HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Gotta love The Onion » Reply #1
In the discussion thread: Gotta love The Onion [View all]

Response to 70sEraVet (Original post)

Thu Jun 24, 2021, 08:18 PM

1. Kick

Scientists Announce Successful Experiment To Bankrupt Mouse That Can’t Afford Cancer Drug
Today 12:05PM

BALTIMORE, MD—Heralding the trial as a major step forward in the field of medicine, scientists at Johns Hopkins University announced Thursday the first successful experiment to bankrupt a mouse that couldn’t afford a cancer drug. “Today is a landmark day in cancer research as we were able, for the first time, to give a mouse cancer and then successfully soak it for all its worth, driving it into insolvency,” said lead researcher Dr. Martin Lang, adding that their experimental successes gave the researchers hope that they could one day drain a human being’s savings for all common and rare types of cancer. “Scientific advances in treating some of the more common cancers can actually make it harder to put people in debt they never come back from, so this is a really significant breakthrough. To treat the mouse, we subjected it to chemotherapy, radiation, immunotherapy, and the most expensive combinations of all three. This mouse saw its debt skyrocket quickly, since we made sure to control for only treatment that was outside of its insurance network, and that was even before we sold the debt to a third-party collector. Most promisingly, we were able to replicate our findings on other mice as well, by completely and irreparably wrecking their credit scores in all cases.” The researchers added that their findings would also be useful in future experiments to test whether a mouse that died from its cancer could pass its debt to its family.

Reply to this post

Back to OP Alert abuse Link to post in-thread

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 5 replies Author Time Post
70sEraVet Jun 2021 OP
LineNew Reply Kick
dalton99a Jun 2021 #1
70sEraVet Jun 2021 #2
USALiberal Jun 2021 #3
Wahyee Jun 2021 #4
Brother Buzz Jun 2021 #5
Please login to view edit histories.