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malthaussen

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Member since: Sat Sep 24, 2011, 10:36 AM
Number of posts: 13,790

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Why I Don't Have a Blog

I have a terrible confession to make: I pee sitting down.

Yeah, okay, guys, stop cackling. You win, I have no desire to get into a pissing contest with you. What Real Man (tm) would pee sitting down (or admit to it, anyway). I get it.

There's a reason for it, and not because I can't aim. Oh, I can get the sight reticle on the target okay, but it's like there's an imperfection in the barrel or something, because I never know what direction the actual stream is going to take. 45 degrees left? 45 degrees right? Both? (Yeah, both. It's like I put my hands over the top of a garden hose or something, and a quick check of my fingers shows, yeah, they're in the right place). Or it could just spray out every which way like somebody's lawn sprinkler on a hot day.

That's an imperfect analogy, though, because if a rifle has a flaw in the barrel, the results are predictable and repeatable. Me peeing? God knows, I may hit the bowl, the floor, the wall, or some innocent bystander. Flip a coin.

Do other guys have this problem? Beats me, I only know I've never discussed it or seen it discussed elsewhere. Do men walk around with a burning, secret shame because they can't aim their pee, or because they secretly sit down on the toilet themselves but won't admit it? Do we need a Pee-ers anonymous, with a 12-step program for Men Who Can't Hit the Toilet Bowl? How can I know, I have no idea what you Real Men (tm) talk about in your smoke-filled (but hopefully not pee-filled) caves.

There is an upside, though. This disability makes me a great housemate for a female. There's never any discussion of whether the seat stays Up or Down, it's always Down.

***

And that, children, is why I don't have a blog. Because I think what you just wasted two minutes of your life on was funny.

-- Mal

75th anniversary of the Battle of Midway today...

,,, found a little YT tribute to the torpedo bombers:



-- Mal
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