All the ways you let me down...

Universal Health Care: not possible in this country, ever.

Debt & Tuition Free College: Oh free stuff! Get a job slackers.

Mass Incarceration: don't break the law and you won't go to prison.

Private Prisons: are more efficient and save us money.

Capital Punishment: some crimes deserve an eye for an eye.

Fracking: a green replacement for coal.

Nuclear Energy: clean energy.

Renewable Energy: what, from unicorn farts?

Marijuana: put down the pipe and get a job, Cheech.

Campaign Finance: money has no effect on policy, none.

Predatory Loan Sharks: provide a valuable public service in low income communities.

Health Insurance: a necessary evil.

For-Profit Healthcare: provides the best healthcare in the world.

Mass Surveillance: I've got nothing to hide.

Corporate Media: fair and balanced.

Taxing the Rich: hurts job creators.

Big Banks: make the world go 'round.

Minimum Wage: raises prices and destroys jobs.

Socialism: some people are lazy and want a free ride.

Welfare: I worked hard to earn what I've got.

Trade Deals: bringing jobs to impoverished people.

Pharmaceuticals: all that money goes to R&D and saves lives.

Perpetual War: just keep it someplace where I don't have to see it.

Drone Strikes: not terrorism.

Iraq War Votes: old news, let it go already.

Israel: noble defenders of all that is good.

Palestine: a radical terrorist infestation.

Saudi Arabia: the good guys in the middle east.

DOMA: a sensible position at the time.

Corruption: put on your tinfoil hat.

Exit Polls: junk science.

Issue-Driven Campaigning: going negative.

Negative Campaigning: the truth hurts.

Lobbyists: provide valuable insight from industry experts.

Superdelegates: the Republicans wish they had them too this year.

Protesters: unemployed trouble makers

Campaign Rallies: too bad they don't vote.

Astroturfing: I wish I was getting paid for this post! /s

Democracy: DROP OUT NOW!

Voter Suppression: OMG CONSPIRACY!

Election Fraud: SORE LOSER!

Bernie Sanders: EGOMANIAC!

Sanders Supporters: undercover racists and misogynists.

Liberals: we don't need you.

Independents: get your own party or shut up.

Millennials: grow up and move out of your parents basement.

Change: only happens incrementally, we're progressives not radicals.

Political Revolution:



I'm not so sure I want to be a progressive anymore. Or at least, I am sure that I was never this kind of progressive.