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Profile Information

Gender: Female
Hometown: CA
Home country: USA
Current location: NC
Member since: Wed Aug 17, 2005, 02:29 AM
Number of posts: 27,314

About Me

I stand on the sand, and I'm rocking grief to sleep in my arms.

Journal Archives

movies you'll watch over and over

even if nobody else even heard of them. I'll go first

Gorky Park
Into the Night
Narrow Margin

ETA An American Dreamer - JoBeth Williams deserved an Oscar for that film.

Grief spasms.

Sometimes I need to cry. Sometimes I'm suddenly overcome and tears start pouring from my eyes, stinging them, stuffing up my nose, unexpected and not actually welcome. At these times I moan her name out loud, omigawd I miss you so much.

I was warned about this, more than 21 years ago. For all of these years, these inexpressibly painful feelings strike when they choose, without warning. In my mind it always sends me back to the first time I learned she'd been killed. Like there's someone standing at my shoulder saying, "Bekah's dead," and I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. Years beyond all those other phases, bargaining, acceptance, anger, guilt, whatever they are. The slow unraveling of a state of shock so profound it takes months and years to subside.

Brian Sicknick's mother precipitated this grief spasm. There are times when I truly wish I did not have to be a part of this sisterhood of bereaved mothers! But at the same time I wish I was next to her so I could hug her. In my opinion there is no getting around the fact that people who have not lost a child don't "get" the profundity of that loss. But the bereaved mothers, they get it. Sometimes almost all you have to cling to is knowing that there is somebody who understands you right now, when the people who know and love you best just do not have a clue.

Anyhow. After over 21 years I can still be left in a puddle. I will blow my nose, wash my face, and carry on as best I can. Hugs to all and any suffering from the loss of a most loved one.

anyone else noticed this?

another mass shooting. I try to get the news and tune into the press conference. Very little news is provided, but many people step up and spend a bunch of time in what amounts to a circle jerk. I see it as very cynical - they show up to be seen and make sure people know their names. Like a campaign stop.

it's maddening to me. it seems to be the formula that all entities follow at this point in time, like someone wrote a guidebook on it.

just give me the news. I'm glad services are being made available. The news was already all over the situation in Torrance - for the record I believe that must be the guy because if it wasn't he would have already been out of the van letting them know that - my hometown.

/rant off

If you're watching the storms, here's a channel you might like.

I enjoy watching him.
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