General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Pets are 'scared' and look around for their owners in dying moments. [View all]barbtries
(28,769 posts)he dropped dead of a heart attack in a different state and nobody was with him.
my daughter died. she was run over by a car and left in the street to bleed out and nobody was with her.
i cannot let these facts torment me.
my friend Marcia's mother, with whom she lived at the time, said she was going to take a nap. No biggie. She went into her room and at some point she died. Marcia had no idea her mother was about to die and there was no opportunity to be there. Yet when the paramedics came, they were amazed at the absolutely peaceful look on her face. They had never seen anyone whose passing had been so non-traumatic.
when my mother died, I stayed with her until about 3am. my sister was also there. I had a 5 month old daughter at home who was nursing and was by this time (probably about 10 hours in the hospital by then) both engorged and utterly exhausted. I went home and my sister stayed. At 8:30 she called me to let me know Mom was gone. She was alone in the room with her. i had meant to be but left early. For this I do feel guilt but again, will not be tormented by it. Our 2 brothers had come by much earlier, said their good-byes, and left. I don't know if this makes them feel bad or not. I do know my mother knew each of us well and in spite of a catastrophic stroke, had made it clear that she did not want to be a burden to us.
Within a few years or so I will die. I mostly hope i go peacefully and do not linger and cause my children any more pain than is necessary. i certainly do not want them to berate themselves or be hounded by the thought that they should have been there at the moment i passed, if that's not the way it plays out.
They say the hearing is the last sense to leave. i talked to my mother long after she stopped responding. She knew she was loved.
I could also tell other stories i have heard from friends, who left their loved one to go take a shower and change clothes, and the death occurred while they were gone from the room, even though it wasn't expected to happen imminently. i honestly believe that the loved one chose to take that burden away from the one they were leaving behind. so i don't know. probably never will.
every story is different and none are the same.