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In reply to the discussion: How do I bring topic up to wife without sounding sexist? [View all]noamnety
(20,234 posts)I am the messy one in our relationship. Cups left around just do not bother me at the same level as they bother my husband. If he started a conversation about how I am lazy, I would know it was true, but also I would resent that he's acting a little like a parent. I don't take too well to people bossing me around. I also don't like when he's passive aggressive - staring at clutter like he's pissed off.
But what DOES work for me is a simple request that's not a discussion about my worthiness as a spouse or a critique of my personality. "Hey, I plan on running the dishwasher when I get home, can you gather up the cups today and get them loaded up?" or "I'm running out of clean socks, can you run a load of wash today?"
I have a positive reaction to that instead of a negative one because it's not being packaged in a bunch of complaints. I'd rather do things because it makes him happy than do the same chores because he nagged me.