Any Ex-vangelicals?

[susanr516]

43. That would be me

I call myself a "recovering Southern Baptist." Both sides of my family were overwhelmingly Baptist. One of my maternal grandfather's brothers was a professor of Biblical Languages at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth. We went to church three times a week. My father was Sunday School superintendent. My mother was the church secretary for a few years. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, we were there.

I first noticed the hypocrisy of church members during the civil rights movement in the 60s. They taught me that Jesus loved everybody, but they sure hated people of color. I became a Democrat at 14, when I saw Nixon deploy the "Southern Strategy." I thought it was un-Christian to be a racist.

After I graduated from HS, I moved and quit attending church regularly for about 15 years, although I still read the Bible and prayed regularly. Once my two oldest children were born, I decided to start attending church again. I jumped right back in. I taught children in Sunday School, I sang in the choir, I was a regular soloist, I taught the children's choir on Sunday nights, I was a substitute pianist, I attended a small group prayer meeting on Mondays, on Wednesdays I taught special needs kids in the AWANA program and then went to choir practice. I was still a Democrat, because I believed that women, immigrants, people with disabilities, LGBTQIA+ were all equal in the eyes of God.

In the 90s, I saw that my church was starting to mix politics with religion. There was a conservative takeover of the Southern Baptist Convention beginning in 1979, but it took them 10 years to gain total control. I began to hear sermons warning of a "post-Christian" society and encouraging us to "vote our values." All my life, I had heard you leave politics at the door of church, because Jesus said, "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's." (Matt. 22:21) I began to hear church members saying, "You can't be a Christian and a Democrat." I went back to my Bible and started in Matthew, reading only the red letters (the words attributed as quotes from Jesus.) After reading the red letter words several times, I was even more convinced that the Democratic Party was much closer to the ideas attributed to Jesus in the Bible.

I can't remember exactly what my pastor said in a sermon in 1998, but I know it pertained to the idea that the current (Clinton) Administration was persecuting "true Christians" for their beliefs. I knew that wasn't true, but there were a lot of people saying, "Amen." I was in the choir and I remember looking out at the congregation. I realized, to my horror, that these people, who I thought were my friends, would throw me in a gas chamber--with smiles on their faces while singing "Onward Christian Soldiers"--if they thought I was voting for the Democratic Party. My world crumbled around me. It took me about a year before I was able to extricate myself, but I finally walked away. It was difficult. All my "friends" were from my church ties, but I walked away for good.

After 45 years, I had to rebuild my whole life. I had very few friends outside the church, but I did it. I'm now agnostic, I guess. I don't believe in an afterlife, although I think there must be a force(s) outside the laws of nature that created the universe. I have no regrets.