I think some are just innept

I had been married to my first husband for 3 months when his mother died. Funeral was standard stuff -- prayers, music, a few testimonials. But it was afterwards, at her home, when all the relatives were eating food brought over by friends, sharing memories of her, some gentle laughter at some memory or another, the minister arrived. Rather than taking an inward reading of the room, the stage of grief, the general atmosphere, he started in with the doom and gloom and had people in tears again within 15 minutes of arriving. He could have shared memories of her, shown some appreciation of the memories of others, but no, he had to go into his schtick (don't remember details -- it was 1976). When the sobs got too loud, he left. He was less than useless.