My form email from Ohio's Rob Portman

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7. Fixed it for him

Dear Tom,

Thank you for taking the time to contact me to express your opinion about President Donald Trump. You should know that unless you are a big money donor, or rabid Republican primary voter, I really don't give a crap what you have to say.

Ultimately, I want to be reelected. To bring about that end, I have become an unprincipled invertebrate who has pledged fealty to the Trump White House. I will not perform oversight and I've outsourced my oath of office, as well as my advice and consent responsibility, to the West Wing.

I talk about opioids because I really don't want to be bothered and it's the kind of thing that shouldn't be controversial or require courage. But, if the Majority Leader doesn't want to advance a piece of legislation, he'll never hear from me.

Please keep in touch my throwing emails into my form-reply black hole, or by leaving a message at any of my unmonitored office phone numbers.

Rob