowing like water,
Meeting and splashing and somehow knowing
These words must be said.

So much to say. So much to share

We covered it all:
Death, life, grief, joy, love, compassion, faith, justice
Is this the meaning of life? it feels like it is.
What else matters?

We drove
Around in senseless, hilarious circles, and we laughed.
We smoked many cigarettes

So.
We were several years older but the years disappeared
Even our aches and pains and gripes and complaints
Were rendered small;
Our families all multiplied, our dramas met without distress
In the moment. Just friends.

Just friends, just friends, just all we need
Right here right now.
We are older, we are wiser, we are
Exactly the way we ever were.

The sun was shining, the traffic was bad
As was my sense of direction.
The time passed as fast as the fifteen years
That passed while we never spoke,
Because it disappeared
Just like that.

July 26, 2023

Three Marines found dead near North Carolina coast, military says. Mystery continues Read more at:

Source: The News and Observer

Three U.S. Marines were found dead near the North Carolina coast, sparking a mystery, officials told news outlets.

The Pender County Sheriff’s Office said it received a report of a missing person and started investigating early Sunday, July 23. That’s when deputies found three bodies in a car at a gas station.

Deputies reported making the discovery in Hampstead, near popular beach destinations and roughly 30 miles southwest of the Camp Lejeune military base.

The 2nd Marine Logistics Group told WCTI the military members who died were identified as:
19-year-old Lance Cpl. Tanner Kaltenberg of Madison, Wisconsin
23-year-old Lance Cpl. Merax Dockery of Pottawatomie County, Oklahoma
23-year-old Lance Cpl. Ivan Garcia of Naples, Florida

Read more at: https://www.newsobserver.com/news/state/north-carolina/article277665203.html#storylink=cpy

Read more: https://www.newsobserver.com/news/state/north-carolina/article277665203.html

---

This sounds like it could be a case of unintentional fentanyl poisoning. I want to know what happened to these Marines.

July 12, 2023

Do any other DUers follow Shaun?

He's super brilliant.

This latest video is about trans hate and Kellie-Jay, also known as Posie Parker.

Two other really good youtubers I follow are Contrapoints and Three Arrows. These brainiacs have really helped me through the pandemic and made me smarter and more reflective.

https://www.youtube.com/@ThreeArrows/videos

https://www.youtube.com/@ContraPoints/videos

https://www.youtube.com/@Shaun_vids/videos

was inspired by the post about the haircutter who posted on fb that trans people should seek a pet groomer.

July 6, 2023

She isn't 43 years old today.

She's supposed to be. Happy Birthday Bekah Zask. Love you and miss you forever
Here she is with me 43 years ago today.

Here she is sleeping with her butt in the air. She had such delicate skin that we had her in cloth diapers. She was semi high maintenance right from the start.

Here she is just before she died. This was the picture we had on top of her closed casket.

Here's her headstone. I wish I could go visit her bones today, but she's a couple thousand miles away in CA, and i'm in NC. I hope her father will go see her.

She was one of those rarely gifted beings who cannot look, or speak or even stir without waking up (and satisfying) some vague longing that lies dormant in the hearts of most of us

June 30, 2023

It seems to me

that they (SCOTUS) are simply following the republican playbook dating back at least to karl rove and methodically dismantling every thing liberal or good or anti-racist or that strives for equality in our country.

We're living in 1984. that's how it feels to me. We're living the handmaid's tale. We're living devolution and being tested to succumb to permanent republican rule, where all the wealth flows upward and the shit rolls downhill, where the vast majority of us will be attempting to live decent lives.

i hate republicans

June 22, 2023

they censured him for telling the truth.

https://rollcall.com/2023/06/21/revised-schiff-censure-advances-impeachment-votes-could-be-next/

i have high blood pressure and have been dealing with some health crap, and didn't go to check it out until now. i did watch his amazing, historical comments on the House Floor yesterday, but it didn't tell me what their "why" was. so i googled this morning and the reason is he told the truth about their cult leader.

it's 2023 but feels much more like 1984. I'm so pissed I want to scream. So fucking mad I think I'm going to cry. where and how does this end.


This should be shared far and wide.