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Response to EffieBlack (Original post)

Wed Feb 6, 2019, 03:53 PM

49. To be honest, all of this is far too triggering for me.

It was when it was Brett Kavanaugh, and it is when it's the Virginia Lt. Governor.

Unless a victim goes straight from the encounter to the police -- something that is easier recommended and said than done in the exact moment -- and they can find enough evidence to deem it non-consensual, or the victim is able to handle and police support them in getting the perpetrator of an assault to admit to it (and the perp does actually say something damning)....

Sexual assault is so difficult to prove -- or disprove. I didn't immediately try to seek an exam that could demonstrate non-consent, because to be frank I was passed out drunk, woke up to penetration, and couldn't think of anything beyond making him stop. Once I wasn't being raped anymore, I was conscious but with a sky-high BAC, and my one thought about how I could get away -- my car -- was I couldn't drive myself to the ER because I would be a danger to myself and others.

After I was sober.... the evidence that would have demonstrated the lack of consent, the fact I was blitzed, was gone. Nothing else could have demonstrated lack of consent aside from getting him to admit it, and I knew he'd never admit it over the phone. Even though I knew it was legal because it was done in a friend's case, they refused to let me meet him wearing a recording device in a public location. (I certainly didn't want to be alone with him, but I figured I could at least establish what he admitted immediately after, that he carried me from the couch I'd passed out on to his bed without me speaking a word or moving beyond trying to balance myself). I still tried with the phone thing, but it didn't work.

Fortunately no one who has assaulted me has run for public office. Even more fortunately, no newspapers decided to run things I posted on FB without my consent, should my privacy settings have failed.

The accusation is terrible. Yet unless there was evidence that conclusively proved assault -- and not everyone bruises spectacularly... she might have felt there wasn't enough evidence and didn't want to go through what I did by reporting. I still don't know if I'd report again given how unlikely it is they'd actually get a conviction -- or even pursue the case. I did it because I hoped that even if they didn't feel they could act on it, should he do it again they'd know it wasn't the first time and take a potentially better case more seriously. But because I wasn't thinking clearly to have ran and started knocking on doors, etc, and gotten someone to get me straight to the ER... well, it meant I didn't report in time either.

I couldn't help but talk to people, because I was a wreck -- I couldn't sleep, I kept waking up convinced someone was in my house, because that adrenaline surge when I first regained consciousness to realize something terrible was happening to me had been enough to terminate the assault. I still take medication. There was an email chain, and texts from him after I stopped speaking to him, where he didn't deny the basics. It still wasn't enough to even put it in front of a jury in the minds of prosecutors. It doesn't mean it didn't happen. And just because someone didn't seek help like I had to doesn't mean it didn't happen, either, or that they aren't suffering.

I don't know this Lt. Governor. I'm not from Virginia, I've kinda been focusing on getting the red out of Arkansas. I also had known the man who assaulted me for three years prior and felt safe enough to drink far beyond what was healthy for me in his apartment. If I couldn't trust someone I'd known that long, how on earth do I know what a stranger could be capable of?

-------

But all of this -- my experiences both with sexual assault and with the way police handled my case -- would totally exclude me from any jury in a sexual assault case.

At the same time... how many people, men and women both, have experienced sexual assault in some form? Should all victims be excluded? I know I should be, because frankly, it'd be too much for me to deal with a jury trial, etc, it'd hurt my own mental health. It's also why I know I can't be objective in these cases.

If not from the jury, from the court of public opinion? Well, the court of public opinion is certainly an unfair one, and one even more triggering perhaps than a court of law. I certainly don't *want* to believe he did such a thing, nor do I want to believe that anyone would deliberately lie about a sexual assault. In regular reality, I'm more inclined to believe the victim -- at least insofar as getting them to get the help they need (and if they're a minor, reporting it, as I'm a mandated reporter).

In a world as twisted as our current political sphere is.... well, I probably need to just stop here, put "Fairfax" as a trash keyword, and take care of myself. I had a hard enough time with pundit commentary during the Kavanaugh hearings. I wasn't there that night, I don't know either of them, and when trying to make points people sometimes say things that they don't mean to be hurtful, but just aren't that good for my own health to hear.

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Arrow 49 replies Author Time Post
EffieBlack Feb 2019 OP
LongtimeAZDem Feb 2019 #1
Hekate Feb 2019 #2
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #3
Hekate Feb 2019 #16
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #20
Hekate Feb 2019 #21
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #24
pnwmom Feb 2019 #33
Hekate Feb 2019 #38
Hekate Feb 2019 #41
Initech Feb 2019 #4
Blue Owl Feb 2019 #5
brooklynite Feb 2019 #6
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #8
brooklynite Feb 2019 #9
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #22
pnwmom Feb 2019 #43
theboss Feb 2019 #45
pnwmom Feb 2019 #46
uponit7771 Feb 2019 #7
oasis Feb 2019 #12
brooklynite Feb 2019 #13
theboss Feb 2019 #15
oasis Feb 2019 #29
oasis Feb 2019 #18
brooklynite Feb 2019 #37
uponit7771 Feb 2019 #32
wildflower Feb 2019 #39
pnwmom Feb 2019 #44
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #26
oasis Feb 2019 #28
theboss Feb 2019 #10
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #23
pnwmom Feb 2019 #36
brooklynite Feb 2019 #11
UTUSN Feb 2019 #14
theboss Feb 2019 #17
UTUSN Feb 2019 #19
pnwmom Feb 2019 #35
UTUSN Feb 2019 #40
pnwmom Feb 2019 #42
JI7 Feb 2019 #25
jberryhill Feb 2019 #27
jberryhill Feb 2019 #31
PTWB Feb 2019 #30
pnwmom Feb 2019 #34
Joe941 Feb 2019 #47
EffieBlack Feb 2019 #48
LineNew Reply To be honest, all of this is far too triggering for me.
moriah Feb 2019 #49
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