Busting the Myth That Christians Are More Generous Than Non-Believers

[Heddi]

62. when I was a server long, long ago (1997-2000)

I got $2.13 an hour plus tips.

I *hated* with an undying passion having to work Sundays. Because these big fucking church crowds would come in, all 10 trillion of them, with their ill behaved children running around like they owned the fucking place, and it was nickle and fucking dime me all 2 hours of their miserable stay. And because they're such cheapskates, their huge party would sit at different tables so they won't be charged the 18% automatic gratuity, but they were one big party, and no one could pay for more than 1 person on their check. Sometimes the fucking KIDS got their own check.

Can I get you anything else?
Oh, a napkin
Anything else?
no
:bring napkin back to table:
Oh! Can I get a bottle of ketchup?
sure, anyone else need anything
(in unison) no
:bring back ketchup:
Oh! Can I get a completely worthless item from the kitchen, like 4 croutons or 1/2 pack of saltines?
Sure, anyone else need anything?
(in unison)
no
:bring back 1/2 pack of saltines and 4 croutons:
Oh! can I get....

Meanwhile my other tables are steaming mad because I'm ignoring them because of the ridiculous demands of these folks.

Then the complaints (actual complaints I had when I was server)

* My iced tea is too cold
* This water doesn't taste like any water I've ever had. Can you get me some more? But from a different place?
* My mashed potatoes are too potatey.
* do you have crushed ice? No. Can you please go crush some for me?

All the while calling me away from other tables, coming up to me as I'm delivering food to other tables, (love this one) SNAPPING THEIR FINGERS IN THE AIR AT ME, changing orders halfway through the food being cooked. Deciding after they got their hamburger that they think they'd REALLLLLY like a chicken sandwich so can I go pull one magically out my ass and put it on the table so they can eat with everyone else


And anyways, after all of this, I'd get some shitty tip. I'm not talking 15% instead of 20 (shit, I was LUCKY GIRL to get 20% ever. Everyone was). For a $50 lunch for mom dad & their kids (all separate fucking checks for some reason) I'd get $3. IF i'm lucky. Usually nothing. Often some sticky-ass pennies and a canadian quarter thrown on the table.

And what a mess they'd leave. Without fail SOMEONE would break a jar of malt vinegar (it was a seafood restaurant) and leave the section smelling like nasty feet all day. Food everywhere, Salt shakers opened and dumped out. Oh look, someone poured their coke inside the stacked dishes so me, not knowing this, pick up the dishes and am now soaked in a briny mixture of watered down coke, half chewed french fries, malt vinegar, ketchup and fish stick crumblings. Mmm.

When I was a server, there was universal hatred for the church crowds JUST for this reason (shitty customers with no manners and shitty tips) and universal hatred for the bus tours that old folks take, and all 70 of them would just show up without notice (who needs to know 70 people are walking in the door at lunch time on a friday???) order everything special, hamburger without the bun, cheeseburger without the cheese, can I get a salad without veggies, just a plate of croutons and dressing? Iced tea without the ice, and leave NOTHING. NO. THING. No pennies. No shitty note on the check .NOT A THING. And because they're 70 people in parties of 4 at 20 different tables (the whole restraurant basically) there's no automatic gratuity. You just slave away and it's totally slavery because you're getting taxed on tips you're not even receiving.