November 27, 2021

Sure, the Right is Deifying a Kid For Killing Two Human Beings...But Kamala Harris Bought a Pot

I am ridiculously, insanely, unhealthily, eye-twitchingly thankful for this holiday-shortened week, and the proportionate reduction in wingnut fuckery it brought. Anyway, I’ve got a can-shaped, vodka-infused blob of cranberry sauce waiting for me, so let’s get through this shit as quickly as possible, okay?

(Let us give thanks for the nifty nooz links and bright, shiny colors available here: https://showercapblog.com/sure-the-right-is-deifying-a-kid-for-killing-two-human-beingsbut-kamala-harris-bought-a-pot/)

Actually, things’ve been more or less normal in Amerikkka of late; Lauren Boebert is still, as Adam Kinzinger so astutely observes, racist trash, and John F. Kennedy Jr. remains snugly ensconced in the afterlife, despite the goalpost-shifting certainty of the dumbest motherfuckers alive.

Wet, sloppy congratulations go out to the United States of America, for joining the distressingly non-exclusive club of BACKSLIDING DEMOCRACIES! Sure, we’re losing rights and sacrificing prosperity, but just look at all the coronavirus deaths we got in exchange! Honestly, who even wants to be a shining city on a hill when you can be an overflowing golden toilet in an idiot game show host’s tacky-ass golf resort instead?

Further felicitations to Petulantly Unvaccinated Conservative ‘Murica on the shiny new Covid variant even now making its way to a Klan rally near you, and all the ensuing lib-owning/ICU-swamping/gramma-killing opportunities that lie ahead in 2022. Don’t worry though, if you just chant “let’s go Brandon” at Omicron, the virus’ll be so impressed, it’ll pass right over, promise.

Now that we’re well into holiday season, you may find yourself preoccupied with calorie counting and expanding waistlines and such…allow me to offer a solution. Not a particularly healthy or enjoyable one, but a solution nonetheless; there’s certainly no more effective purging inducer than Kyle Rittenhouse’s unseemly I Got Away With Murder (And So Can You!) media tour.

Can’t imagine anyone’s surprised to find Tucker Carlson twirling his shitty baton at the head of this malevolent parade; between the softball prime time interview and the surprise documentary crew, Fish Stix Hitler certainly pulled out all the stops in his scumfuck quest to canonize white supremacy’s celebrity child soldier as the patron saint of murder in the name of faux victimhood.

There, see? Now that Thanksgiving dinner is safely splattered all over the floor/your playfully tacky Xmas sweater, you can craft yourself a guilt-free sammich from any available leftovers before finishing this post…you may want to keep a bucket handy, though.

Naturally, young Kyle’s successful evasion of justice earned him an audience with Government Cheese Goebbels himself, and Marjorie Taylor Greene wants to give the little creep the Congressional Gold Medal, but hey, I’m sure it’s only the healthiest of democracies that feature so many prominent politicians and pundits openly glorifying the slaughter of political opponents…right?

Of course, J.D. Vance couldn’t allow boyish brownshirt Josh Mandel to outflank him from the right on the issue of Gunning Liberals Down in the Street, and while I was far from a Tim Ryan fan during the 2020 Democratic presidential primary, the Ohio GOP’s fashier-than-thou Senate contest has me appreciating Tim’s dreamy eyes, strong jawline, and super-sexxxy absence of authoritarian tendencies a little more every day.

Well, should you find yourself concerned/worried/petrified with terror at the implications of Ohio’s MAGA mud-wrestling spectacle, at least take some comfort that far-right Pennsylvania Senate candidate Sean Parnell dropped out of the race after losing custody of his children over allegations of violence, reducing the number of Ex-President-Taintfungus-endorsed domestic abusers seeking election to the upper chamber by one, though not, of course, to zero; this is the Republican Party, after all.

Oh, also, since this is Hell, now quack extraordinaire Dr. Oz wants the Pennsylvania Senate gig, no doubt sensing an opening in this batshit era when the fevered screechings of the anti-science death cultist hold so much sway. What, was the demon semen lady not available?

Well, the RNC is still paying the Deposed Dotard’s personal legal bills, and hey, if you sincerely believe that quivering submissiveness is a desirable leadership trait, you probably should vote Republican. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Tens of thousands of unnecessary deaths, a crotch-stomped economy, and an increasingly violent authoritarian movement, dedicated to subverting, and eventually ending American democracy?

I see Aaron Rodgers, fresh off his “Too Dumb to Not Catch Covid” Covid diagnosis, publicly stated he had “Covid toe,” only to throw a sad, sorry, little shitfit when the Wall Street Journal reported he had Covid toe, demonstrating deft mastery of the whinging, victimhood-manufacturing histrionics that seem to be the sole reason any American conservative even bothers getting out of bed anymore. The Rodgers/Rittenhouse 2024 Wisconsin Senate primary is gonna be a show, folks.

