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ShazzieB

(19,354 posts)
43. Exactly!
Tue Jun 6, 2023, 08:09 PM
Jun 2023

My husband's stepmother developed dementia (vascular, I believe) in her later years. She was in her 70s when I met her (when FIL started seeing her after my husband's mother died). I don't know when her dementia started to develop, but there weren't any obvious signs at that time. I suspect that we might have picked up on something sooner if we'd seen her more regularly, but my husband and I moved out of state about 6 years after they got married and then back to Illinois but a different part of the state. All in all, we didn't see them very often for about 9 or 10 years.

By the time we were living relatively close by again, she was beginning to display memory problems, but we didn't realize how serious it was for quite a while. Looking back, there were hints we could have picked up on sooner, but not having had any previous experience being around anyone with dementia, it took us much longer than it perhaps should have.

The first thing that should have tipped me off was when she couldn't recall basic things like how old my daughter was. We were seeing them about once a month by then, and every single visit would start with a flurry of questions about my daughter: How old is she? What grade is she in? etc. I'm embarrassed to admit that the possibility of dementia didn't even occur to me at the time.

The thing that was so obvious that none of us could overlook it was when we would all go out to a restaurant to eat. We would all order our food, and when it came, she was always surprised, because she would have no recollection of having ordered anything! Server would set her plate in front of her and she would be like, "What's that?" If she had merely been forgetful, seeing the food would have served as a reminder, like, "Oh yeah, that's what I ordered!"

To me, one of the chief differences between dementia and pain old forgetfulness is that things that would normally be likely to jog a person's memory don't have that effect. For example, I might walk into a room and forget why I went in there, but at the same time, I would know there was a reason even if I coudn't recall it right then. If I was looking for something like a pair of scissors and happened to see them, my next thought would be, "Oh, there they are. I was looking for those!"

A person with memry loss caused by dementia wouldn't even notice the scissors. They wouldn't just forget the reason they went in there; they would have no recollection that there ever was a reason. They would have no idea why they were there or what they were doing before that. If you go into a room and can't recall why but know that you went there for a real reason, chances are you don't have dementia, imo.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

Bravo! You're doing what you need to do, to take care of yourself. CaliforniaPeggy Jun 2023 #1
Thanks for posting. Haggard Celine Jun 2023 #2
about leaving the room and not remembering why NJCher Jun 2023 #15
if u turn around, you'll remember. mopinko Jun 2023 #20
yeah, another thing is to anticipate the doorway NJCher Jun 2023 #22
I used something sinmilar to this to help me stop smoking. Gore1FL Jun 2023 #34
Thanks for posting this. Haggard Celine Jun 2023 #21
I am terrified of dementia or Alzheimer's NJCher Jun 2023 #23
i gotta read that, barbtries Jun 2023 #35
I wonder to but it mostly short term memory Tree Lady Jun 2023 #19
Leaving the room and forgetting why you left - soldierant Jun 2023 #46
Boy, what timely, helpful posts for me. cilla4progress Jun 2023 #3
Wow. What GREAT NEWS! Glad you knew better and kept living your life . . . CousinIT Jun 2023 #4
Thank you for posting. debm55 Jun 2023 #5
Maybe, like me, you are just getting older. AnnaLee Jun 2023 #6
I feel this is a slippery slope. I've never had a great memory for names and finding the right word LymphocyteLover Jun 2023 #28
So you're accepting a diagnosis of dementia based on that surprise test vanlassie Jun 2023 #7
I can't help but wonder . . . Richard D Jun 2023 #8
I too doubtful Jazz Jon Jun 2023 #9
I wonder if some of my tools are in your shop. gibraltar72 Jun 2023 #10
Hahaha vanlassie Jun 2023 #54
Just read your post. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, other than being 81 yrs old. patphil Jun 2023 #11
Ditto n/t malaise Jun 2023 #42
Like Bruce Willis I have Frontotemporal Dementia Omaha Steve Jun 2023 #12
Sending you good vibes, Steve. Elessar Zappa Jun 2023 #14
Omaha Steve, I'm wishing you the best. MLAA Jun 2023 #30
You can see the damage in an MRI Omaha Steve Jun 2023 #32
Thanks. That must have been really jarring. MLAA Jun 2023 #33
The diagnosis for not finding the right tools in your workshop is Beastly Boy Jun 2023 #13
I am assuming you got a second opinion ? drray23 Jun 2023 #16
Great news & thanks for sharing with us. Quakerfriend Jun 2023 #17
Thank you for sharing your logical responses to the medical world. Which calls itself a "practice." ancianita Jun 2023 #18
How many four letter words starting with "F" can you come up with in an allotted time? BarbD Jun 2023 #24
Everyone forgets where they left the car keys once in a while. keithbvadu2 Jun 2023 #25
Exactly! ShazzieB Jun 2023 #43
My keys are on a keyring that says: moonscape Jun 2023 #44
When my mother was diagnosed, Jarqui Jun 2023 #26
Lately I have been forgetting things and my short term memory has deteriorated riverbendviewgal Jun 2023 #27
According to some opinions living alone may have as much to do with your memory Ford_Prefect Jun 2023 #39
Thank you for your response. riverbendviewgal Jun 2023 #40
We all misplace things, that's pretty normal Random Boomer Jun 2023 #41
Forgetting how to do familiar things is a sign of dementia, ... Trueblue Texan Jun 2023 #50
Such a great post and so many good comments. We all are subject to mental and physical decline. erronis Jun 2023 #29
When my hubby noticed his own lapses he began cognitive care. SleeplessinSoCal Jun 2023 #31
Thanks so much for this important post, and hugs to you Hekate Jun 2023 #36
Its a simple fact, that for us older folk, THERE'S A LOT TO BE REMEMBERED! 70sEraVet Jun 2023 #37
My father had dementia in his last few years. wnylib Jun 2023 #38
Your doctor was incompetent as well as negligent. Trueblue Texan Jun 2023 #49
Well, based on several factors I am pretty sure I have it. OldBaldy1701E Jun 2023 #45
Thank you, and congrats on a not a worst case diagnosis. alfredo Jun 2023 #47
Thank you very much for posting this... Trueblue Texan Jun 2023 #48
Yes 40RatRod Jun 2023 #52
Thank you. NT Trueblue Texan Jun 2023 #53
If forgetting stuff isn't a normal, everyday problem... MiHale Jun 2023 #51
It seems memory problems are Deminpenn Jun 2023 #55
Thank you for sharing that...much greater help than you can know (n/t) Moostache Jun 2023 #56
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