I hated being pregnant.

Pregnancy hated me back. I never once felt beautiful during the entire thing, and the remnants of the damage to my body are still there. Even though I ate sensibly, I gained so much weight that I looked obese. I held water like crazy. Couldn't see my knees or ankles. When I asked my doc for help, he actually told me that I was obese and it had nothing to do with my pregnancy. He didn't seem to notice that I weighed 105 pounds before getting pregnant, but he was pretty shocked when I lost 45 pounds after delivery. Suddenly my knees and ankles were visible, while I was still in the hospital, and he agreed that I was not obese. We lived so far out in the sticks that we didn't have the option of changing docs.

I had preeclampsia and cephalopelvic disproportion with the first one that damn near killed us both. They did a c-section, but had trouble getting my blood pressure down enough to make surgery safe. Then they had trouble getting the baby to breathe. I was fine during my appointment at 4:30pm, but by 10:00pm, I was in trouble. They were so busy that night that no one even informed my husband of our condition until 6:00am, by which time he was sure we had both died. The baby was born at around 2:00am, so I don't even know what happened between then and 6:00am. I do know that when I woke up, I felt like my guts had been torn out. Then they wanted me to turn over, which was excruciating.

The doc for the second pregnancy took more precautions and put me on bed rest almost from the beginning. I was fortunate that I could stay home and it didn't impact us financially. How much different it is for women who cannot take that much time off work! I still gained a lot of weight, but not as much, and they took the baby, another c-section, early to avoid complications. Then he told me that if I got pregnant again, it would kill me.

Yet, I wanted my kids and would do it again. I wouldn't do it a third time and I surely wouldn't do it if the pregnancy was the result of rape or incest. These rightwing blowhards, in any case, would have me leave my children motherless rather than have me exercise my choice. How is that pro-life?

Who the fuck do these people think they are to treat pregnancy like a few months of inconvenience and discomfort? I've said this before and will say it again: Childbirth is inherently dangerous. You don't know ahead of time who will do well and who will not. Plenty of otherwise healthy women die of eclampsia after apparent safe deliveries. I had a mother-in-law who popped out babies at home and went for tea afterwards. We are not all so fortunate.

For me, sentencing women to 9 months or more of what can truly be hell for some, putting their lives at risk, and scarring their bodies and psyches for no good reason, is inhumane. Add that to the anguish of whether to keep the baby or put it up for adoption, worries about taking care of it financially, and all the other burdens that Republicans are happy to tell them to "pull themselves up by the bootstraps" in order to survive. As we all know, the baby is no longer of political use once it is born, so it's ok to deny food, shelter, and healthcare at that point. And the "deadbeat" moms who had no choice need to "get educated and find a better job." My favorite one is that they need to "keep their legs closed." SMDH

I am way past the age where it affects me. My daughters are nearing that age. Yet, I am worried and scared to death about the future of our daughters who will not be able to make decisions about their own bodies.

That's all I have to say. Thanks for listening.