While the shitstorm generally shows few signs of abating, this week actually offered plenty to be thankful for. No doubt a certain skeevy pair of democracy-assaulting, pro-Trump “attorneys” are walking funny tonight, after the $180,000 spanking administered by the very court they sought so cynically to abuse; but perhaps they’re counting their blessings, looking at the $25 million bill dropped in the How Exactly Did This Flock of Puckered Buttholes Ever Imagine They’d Be Difficult to Replace? Charlottesville rally organizers’ subpar white boy laps. I’m thankful for sweet, sweet CONSEQUENCES, is what I’m trying to say here.

You’re probably engorged with gratitude after that last paragraph, but tough shit, you’re going back for another helping, and you’re not excused from the table until you clean your plate, because the Biden/Harris/Pelosi/Schumer/You/Me/Every Dem Everywhere machine is firing on all cylinders, working out the kinks in the supply chain, even as new unemployment claims drop to a 52-year low, not too shabby, huh? And that’s with trillions of dollars worth of progressive goodness still yet to hit our weary, battered economy, mind you.

And hey, white supremacist vigilantism actually took an L in court this week, that was pleasantly non-appalling for a change, wasn’t it?

Quick confession: I am a willing, indeed joyous participant in the lamestream liberal media’s cover-up of the greatest political scandal of the 21st century: Kamala Harris spending some of her money on a pot. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take my Soros-funded private jet to my Soros-funded mansion in the Hamptons.

Before I sign off, forgive a little corniness on my part, as I express my gratitude for all y’all; strange as it may seem, drafting meandering, scatological rants on a regular basis has been nothing but beneficial to me…your kind feedback and support over the years have helped me overcome lifelong confidence issues, (my therapist thanks you) and enabled me to finally pursue my dream of writing comic books, so from the bottom of my drunken, masked-n-bathrobed heart…I thank you.

ON THAT NOTE, yeah, I’ve got a comic book Kickstarter that’s live for a couple more weeks, and we’re lagging a bit behind previous projects, so I’d be even more grateful if you’d check us out and consider making a pledge. (Make note of those upper rewards tiers, by the way; if you’ve ever wanted somebody to tell your Republican Congressjag what a turd-munching fuckhead he is, now’s your chance!) ODD YARNS is fun as hell, and I’d really love to share it with as many folks as possible.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/worthcost/odd-yarns

Oh, and for backers of my previous comic, MARGUERITE VS. THE OCCUPATION, the shipment has FINALLY been unloaded from the dang boat, so I should have it within the next couple of weeks, which means I can hopefully get your books mailed out relatively soon. I’m sending out updates through Kickstarter, so be on the lookout.

Ok folks, that’s all I’ve got tonight. Stay safe out there, see ya soon!

November 20, 2021

Just in Time for Thanksgiving, a Cornucopia of Buttholes (Ferret)

Forgive me if I’m off my game tonight, it’s been a dark, ugly, infuriating day. I’d love to focus on the good news, like the recently-enacted bipartisan infrastructure bill, or the House passing the Build Back Better Act, but the sheer, institutionalized efficiency with which the modern American right shepherds the nation’s shittiest white boys from radicalization to terrorism to escaping justice…all I’m saying is, expect typos; I have vomited in disgust upon my keyboard several times already.

(Links? Shiny colors? You got it: https://showercapblog.com/just-in-time-for-thanksgiving-a-cornucopia-of-buttholes/)

Anyway, the two parties are basically the same, only one builds bridges and helps folks get health care while the other diligently crafts a system where the killers their politicians and pundits incite with toxic rhetoric need not face legal consequences for ending human lives. (The one with the donkey is the non-murdery one.)

Hey, look! Disgraced Erdoğan puppet Michael Flynn believes every American should be forced to kneel before the same “god” that’s guided him through his misspent life of crime, hatred, treason, and humiliation, and at the risk of editorializing, um, fuck that. Boy, these skeevy little fucks have all sortsa skeevy little plans for the post-Constitution world they dream of, don’t they?

New documents from the CDC reveal the extraordinary lengths the Turdmaggot Administration took to actively obstruct the public health response to the Covid-19 outbreak, and I confess, I’m a tad confused; how the FUCK are we not, as one united nation, demanding Off-Brand Orbán be thrown down a fucking well in punishment for the thousands upon thousands of unnecessary deaths he caused?

Ok, I’ll be honest, I’m not confused. At all. I lied. I understand perfectly well; thing is, millions of Americans are only too happy to swap millions of jobs, billions in economic carnage, and even hundreds of thousands of their countrymen’s lives for the tacit permission to do what Kyle Rittenhouse did, and that’s what the Deposed Dotard offers.

Sleep tight.

Hey kids, if you’re not 18 years of age, I’m gonna need you to get your parents’ permission before proceeding through this paragraph, because the spectacle of engorged ragetick Alex Jones begging his audience for money to keep his shitgeyser disinformation empire afloat is positively pornographic in our justice-starved world.

(By the way, go ahead and wire him those funds, you rubes; the money’ll only wind up with the Sandy Hook families he terrorized for years. Consider it an asshole tax.)

