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kozar

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Name: Doug
Gender: Do not display
Hometown: Tn
Home country: USA
Current location: Tn
Member since: Fri May 18, 2018, 03:38 PM
Number of posts: 1,134

Journal Archives

So, I am middle of Trump Country

We were, in same, before we moved from Tn,and even more so, In our lil section of Fla.
So my new, across street neighbor,very friendly, we were welcomed and we talk almost daily, and most important,LilBit loves his dog.
Then he brought up politics,, and yep, he was Trumper. And he did norm, trust me ,there is a point to this.

So he starts, N** Obama,,B*** Hillary.. I calmly said ,I do not agree and neither of them are President right now, remember, we just moved here 2 months ago. And he said What has B*** Pelosi done lately. I said ,,"have you read the Senate web page with all the bills not brought to floor?"

Long story short.. This man, reminds Mrs K of her Dad before he died,, so we listen, we make extra food each night so him and his pup will eat well, and I take it across street nightly. Here is where it hit the fan.

About 10 days ago,Mrs made quick trip back to Tn to take care of a few things. So I asked him to come eat with Lil Bit and I while Mrs was gone. He agreed ,brought puppy, LilBit had a great time! And we sat and talked, and then he started on the R statements, with the same words. And I told him, "I will listen to your military language anywhere, as I was Army too. But talk like that in front of LilBit,you need to go now."

I thought I blew the whole neighborhood of ours. But Miracles!! He has talked to me daily, brought LilBit a couple of horse trophys as she loves horses and he worked in that field.

Most importantly, He has been asking me questions, told me "I looked at that web site,,whats going on?" so I explained,he actually listened. Then he asked me a question,, " you know you don't fit here,,right?" I replied,, " I don't fit anywhere other than LilBits Dad, that's what I base my mind on."He said, " well, my mind changed. What do I do?"

And I told him,,"when you vote, Click the other button." and he swore again, I f***** will"

My point is,,we do not to go out looking for fights for our beliefs at expense of missing what is being brought into our face.

Koz

Frankly I dont need to post shit,,,

shots were fired at Wh,, today,,I was writing and email to local politician,,, I posted Im watching CBS national broadcast,, a blurb and the recorded bullshit,,what I can say right now. fellow friends, we in trouble,,, I just witnessed the office controlling CBS,,,, we are in fucking trouble.



Koz

were shots just fired at Wh,while I was emailing

a bastard JudsonSapp,,? real question,, I got breaking news on my phone.


Koz

Dreams, do you have them?

Do you believe them? I've had dreams since I was a child. Mine were always about plane crashes and disasters it seems. I remember waking up back in the 70s,even 60s and telling my mom, something bad happened. and then by end of day, news was watched, no internet back then. And it got proven correct. I even woke one morn when I was 17, and said,,Mom, something bad happened in Africa.

Im just asking some questions here, as my dreams have changed. My "new dream" is not a good one. I have it every night. so I ask, is there reality in dreams? I listen to Mrs K talk about her dreams, they all have to do with water. I know for fact,Mrs fears drowning more than anything.
I do not ,and never have been a frequent flyer,,why are my dreams based on plane crashes?

this post is not meant to be a trap for snarky responses or anything. It is an honest question. my dreams seem to be about death on massive scale, sudden,unexpected. Maybe its covid,that drives me to this post. Maybe its us moving and looking into an unknown, but we just moved,so time frame doesn't fit. this dream is haunting me. My psyche has no answers, she just tells me, "we don't have all answers"

so the dream is,,Lilbit passes when Mom isn't here.
Lil Bit had her med emergency but Mom was here.,Im having this dream every night.

It is just something maybe we can talk about other than politics. It is scaring me.
Can we discuss?

Koz

I just want to,,

Take a day trip, look on internet and find a restaurant 100 miles away and not have to call and see if they are still open. I don't want have to think before I leave the house for anything. Guess I want memories, ty to WH..at 60 years old, never thought I would need to think this way....
Koz

God,, I love her,,but

She wants to blame all om me,,cuz she thinks I drink always. yeah I used to,,but when LilBit went into ICU Mom changed,,I went back into my work mode,where I watched many hcp people die,,and I went times 10 because it was my daughter.im giving her shots and meds,,, Mom went back to Tn and we had an issue today,,I made HORRID lasagna for LilBit yesterday today I went ,,bought some pasta sauce,,mushrooms,, garlic,,blah blah blah,,Lil Bit ate 2 plates full this morn and thunderstorms rolled in. and she wanted to sleep,,so I hugged her and we slept...deep. LilBit didnt wake,, I did and was in Wander land am?pm? where the hell are we? and then Mom calls.Supposedly I was drunk and drinking.. I do NOT WHEN I HAVE LILBIT to myself,,,.Im exhausted,,Lil bit pooped all over bed last night, and I did laundry ,,put fan on bad to get rid of smell.. cooked some great, breakfast for her, and thunderstorms ro;;ed in and she wanetd me to hug her,,we woke 10 hours later ..My point is ,,,we arent all drunks,druggies or otherwise, we can care,,my wife wants to look at me as a drunk,,,but Im not,,Im a Dad who worked in Hcp field and I KNOW these people.. AA is great,,but they dont look at real life,,they just do their notes.. Ive Lived these deaths
,yeah,,I drank,,but I dont anymore,,I take are of lilBit and tonight,,I took care of LilBIt Mom ran back to Tn,,, I cooked last night,,sucked,,today,,great,,,LilBit wanted nap and me hug so I did,,and now,,I get phone calls,Im still wrong,I truly want to crawl into a bottle,,but I never drink when I have lilbit with me alone,,why is Mom doing this? the hugs felt so good,,I havent slept well in weeks as I setting up camper and everything seems to be broken... Dammit why?I love Mrs and love lilbit,,, just dammit why?
rant over

Koz

I seem to remember I heard this somewhere

but maybe in one of my dreams,

all the worlds tears could irrigate the world for years

just seems fitting

Koz

edited for bad typing skills

update on lilBitKoz

For the first time in a while, between her ICU stint,her moving to our new digs and all the stress involved, I can comfortably update and say, she is gonna be ok!! It is like a switch went on inside her last evening. When i was talking to her,she was focused and understanding again.
This morning, omg, I haven't seen this LilBit in about 2 months, giggling,playing ,laughing, the light is back in her eyes. She only knows how to speak 3 words,,mama,papa, and blah blah. This morn I was catching up on news and watching the idiot news conference, she came to kitchen table,looked, and repeated ,,blah blahblahblah about 10 times. I said "yep" and then honestly cried for about 30 minutes because I knew then, she gonna be ok. The tuff lil bugger. We still working on her weight and getting it back on her, and I'll still need to give her the shots, but small potatoes,hopefully now. Thanks go to Shands hospital team and the amazing job they did with her.

Don't ever tell me DU vibes don't work, we appreciate them all! I humbly thank you all, this day has been so great!


Koz
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