red dog 1
red dog 1's JournalKnow any good one-liner jokes?
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows to high...She seemed surprised.
Heard any good "walks into a bar" jokes lately?
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender:
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes,' she purrs, "I am."
"Well wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
Heard any good "Knock Knock" jokes lately?
Here's an oldie but a goody:
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Madame
Madame who?
Madame foot's caught in the door!"
Post a line from a TV show & see if anyone knows the show without using Google - Part 27
1) "I lost my shoe!"
2) "I'm not in danger, Skyler, I'm the danger!" (answered)
3) "Elaine, can you keep a secret?" (answered)
4) "Tommy, I need a ride downtown"
5) "Maybe it's a tweaker urban legend"
6) "Cigarettes could kill me, and so could Donnie Jones" (answered)
7) "Anybody that goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!"
8) "You never heard of Bozo the Clown?" (answered)
9) "How was Boca, Uncle June?" (answered)
10) "How was the Junior Chipmunks meeting, dear?" (answered)
11) "I'm Carl Hickey and I need your vote!" (answered)
12) "Anita Pallone..that's my mother's name!"
13) "I know you..Aren't you the old man who got me fired from the Java Hut?"
14) "Guns don't kill people; Physics kill people!"
15) "And let the good news be yours!" (answered)
16) "I lie every second of the day..My whole life is a sham!"
17) "It's bad luck to take advice from a crazy person"
18) "I'm the chef of the future!" (answered)
19) "He's a popcorn!"
20) "Why don't you get a life, Rick?..Why don't you go to community college like Julian here?"
21) "Ain't got no spleen, Gene!"
22) "Anybody touches my liquor'll get cut!"
23) "I don't mean to panic anyone; but the calamari has been infested with baby shrimp!"
24) "Those who want respect, give respect"
25) "Nobody squeals like Ned Beatty!"
26) "OK, what's the difference between a Mexican and an octopus?"
27) "Always bet on the black, Jack!"
28) "Big steps and little 'uns"
29) "I think I'm Jewish"
30) "Mayonnaise! MAYONNAISE!"
31) "No soup for you!" (answered)
More unanswered TV quotes from Part 26
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181264567
Donald Trump is so dumb, _______________?
Donald Trump is so dumb he threw a rock at the ground and missed.
Send a Get Well card to Jimmy Carter
Send to:
Jimmy Carter
Plains, GA. 31780
Former President Carter lives about 2 blocks from the post office.
If you send a Get Well card to Plains, GA. 31780...It will get to him.
I'm sure he would appreciate it.
Heard any good "Yo Mama" jokes lately"
Yo Mama is so dumb, when they said "Order in the Court" she asked for fries and a coke
Post a line from a movie & see if anyone knows the movie without using Google - Part XXV
1) "Any sweet water up beyond?" (western) (answered)
2) "Nice marmot" (answered)
3) "Well, that's some monkey house in there!"
4) "I don't deserve Haagen Dazs" (answered)
5) "I got kicked out of school..Aren't the new neighbors nice?'..I got vodka!" (answered)
6) "Can I have me paper back?"
7) "This is the best school I have ever teached at" (answered)
8) "You think I'm full of shit, don't you?" (answered)
9) "Look at me, Ray" (answered)
10) "Nixon will muster the full power of the presidency and if there's a way to destroy you,
by God, he will" (answered)
11) "You move, you make one sound, I'll snatch the life right out of you!"
12) "Are you fucking with me?"
13) "All of you can kiss my rebel dick"
14) "Coffee makes me nervous when I drink it, Um Um"
15) "I knew that!..I knew that!"
16) "Have you ever read the bible, Pete?"
17) "There's a lot of new people out there, so before we go on, my name is Morty Melnick"
18) "Stop looking at Diaz!"
19) "Where is pancakes house?" (answered)
20) "Mr. Conforte, I'll see you in just a few minutes"
21) "I think I like it better when the old man's hittin' me, at least he knows I'm there"
22) "You gotta kill Bone first"
23) "What about my men?..What about my men?"
24) "Is that my phone?"
25) Now YOU should say something!"
26) "Decko the bus conductor..Is that top Decko or bottom Decko?"
27) "What kind of man would put a snake in a man's salad?"
More movie quotes from Part XXlV
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181253748
Do you have a favorite "lawyer" joke?
Q) - What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A) - The rooster clucks defiant"
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Gender: MaleHometown: San Francisco, Ca.
Home country: U.S.A.
Member since: Tue Sep 14, 2010, 03:05 PM
Number of posts: 27,792
