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Member since: Tue Jul 28, 2015, 09:35 PM
Number of posts: 896

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Borowitz: Trump to Retaliate Against Russia by Sending Jared to Advise Kremlin on Coronavirus

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an act of retaliation against the Russians for sponsoring Taliban attacks on U.S. troops in Afghanistan, Donald J. Trump is sending Jared Kushner to the Kremlin to offer advice on its coronavirus response, the White House confirmed on Monday.

“To all those who thought that this President was not taking the Russians’ actions seriously, this response should speak for itself,” the White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, said. “The President had an array of responses to choose from, and the one he selected is by far the most punishing.”

According to White House insiders, Trump and his advisers debated the response to the Russians for hours before finally settling on the Kushner option late Sunday night.

“Jared Kushner is the most brutal weapon in our arsenal, and deploying him is a decision that no one should ever take lightly,” one adviser said.

The Mysteries Perplexing Doctors About the Coronavirus

McEnany indicated that Kushner will be dispatched to the Kremlin by Monday afternoon and will start advising the Kremlin on ventilators, personal protective equipment, and other coronavirus-related matters as early as Tuesday.

“He will bring Russia to its knees,” she said.

Many in Washington were surprised by the severity of Trump’s retaliation against the Russians, including the esteemed virologist Dr. Anthony Fauci.

“I know that the Russians are our enemies, but I’m still not sure I would wish Jared Kushner on them,” he said.


It was ask if there is a Nobel prize for incoherence. No, but there is this...

The Doublespeak Award is an "ironic tribute to public speakers who have perpetuated language that is grossly deceptive, evasive, euphemistic, confusing, or self-centered", i.e. those who have engaged in doublespeak. It has been issued by the National Council of Teachers of English since 1974.

Fat Donnie has already it the one for 2016 AND 2019.

2016 – Donald Trump, for the obfuscation and inconsistency of his statements and proposals in pursuit of the United States presidency. The committee cited his "unique gift of capitalizing on what he labels the dishonesty of his opponent, all while spinning unsubstantiated claims of his own". The five member committee unanimously voted Trump as the champion of the dubious Doublespeak honor, with one member quoted as saying, "I don't think we've ever had a better example of the Doublespeak Award."

2019 – Donald Trump, for perpetuating language that is grossly deceptive, evasive, euphemistic, confusing, and self-centered.

All of the above is direct from Wikipedia, except the Fat Donnie sentence. He is currently tied for the most awards with St. Senile Ronnie and Bush 43. But he's not yet the winner - that's Bush 45.

2003 – George W. Bush, for lying about Iraq's possession of weapons of mass destruction and using those lies as justification for going to war.
2004 – George W. Bush Administration, for the same things as the previous year, for manipulating and forging intelligence data about Iraq, for creating euphemisms to downplay the Abu Ghraib torture and prisoner abuse, and for the Justice Department turning a blind eye to torture authorized by officials in the Bush Administration.
2006 – George W. Bush, for speaking out against poverty and income inequality after having just signed an executive order to permit contractors to employ people below the minimum wage in areas affected by Hurricane Katrina.

(The above also copied from Wikipedia.)

If anyone is making book on the 2020 award, I've got 10 bucks that says BLOTUS wins again this year.


Bolton says trump wanted China's help in reelection

President Trump asked Chinese President Xi Jinping to help him win the 2020 U.S. election, telling Xi during a summit dinner last year that increased agricultural purchases by Beijing from American farmers would aid his electoral prospects, according to a damning new account of life inside the Trump administration by former national security adviser John Bolton.
During a one-on-one meeting at the June 2019 Group of 20 summit in Japan, Xi complained to Trump about China critics in the United States. But Bolton writes in a book scheduled to be released next week that “Trump immediately assumed Xi meant the Democrats. Trump said approvingly that there was great hostility among the Democrats.
“He then, stunningly, turned the conversation to the coming U.S. presidential election, alluding to China’s economic capability to affect the ongoing campaigns, pleading with Xi to ensure he’d win,” Bolton writes. “He stressed the importance of farmers, and increased Chinese purchases of soybeans and wheat in the electoral outcome. I would print Trump’s exact words but the government’s prepublication review process has decided otherwise.”


Why am I picturing a sieve with a big hole punched in the side?

Burst into flames! NOW!

Re: tRump. In case anyone wondered.
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