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femmedem

(8,200 posts)
29. The more I think about it
Wed Feb 21, 2024, 03:57 PM
Feb 21

the more I think you're correct to make rehab a condition of employment, especially if it's economically feasible. He might need medical support to safely quit drinking. Alcohol detox can be lethal.

I fear that without rehab, he may do something so egregious that you have no choice but to fire him. In that case, he might be worse off than he is now, and forever angry at you, regardless of how irrational that would be.

You might want to cross post this in the Addiction & Recovery forum. femmedem Feb 21 #1
Thank you that is good advice. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #2
I know this isn't particularly helpful senseandsensibility Feb 21 #3
He hasn't done anything yet. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #6
So it sounds to me like he is at the very beginning of his recovery senseandsensibility Feb 21 #22
I concur. tazkcmo Feb 21 #43
NPR's 1A had an hour long program on this today. Lochloosa Feb 21 #4
I heard that and considered recommending, too Easterncedar Feb 21 #33
Do whatever will most help get him into a program. Walleye Feb 21 #5
We lost a wonderful family member to alcohol addiction. I refuse to call her a "terrible alcoholic" to this day, I loved CTyankee Feb 21 #32
The same thing happened to me and our family Walleye Feb 21 #59
I wish we knew more. My family members were often heavy drinkers but never classified as alcoholics. CTyankee Feb 22 #64
Does he have a spouse or significant other? LuvLoogie Feb 21 #7
he would have to work for us for 30 days to get insurance, but GumboYaYa Feb 21 #10
What's his plan? limbicnuminousity Feb 21 #8
That is kind of the approach we have been discussing might be best. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #11
Make the offer WmChris Feb 21 #9
Some thoughts. Irish_Dem Feb 21 #12
I think you are right. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #17
More thoughts. Irish_Dem Feb 21 #25
Wow, that is really thoughtful GumboYaYa Feb 21 #27
He tends to react to adversity or challenges with a binge. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #28
I see. Irish_Dem Feb 21 #34
Excellent advice, Irish_Dem. democrank Feb 21 #38
Yes there is a line between support and enabling. Irish_Dem Feb 21 #40
Exactly GumboYaYa Feb 21 #41
Yes it is a tricky situation. Irish_Dem Feb 21 #46
I had not thought about the fact that we would likely have to fire him. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #48
I think you should tell him that. Irish_Dem Feb 21 #54
The meeting went much better than we anticipated. GumboYaYa Feb 22 #65
I am so happy to hear this. Irish_Dem Feb 22 #68
The advice was very helpful GumboYaYa Feb 22 #69
You did an excellent job. Irish_Dem Feb 22 #71
Thank you GumboYaYa Feb 22 #72
You are more than welcome. Irish_Dem Feb 22 #73
We decided we could not force him into rehab. GumboYaYa Feb 22 #74
Yes, it is his journey. Irish_Dem Feb 22 #75
If you're afraid hearing "no" will limbicnuminousity Feb 21 #49
I wonder if, in his condition, you can be both his friend and his employer. LuvLoogie Feb 21 #26
This is good advice too. Irish_Dem Feb 21 #30
Find come CODA meetings near you and attend Attilatheblond Feb 21 #42
I was going to suggest Alanon, for people with ties to addicts catrose Feb 21 #45
Is the anger common to all addicts? GumboYaYa Feb 21 #47
I'm not a trained counselor, just someone who's sat in the rooms catrose Feb 22 #77
I don't have much advice to give Zeitghost Feb 21 #13
What is your goal? WhiskeyGrinder Feb 21 #14
To get our friend healthy and happy again. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #15
Do you have this power to make other people healthy and happy? WhiskeyGrinder Feb 21 #16
I can be supportive if he is willing to pursue it GumboYaYa Feb 21 #18
He showed up to a guaranteed hiring appointment drunk off his ass. Do you think he's willing? WhiskeyGrinder Feb 21 #19
That is what we keep going back to. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #20
Why do you think having a job is the help he needs? WhiskeyGrinder Feb 21 #24
The more I think about it femmedem Feb 21 #29
Also a potential liability issue. limbicnuminousity Feb 21 #50
The consensus is pretty clear that we should not hire him without rehab. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #55
Yeah John Shaft Feb 21 #53
Sounds like an anger problem that could always esculate womanofthehills Feb 21 #63
This is not within your power or anyone else's John Shaft Feb 21 #52
You are the best kind of friends DiverDave Feb 21 #21
An unprofessional opinion: Emrys Feb 21 #23
Back when I was a drunk John Shaft Feb 21 #56
That is what I expect GumboYaYa Feb 21 #58
It is hard to help unless they are willing to help themselves Johonny Feb 21 #31
Thank all of you. GumboYaYa Feb 21 #35
Lots of good comments. I agree until a person is willing there's scant chance for success. captain queeg Feb 21 #36
I really can't add much to this, such great advice, except that Abolishinist Feb 21 #37
Hiring a friend is a bad idea. Hiring an alcoholic one is even worse. Add in illegal drugs like cocaine? Blues Heron Feb 21 #39
I so agree with you. Manipulation, especially to a friend is so easy for these types and that's what he will play SheilaAnn Feb 21 #44
Just no. John Shaft Feb 21 #51
THIS! I hope the OP will put it on a plaque and hang it where they will see it often! Attilatheblond Feb 21 #62
A harsh reality that you need to face. LuckyCharms Feb 21 #57
Run.Like.Hell. lindysalsagal Feb 21 #60
I heard a saying once hydrolastic Feb 21 #61
My brother was like that in his early 20's. I think we got him into rehab programs a couple Vinca Feb 22 #66
Have you considered an intervention? bif Feb 22 #67
It looks like we kind of had a rolling intervention. GumboYaYa Feb 22 #70
Best of luck. bif Feb 22 #76
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