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Gender: Female
Hometown: CA
Home country: usa
Current location: sierras
Member since: Wed Jan 23, 2008, 04:23 AM
Number of posts: 12,343

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How do we deal with dangerous teens when NOBODY will help? (long rant of a mom over the edge) :(

So I wonder, what happens when you have a teen with problems and ask for help repeatedly but nothing happens?
What do you do when they basically tell you you have to wait till they "actually DO something" ...what if that something is them bashing your skull in while you sleep?

I have a 14 yr old who is seriously fucked up.
It's been escalating for the last 6 months and he is "self-medicating" with drugs. (usually pot, some alcohol, and well...?)
He is emotionally manipulative, verbally abusive, destroys my house (holes in door, breaking porch lights, etc) cuts school chronically, refuses to go to school (I've had to call the Sheriff to come to the house when he refuses to even get in the car), he fights at school, is defiant, gets suspended, the whole gamut.....there seems to be some mental health stuff too,but getting the referral to a psychiatrist has been long coming.

I go between days when it's relatively okay, days when I let him go to a friend's house (even if I think they might smoke pot, cuz I know the parents from baseball and think it's an okay environment), days when we have a argument over something trivial, days when I just need a break, days when he is a monster, days when he is obviously stoned but he just goes to bed, days when he rages for no reason, days when the sheriff and I seem to be getting to know each other well... I've even dashed out of work at a phone call I misunderstood thinking my daughter had come home to find him dead ...

I have gone to the school, spoken with the principal and counselors on MANY occasions, they know what's going on, we've had conversations with the campus security, the on campus police officer, even had CPS involved... NOBODY can get us any further to an answer. Got some counseling granted, but he only went to one session. meanwhile, he hasn't "done" anything to warrant arrest apparently.

Today I picked him up from said friend's house and he was fucked up beyond anything I'd seen. (needless to say, he's never going there again) he came home, puked all over the bathroom and couldn't even form a sentence. Then when I told him I didn't believe a word he said about not being on something more...he started looking for something to hurt himself with (which is is go-to behavior for attention seeking) (Also: I have long since locked up ALL sharps and drugs in the house, even tylenol)
He found a pair of children's scissors in the bathroom, said "goodbye I love you" to his sister and went in his room....I waked in and got them away from him because he was not coordinated enough to fight me. called 911.
The sheriff came and after some questions, decided to take him to the hospital for drug testing and then to juvey.

While talking to us and searching his room...they found a HAMMER under his bed. (mind you, my daughter and I have slept in my room with the door locked on more than one occasion afraid of his rage...and I am thinking he could have bashed in our skulls!!!)

But this did not seem to phase the Sheriff...

So Juvey calls me later tonight and tells me I need to pick him up in the morning because all they can charge him with is being under the influence. (Apparently it was Valium and pot)
I said I didn't want to leave him alone while at work, so I'd need to pick him up after 4...they said NO!
If I choose not to take him, I have to petition the court to make him a "ward of the court" and then they will place him in Foster Care...which means he gets angrier and becomes someone else's problem.

So basically, I have to wait for the other shoe to drop...what that means is anyone's guess...

I have been BEGGING for help and treatment or juvey or someone to put him in a facility for months.

But he's my problem...until he's society's.
Until he does something to someone else...or my daughter...or me.


sorry I have nowhere this rant is going in particular.
I just wanted to share how hard it is for people to get HELP for emotional, mental and drug related teen issues...

Article: "The female price of male pleasure"

Lots of takeaways from this article, hard to pick three paragraphs...

"Why didn't she just get out of there as soon as she felt uncomfortable? many people explicitly or implicitly asked.
It's a rich question, and there are plenty of possible answers. But if you're asking in good faith, if you really want to think through why someone might have acted as she did, the most important one is this: Women are enculturated to be uncomfortable most of the time. And to ignore their discomfort.
This is so baked into our society I feel like we forget it's there. "


"The studies on this are few. A casual survey of forums where people discuss "bad sex" suggests that men tend to use the term to describe a passive partner or a boring experience. (Here's a very unscientific Twitter poll I did that found just that.) But when most women talk about "bad sex," they tend to mean coercion, or emotional discomfort or, even more commonly, physical pain. Debby Herbenick, a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, and one of the forces behind the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, confirmed this. "When it comes to 'good sex,'" she told me, "women often mean without pain, men often mean they had orgasms."


"There might be other reasons. Maybe, for example, women fake orgasms because they'd hoped for some pleasure themselves. If it looks like that's not happening, they default to their training. And they've been taught a) to tolerate discomfort and b) to somehow find pleasure in the other party's pleasure if the social conditions require it."

My take:
It's not ALWAYS about sex...but sex is definitely a way for our cultural dominance norms to play out.
How often do we as women give in or do more than we are comfortable with because we have been conditioned to do so? How often have we been groomed by our mothers and society to "go along with it" because what WE want is irrelevant?
Maybe I am getting salty in my age, but I think we have a right to make our own needs come first...both in and out of the bedroom.!!!

Personal aside: I have a guy that I see somewhat regularly. It's not a Thing, it has definitely been more about the sex in the past...but I have seen a pattern recently and I am "fighting back" I guess you could say. (Mind you, I like this guy as a person, and have known him for years. He's always been a sweetheart and a hottie. I guess I've just changed my expectations)
He likes to start a conversation with me online, posting sexy pics, talking about how he's thinking about me, etc... and then the conversation eventually leads to a time when we can "hook up" ... In the past, even though anything graphic makes me uncomfortable, I have played along, and even gone out of my way to make arrangements so we can have an encounter.... But I have also noticed that we don't really go out, we don't really socialize as much as I'd like. (Does he have a GF and that's why he's not too hip on taking me out? Is he just that shallow? ) Every time I'd instigate a lunch date or something, he'd act into it, get all sexy-talk, and make me think we were "on" for said time/date... when the day came, he'd go AWOL. I knew he'd seen my texts/messages, but no reply and then plans would fall through. So I decided to do the same with his "sexy talk" he knows I've seen it...But I am not taking the bait until he actually takes me out to fucking dinner for a change! (lol...you want this pussy? maybe you should take it out to dinner first!!!)
I've got better things to do than dick around with someone who isn't into me for anything but their own gratification. I liked this guy cuz he was younger and it made me feel a little better about myself to have "made that conquest"... But I still found myself deferring to him, because as a female that's what we're conditioned to do.
What's funny is that I guess I just woke up recently to the fact that I *do* hold more personal power than that, and I'd rather be alone than just fucking around with someone for the sake of saying I've got someone to fuck. (Men don't get it that we can turn it "off" for months at a time, either...I'm not a slave to my libido)

so yea, there's my rant this morning... enjoy!
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