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Response to Marthe48 (Original post)

Thu Mar 19, 2020, 12:36 PM

25. I can cook a feral hog.



Where I come from, down in JAWJA, there's only one way to cook a feral hog.

We don’t think that there’s anything wrong with killing a wild hog, btw. They are a menace. They’re naturally mean, and they are more dangerous than anything else that you can find in our woods and swamps (including cottonmouths, rattlers, bears, and gators). Wild hog is the worst.

So, here’s what you do. You dig a hole about 4 feet deep. You wrap up the hog in chicken wire (so as it doesn't explode), and then you lob the hog in the hole. You cover it with dirt. You collect all the loose wood you can, build a bonfire, and, at sundown, you light that bad boy up. Then, you sit around the fire with your friends and drink beer while somebody is blasting country music (or southern rock) from the truck that they have parked nearby. You get a little drunk and have a good time imagining what that hog is gonna taste like when you dig it up.

Next day, in the afternoon, you dig up the hog. Then you skin it, save the brains, eyeballs, and all the tender innards for Brunswick Stew (I don’t eat Brunswick Stew, btw), and then you separate all the meat from the bones. That hog meat is normally tough as shoe leather, but it will fall off the bone if it’s cooked properly—slow, high heat, with 2-3 feet of dirt between it and the fire, so the hog doesn’t burn.

Then you eat it—however you want to. Right now, I could go for a barbecue sandwich which, as any civilized person knows, is made from pork, not beef.



I have other skills, but this one might prove to be most useful in an apocalypse.

-Laelth

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Marthe48 Mar 2020 OP
TEB Mar 2020 #1
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LineReply I can cook a feral hog.
Laelth Mar 2020 #25
Marthe48 Mar 2020 #32
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