Little known, seldom played: a song about gout. [View all]

[Bo Zarts]

Little know fact, Jack. Kris Kristofferson wrote a seldom-played song about gout. I bet you didn’t know THAT. Yep. “Sunday Mornin’ Poppin’ Pills.”

I’m told not to talk about my aches and pains anymore, and I get it. But Sunday morning I woke up with exquisite pain in my big toe. And my post-surgical nerve pain is as bad as ever. I'm beginning to feel like the biblical Job.

Two days later, today - Tuesday, my toe is still swollen and paining me. It is not cellulitis, IMO, so it must be gout. Gout? I’ve never had gout. Gout is for the corpulent Englishman, swilling gin and port, and eating alone at a table piled high with veal chops, pork loin, beefsteak, calves’ liver, and buttery pastries. And three different wines. Right?

OK. Don’t worry, I have a call in to my primary care doc. I’ll cork it on the pain. For now, anyway.

Back to the erstwhile Army helicopter pilot, Captain Kris Kristofferson. Of course, his song wasn’t about gout. But it was the first thing that popped into my head (before poppin’ my Rx’d meds) when I woke up Sunday mornin’.

Even the changed lyrics came quickly. Maybe - well I am an erstwhile musician (hate to use erstwhile twice in one paragraph, but it works best) - maybe I should try song writing. My apologies to Army Captain Kris Kristofferson: helicopter pilot, Airborne Ranger, and singer-songwriter.

“Sunday Mornin’ Poppin’ Pills.”

Well, I woke up Sunday morning
With no way to hold my toe that didn't hurt.
And the pills I had for breakfast weren’t bad
So I had an aspirin for dessert.

Then I fumbled through my closet for my cane
And found my favorite walking stick.
And I shaved my face and combed my hair
And hobbled down the stairs to meet the day.

To quote the late banjo picker, John Hartford, “That’s enough!”




Capt. Kris Kristofferson - Helicopter Pilot and Airborne Ranger
US Department of Defense Photo