Significantly less arousing is Steve Bannon’s herky-jerky slither/strut down the MAGA martyrdom runway. Personally, I prefer my “revolutionaries” a little less hateful/evil/oozing-with-pus, but tastes vary.

I guess Laura Ingraham now fancies herself some sort of comedian, but even Fox’s generally-successful gaslighting operation has its limits.

So, Congressional Republicans oppose health care, and infrastructure, and childcare, and education, and voting rights, and free speech, and combating climate change…so what’re they FOR? Not much, honestly…outside of preserving their own right to call for their colleagues’ murder, of course.

Yes, in the aftermath of the Gosar censure vote, it’s official: “one ought not threaten the lives of one’s co-workers” is now an exceedingly divisive partisan statement, but it’s really both sides that’re to blame for our arrival at this dangerous, deeply fucked-up point, just ask Chuck Todd. Gosar pointedly refused to apologize for his vile act, and indeed defiantly re-blasted the offending video immediately upon censure, a snarling proclamation that he will not be held to the standards of decency, or even of civilization.

I’m trying to deliver some laffs for y’all, I truly am, but it’s tricky finding punchlines here on this shitty, shitty march backwards towards human history’s darkest corners. Minority Leader McCarthy, who can’t get rid of Kinzinger and Cheney fast enough, not only wants to restore Gosar and Taylor Greene to their committee assignments, but already fantasizes openly about the powers he intends to vindictively abuse should his grubby, mediocre paws ever grasp the Speaker’s gavel.

Quick shout-out to the docile so-called “moderates” in K-Dawg’s caucus: how’s it feel to watch your “leader” pimp the very same white nationalist shitsacks who provoked the death threats you’re receiving these days over supporting FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE? I know the plan was to quietly blend into the background until the crazies got tired of setting shit on fire…how’s that workin’ out for y’all?

What’s that? Fascists never, ever stop taking, no matter how much you give away in your attempts to placate them? Huh. Well, I’m sure peace in our time is just around the corner.

Speaking of Keville Chamberlain, I guess he took to the House floor to pout and wail and rub shit all over himself for like, eight hours? Whatever. McCarthy not only accomplished fuckall when it came to halting Build Back Better’s passage, but failed to draw any of the attention he so desperately sought, and hey, maybe America’s best chance for survival is the inescapable blandness of so many of our wannabe demagogues.

Meanwhile, Mark Meadows cackled like an unusually subpar hyena at the thought of installing Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot as Speaker of the House, (sorry, Kev) because golly gee, just IMAGINE how many people that’d bother! I wonder sometimes, when you’re part of a cult than can envision no higher purpose nor greater glory than irritating strangers, like…does no one ever raise their hand to ask, “Hang on, is this seriously all there is?”

It totally is, though. Trolling peppered with periodic outbursts of terrorist violence, that’s the GOP brand. Matt Gaetz would probably be a huge hit at open mic night in the ol’ federal penitentiary, with hilarious gags like “I SHOULD MAKE KYLE RITTENHOUSE MY INTERN HAW HAW HAW,” if it weren’t for the fact that he’ll need to be kept in solitary confinement over the whole “child rapist” thing.

Still, that turned out to be such a popular bit that Gosar and Madison “The Many Homes of Hitler Tour Guide” Cawthorn are now playfully jousting over the young mass-shooter’s coffee-fetching services. Oh, and aspiring führer Ron DeSantis was too busy snickering at his own juvenile stunt to notice his press secretary, Christina Pushaw, spreading Stormfront-level anti-Semitic conspiracy theories on social media, let alone remove her from the public payroll for such disgusting behavior. Just in case anybody out there hasn’t figured out who these people are yet.

Well, if you ever wondered what it’d be like to see Joe McCarthy portrayed by a tenth-rate dinner theatre actor with misplaced confidence in his abilities to interpret Tennessee Williams, the good people of Louisiana have helpfully elected John Kennedy to the United States Senate. Ol’ Foghorn Dipshit may not be much of a legislator, but as a witch-hunter, he’s a truly once-in-a-generation buffoon.

Fucking hell. This fucking country. Hey, if you need a little fun amidst the avalanche of shit assaulting us from all sides, may I be so bold as to steer you towards the Kickstarter page for my next comic book, ODD YARNS? It’s one fun-as-hell little story, (actually, it’s two stories, learn more at the link) and I’d absolutely love to bring some smiles to some faces, especially after the relative BLURG* of this week’s blog.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/worthcost/odd-yarns

Tell you what, just give the link one little click, browse the page for a minute, and drop us a pledge if you dig what you see. Special rewards for fans of the blog, by the way.

Well, I am worn down to the fucking nub by this shit, my friends, and the time has come for me to drown my sorrows, which are ample. Please imagine extra concern in my voice this time when I say…stay safe out there, folks. Please stay safe.

OH HEY, big holiday next week. Blog might come on a weird night. Might skip a week. Let’s play it by ear.

*You’re not crazy, “blurg” is not, in fact, a word. Language fails me these days; I’m down to grunts and nonsense.