It was 1986 or 7

I was at a boarding school in South Lake Tahoe, CA

I was exploring music, as was everyone

Some folk took a punk direction

Some took a metal direction

I took a deep rock direction

I learned to love Led Zep, Emerson Lake and Palmer, Yes, The Stones, and Black Sabbath

Not to mention some other great bands I was exposed to

But our cook gave me this 90 minute cassette, that had all of Led Zeppelin's "Physical Graffiti" on it

The song that really grabbed me was "The Rover"

Mein GOTT! This was true blending of metal, jazz, rock and blues

As I rode the Greyhound back to the Bay Area, this album, plus the ganja I had smoked before the ride, drove me home

Think about it -- it had everything religions have

Cult of personality, the idea of "the new soviet man," icons (badges you got for being a good worker,) and even a heaven of sorts (true communism)

Don't get me wrong -- I think Marx was right on a great deal of things, and he never claimed to be god (never did Jesus btw)

But his followers thought him almost as such

"Thank God I am not a Marxist" -- Karl Marx

Is a thing of such great improbability, you have to say "yes"

Yes, you are here because of the transmission of semen

So is everyone else

Break this habit being ruled by one's biology

And live your life as you please

To just be yourself on a Saturday night?

To drink as much as you want, lounge around as much as you want, watching and changing various movies on the DVD or VHS

It is to be

Look, I'm from California (obviously)

But Southern Rock has always had a place in my heart

"I Ain't the One" has some amazing studio effects for the time, and the guitar is just pure bliss

But other than Lynyrd Skynyrd, Allman Bros, The Outlaws, Marshall Tucker, Moses Guest, Mountain -- what have you got?

And don't say "Kid Rock" because he's just a talentless GOP hack

My relationship with them was, well, complicated

I still loved them both, despite the complications

But after their deaths, I started having lots of dreams about them

Even before my dad's death -- he had a stroke that left him in a very compromised state for seven years -- I would have dreams of him suddenly coming to and back to his old self

In some of those dreams he would say how proud of the way I managed his money during his stroke days

In some of those dreams we were back at the family cabin

In some of those dreams we were at a hotel and I kept trying to find a way out

Anyway, those dreams are becoming less and less frequent

Even though I woke up stressed from those dreams, I miss them

Is this normal?

But I also hold IWW membership as well as SP-USA membership

I long for a day with Left Unity

Is this permanent?

Is this common?

Look there are a lot of levels to this

Serge was Jewish, and showed up during the first day of Vichy Jewish Registration to register himself

This is badass

At the same time, he took up with Brigette Bardot, who was a noted Vichy-supporting Nazi

And yet he didn't connect beyond sex with her

But he was what the #metoo (and I) would describe as "Gender Violent"

He sexually violated Whitney Houston ON NATIONAL FUCKING TV

With his words -- BUT THAT STILL COUNTS

In fact, it may be the worst

But at the same time, he did some amazing musical things

I am torn as whether I should toss him to the pyre or accept it as the part of a time and place?

Please tell me