Reports Claim Charlie Sheen Is Now HIV Free

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34. You're A Scumbag, Charlie Sheen

Last edited Wed May 19, 2021, 11:44 AM - Edit history (8)

Oh wait -- can you be considered a scumbag if you're not in the habit of using one?

From the Today Show website: The Interview with Matt Lauer

Excerpts from an open letter Charlie wrote and Lauder read:

Roughly four years ago, I suddenly found myself in the throes of a seismic and debilitating three-day cluster migraine-like headache...Following a battery of endless tests (that included a hideous spinal tap), it was sadly and shockingly revealed to me that I was, in fact, positive for HIV...Not missing a beat, a med dose, or one shred of guidance, quickly my viral loads became undetectable. Like every other challenge in my life, again, I was victorious and kicking this disease's ass...

The personal disbelief, karmic confusion, shame and anger lead to a temporary yet abysmal descent into profound substance abuse and fathomless drinking. It was a suicide run. Problem was, I'd forgotten that I'm too tough for such a cowardly departure. Yet, despite this loathsome and horrific odyssey, I was vigilant with my anti-viral program. My medical team could only shake their heads as each and every blood test returned levels revealing a state of remission. Even though I might have been trying to kill myself, one thing was radically evident: the disease was not.

Talk about being your own worst enemy: You decide to go out in a blaze of glory, but having access to the best medical care money can buy, you also decide to try saving yourself. Or was the suicide run your backup plan?

In and around this perplexing and difficult time, I dazedly chose (or hired) the companionship of unsavory and insipid types. Regardless of their salt-less reputations, I always led with condoms and honesty when it came to my condition. Sadly, my truth soon became their treason, as a deluge of blackmail and extortion took center stage in this circus of deceit. To date, I have paid out countless millions to these desperate charlatans. Locked in a vacuum of fear, I chose to allow their threats and skullduggery to vastly deplete future assets from my children, while my 'secret' sat entombed in their hives of folly (or so I thought).

It's admirable that you remember always remembering to inform your partners of your condition despite being so abysmally descended and dazed. And I suppose it's admirable that you found a way to mix safe sex with your substance-fueled pursuit of debauchery with strangers (some of whom you hired). Unfortunately for you, some of your unsavory, insipid, disreputable companions have come forth begging to differ with your contention. But if you always supplied them with the truth about your status and with condoms, why did you agree to pay them? And more to the point, why did you trust such bottom-dwelling lowlifes to care about your keeping your confidence -- because they're IN it for money rather than love?

...I'm claiming back my freedom. The scales of justice will swiftly and righteously re-balance themselves. My partying days are behind me. My philanthropic days are ahead of me. Ernest Hemingway once wrote: "Courage is grace under pressure." I've served my time under pressure; I now embrace the courage, and the grace.

If the scales of justice are operational, they will have you serving California's six-month maximum for every person you didn't inform or use condoms with -- consecutively. A defense strategy made up of celebrity justice, "family guy" guilt tripping, the hint of big community service payments, and prostitutes screaming rape because their checks bounced might get you off the hook. But in the meantime, please keep in mind that:

As of now, there is no such thing as being HIV free
There are only two HIV statuses: HIV positive and HIV negative
If your HIV levels are so low they're undetectable, you are HIV positive
Even if your HIV levels are so low they're undetectable, you must continue with your HIV medication and treatments
If you are HIV positive, you MUST inform ALL your sexual partners even if you're paying them. It's a legality as well as a civility.

An undetectable level of HIV is like a mild case of pregnancy.


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