I mean, any sane person knows stuff like my medium-size crock pot didn't sprout legs and walk off on its own. There's also the issue of where my flannel lined winter jeans are hiding. Etc.

Remember adolescence? when kids thought it was cool and made them look smart to poop on the world? Well, guess what - some of the people who've been on your case are stuck in that stage. They haven't reached adulthood yet no matter the years under their belt. Try to live as a beacon to those around you who still haven't seen the light. You'll never run out of work!

Probably weakens my heart, too. I mean the shock of those pictures... oww!

Fortunately, I also have a heightened immune system bolstered by Democratic principles and persons. What an antidote. (Without vision the people perish...) My absolute goal is to outlive the last Republican.

if you could see the condition of my house, you'd understand why I have to crack the screen time whip and cut way, way back. I even discovered the laundry solution of wash and wear rather than fold and put away. My clothes washer holds 3-4 full outfits, and basically that's what I've been recycling the last month at least. It's a new low for me. At the moment I have no health or situational excuse for this. Will see you all again when my condition improves. Can't tell you how nice it's been for me, though. I hate to think of all the fun I'll miss, but my best efforts to teach the dogs to pitch in and do their fair share of work around here have proved a fool's errand.

The subject has been on my mind a long time. The other day I saw a friend with smokeless tobacco he probably thought was well concealed, and I thought to myself why hurt yourself like that???? It's past time for me to turn over a new leaf. Just because I've skated free this long doesn't mean my lucky streak won't ever run out. Thanks for the nudge I needed to quit whistling past the graveyard.

After all, my life goal is to outlive the last Republican on earth.

It's just that many people refer to us as blind worshipers and so I like to point out that our justifiable support and admiration and appreciation are based on facts, at least as nearly as mortal humans can perceive.

trade-off I can manage, because I absolutely detest warm coffee. Sometimes I drink warm milk, though, and I always warm my wine. Only coffee has to be steaming hot.

I don't want a funeral per se either. Just a wild Irish wake. But odds are certain people in my rather limited circle will insist on some kind of 'religious' service, which I'll refuse to attend. They'll tell (nice, I hope) stories about what they honestly think they knew about me, and very little will be accurate. There'll be no weeping and gnashing of teeth, just a polite imagined duty done. Seems like I've become something of a 'town character'. Apparently some of the things I had to say at the last town council meeting regarding the illegal business temporarily located in our residential neighborhood riled the self-righteous fundie board members. They know quite well they've broken the law but are hoping the man in question will be able to afford a place on the highway and move out before the six months they gave the new town attorney to study the matter.

Anway, in my objections I said it was grossly immoral to sacrifice the legitimate financial interests of surrounding neighbors just so one family could break the law with impunity. Most insulting to the board, I closed with the statement that I didn't want to be sacrificed on the altar of mammon. That's the surest way to rile fundies - throw the Holy Bible at them. I meant it to rile them, and apparently it did. Seems to have spread around and pleased enough people that there might be a few wishing to bid me a polite if not overly fond farewell at the proper time.

One thing the local nuts won't get a chance to do is to paw through my personal stuff or even set foot on the property for an auction, though. I've willed all the personal possessions to the very thrifty Mennonites with the provision that if they wish to sell any of it, said sale must take place no less than fifty miles from town and not be advertised here either. I left the house itself to a charity, which doubtless will sell it. But once again, it can only be sold in a certain manner to keep the local lookie loos out.

Knowing I won't get a proper Irish wake makes me a little cranky.

"..it will stay warm all day!" Most people drink (ugh!) warm coffee. Mine has to be almost scalding hot; also, when nuked, the cup will heat up more and keep the desired temperature longer.

Next!